Monday 10 January 2011

WOTSONTELLY, CHANNEL FOUR, THREE MINUTE TOTTYMENTARY, 7.55. IMELDA'S HALF-SISTER

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Hello viewers, I'm Lauren Booth and I'm a serious journalist. Actually I'm not but I am Tony Blair's half-sister-in-law and so people just give me money for pretend work, unlike Imelda, who gets money for fuck all, and free things, all the time, the fucking slut. But anyway, I recently married a Muslem man and I'm never gonna get me tits out again for the lads, because Muslem men just wanna screw the arse off yous anyway, even if you don't dress up like a slut. Especially if you're a teenager in the Derby area. No, it really is great being Muslem, you don't have to keep getting your tits out and showin' yer arse and belly button and all that. My kids love me being Muzzy, like, used to show em up, they say, with me tits hanging out all the while. But now I found Mohammed I'll never have to do it again. Unless the money's, like, really good. Bismillah, No, I will not get them out.

Honest to Jesus, that's basically what she said. Take a look for yourself, if you can bear it. Channel Four, worse than the rest of them put together. It'll be Nadine next week.

8 comments:

mongoose said...

This really is too much to bear. Silly old moo. Was it Cat Stevens she married? I do hope so. Or maybe St Richard Thompson. Too much brown acid round in the Seventies IMO.

call me ishmael said...

I believe Maestro Thompson is most contentedly married. Which would account for him writing such happy-go-lucky songs.

One might hope that Lauren might embarrass her bro-in-law, as he goes among the Sheiks and playboys of Arabia, hoovering up bribes, the cunt, except that we know him to have had an embarrassment/shame/guilt/humility by-pass, the cunt, and the best thing to happen would be for him to be jailed, the cunt, for a very long time. Only it won't.

lilith said...

Your dear readers can watch her here if they are strong of stomach. Yes, she really did say that about getting her tits out.

Woman on a Raft said...

Urk!

black hole sunset said...

"So, Alex, my eldest, said ..." did he now, is that what he said, I'll be he didn't. Shades of Brown's "{X}, as my father used to say", where {X} was any old fanciful, opportunistic guff.

That "4thought" video, the presumptuous bastards, is exactly one minute and fifty six seconds too long.

mongoose said...

Jeez, another two minutes of my life I won't get back.

BTW from the very first line of her Wiki entry: "She now works for Iran's English-language news channel, Press TV."

Surely not.

Agatha said...

Lilith, finally got your link to work.... here in the outer spiral arm of the galaxy, our internet connection is really poor. But she said chest, not tits. And it was great to hear her shouldering some of the blame for the constant titillation of men, poor chaps, so driven by their wangers. Also great to hear someone sitting down (legs crossed!!) for modesty. We have no option about the modesty thing where I live. Fleeces, tweeds, hats and thick, thick tights on account of the wind chill factor.

call me ishmael said...

She might have said chest but she meant tits. Not, of course that she meant one word of what she said, shouldering blame or otherwise.