Sunday, 23 January 2011


Exclusive: Snotty asks Scotland Yard to investigate if he was hacked

Murdoch flies in for high-level meetings as Yard faces new questions about its conduct
By James Hanning and Matt Chorley
Sunday, 23 January 2011

Andy Coulson leaves No 10 after resigning as David Cameron's director of communications on Friday

Andy Git leaves No 10 after resigning as David Cameron's director of communications on Friday. Two days ago, Mr Git said he was quitting as David Cameron's director of communications after allegations about his time as NoW editor threatened to overshadow the Government's work. He denies having any knowledge of illegal practices during his time in charge, but said continued coverage made it "difficult for me to give the 110 per cent needed in this role".
Downing Street strenuously denies claims that his resignation was demanded by the prime minister's employer,  Rupert Murdoch, who owns the NoW. Mr Murdoch's arrival  in London by private CoffinJet, is expected imminently, as is, all around the world, his death.

Gordon Snot has asked the police to investigate whether he was the victim of phone hacking, The Independent on Sunday has learnt. Mr Snot has written at least one letter, on SonOfTheManse notepaper,  to the Metropolitan Police over concerns that his phone was targeted when he was Chancellor, during the latter stages of Andy Git's reign as editor of the News of the World. Mr Snot's aides (are we paying for them, too?) last night declined to comment. It is understood that Scotland Yard sought clarification from the former prime minister after his request.
Sources have told The IoS that Tony Blair, his predecessor as prime minister, had also asked police some months ago to investigate whether messages left by him had been the subject of hacking (he did not have his own mobile phone until after he left No 10). Mr Blair and his wife, Imelda, were notably keen to preserve their privacy during their time in Downing Street, especially when it came to shredding the expenses receipts  - both of them lawyers, how were they to know that you should keep them?  Blair's solicitor, Graham Atkins, of Atkins Thomson, declined to comment yesterday, but late last night the former PM's official spokesman denied the story, like they deny everything. It is unclear if the taxpayer will fund any action brought by Tony and Imelda. But probably. Blair's Warmonger Foundation has not received any multi-million dollar bribes for a while now and when you're retired, every penny counts
The news comes as growing criticism of the Met's investigation into widespread mobile phone message interception by the News of the World is mounting. This week, senior Scotland Yard officers are expected to come under fire when they are questioned about the hacking row by London's police authority. MPs will separately take evidence for a parliamentary inquiry into the scandal and the DPP is to meet top Met officers to discuss existing and new evidence and see how they can, in the interests of justice,  make it all go away.  It is not known if Mr Starmer, the DPP, is also an employee of Mr Rupert Corpse. But probably. Mr Starmer has previously given all these cunts a clean bill of health when even the dogs in the street know that Mr Git is a slag.

Speaking on the matter, Big Al Campbell, drunk,  depressive, pronographer, liar and dossier merchant said that he had just published another selection of his diaries which he expected to sell like shit cakes, I mean hot cakes. No, I mean shitcakes.

Scotland Yard, a branch of NewsCorp,  today faces serious criticism from Chris Huhne for its handling of the case – and its "astonishing" use of undercover officers to target eco-activists. Mr Huhne, the Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, and as much use as a chocolate kettle, told The IoS that the recent suspension of the NoW executive Ian Edmondson had "dramatically changed the situation, and clearly the police and the Met in particular need to get to the bottom of this". I am a very important fellow you know, and, like a true Liberal Democrat, living with a lesbian.

Mr Huhne also said he and Vince Foxtrot, the Secretary of State for Business Only Not Murdoch's, will write to the president of the Association of Chief Police Officers plc,  Sir Hugh Gob, after being told they were added to a secret police database of criminal suspects after speaking at a green protest. He also suggested that the police have "invented" the threat posed by green campaigners to justify ongoing resources. 

Scotland Yard is also still trying to contain the fallout from the revelation that Mr Johnson's surprise resignation from the Labour front bench was triggered by his wife's alleged affair with his former police bodyguard. As if anybody gave a fuck about that.

Sir Paul Gob, CEO of the Met, said that he had no intention of resigning, my officers may well be crooks, liars,  sadistic, cripple-bashing  bullies and cock-waving nincompoops, who couldn't guard a church fete but all this is in the finest traditions of the service. And Boris Johnson can't sack a second Commissioner can he, not if he wants to keep on snorting coke and fucking other blokes' wives. I expect Mr Murdoch has some pictures, somewhere.....he usually does.

the unabridged report is at the IoS, and good stuff, too.


a young anglo-irish catholic said...

Fuck me.

So Labour's dead and buried, one by one, try to keep the story bubbling because they think that this can be linked to the Conservatives?

Fuck me, the Left will try any tactic - and see the arse rape of democracy currently ongoing in the Lords as Labour tries to keep its gerrymandered electoral map intact.

And to think, Rupe used to be their best mate, for 10 years he shat on Hague, Duncan Smiff and Howard for all his hacks were worth.

Now I remember why I never voted for the fuckers, that and the fact they dissoluted my local grammar school and fucked up the massive local truck maker by forcing it to take over the fucked-up west midlands car industry.

Like Brown and Lloyds and RBS.

Wreckers and self-hating bi-sexuals to a man.

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

Well I read it....and something sprung to mind when I saw the list.

Tony Blair

Murdering loon and closet bi-sexual.

Gordon Brown

Barking mad, medicated, bi-sexual and office bully.

John Prescott

Adulterer, bulimic bully and registered moron.

Tessa Jowell

Liar who claimed she new nothing about her mortgages despite signing papers. Pretended to be estranged from he husband.

Lord Mandelson

His Moroccan holidays a source of much amusement over at Von Fawkes' establishment.

Peter Kilfoyle

Mmm. What's he done?

Chris Bryant

Notorious for appearing on a gay sex site in his y-fronts.

David Blunkett

Grade A idiot and serial adulterer.

I put it to you, Judge Ishmael, that this is a list of people who are liars and blaggers and on the public payroll.

Maybe Coulson should be knighted for services to catching out shit-heads who are taking the piss out of electorate.

Or something.

Mike said...

Possibly the reason for the continued interest in Coulson is to get some judge to rule that what he did was illegal.

Then all the stuff from the phonetaps will be unusable.

black hole sunset said...

That Bryant horror-story was all over the phone hacking story like stink on shit, wasn't he. A real Avenging Angel.

Just as soon as it'd dawned on him that excerpts of him talking his way into some bloke's crusty soil-pipe might see the light of day, that is.

The list of those now calling for an enquiry reads equally well as a list of those who were, until very recently, enthusiastic knob-suckers at the court of King Rupert.

jgm2 said...

Thing is, if they were intercepting all these wankers phonecalls then they did well to limit their use of them to just the kiss and tell stuff.

Imagine what use we could have made of off-the-record calls about Iraq or Brown's imbecile economic policy.

'Oi, Gordon, Tony here - what the fuck are you thinking of...?'

'Hello, Tony, Lord Goldsmith here, missed you the other day but, legally speaking, I really don't think your justification for invading Iraq has legs...'

Nahhh. All we got was Blunkett and Prescott waving their cocks about and making cunts of themselves.

And if the NoW could get that information so easily what did the yanks, the Israelis, the Russians and the Chinese pick off the airwaves?

Dick the Prick said...

Hattie Harperson's on the politics show and I seem to remember Bletchley Park being reprised to crack her e-mail account with the cryptographic sophistication of nanotechnology and discovering her password was Hattie Harperson.

And Claire Short blustering in her butch Brummie drawl that 'oh yeah, the UN is bugged'.

Fuck me, why can't we just get indolent alcoholics running stuff?

liebour said...


Did you see hattie on Sky News saying the police should go after all the criminals ?
Surely not the same hattie who drove off from the scene of an accident while on her phone and screaming ' you know where to find me'

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

it's the liberal metropolitan exception rule, Mr Liebour.

mongoose said...

There must be some point to it but for the life of me I cannot find it. Perhaps they are just causing trouble.

And it is a sign of McDoom's madness that he thinks that anybody gives a proverbial about is stinking telephone. You are yesterday's man, Gordo. Fuck off and die.

a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...

Finally....the Mail's gone on it.

The Alan Johnson controversy took a new turn last night after friends of the former Shadow Chancellor said one of the reasons he did not run for the Labour leadership was to avoid details of his own love life being revealed.

Allies of Mr Johnson, whose wife had an affair with his police bodyguard, say he was worried that if he joined the race to succeed Gordon Brown, his personal life would be put under the media spotlight.

Read more:

call me ishmael said...

The Mail has it that Johnners didn't want his between-marriages girlfriends to be pestered by shit-eating, reptilian hacks, after his mate, Lord John Cock-Pies, had seen his former primary school girlfriend accosted by skymadeupnewsandfilth about their friendship, when they were both aged 11.

ragarse said...

According to the Mail there was a year between Johners's divorce and remarriage. Leaving a reasonable amount of time for courting his second wife just how many inter-marital girlfriends could he have had? There must have been some fairly frenzied fucking and sucking if Johners is concerned about revelations.From 1991 - come on - smoke -fire?

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

Talked to a chap on the Sun today. He also knew Johnners was at it, not sure why Fleet Street is letting him be.

Maybe he's a genuinely good bloke. Dunno.

lilith said...

Probably because he was Home Secretary. He could have fiddled 118k off the tax payer, or he could have had some hash about his home..they don't touch them.

call me ishmael said...

He certainly does seem to be skymadeupnewsandfilth's Man Of The People, as did the ghastly John Toker-Reid. I used to think, when I was young, that people who smoked dope couldn't be all bad, bless.