I would just liike to say that I am resigning for deeply personal reasons to do with my cock and members and right honourable members on all sides of the house will know how very personal these matters are. I would like to thank Ed Wossaname for making me the petty cash monitor, even though my adding-up is shite. But during my time in govament I feel I have left my mark, mainly as Helf Seckatry, where, had it not been for me, many thousands who are now, at no cost to themselves, dead, would not have been; so distinguished was I as Helf Seckatry that they even named a disease after me - AlanJohnson'sDisease (lazius filthius bastarditis lethalis) - and while Home Seckatry, another surprise appointment, I presided over further dismantling of civil liberties, a matter which we, in this house, are all equally dedicated. I now retunr to the backbenches to serve my cock more diligently, I mean my constituents and I will not be making any further statement on my cock. Well, not to you lot, anyway.
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11 comments:
Amazing. I heard this at the last election from a Labour lackey.
And Johnson didn't stand for leader 'cos he was on the shag.
Told Von Fawkes, who agreed that he knew it to be true.
But he didn't run it, either.
Clearly won't hold until the Sunday papers, then.
Glad I'm not poor Mrs Teddy Boy.
What a first class twat.
Von Fawkes is a man of principle you see, mr yaic, you should have told me.
Their voting figures are fucking phenomenal. Throw rocks and they'll just bounce off. It's one thing to bring out your dead, it's another thing to promote them.
Next time, Mr I, I will head here first.
'Charles fears over Royal Aide affair'
something like that?
"Igor, the electrodes!" Balls, son of McFrankenDoom, gurning and cackling as madly as his daddy, is back to save the world from itself. It is a coup d'etat, I tell you. In the morning. we'll be wishing for our Coalition back.
But I agree with you entirely, mr yaic, about the possibility of your computer being sexed-up, in all the wrong ways.....
Every cloud, mr mongoose, anything or anyone who can wipe the smirk from Spunkface is a welcome maggot on the body politic, even George Galloway.
They even let a ten per cent normal person stray into Jocky Neil's shithouse tonight, Fiona Phillips making Neil and Schmidt and La Portilla look like the rotten, pampered We-Know-Besters which they are. I didn't watch any more, after her, but I do recommend her I-Couldn't-Give-A-Fuck-What-You-Think,All-Tories-Including-This-Cunt-Andrew-Neil Are Bastards schtick, great to see a telly creature not equivocating, not watching their Ps and Qs.
Daily Mail has the story that it is the missus (his second) who went off piste with PC Plod.
We now have the Maximum Imbecile's chief enabler as shadow chancellor. Oh fuck.
I think the wifely revelations meant Johnson's own situation was about to go public, hence the his bail-out.
The Sunday papers should be fun.
A lesson to our own Royal Correspondent? Fat chance. Straight over her head.
Incidentally, herself's texts of 2007 were to a police security man.
What is it about policemen? Princess Anne, Diana...
Diana's pold squeeze was mysteriously flattened on his bike, I seem to remember.
No, Mr Ishmael, I cannot stomach all that Thursday night bollocks. Never again. There are only so many lies a chap can listen to.
Mr Ishmael, I understand your wish to limit your exposure to This Week to the minimum. If you had been able to last until the closing credits, the play out was Mr Bercow proceeding through parliament to the song Big Bad John by Jimmy Dean. Starts 43:45
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00xycg1/This_Week_20_01_2011/
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