A deranged, megalomaniacal political hoodlum today dismissed the news of falling oil prices as variously Scaremongering, Project Fear and The Sort Of Negative Reporting We Have Come To Expect From Those Who Dispute My Infallibility, ie everyone in the world except my successor as First Gnasher, I mean Minister, Ms McSturgeon.
Just because every single bastard in the whole fucking world says the oil price is falling doesn't make it so. I take my cue from Nobel laureate, Professor Jim McNumpty and he confidently predicted that oil prices would soar. And so they must have.
There, d'ye ken, now?
That's the sort of faultless logic which wins the hearts and minds of unemployed, cross-dressing, wife-beating drunkards. Millions of whom will soon be leaving my party in droves.
The right thing for Scotland is that the oil price rises, continues to rise and that the North Sea provides secure, well-paid, highly-skilled jobs for everyone who votes for the Tribesmen's Party and provides them for thousands of years to come.
That's what I decreed before the Referendum and that, now that I have won the Referendum and run away to London, like every other fucking Jock on the make, is exactly what will happen.
former boss of the Jock Praesideum
is stark, raving mad.
Well, now letmebeclear. Coz this is very important. As the prime minister. Of this great country. Of many. But not enough. Hard working families. I and my team. Are committed. In a very real sense. To telling you. Who are after all, my boss. The truth. Not about Mr Hague or Mr Clark or Mr Greer. And not about any of those supposedly murdered children. Did I mention I had a dead child? Well, you'll know then that I won't take any lectures about paedophilia in the Tory party. But that's all in the past. If Mrs May has anything to do with it. But apart from that, my team is committed to telling you, their bosses, the truth about things. Only not when it might help the Labour Party. And that is why. You will not hear me. Firing a round of fucks. Into Comrade Salmondski.
Fuck me, no. 'Sthe very last thing I'd do.
If I was to show him up for the worthless fucking chancer that he is. And is shown to be by the plummeting oil prices. If I were to do that then that would only help Mr Miliband's nutters up there, up there in Scotland. A Scotland which I am very proud to have retained as part of the United Kingdom. Even though I didn't. It was just that anyone who had experienced a moment of sobriety in the last decade could see through Comrade Alexei and his yappy little mongrel, Gnasher.
Head Girl of the Scottish Assembly.
She also knows fuck all about oil.
Or anything else.