Thursday, 2 July 2009



Mr George Osblow, of the Bullingdon Club, has been struck down with Greedy Swine 'flu , a disease characterised by the patient stealing money from his employers over a period of many years; braying in public like a jackass and suffering delusions of grandeur - or douglas hoggus cuntisitis. Mr Osblow, a part-time MP, is expected to make a full recovery, unlike many of his colleagues, who have been denied treatment. A routine examination of Mr Osblow's finances by the parliamentary Fixer is expected to reveal that lessons have been learned and we should all move forward to our pensions, only not the ordinary people, fuck, no.

Mr David Cameron-Bullingdon said people should not get excited about this, everybody I know is a Greedy Swine and unlike them Mr Osblow has my fullest confidence that he will be able to wriggle out of it, without causing me too much embarrassment, the little minx, unlike, unfortunately, Mr Hoggy, who wasn't. It's a matter of party discipline, y'see, if they went to Eton they are immune from most things, but if they didn't or are proper Tories they don't survive.

Now that we are facing an epidemic of voting all my friends will be working full-time at being MPs, Mr Spit-Gove and Mr William Ah-Hague Mr Ah-Deputy Spunker, especially will be concentrating on what the public pays them to do, or at least they will be after Christmas, and who can say fairer than that.

In my new reformed Bullingdon NHS nurses and porters and auxiliaries will of course be able to down tools mid-job and go off to be taxi-drivers or massage parliur operatives without it affecting their salaries, or wages, as I believe they are called; people abandoning their duties and moonlighting is what helps keep them in the real world and everybody should do it.

Mr Osblow's dosage of cocaine remains unchanged. As does my own and His Honour the Mayor's.

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