Be nice, remember nice things. Famous birthdays and shit. Anniversaries. Or don't bother. We''ll remember them for you and remind you, in a nice, funny, quirky, nerdy, cartoony sort of way, like Disney but for clever grown-ups, like you. Who don't know their arse from a hole in the ground. We will remember it all for you, everything, while you just carry on, having a nice Google time.
Your very own life, brought to you by Google.