Thursday, 23 July 2009


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By way of explanation for overseas visitors, the UK's premier tabloid political blogger so approved the recent Israeli incursion into Gaza that he urged his cheering admirers to send the IDF boys Pizza, in recognition of their valour in killing would-be, future terrorists, such as these above.

The Tottywatch feature, on that site, offers wise commenters - incontinent, unshaven, wanking pensioners - the opportunity to describe in sadisitc nonce detail the sexual torture and humiliation which they might, in a cruel, butch, manly way withold from or if the mood took them, inflict upon some hapless female pictured, for that express purpose, in the latest posting; the Tottywatch feature, like a nightmare from the mind of Kelvin McKenzie, is a glimpse into woman-hating Hell.
And very popular.

This aside, Mr von Fawkes of order-order, a father, himself, of two young daughters and resident, for tax and propaganda purposes, in the Republic of Ireland, takes his responsibilities as a citizen very seriously and this is why he has only two convictions for drunken driving.

The extreme policing measures applied by Israel and applauded by Hauptmann Fawkes, incidentally, had they been adopted after the 1970s IRA bombing campaign on mainland UK would have seen British tanks and aircraft destroying Dublin, mutiliating all those wee Micks, on the grounds that we were entitled to defend ourselves and in the UK nuking New York and Boston, from whence came so much IRA funding; political history, however, is, fortunately, not a part of order-order, why bother when you can just get pissed and make stuff up?


Mr PT Barnum said:

...... And in the midst of that prose are references to things that happened before I found that blog, (order-order) such as the pizzakids. I can deduce what might have been said, and if my deduction is correct I can only feel ashamed at having been inadvertantly co-opted to such beliefs.

Me, too.

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The Dyer's Garden said...

I know you will retort by saying there is nothing deft or subtle about bombing a nation to hell, but it is unlike you to lack the deftness and subtlety that would normally have prevented you from drawing such easy parallels between Ireland and Palestine.

Yes, the world indulges Israel's reliance on past injustices against its people perhaps too much, but when you have so little strategic depth, and you are completely surrounded by tribes hell-bent on your destruction, resisting paranoia is, I suspect, a great deal harder than it was in northern Ireland.

The rhetorical device is the point, not the case, on which - i suspect - most of your readers agree.

call me ishmael said...

A man can't be too careful around here, not when you're about, Mr The Dyers Garden.

My claim is firstly that it is irresponsible and immoral to cheer the slaughter of children even wog children and that secondly, if implicitly, however great was the supposed injury felt, the actual slaughtering of these children is, even in the terms of those doing the slaughtering, a wickedness, given the Biblical imperatives which, bizarrely and selectively, underpins this conduct as they do all of Israel's illegality in this region. Are we to go to World War Three on the superstitious, paternalistsic, racist, tinpot beardy nonsense of A People Chosen, A Land Promised?

I think you would be hard-pressed by the relatives of those killed in Birmingham or Warrington or Enniskillen if you talked strategy to them, There-there, its not so bad, it's not as though you are surrounded by IRA, after all, is it; they've only killed three thousand, maimed and tortured tens of thousands, cost fucking trillions of skoolzanospital money.

I don't suppose for a moment that you would support the idea, popular on Fawkes, that the killings of infants were a justifiable pre-crime execution policy, I am not making this up, go and have a look. What I am suggesting is that, as a legitimate response to fertiliser bomb missiles, the firebombing of Gaza hospitals and the massacre of its children are about as legitimate and proportianal as would have been the blitzing of Dublin.

That Israel needs to do something to defend itself does not mean that it can do anything and she should be pilloried and prosecuted, not Hosannahed for her Gaza atrocities, isn't that the way civilised nations go on?

You didn't say, anyway, Mr TDG, what you thought of Tottywatch or The Spunkers Post as it is otherwise known. Unlike you to overlook the drawing-together of two forms of pornography-as-journalism; not, given your sound snd justified concerns about standards falling through the floor, something to be celebrated, this orchestrated filth, an online Daily Sport only, masquerading as a dialectic of liberation, ten times worse.

Charles_E_Hardwidge said...

While the Tory sympathisers are smoking their crack pipe and believe they're helping win the election and usher in a Nirvana, they're doing the exact opposite. If they but realised how empty and nasty their comments looked they'd, probably, be horried and deny they made them.

It's clear to me the Tories have no forward thinking policies or sense of social fairness, and their leaders and friends and allies remain unfit for power. Indeed, I believe the revolution Labour can unfold will both shock and shame them. I hope so because their performance is pitiful to watch.

Erasmus said...

Charles_E_Hardwidge is in need of serious counselling along with all his ilk. He is, like his Saviours the blessed triumvirate, totally at sea in an open boat. The three horsemen of the alcopops mentioned above are driven by the same beliefs as the residue of the ten tribes.
They believe the myths and propaganda of the bible and everything based on it.
If "this land I give thee and thy seed forever" were true how come they lost it????
Did the myths say anything about a supernatural entity called Bilderberg?
It is odd how there is almost always a Semitic connection to wars,
It is odd how the upper stratas in the finacial sector, the business sector, the political world etc. etc. is almost always ...well you get the picture.

Anonymous said...

this orchestrated filth, an online Daily Sport" You sure? I always thouhjt ot was called the Daily Spurt.

The Dyer's Garden said...

As I said, Mr Smith, it was not the principal claim, but the specific rhetorical device that I thought unlike your usual style. The kind of murder a killing is depends on the circumstances of the killing as much as on the nature of the killed. When you feel, as many Israelis do (whether justifiably or not), always on the brink of annihilation - it takes a jet a minute or two to cross the breadth of Israel - and when your kind has been close to annihilation before, it is hard to keep things in proportion. This is not to say Israel should not be condemned, or course, merely that there are enough differences between the two situations - Palestine and Ireland - to make the comparison less accurate than we are accustomed to from you.

You are right to complain about my omission on fawkes and tottywatch, but to attack them would be to cast yet further light on what might be called the "bottom-up" connections of Ruin, a topic i sense you feel i've dwelt on insistently enough.

call me ishmael said...

I will cede you that one, Mr TDG.

What happened was that on the news last night was a story of a four year old Gaza girl, Samer, being treated by the Belgians; she has Israeli bullets and shrapnel in her brain and spine, her two sisters dying in the same Israeli action, and will never walk again, despite the love and patience of her Belgian carers. Samer never put anyone's granny in a gas chamber and yet those who deplore her treatment by the Israelis are ever just a step away from being called Holocaust-denier, Jew-baiter, anti-Semite, although none of these are justified; in my case. although I enjoy all the scriptures I generally detest all churchmen, imams, rabbis, popes, gurus and noncing monsignors equally, so Hymie can fuck off with his anti-semitism shit; he can fuck off and stick his head in a bowl of chicken soup, the whining git, and go and bash his fucking brains out on the Wailing Wall for all I care, fucking nutcase, I never put his grandparents on the train, and I wouldn't have; why doesn't he fuck off to Bavaria and kick shit out of some BMW workers? The only good thing I ever saw a Tory MP do in my whole life was that gobby lousebag , Mellor, when he had wee Dougie Alexander's job, rebuking ten kinds of shit out of some Israeli Nazi major, whose men were breaking the arms of Palestinian children, to stop them throwing stones; acting like proper SS they were. Mellor gave them shit, just as he should have done, can't see any of the current crew doing that.

But the child, Samer, anyway; in many ways it was a lovely story, shipped out of the Israeli bombardment, first to Egypt and thence to Belgium, she was a bonny wee lass, laughing and smiling - a wonder Brown and Blair didn't muscle-in for one of their photo-ops noire - despite cruel injury the depths of which she will not yet fully measure. It was just a red mist moment - that my compatriots, my peers, my generation had cheered-on this obscenity, gloried in it and called it freedom of speech.

I have mentioned George Steiner's dictum that the Holocaust happened because the nineteen-thirties' Berlin intelligentsia was too busy listening to the string quartet in the salon to hear the cry in the street.

In our time, totalitarianism is ushered-in to the grunt of fools like Fawkes, ogling martial snuff movies, masturbating one another online.

ps I will come back to other comments.

Caractacus said...

I agree with all that you've written, Mr. Ishmael. Just wish I had the talent to write it myself.

Talking of government ministers (mellor), I had to admire the late Robin Cook on his visit (1998) to one of the then unbuilt Israeli settlements at the start of his ill fated ethical foreign policy.

Daisy said...

The defence minister, Mr Bob Ainsworth, reacted angrily today to accusations that a dearth of paperclips in the MoD was putting civil servants to some considerable inconvenience.

Mr Ainsworth said he and the government were "busting a gut" to get more paperclips to the hardworking and self-sacrificing civil servants in THEATRE , but warned that the process would take time.

“These things can’t just be done overnight” explained Mr Ainsworth, “It takes time to manufacture paperclips, and then they all have to be counted, prior to their introduction into THEATRE. The paperclip counters have to be trained, usually by flying them around on Salisbury Plain in one of them whirlygig thingies, and that takes years. We can't keep paperclip crews out there because they won't put up with it, their wives won't. We've got to roll people in and out of THEATRE.”

"There are people who think if we've got tons of paperclips we can just put them into THEATRE. They are not Ford Mondeos. They break. They are operating in just about the worst environment in the world with air conditioning, £3000 chairs and large cappuchinos with extra froth. I’m not putting civil servants to even more inconvenience by exposing them to paperclips that haven’t been thoroughly counted by people with the right pre-deployment training on the conditions in THEATRE.”

The Prime Minister backed Mr Ainsworth, saying that he had personally, as Chancellor, provided an extra £5.6 billion for paperclips because it was the right thing to do, unlike the do-nothing Tories. He referred to civil servants on the ground, who said they had quite sufficient paperclips, thank you for asking, for the current filing operations.

Mr Wotsisname, the Conservative Defence Spokesman, said fuck-all, as usual.

With God on our side said...

Shame on you sir!
What about the heartwarming story of Ali Abbas, who has been plucked from Iraqi poverty, into London society and a British education. This good fortune was brought about by the remarkable chance event of him, to be in the path of gallant freedom fighters, pushing forwards the spirit of liberty for all. But for being orphaned, and losing both arms, who knows what miserable existence would have been his fate, had he missed out on the opportunity to join us in the land of the democratic.

call me ishmael said...

Fortunate for the little mite, too, Mr My Name It Ain't Nothin', that a detachment of HM Govt Photo-Opps Engineers (Ali depressed, dipsomaniac and bi-curious Campbell)was present to capture the moment, spin it and with the help of skymadeupnewsandfilth market the whole happy affair as yet another sign of the benificence of Tony and Imelda, as they touch the world with their goodness.

Cool Brittiania said...

Hey! Thats showbiz!

The Dyer's Garden said...

You are gracious as ever and of course absolutely right; it is strange though, Mr Ishmael, that it was precisely the child, but in a different way, that prompted my now fastidious-sounding comment. The effect of a child in distress is so immediate, direct and irrepressible that one feels coerced into taking that side, whatever the finer arguments. To say this is to not to say that the finer arguments are not *also* in favour here, but that it brutally pushes them aside whatever they might be. Again, neither is it to trivialize the suffering but it is hard not to be uncomfortable with the peculiar weightings we are forced to give these things: a child is worth a dozen adults, a dozen adults dying violently is worth a hundred driven by social death to suicide etc, etc.

Elby the Beserk said...

Charles Hollowhead, you silly man,

Guido is not a Tory; rather, I believe, a Libertarian. So your witterings, as ever, are, shall we say politely - pointless.

Never mind. I'm sure your mama loves you still.

call me ishmael said...

Yo Mr Elby

Is that the baby-killing or the woman-hating wing of Libertarianism? I am never sure with young parent, Fawkes.

Haven't been down the pizza parlour for ages but the last time I looked there seemed to be a strong Tory undercurrent, both of dyed in the wool Thatcherites and a more alarming segment who thought, assumed, that those Brown-bashing automatically yearned for Cameronism, assumed that there was but one alternative, even though it isn't an alternative.

As I've mentioned, I think a picnic at Auschwitz would be better for the soul than a trip to Guido's Pizza parlour. I don't think, despite its subject matter that its much to do with politics, more bread and circuses but if there was a constant political tone there - and I hate to argue with you - it is, in my judgement, a Tory one.

Given the enormity and sophistication of the New World Order all of that party stuff is irrelevant, anyway, a sideshow; a pox on all of them; the assumptions upon which you and I were raised lie in Ruin.

call me ishmael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Backbiter said...

"Given the enormity and sophistication of the New World Order all of that party stuff is irrelevant"

As the eminent australian philosopher, Mr Mick Dundee, observed, "Like fleas arguing over who owns the dog"

Elby the Beserk said...

Good question, Ishstan. And a reason why I never join anything, though I have in my time been a member of Manchester City Football Club, and whilst in Bristol - support your local football club - Bristol City Football Club. Otherwise, club me no clubs. And as for joining a political party, fergedabahtit, fergedabahtit, fergedabahtit.

call me ishmael said...

This is a place for those people who don't join things not to join, and do it altogether. I just need to figure out a mechanism for that not to happen, as it were. A job for the technical department, a non-registration e-form.

I think your point sort of answers the queries of Mr Caractacus and others on After The Ball Is Over. It is one of the great observations of the twentieth century, wot Grouch Marx said - I wouldn't join any club which would have me as a member- and nor would I. I think his remark revealed both self-knowledge and modesty and was a kind of an ancestor to Douglas Adams' - someone will know the proper quote - famed suggestion that anyone wanting to be in charge of shit should never be allowed anywhere near it. Here is just comment, street entertainment, busking; if that amuses or inspires or provokes then who, blogging, could ask for anything more ?

Quite how we organise a society without politicians or other sorts of charismatics is a moot point, almost a contradiction. There are simply too many like, just for instance, Mr Daisy, above, upon whom the old, emotional/patriotic/class-consciousness sleight of hand is just like a red rag to a bull and who immediately convert politicians' words into a charge sheet and yet simultaneously it works on enough for that ghastly, empty-headed, braying prat, Cameron, to, today, claim a victory and that horrible fucking bastard, Brown, to finesse a national hatred of him as a disappointment.

People must themselves grow weary, even indignant and angry, at other people shitting in their faces; until they do, they will just get used to the smell and the taste.

My personal view is that Brown, like most in politics, is a conscious instrument of Ruin, that we will slide into a pan-European form of Uniparty Authoritarian Consumerism, on the Chinese model but with Beethoven symphonies, instead of that awful Chink wailing and screeching. Aren't we almost there?

Caractacus said...

Yes, I think in a sort of way, Mr. Ishmael, we are there. It's a cosy arrangement for those that lead us. If anyone starts kicking up a fuss, then they are quick to mollify - a 125 'extra' soldiers here, a Commission of Enquiry there. A change of Government really changes nothing.

I'm hoping for a new age of Enlightenment. I think that this will happen but not for a little while longer - the age of The Celebrity with all its banality still rules.

Daisy said...

Dear Mr Israel, sorry, Ishmael,

"upon whom the old, emotional/patriotic/class-consciousness sleight of hand is just like a red rag to a bull"

True, perhaps, but at the time I was really only just amusing myself, whilst trying very hard not to be drawn into a discussion on Gaza.

Your outrage, compassion and humanity concerning the fate of helpless, innocent civilians, and especially children, is something that one would hope all decent folk would share. I would not agree with Mr The Dyers Garden's point that it is in some way irrational to place greater "value" on the life of a child than an adult. To do so is, in my view, a mark of a higher degree of consciousness, not lower.

But the case you make is surely against war in general, as though there were always a choice, and sometimes there just isn't.

"Fertiliser bomb missiles" sounds terribly rustic, but it was a fertiliser bomb that killed our Lieutenant Colonel in Afghanistan whilst he was sitting in a so-called armoured vehicle, and we even provided, courtesy of DfID, the fertiliser. Pretty effective, and pretty lethal, I'd say.

Iran and Hezbollah were, of course, trying their best to supply their mates with better, more up to date, and more deadly kit, and if Hamas didn't succeed in killing many Israelis, it wasn't for want of trying or lack of murderous intent.

The doctrine of proportional response is, if you will forgive me saying so, madness. If Hamas rain down 3000 unguided fertiliser bombs is Israel to be restricted to replying only in kind? The one advantage Israel has over its many enemies is the superiority of its armed forces. Were it to be stupid enough to accept and implement the doctrine of proportional response that advantage is immediately negated and Hamas and Hezbollah would, quite incredibly, gain a militarily level playing field. Even worse, the timing and size and nature of any future conflict is placed entirely in the hands of the terrorists; the initiative is all theirs, they and they alone dictate the future. Such foolishness by Israel would have the Arab world dancing in the streets, just like 9/11.

In Afghanistan we face, in the Taliban, an enemy probably less numerous and almost certainly less well armed than Hamas in Gaza. If the horrible fucking bastard Brown came out tomorrow and said that he was deliberately not reinforcing our troops, not providing helicopters, spy-in-the-sky drones and armoured vehicles, because against a few badly-armed tribesmen it would not be "proportional", what would you say then? What's the difference? Why is the proportional argument reserved only for Israel? When, incidentally, did Afghanistan ever do us any harm?

The surprising thing about the Gaza campaign, given the forces Israel had at its disposal, the duration, and the urban nature of the battlefield, deliberately dictated by Hamas, was how few were killed. The Israelis were extraordinariy careful in how they went about things, in a way that no other army would have been.

With regard to Mr von Fawkes, I take your point that it is a shame that the blogger medium, which has such great potential, is let down so badly. The fact that Mrs Dale and order-order are supposedly two of the leading and most influential political blogs tells you all you need to know about the state of both our politics and the political blogosphere.

Given everything that the British people have already taken, the most important of which was no less than the complete removal of their right to self-determination, with hardly a murmur, I wonder what it will take for them to become sufficiently indignant and angry enough to actually do something about it. Or perhaps we'll all just get used to swallowing.

To see Brown as a conscious instrument of Ruin is to grant the cretin too much respect. An unconscious tool, maybe.

call me ishmael said...

Dear Mr Daisy

I don't question your sincerity or your purpose in those remarks about Israel in Gaza; I do think you are entirely and uncharacteristically mistaken; it may be that a degree of miltary knowledge lends a narrower perspective - and subsequent judgement - to what is essentially, as you seem to agree, a moral question; I know nothing of fighting wars or insurrections and leave that to Major-General Rupert Golighty-Jockstrap and his career and to Gordon Snot and his, neither of whom, I am sure, knows much more than I, but they get the big bucks. What I do know and believe is that killing babies is wrong and nothing makes it right. I believe, also, that distinguishing between, favouring one set of baby killers over another, merely on the basis of realpolitik, is a sophistry too far for me. I think there is always a choice, a deal to be made, a compromise, a threat, a judicious assassination, before war becomes inevitable and that the Oxbridge and Ivy League mafias who have run these things for so long always fail to protect their own and other nations' citizens, quite why we pay these people so much money ecapes me entirely - slump, war, depression, terrorism, that's what they deliver. Always.

Anyway, I wanted to illustrate a response to your main point and could only do this as I wanted by way of another posting - Blessed Are the Noosemakers - it is not an attempt to use the blog as a bully pulpit, a la Rod Liddle and many others.

MR TDG is often maddeningly ambiguous but I don't think he was endorsing a relativist view of child-killing, just pointing out that some do.

I think, further, that we need to re-evaluate our relationship with what you call the Arab world. If, as you say, it was dancing in the streets at the news of nine-eleven then we may only conclude either that this is a world of bad people with whom no accommodation is possible, or that perhaps this is a world of wronged people, wronged by their rulers - many, like Saddam, US-imposed and supported - and wronged and offended by the supplanting and displacement of so many of their own during the establishment of Israel; wronged and offended by the idea that America, a land of lazy, greedy, food and porn-addicted, scripturally and historically and culturally redneck, superstitious illiterates exporting torture and mayhem all over the globe takes to itself the role of moral policeman. The great Satan.

As we see in times of disaster most people unite in humanity, why is it that so many detest Uncle Sam, relish his discomfiture, his pain ? Might he not be culpable, interfering so violently in the lives of others?

The tribe of Israel has produced, disproportionately - and maybe as a result of what it calls the Diaspora - large numbers of thinkers and artists; scientists, schemers and manipulators; brilliantly, blessedly gifted performers. Why on Earth, given their self-proclaimed superiority can they not reach an accord with their neighbours, they are, despite what they claim, the new kid in town, do they really think that machine-gunning children is going to bring them lasting security?

As for Mr Snot, our difference is little more than semantic. I think he is consciously attempting to overthrow what he sees as Conservative but what are actually British values and characteristics and replace them with what he sees as European egalitarianism, I think he is conscious to that extent. He may be so absorbed in his life-long, get-my-own-back tantrum that he only dimly perceives the Uni-Party pan-global Authoritarian Consumerism to which he and the rest of them are committing us and which we have discussed elsewhere. He is acting deliberatley in ruining stuff - I grant you that he is too stupid to realise quite how much, the horrible fucking bastard.