The Sunday Ishmael: 30/01/2022

 

In a letter obtained by author Andrew Gimson; Johnson’s Latin master at Eton, a Mr Hammond, said : "Boris really has adopted a disgracefully cavalier attitude to his classical studies. He sometimes seems affronted when criticised for what amounts to a gross failure of responsibility, and surprised at the same time that he was not appointed Captain of the school for the next half. I think he honestly believes that it is churlish of us not to regard him as an exception, one who should be free of the network of obligation that binds everyone else."   Sourced by editor mr verge.

 

 The most fun thing this week in politics was the SNP up in arms against Boris Johnson for body shaming Ian Blackford, he who keeps himself well informed through  his expensive newspaper habit - in financial year 2018/19 spending over £1000 on newspapers, part of his eye-watering total expenses claim of £256,780.73. Blackford doubtless learned his free-spending ways during his previous employment as an investment banker at Deutsche Bank. Poor little deluded Ian Blackford believes the SNP will return to their former trading position in Europe once they have thrown off the shackles of the Union. Anyway, there he was at PMQs on Wednesday, in his bright blue three-piece suit and brown shoes - clearly no-one has told him that Brown in Town simply won't do; 

joining in the general cake-related banter at Boris' expense, to which a goaded Boris jovially responded "I don't know who's been eating more cake?" And the SNP then wet themselves in rushing to Fatty Blackford's defence.

 

I thought it was ok for one Fat Boy to  address another Fat Boy in these terms: as in: "Yo, Nigger." The real issue, of course, is not who ate more pies, but the inescapable fact that Fatty Blackford is unpardonably ugly. Not his fault, he's a proud son of an unprepossessing race.

Whilst Boris then laid low for the rest of the week, Languid Jacob, 

furtle as a turtle, already not short  of a bob or two and, on the accession of his wife Helena, mother of his six children, to her inheritance, looking to have an estimated net worth in excess of £100 million, took up the cudgel on Boris' behalf. Thusly: "Churchill always had new ideas. Johnson is good at thinking things others aren't thinking and not just going along politely with conventional thought. I'm not comparing him to Churchill, I'm just saying that the politicians who succeed are the ones with a willingness to make decisions and to then persuade people." The MP for North East Somerset said Johnson was an 'exceptional leader' who 'unlocked' the country when others refused to do so, and claimed, in the teeth of all precedent to the contrary, that there would be a general election if Johnson went. He thinks that's a disincentive.

 

Speaking on the Sophie Show this morning, 

Sir Ed Davie threw in his contribution to the CakeGate Scandal, accusing the Metropolitan Police of supporting the Prime Minister by requiring the suppression of most of Sue Grey's report. In order not to muck up the Met's investigation. Which they weren't going to do. But are now. 

Sir Ed Davey, leader of the Liberal Democrats since 2020, was lucky enough to be Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change from 2012 to 2015 in CallMeDave's unelected coalition government, and, no doubt, would like another go if only Cake Johnson can be unseated. But really, to suggest that Dick is up Johnson's cake-hole - the very idea. Separation of Powers: Parliament, the Executive and the Courts,  each having their distinct and largely exclusive domain. Parliament has a legally unchallengeable right to make whatever laws it thinks right. The executive carries on the administration of the country in accordance with the powers conferred on it by law. The courts interpret the laws and see that they are obeyed.That's the British Way.

This does not happen. Separation of Powers.

 

Whilst we're talking about the Sophie Show, Scary Tank-Girl Truss made a chilling appearance. An ardent Boris supporter, with no desire whatsoever to have the top job herself - well, that's what she says; she is distracting the nation from CakeGate by sort-of declaring war on Russia. Cold-eyed, stone-faced, untelegenic - no, not Putin, Tank-Girl,

she's invented a new category of foreign aid. Used to be that aid was a friendly kind of word - medicines, food, water, that sort of thing. Now it is Lethal Aid. The Americans have been at it ever since they decided to have a foreign policy, and now Liz Tank tells us that Britain is unashamedly at it - providing Ukraine with arms, munitions, anti-tank weaponry, training 2000 Ukrainian troops  and doubling up the British armed forces presence in Estonia.

Tank Truss: We will make it clear to Vladimir Putin that should he invade Ukraine there will be severe consequences. He has nowhere to hide. 

Headgirl Sophie, bullied but valiant: But will British troops be fighting in Ukraine?

Tank Truss: It is very unlikely British troops will fight alongside Ukrainian troops.

Headgirl Sophie: What the fuck has any of this to do with us? (I'm paraphrasing here, you understand. This is the question she should have asked.)

Tank Truss: If Russia invades Ukraine, it will be terrible. Terrible for Democracy, terrible for Europe and terrible for Russia itself because it will be a Quagmire.

 

Sophie: What the fuck????

 

Tank Truss: Putin is a threat to freedom and democracy in Europe. He will create a Quagmire. 

 

Sophie: Again, Foreign Secretary, what the fuck??? Are you raving mad? Are there no lengths you will not go to in defending Boris Johnson against CakeGate?

 

Tank Truss: I am travelling to Ukraine and to Moscow, to make it clear that it will be a Quagmire should Putin go ahead with this invasion.

 

Sophie: Like that's going to put the wind up him?

 

Tank Truss: The Prime Minister is travelling to Eastern Europe.

 

Sophie: What, trying to look like he's a credible Prime Minister and that we've forgotten all about the investigation into him personally breaking the law that he forced into place?

 

Tank Truss: The Prime Minister apologised. I was there in the House. I saw him apologise. (so there). The Metropolitan Police are Independent. It's a matter for Sue Grey. I'm not answering hypothetical questions. There's a threat on the European Border.

 

Sophie: Are you barking mad, Foreign Secretary? How do you propose discommoding Putin?

 

Tank Truss: Europe has been dependent on Russian Gas for too long. We must reduce that dependency. We will target any interest that has an impact on the Russian Government. We will go after the Russian interests bankrolling the Russian regime. We have seized £1billion of illicit finance.

 

Sophie: So you will be reducing the financial ties between the Russian Oligarchs and the ruling Conservatives?

 

Truly bloody terrifying. You couldn't make it up. I didn't make it up. Verbatim transcript of the Foreign Secretary's World-Domination remarks to Sophie Raworth on The Sunday Show. 

My dog barked at her. 

Thank god for the downright decency of Rory Stewart, also on the telly this morning, but not on poor Sophie's show. A former Conservative politician, he stood against Johnson in the 2019 conservative leadership election, because he considered Johnson to be a terrible person. He's another Old Etonian, but his very existence demonstrates that, against all odds and most evidence, a courageous, decent and principled human being can emerge from a public school education. In 2000, he took leave from the Foreign Office to walk across Asia, walking across much of Iran, Pakistan, the Indian and Nepali Himalayas, finishing with a 36 day solo walk across Afghanistan, staying in village houses every night. His book about that walk, The Places In Between, was reviewed by mr ishmael passim, THE BOOK PAGE. RORY STEWART, THE PLACES IN BETWEEN. 16th March 2010. 

 So when Rory Stewart tells us that people in Afghanistan are selling their organs and their children to feed themselves, that we were involved in that country for 20 years before suddenly abandoning it and voluntarily handing it over to the Taliban for no good reason, his remarks carry weight. Perhaps we should learn that our foreign policy of I-Know-Best interventionism is deluded and not allow Tank-Girl Truss to play with people's lives, property and livelihoods, at any time, but particularly not when this country has driven itself yet again into financial crisis with its Covid Fear Initiative and poor people are, yet again, feeling the squeeze in order to protect the rich from the cold winds of hardship.

Stewart told us that with every delay to the Sue Grey Report, Boris Johnson is riding it out, and the opportunity to appoint a leader who is a serious person is diminishing. After years of inviting London to be a money laundering centre for Oligarchs, pricing ordinary folk out of the housing market, the Conservative regime is now taking action, whipping up a war against Russia in order to distract from Boris and his scandals.

You can buy a three-bed terrace house in Walthamstowe, London, for £650,000, sharing your square mile with 124,882 other people. What does £650,000 buy in your neighbourhood? 

In mine, you can buy Woodwick House, a substantial country house of stature and significance set in mature gardens and woodland, an  historic eight bedroom property, with a Doocot, a stream, and a bluebell wood, which enjoys a sea view through a tree lined avenue.  And still have £80 grand change.

 

 

And there's only another 23,000 people in your square mile. A three-bed terrace will cost you £175,000. But the Oligarchs aren't interested in Orkney. Thank God.

...........................................................

Should you wish to read the thoughts of  mr ishmael and his young friend stanislav, there are two anthologies available, edited by mr verge: Honest Not Invent and Vent Stack - which are available to buy for mere money from Lulu or Amazon. It is cheaper to buy from Lulu. Register an account with Lulu to save a couple of quid, as going straight into the link provided below seems to make paypal think it's ok to charge in dollars, and apply their own conversion rate, which will put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow our link; a pop-up box asks for age confirmation - simply set the date to (say) 1 January 1960, and proceed. (If you type the title, the anthology will not appear as a search result until the "show explicit content" box - found at the bottom left by scrolling down - has been checked.  You may also see the age verification box, as above, at this point.) 

 The full title is "Vent Stack love from stanislav" by ishmael smith, and the cover you'll see is red with white titles and a picture of Buster the Previous Blog Dog having a green thought in a green shade. 

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Quagmire: (1)a soft, boggy area of land (2) an awkward, complex or hazardous situation.