a letter obtained by author Andrew Gimson; Johnson’s Latin master at Eton, a Mr
Hammond, said : "Boris really has adopted a disgracefully cavalier
attitude to his classical studies. He sometimes seems affronted when criticised
for what amounts to a gross failure of responsibility, and surprised at the
same time that he was not appointed Captain of the school for the next half. I
think he honestly believes that it is churlish of us not to regard him as an
exception, one who should be free of the network of obligation that binds
everyone else." Sourced by editor mr verge.
The most fun thing this week in politics was the SNP up in arms against Boris Johnson for body shaming
Ian Blackford, he who keeps himself well informed through his
expensive newspaper habit - in financial year 2018/19 spending over
£1000 on newspapers, part of his eye-watering total expenses claim of
£256,780.73. Blackford doubtless learned his free-spending ways during
his previous employment as an investment banker at Deutsche Bank. Poor
little deluded Ian Blackford believes the SNP will return to their
former trading position in Europe once they have thrown off the shackles
of the Union. Anyway, there he was at PMQs on Wednesday, in his bright
blue three-piece suit and brown shoes - clearly no-one has told him that
Brown in Town simply won't do;
in the general cake-related banter at Boris' expense, to which a goaded
Boris jovially responded "I don't know who's been eating more cake?"
And the SNP then wet themselves in rushing to Fatty Blackford's defence.
thought it was ok for one Fat Boy to address another Fat Boy in these
terms: as in: "Yo, Nigger." The real issue, of course, is not who ate
more pies, but the inescapable fact that Fatty Blackford is unpardonably
ugly. Not his fault, he's a proud son of an unprepossessing race.
Whilst Boris then laid low for the rest of the week, Languid Jacob,
as a turtle, already not short of a bob or two and, on the accession
of his wife Helena, mother of his six children, to her inheritance,
looking to have an estimated net worth in excess of £100 million, took
up the cudgel on Boris' behalf. Thusly: "Churchill
always had new ideas. Johnson is good at thinking things others aren't
thinking and not just going along politely with conventional thought.
I'm not comparing him to Churchill, I'm just saying that the politicians
who succeed are the ones with a willingness to make decisions and to
then persuade people." The MP for North East Somerset said Johnson was
an 'exceptional leader' who 'unlocked' the country when others refused
to do so, and claimed, in the teeth of all precedent to the contrary,
that there would be a general election if Johnson went. He thinks that's
Speaking on the Sophie Show this morning,
Ed Davie threw in his contribution to the CakeGate Scandal, accusing
the Metropolitan Police of supporting the Prime Minister by requiring
the suppression of most of Sue Grey's report. In order not to muck up
the Met's investigation. Which they weren't going to do. But are now.
Ed Davey, leader of the Liberal Democrats since 2020, was lucky enough
to be Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change from 2012 to 2015
in CallMeDave's unelected coalition government, and, no doubt, would
like another go if only Cake Johnson can be unseated. But really, to
suggest that Dick is up Johnson's cake-hole - the very idea. Separation
of Powers: Parliament,
the Executive and the Courts, each having their distinct and largely
exclusive domain. Parliament has a legally unchallengeable right to make
whatever laws it thinks right. The executive carries on the
administration of the country in accordance with the powers conferred on
it by law. The courts interpret the laws and see that they are obeyed.That's the British Way.
|This does not happen. Separation of Powers.|
we're talking about the Sophie Show, Scary Tank-Girl Truss made a
chilling appearance. An ardent Boris supporter, with no desire
whatsoever to have the top job herself - well, that's what she says; she
is distracting the nation from CakeGate by sort-of declaring war on
Russia. Cold-eyed, stone-faced, untelegenic - no, not Putin, Tank-Girl,
invented a new category of foreign aid. Used to be that aid was a
friendly kind of word - medicines, food, water, that sort of thing. Now
it is Lethal Aid. The Americans have been at it ever since they decided
to have a foreign policy, and now Liz Tank tells us that Britain is
unashamedly at it - providing Ukraine with arms, munitions, anti-tank
weaponry, training 2000 Ukrainian troops and doubling up the British
armed forces presence in Estonia.
Tank Truss: We will make it clear to Vladimir Putin that should he invade Ukraine there will be severe consequences. He has nowhere to hide.
Headgirl Sophie, bullied but valiant: But will British troops be fighting in Ukraine?
Tank Truss: It is very unlikely British troops will fight alongside Ukrainian troops.
Sophie: What the fuck has any of this to do with us? (I'm paraphrasing
here, you understand. This is the question she should have asked.)
Truss: If Russia invades Ukraine, it will be terrible. Terrible for
Democracy, terrible for Europe and terrible for Russia itself because it
will be a Quagmire.
Sophie: What the fuck????
Tank Truss: Putin is a threat to freedom and democracy in Europe. He will create a Quagmire.
Again, Foreign Secretary, what the fuck??? Are you raving mad? Are there no lengths you
will not go to in defending Boris Johnson against CakeGate?
Truss: I am travelling to Ukraine and to Moscow, to make it clear that
it will be a Quagmire should Putin go ahead with this invasion.
Sophie: Like that's going to put the wind up him?
Tank Truss: The Prime Minister is travelling to Eastern Europe.
What, trying to look like he's a credible Prime Minister and that we've
forgotten all about the investigation into him personally breaking the
law that he forced into place?
Truss: The Prime Minister apologised. I was there in the House. I saw
him apologise. (so there). The Metropolitan Police are Independent. It's
a matter for Sue Grey. I'm not answering hypothetical questions.
There's a threat on the European Border.
Sophie: Are you barking mad, Foreign Secretary? How do you propose discommoding Putin?
Truss: Europe has been dependent on Russian Gas for too long. We must
reduce that dependency. We will target any interest that has an impact
on the Russian Government. We will go after the Russian interests
bankrolling the Russian regime. We have seized £1billion of illicit
Sophie: So you will be reducing the financial ties between the Russian Oligarchs and the ruling Conservatives?
bloody terrifying. You couldn't make it up. I didn't make it up.
Verbatim transcript of the Foreign Secretary's World-Domination remarks
to Sophie Raworth on The Sunday Show.
My dog barked at her.
god for the downright decency of Rory Stewart, also on the telly this
morning, but not on poor Sophie's show. A former Conservative
politician, he stood against Johnson in the 2019 conservative leadership
election, because he considered Johnson to be a terrible person. He's
another Old Etonian, but his very existence demonstrates that, against
all odds and most evidence, a courageous, decent and principled human
being can emerge from a public school education. In 2000, he took leave
from the Foreign Office to walk across Asia, walking across much of
Iran, Pakistan, the Indian and Nepali Himalayas, finishing with a 36 day
solo walk across Afghanistan, staying in village houses every night.
His book about that walk, The Places In Between, was reviewed by mr
ishmael passim, THE BOOK PAGE. RORY STEWART, THE PLACES IN BETWEEN. 16th
So when Rory Stewart tells us that
people in Afghanistan are selling their organs and their children to
themselves, that we were involved in that country for 20 years before
suddenly abandoning it and voluntarily handing it over to the Taliban
for no good reason, his remarks carry weight. Perhaps we should learn
that our foreign policy of I-Know-Best interventionism is deluded and
not allow Tank-Girl Truss to play with people's lives, property and
livelihoods, at any time, but particularly not when this country has
driven itself yet again into financial crisis with its Covid Fear
Initiative and poor people are, yet again, feeling the squeeze in order
to protect the rich from the cold winds of hardship.
us that with every delay to the Sue Grey Report, Boris Johnson is
riding it out, and the opportunity to appoint a leader who is a serious
person is diminishing. After years of inviting London to be a money
laundering centre for Oligarchs, pricing ordinary folk out of the
housing market, the Conservative regime is now taking action, whipping
up a war against Russia in order to distract from Boris and his
can buy a three-bed terrace house in Walthamstowe, London, for
£650,000, sharing your square mile with 124,882 other people. What does
£650,000 buy in your neighbourhood?
In mine, you can buy Woodwick
House, a substantial country house of stature and significance set in
mature gardens and woodland, an historic eight bedroom property, with a Doocot, a stream, and a
bluebell wood, which
enjoys a sea view through a tree lined avenue. And still have £80 grand change.
And there's only another 23,000 people in your square mile. A three-bed terrace will cost you £175,000. But the Oligarchs aren't interested in Orkney. Thank God.
Should you wish to read the thoughts of mr ishmael and his young friend stanislav, there are two anthologies available, edited by mr verge: Honest Not Invent
and Vent Stack - which are available to buy for mere money from Lulu or
Amazon. It is cheaper to buy from Lulu. Register an account with Lulu to save a couple of quid, as going straight into the link provided below seems to
make paypal think it's ok to charge in dollars, and apply their own conversion
rate, which will put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account
is set up, follow our link; a pop-up box asks for age confirmation - simply set
the date to (say) 1 January 1960, and proceed. (If you type the title, the
anthology will not appear as a search result until the "show explicit
content" box - found at the bottom left by scrolling down - has been
checked. You may also see the age verification box, as above, at this
The full title is "Vent Stack love from
stanislav" by ishmael smith, and the cover you'll see is red with white
titles and a picture of Buster the Previous Blog Dog having a green thought in
a green shade.
Link for the paperback:
shorter link, which might make it easier if you wish to
paste it into an email and tell a friend:
Honest, Not Invent is available in
paperback or hardback.
Link for Hard Back :
Link for Paper Back :
At checkout, try PROWRITINGAID15, WELCOME15 or TREAT15 in the coupon box,
which takes 15% off the price before postage. If this
code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for
"Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.
With the 15% voucher, the book (including delivery to a UK
address) should cost £10.89
|Quagmire: (1)a soft, boggy area of land (2) an awkward, complex or hazardous situation.|
Truss has just been Down Here telling us how to run our affairs and how we should go to war with both China and Russia to save democracy. FFS. We have enough mad buggers down here without allowing another one in. And they have the cheek to expel Mr Djokovic.
I read Wallace and Truss are off to Moscow to tell off the Russians. I hope they are given a side trip to the tomb of the unknown soldier in Moscow, and given a little history lesson. Or maybe a primer on the Battle of Kursk might make them think twice?
yes, let's play "who's our favourite tory?" shall we, mrs ishmael?
now, although the conservatives have a wealth of working class talent waiting in the wings, they will no doubt opt for some noncing neo-liberal nobhead for leader - such as:
darling of the neo-imperialist establishment & accidental birthday-party-gatecrasher: posh-boy sunak - 2/1
overgrown neo-con schoolgirl & £500k flight-risk: cia-yes-woman truss - 3/1
cia-favourite, nodding neo-liberal nutter & part-time high seas pirate: jim dale look-a-like jeremiah punt - 8/1
capitalist-penguin-impersonator: michael "jackson" gove - 9/1
neo-con bovver-boy & new world order banker: savidge jabit - 22/1
former linklaters-solicitor & foreign secretary, but now lord high everything else: karate kid kurt raab - 33/1
"why are they all so fucking useless?" "bat-outta-hell" patel - 16/1 - might well say as she shakes seven shades-a-shit out of the euro-centric civil service and whips all the poncing public schoolboys into shape with their old school-ties.
here are my personal picks for the next pm:
"let's-'ave-sum" leadsom - 200/1 - who had the common decency to mingle with those not-to-the-manor-born whilst paying her respects at grenfell tower, who had the common sense to propose a properly 'managed no-deal brexit', and who had the sheer balls to kick the obnoxious bully bercow into touch
the extremely able & intelligent steve "boon" baker - 50/1 - former royal air force engineer, computer-engineer, and of course brilliant engineer of the european research group
the comprehensively belligerent prickli patel - 16/1 - if only because it'll be great fun watching her sort out the real men & women from the pre-pubescent tory boys & schoolgirls
meanwhile, over in ottawa, a hundred-kilometre-long line of liberty-loving canadian truckers is about to deal democratically with a certain blackface globalist fucker - who's probably now hiding under an afro somewhere amongst the critical mass of pro-freedom protesters...
Good evening Comrades,
Apologies for my absence - I have had the freakin' Rona since New Year. All those jabs, eh, and still hit with a viral two-by-four. Mrs m is now going down with it too and she has had even more jabs than me. Fucking nonsense it is, Neil and St Joni, ye dickheads ye.
I have just read the damning report of Sue. It contains nothing. We are listening to the last screeches of the Remainermob. If Boris isn't killed before the Autumn, all hope of rejoining or fudging Brexit will be FFS.
As for the Rooskies, Putin continues to run rings around them. Not a single UK boot should touch Ukranian soil. (Although I have discovered, mr mike, that the Ukraine has an older claim to be the real Russia than Russia does.)
Mr Mongoose: here is the definitive history - an essay by Putin on Russia-Ukriane. A lot of this was new to me. It well deserves a careful reading.
Somewhat paradoxically, it seems Putin was holding out an olive branch to Ukraine.
We have to recall that the land currently called Ukraine was soaked in the blood of millions of Soviets/Russians in WW2. Here is a video on the largest battle in the history of the world, at Kursk. Just one of many during WW2. I highly recommend watching the whole series (15 hours or more titled Soviet Storm) the definitive history of the war in the East - indeed the history of ww2 in large part.
I trust your recovery is speedy.
Thanks for the links, mr mike, and I will look. I do get and know about Kursk and the eastern slaughter of WWII btw.
The Rona has gone but I am left a bit stupid. I am told that this lasts a few months. We shall see.
It might not be the Rona, Mr mongoose. Daily, as I read the news I think I must be going mad. The Memsahib says I have to stop reading - she may have a point.
That's an interesting essay, mr mike. We tend to forget that history creaks on but builds on foundations we can no longer see. I have long thought, for instance, that our Scottish Braveheart Troubles were not really caused by Maggie's Poll Tax trial run, or even the Acts of Union, but were the result of the Emperor Hadrian deciding that Caledonia wasn't worth the effort of subduing it.
I see that the medical vaccine mandate has been scrapped - sorry, the scrapping of the mandate is now the matter of consultation with stakeholders. I have just listened to a radio discussion with various lofty medicos and care home scoundrels. The level of ignorance, straight out deceit, and braying bullying - after two full years yet - is staggering. Are y'all still locked up down there?
Sorry you've been ill, mr mongoose, and very glad you are feeling better. Are you well enough to have tackled mr verge's anagram in the title of his Boris poem?
Putin must be much relieved that Tank-girl Truss is also unwell and cannot accompany the PM on his intimidatory visit to Russia. The cheek of them. The persistent failure to stop meddling in matters that do not concern them, which they do not understand and which are not actually part of our Sphere of Interest seems to have been the defining feature of Britain's Foreign Policy. It is quite embarassing.
Thanks for the links, mr mike.
Had Europe not repelled Putin's overtures to become European and part of the NATO alliance, after the fall of the Soviet Union, the world would be looking a lot safer today.
Glad you're back, mr ultrapox - you were missed. Are you also offering odds on Boris retaining his position?
Glad to hear you're on the mend, mr mongoose. Hadrian, eh? So "what have the Romans ever done ferrus?" would yield "the SNP." Sounds about right.
ps "Ian Blackford" anagrams to "boar-dick flan", which sounds like something the gNats would add proudly to the Hogmanay menu after the Borders had been properly rewilded.
Thak-you for those good wishes, all. In truth, it was a pretty bad severe non-sneezy cold but I've had worse. It seemed to linger on for a good while though.
I shall attend to the anagram asap, mrs i. "ODE TO A HEARTFELT BONEHEAD"?
Errr, Eton, fool, deadbeat. Err, leave it with me.
Blackford, mr v, and regardless of the heroic consumption of pies which must go on, is a disgrace even to Scotland.
To clarify, mr mongoose, & with apologies for any confusion, the anagram does not include "ode to a". So Heartfelt Bonehead only. (You're already on the right lines, inevitably.)
Aww, heck, mr v, I just dropped by the report the command of "Hear the deadbeat Eton fool!"
Just because it wasn't intended, doesn't mean it isn't there. That's some maestro shit right enough, mr mongoose. Chapeaux, in stacks.
thank you for the kind welcome back, mrs ishmael, and may i wish a very happy new year to both you and all your contributors; as regards my absence, i should explain tha, following an exhausting and stressful 2021, i was unfortunately forced to lie down for a month in order to recuperate my energies.
may i also wish a speedy recovery to all those hereabouts who have been hit by the dreaded delta-bug?
yes, mr mike, i really do wonder whether big brave boris and liz "wank-in-a-tank" truss possess the requisite reading age to comprehend the nuanced historical analysis which president putin so skilfully presents in his essay?
my odds for the conservative-leadership-succession were actually lifted from the cheshirelive website, however, in answer to your question, mrs ishmael, it is my strict understanding that jolly johnson's leadership-retention-prospects are currently hovering around absolute zero, unless of course he can succeed in starting an apocalyptic war-of-aggression against the russians - along with their sino-persian-syrian allies - whereupon the deadly joker of downing street will be afforded the career-salvaging opportunity of striking a pathetic churchillian pose on the eastern battle-front, whilst game young conscripts from our own, and just about every other nation in the global village, are senselessly slaughtered, gallipoli-style, on the high altar of both his, and bombardier biden's, neo-imperial vanity.
one might recall that it was the war-mongering white house sisters obama, clinton, and biden who originally stirred up this kremlin-antagonizing shit in ukraine - and indeed it was the same three drone-borne witches who, having surged democracy all over afghanistan, then armed al qaeda in libya as a progressive prelude to intelligently creating isis in syria and iraq.
now, if memory serves me right, did the three degenerates not also collude with the chinese communist party and iran's islamic revolutionary guard in releasing a morale-busting bio-weapon upon their own peace-oriented american population - thus ensuring the expedient economic destruction of the entire western empire and, more importantly, a serendipitously snatched victory for their devious deep-state-democrat comrades in the 2020 us presidential election?
well, you know, to my mind, biden's brazenly ignorant belligerence rather makes the pragmatic administration of dodgy donald trump resemble a placid anti-war oasis of political common sense, dunnit?
Yes, a bit pious is Stewart but he has a proper mind. Keep the barbarians out, Mrs I, they are nearly everywhere else.
PS Be brave Mr Mongoose, lucozade and some war comics will see it right. A bit of brain wooziness has its attractions anyway.
The Ides of March. I stand by my prediction. He will tough it out till then.
PS Mr mongoose: boil up some lemons, rind included. Old women's cure. Add a tot of rum or tequila to taste.
i've now found time to read the russian president's local history lecture properly...
and i'm even more confident that neither brainfog boris nor dizzie miss lizzie commands anywhere near the degree of intellect sufficient to refute vlad's assertions...
fuck me, lightweight liz doesn't even know where the black sea is located, for chrissakes.
it's next to the red sea, init?
yes, doubtless a tank-load of russian nationalist spin has been imparted upon the thrust of mr putin's historical dissection, but nevertheless the message being sent is loud-and-bloody-clear: it's none of the west's business, if - for strategic, cultural and religious reasons - russia chooses to rudely repatriate another slice of ukraine.
oh dear, is he just teasing, and perhaps just preparing to have a nibble - rather than take a great big dnieper-sized bite...?
of course, vlad's view of russo-ukrainian relations rings a bit rosy, yet as a disinterested foreigner, who am i to judge him?
the holodomor, for example, is glossed-over with the polished nonchalance of a professional politician - dismissed with a peremptory "nowt to do with us, mate" - and whilst i agree that this "common tragedy" was the product of a past - soviet - era, at a time when britain too ruled an empire and our beloved whipstrong churchill presided over the creation of famine in bengal - can mr putin actually claim that russia never fed off or exploited ukraine...?
i remember crossing through the iron curtain to visit east germany in the summer of 1988, and, in my nurtured western naïvety, being rather astonished at the huge number of russian soldiers then stationed in that occupied soviet-bloc country - therefore i do really wonder why today we are incessantly whingeing about the existentially dangerous threat posed by russia, when it is evidently our own neo-imperialist western leaders who are filling the rôle of foolish greedy aggressors - and in fact playing well off-side.
you may notice that this cracking kremlin-production contains many a sardonic allusion to brexit, wherein the presidential provocateur delights in drawing the inherently piquant analogy between the uk's sham-divorce from europe - pretentiously paraded as real by british neo-liberal politicians - and the ukraine's politically motivated, yet culturally impossible, separation from russia - however, by the same token, he also perceives the pithy parallel between the common anglo-saxon's oil-and-water relationship with the holy european empire and the common eastern european's potassium-and-water fling with the neo-imperialist west.
basically, bungling biden's jumped out of the afghan frying pan into the ukranian fire, and in an inestimably ignorant manner which dodgy deal-broker trump would never have dreamed of doing in a million impeachment-permutated presidencies...
but that's the meddling american democrats for ya.
(continued in part two below)
(continued from part one above)
all things considered, in the complexly woven context of eastern european history, putin reasonably regards the present ukrainian régime as comprising no more than an irritating flash-in-the-pan, and indeed, one truly senses that, if boris gobbytoff and bung-ho biden remain in the kiev-kitchen much longer, they are surely going to get their fingers very badly burned...
so are our governments supporting a bunch of corrupt neo-nazi-thugs...?
and if so why?
i think we should be told...
well, as far as boris jabscum's political prospects are concerned, mrs ishmael, it's now simply a case of whether he is exiled in ignominy to exmoor before this may's local elections or after them; you see, the writing's on the wall for this perfidiously prattling prime minister, i'm afraid, and - according to an assorted array of anonymous parliamentary bog-cleaners - it says "fuck off, you big fat hairy bastard, and don't bother coming back".
Yes Mr ultrapox: what an embarrassment poor Liz is. The Baltic nations on the coast of The Black Sea!! FFS. Madame Zacharova had a field day, not just on her geography failings but also history. Time I put my British passport through the shredder.
apologies, mr mike, i should have addressed the above comment to yourself - thank you for alerting us to mr putin's absorbing essay.
apparently, dizbrain liz did not cancel her trip to ukraine due to contraction of the corona-lurgy, but rather because she mistakenly landed in uganda...
It is becoming apparent that Bojo doesn't have a complete set of political skills. He has a brain, Eton chutzpah, and a charming personal bonhomie - especially with the ladies. He doesn't do detail - which is alright if you have people about who do - and he doesn't do ruthless. So he is toast - as said above by everybody - sometime around the end of the Spring but anytime sooner that he gets bored with the shouting. He's a narcissist though. So he'll want to hang on. What else can his life now amount to? More shagging and babies, and ten thousand pound chicken dinner speeches in Utah.
It isn't though an external event. The Tories have an 80 majority and 30 more to come from boundary changes. Starmer hasn't the guns to put a hole in that castle. The next Tory leader is in clover.
If I was to find myself in Boris's Oxford brogues and I was still up for the fight, I would put in my Article 16 chit at 9am Sunday morning and go to Northern Ireland to shake hands with every Unionist politician I could find. "We stand with Her maj and the Union against the cheese-eating euro surrender monkeys and the filthy hunnish horde." And I would ring the local party chairmen of every shouty rebel and invite them to take the obvious inference.
Thanks, me mike for the remedy. I'm fine. Better and brighter every day.
oh yes, liz: what a picture - what an exhibition
with regard to the comment which i entered on 4th february 2022 at 03:07hrs, the penultimate paragraph should better read:
"basically, bungling biden's jumped out of the afghan frying pan into the ukranian fire, and in an inestimably ignorant manner which dodgy deal-broker trump would never have contemplated in a million impeachment-permutated presidencies..."
sorry: take three
with regard to the comment which i entered on 4th february 2022 at 03:07hrs, the penultimate paragraph should better read:
"basically, bungling biden's jumped out of the afghan frying pan into the ukranian fire, and in an inestimably ignorant manner which dodgy deal-broker trump would never have countenanced in a million impeachment-permutated presidencies..."
in the interests of clarity, the comment which i entered on 4th february 2022 at 03:09hrs needs to be tweaked thus:
"(continued from part one above)
placed in the complexly woven context of eastern european history, putin reasonably regards the present ukrainian régime as comprising no more than an irritating flash-in-the-pan, and indeed, one truly senses that, if boris gobbytoff and bung-ho biden remain in the kiev-kitchen much longer, they are surely going to get their fingers very badly burned...
so is the russian president correct in his scathing assessment of the ukrainian government and the political movement which it inspires?
are western democracies in fact supporting - as putin claims - a bunch of corrupt 'neo-nazi' thugs...?
and if so why?
i think we should be told...
well, as far as boris jabscum's political prospects are concerned, mrs ishmael, it's now simply a case of whether he is exiled in ignominy to exmoor before this may's local elections or after them; you see, the writing's on the wall for this perfidiously prattling prime minister, i'm afraid, and - according to witnesses who have used the parliamentary bogs - it says "fuck off, you big fat hairy bastard, and don't come back"."
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