Sunday 16 January 2022

The Sunday Ishmael 16/01/2022

In Royal News:

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."
Lewis Carroll, You are Old, Father William.
See the source image
 It's an expensive hobby, though, taking to the law, whatever the benefits to the mandibles, and Prince Ginger Gormless appears to have become addicted. This time, his legal action is an attempt to have the British Police organise and deliver his security when he visits his dear old Nanna. He'll pay for it, he hastens to add, it's not the cost that's the issue, it's just the the British Police are better at protecting him and his family than private security would be.


His Royal Highness The Prince Andrew Albert Christian Edward, Duke of York, Earl of Inverness, Baron Killyleagh, Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order, Canadian Forces Decoration, Aide de Camp to Her Majesty.

Just so glad that, in the Bonfire of his personal Vanities, Andrew has retained his Garter. Which means the nation can happily look forward to his Formal Degradation in the quire of St George's Chapel. (the Sunday Ishmael passim, 2/1/22)
Sir David Bumbleby solemnly intones: And at this solemn occasion, the camera focuses on the handsome young Guardsman solemnly semi-concealed in the ancient Quire woodwork, preparing to violently (but solemnly) cast down the disgraced former Prince's crest, banner and sword at the feet of the assembled Knights of the Garter, who are even now solemnly processing into the Chapel of St. George, 
scene of many a solemn and stirring occasion of royalness, weddings, funerals, and now, for the first time since 1521, the scene of the most Solemn Degradation.
Sir David Bumbleby continues:And now there is a quickening of excitement, a stirring of ostrich plumes, the air palpably quivering as the choir rises to sing, in their boyish clear and beautiful young voices, Handel's  Zadok the Beast:

 Sir David Bumbleby continues: And as the music swells to a crescendo,  the handsome and exquisitely dressed young Guardsman concealed in the woodwork drops his load into the knave and the banner, arms and achievements of the Disgraced and Degraded Knight crash down at the feet of the Great and the Good. Throwing back their midnight-blue velvet robes over their royal and noble shoulders, they have at it down the length of the nave. First into the fray is Garter Knight Princess Anne, who kicks off with a hefty bit of footwork, boots the precious sword into the air, whereupon her nephew, Prince William of Gormless, starts into a header, before thinking better of it and quickly recovering, turns the manouvre into an admirable spin and dropkick. Black velvet bonnets are thrown triumphantly into the air as the final honour is reserved for Good Queen Brenda, who, with the assistance of her son,  Prince Brian of the Sanitary Products, kicks the arms and achievements out of the west door and into the ditch beyond. And with that, this most solemn of Solemnities is concluded, and the Royal Party is able to solemnly process homewards.
 See the source image
We all most humbly regret that Duke Phil the Greek was absent from this deeply emotional occasion, but be assured that he was here in  spirit.

Shocking News: Britain is Governed By Drunks

Now, that really does explain an awful lot.
That, for example.

Opposition No Better

It's at times like this that one misses one's Sunday Morning fix of Andrew Marr. Search the internet and you will not find a photo of Andrew in his tightie whities.

Unlike Headgirl Sophie. One could forgive her predilection for disporting herself in revealing garments and FuckMe shoes (after all, it's a man's world in NewsReading and if a girl wants to get on, she's got to get them off), if only she was able to channel her inner Attack Dog. Not so. Handed Sir Keir on a plate together with photos of him eating and drinking with others during Lockdown,
 she simply gave Starmer the opportunity to tell the nation how hard he worked and that when food arrived during an intensive day's work, he ate it. I like the idea of food simply arriving. Most of us have to put a little effort into obtaining food, but for Sir Keir, it just arrives. Accusing him of being a lawyer didn't cut any ice, either. It is not yet a criminal matter to be a lawyer. Headgirl Sophie's default interviewing strategy is to attempt to talk over the interviewee in her feminine little voice. Doesn't work against a bullfrog.

Please, BBC, could we have a different news tottie?  Maybe Kirsty Young or Kirsty Wark - who went head to head back in 2015 over another plum role. According to mr ishmael, that is. Now read on.....
Tears were shed and hair pulled-out, down the PBC, last night, as the Craporation announced the appointment of its new Reader-Out of govament press releases. The current post-holder, Mr Nick Toenails,  is moving to the frightful  Today programme, where he will replace Mr John "Jeremy Cunt" McCunty, who is moving to another position in the PBC but will  also be continuing his much-loved, BookUpMyArse programme, in which people who call themselves writers talk about themselves; it is a form of Alibhai-Brownism, McCunty's BookUpMyArse show - you know how Jasmin always prefaces her pearls of wisdom with SpeakingAsAMuslimWoman, Jonathan or David....... well, all of the McCunty scribblers say, SpeakingAsAWriter.... You never hear a plumber saying, SpeakingAsAPlumber, do you, or a burger-flipper saying, SpeakingAsAFastFoodOperative but UpTheirOwnArsers, writers, doctors, lawyers and such can't help but remind us of their special-human-beingness.
Speaking as an ishmaelite, I can no longer tolerate Radio Four, it offends me with its content and its cast of grotesques, like the Labour party, it is a dark parody  of what it was, a block of  frozen piss, yellow, melting and stinking. Probably just the right place for Political Editor Emeritus, Nick Toenails,  Jimmy Savile or Nicholas Parsons, Jonafun Woss or the chortling cancer, Terry Wogan, Kirsty Crow or Martha Kearney; be they beast, talentless nobody, greedy incompetent  parasite, or larcenous gabshite, a job in the PBC is a job for life.
It is, anyway, and has been for some time, musical chairs at the PBC, from where no-one, absolutely no-one is ever sacked and since Toenails has been moved, probably to help his recovery from illness,  there has been not-very-excited gossip about who should be his replacement. This being the PBC it had to be a woman, just which woman?
Would it be Kirsty Crow?

See the source image 

Stop press stop press stop press stop press

Millionaire prevented from making more money. Australia deports public health threat. 


The two anthologies of the works of mr ishmael and his young friend stanislav: Honest Not Invent and Vent Stack are available to buy for mere money from Lulu or Amazon. It is cheaper to buy from Lulu. Register an account with Lulu to save a couple of quid, as going straight into the link provided below seems to make paypal think it's ok to charge in dollars, and apply their own conversion rate, which will put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow our link; a pop-up box asks for age confirmation - simply set the date to (say) 1 January 1960, and proceed. (If you type the title, the anthology will not appear as a search result until the "show explicit content" box - found at the bottom left by scrolling down - has been checked.  You may also see the age verification box, as above, at this point.) 

 The full title is "Vent Stack love from stanislav" by ishmael smith, and the cover you'll see is red with white titles and a picture of Buster the Previous Blog Dog having a green thought in a green shade. 

Link for the paperback:


shorter link, which might make it easier if you wish to paste it into an email and tell a friend:

 Honest, Not Invent is available in paperback or hardback.
Link for Hard Back :

Link for Paper Back

At checkout, try PROWRITINGAID15, WELCOME15 or TREAT15 in the coupon box, which  takes 15% off the price before postage.  If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for " voucher code" and see what comes up.  
With the 15% voucher, the book (including delivery to a UK address) should cost £10.89

No, not really




Mike said...

Reports Maxwell is going to spill the beans. This could get very messy in high places.

mongoose said...

The beans, mr mike, will include a great number of extremely well-connected types whose names we will not type here just yet. That's v dangerous ground for a lass in custody to start dancing about on. I fear we are headed for ugliness.

Tis rumoured that Randy Andy and Ms M were an item for a while - whatever that means in this day and age. Is Andy being queued up for the long drop so that the others can slide? If he wasn't such a stupid, arrogant arse, he might have had a few cards to play.

Mike said...

Ms Maxwell doesn't strike me as a fool. She will have a "dead man's handle" - so to speak. Its clear to me that her case in the US went out of its way to avoid names. Apart from Epstein, the only 2 cases prosecuted so far are British citizens - givemeabreak. The speed with which Andy was striped of his ermine makes me believe they know he's toast and want to distance from him. But Ms Maxwell, now being something of a scapegoat and abandoned to several hundred years in a US max security goal, well she has nothing to lose.

mongoose said...

Yes, I expect that too, mr mike, but in a world where an election can be stolen in plain sight and nobody speaks? A world in which the President's son is whacked out of his gourd with hookers and drugs and corruption everywhere? A world wherein there has never been an effective vaccine against an mRMA virus until we changed the definition of "vaccine"? No, Ms M is fighting uphill and her dead drop will just be ignored.

mrs ishmael said...

I watched the new ITV documentary "Ghislaine, Prince Andrew and the Paedophile" last night. The most shocking revelation, by Andrew's former security officer, was that Andrew had 50 or 60 stuffed toys on his bed, which the maid had to replace in the correct place and order when she made the bed, to avoid Andrew embarking on a damaging tantrum. In order to facilitate the correct positioning of his teddy bears, there was a laminated photograph of the placement in the bedside drawer, to be referred to by the maid.
Now that is really not normal. It is not grown up. It evidences early attachment issues - hardly surprising, considering the Queen's approach to child-rearing was to throw money at the problem by engaging paid carers to enable parental absenteeism whilst running the country and Commonwealth; major self-control and anger-management issues, a possible learning disability and/or mental health problems.
There were the usual "revelations" - Ghislaine was a procuress and occasional participant; Epstein and his well-connected clients preferred very young women, who are now all growed-up and milking the publicity for an income - and I don't blame them, why shouldn't they have a cut; Andy and Ghislaine were lovers; Ghislaine and Epstein's personal address book contained Andy's private phone number, on which the answer machine message by Andy says: “I’m afraid I have not been quick enough to get to the phone before it went off to take your message. If you do have a message, please leave it and I will get back to you as soon as I can.”
Oh yes, the jurors were in tears hearing the evidence - best to excuse them from further jury service as there is no way they could cope with a murder trial or the sexual penetration of babies by grand-dad while filmed for sale as child pornography.
What we all want to know, of course, is how many American Presidents were Epstein's "clients" The growed-up former teenage hookers seem to be keeping that information to themselves. They would know, of course.
But its the 50 or 60 stuffed toys that stick in the mind. Infinitely sad, infinitely pathetic; mute evidence of deep, deep instability in a man now elderly - he really hasn't aged well - who had everything that money and position could buy and has always considered himself to be entitled.

inmate said...

Mr I had a word that describes these Ruritanians - Cunts. Yes Brenda has done the job ‘her’ govaments have asked of her, yes she’s been a Majestic head of state and Commonwealth for nigh on seventyfuckinyears and been rewarded, handsomely, for it. But as a mother, she’s been fuckin useless. Every one of ‘her’ boys (men?) is a Cunt. Even her grandsons, cunts; pampered, privileged cunts. Not a one of em has changed a smelly nappy, made up a bottle, cooked their child a meal, read them a story, taught them to ride a bicycle or fixed a puncture, soothed a grazed knee or kissed things better. No, some butler, maid or flunkey hanger-on will have been delighted to wipe their arses, cunts that’s what they are. Brenda should be the last of em.
And the Maxwell woman, if she’s anything like her brothers, cunts, she’ll have had a similar upbringing, want for nowt, everything done for her. Spill the beans woman, let’s see who else was involved, you’ve nothing to loose.
Yes I watched that ITV programme mrs I, Andy must’ve upset the security guy at sometime.
Happy New year to all Ishmaelites.

mrs ishmael said...

You are not wrong, mr inmate. Amen to everything you say.
These royal former flunkies are great sources for dirt - Paul Burrell was good value. But the parasitical class are so confident of their special place in the hearts of the nation that they haven't the sense to stuff the mouths of their former flunkies with gold to maintain their silence on all the dirty, embarrassing and quasi-criminal secrets that they are privy to.
You know that the principal argument against the abolition of the monarchy is that Britain would replace the parasitical class with another tentacle of the political class. I'm beginning to think that would be an improvement - and, hell, this is even after seeing Ms Sturgeon in her new false eyelashes - its as if she has stuck two tarantulas to her eyes, as she blinks through the hairiness to deliver another diatribe against easy-target Boris.

inmate said...

Yes mrs I, get rid of the Ruritainians, the Lords and reduce the commons to say 100 MPs. A written constitution presided over by selected ‘ordinary’ folk from all walks of life, no President, no prime minister and most definitely no fucking lawyers in the commons. Direct Democracy for any new laws or changes to existing laws. No more party politics, no more lobbying. Decimate the public sector, especially the security services, GCHQ and the Ruperts. Get out of NATO and stop being influenced by E.U. law and stop paying the E.U. Let Scotchland leave the union if they want to, but no more money from England, Wales or Northern Ireland. Take back the running of energy, water and resume building council houses/apartments. Stop paying foreign dictators but offer practical help with clean water and infrastructure. That’s enough to be going on with. Oh, and stop trying to wind up the Russians.

Mike said...

Such common sense, Mr inmate - shame none of it will happen.

inmate said...

True Mr Mike, true

mongoose said...

50 teddies with an order and a laminated layout? That's proper fucking rum, that is. Long ago, my daughters had about twenty between them - to whom they used to serve tea and prattle all sorts of make believe nonsense - but they were pre-school toddlers. A grown man with a layout of teddies needs psychiatric help. Do you think Andy has Teddy tea parties too?

mongoose said...

Or alternatively we could administer a quick rubdown with a housebrick and pop him down a mineshaft.

Mike said...

Too much inbreeding; first cousins, brothers/sisters, sons/daughters. And they are all wishing they could still suck their nanny's tit.

Mike said...

Mr mongoose: you forgot the bit about marinating in quicklime.

mongoose said...

More importantly, mr mike, WTF are the Yanks doing about the Ukraine business? It looks to me like a 'not terribly violent' annexation has been given the green light. That's mad, isn't it?

Mike said...

Complex, Mr mongoose. First: Ukraine isn't really a country - its always been part of Mother Rus, apart from a few years. Second: the US coup of Maidan in 2014 caused all the problems. Third: no way Russia will allow NATO parked on its front doorstep.

The bottom line is that there is nothing the US/NATO can do. Russia can destroy Ukraine (incl all the Western forces) in hours if it wishes. If any NATO country wants to get involved, including the US, they will be destroyed also. Mr Wallace posing re what the UK can do is laughable. Just read up on the 1st Guards Tank Army, for starters. Ukraine is just being used by the West in the same way ISIS/Kurds have been used in the Middle East.

mrs ishmael said...

Since Germany, which is very much closer, is happy to view this matter of Ukraine and Russia as a little local border dispute (a view much influenced by the completion of the Nord Stream pipelines, which run under the Baltic Sea, bringing natural gas directly into Germany, thus by-passing Ukraine and other Central and European countries, to their financial detriment and rage), then what the hell has it got to do with Britain? With Former Ski-Instructor Ben Wallace and Tank-Girl Truss?
Oh yes, silly me, it is because the US is also really cross about the pipelines, seeing it increasing Russia's influence in Europe, but they won't act openly. Yet again, Britain is happy to be America's pawn. Dark Arts, mr mongoose. We wouldn't give a shit about Ukraine, were it not for our puppet-master's hand up our botties.

mrs ishmael said...

As for the arrested development of Prince Andrew of the Laminated Positioning Chart, it is not only the parasitical class who astonish with their childishness. The political class retain their boarding-school ways into positions of great power and influence.
Michael Gove is not One of Them. He was taken into care as a baby and adopted at 4 months old, thereafter being raised as an Aberdeen lad. He attended Robert Gordon's College, a co-educational day school with fairly affordable fees of £13,995 per pupil, per year, excluding lunch. As a comparator, the gross annual median pay in Scotland is £25,616, just below the UK median. Again, for our non-British readers, state education in Britain is free, and Scotland, fairly erroneously, prides itself as having a most superior state education system. His adoptive parents were Labour supporters and young Michael joined the Labour Party, but fell in with Conservatives during his University years at Oxford, being particularly entranced by Boris Johnson. He's a clever lad, Michael, and has held various cabinet positions. Ambitious, he has twice run to become Leader of the Conservative Party, in 2016 and 2019, finishing in third place on both occasions.
He won't get the top job. In addition to Not Being One of Them, he has a massive dong. A long dong so impressive that his colleagues, including Hugo Swires and David Cameron, eaten up with jealousy, giggled about it in the corridors and on the stairs of power. When "unfurled" - a term coined by Sasha Swires in her Diaries, apparently it is a sight to behold.
Firstly - have the Masters of War nothing better to do than laugh at their colleagues' privy members? How third-form is that?
Secondly - in what circumstances and when, did Swires and Call-Me-Dave observe the unfurling of the mighty Gove appendage? The nation should be told.

Mike said...

Mrs I: don't get excited. I suspect that is a rumour put around by Gove. He's not been too successful with the ladies, after all. I've heard no suggestion he bats for the other side.

mongoose said...

Dongs aside, mrs i, I think that you may be right about Gove. He is not one of the posh boys and he is too clever by half. The posh boys prefer their cleverness to come in the form of being rude to to folk not in their club. mrs mongoose informs me that it is even worse with the Posh Girls.

Aren't we still carving up the western USSR, mr mike? (And for that matter the eastern Holy Roman Empire too ut that is another conversation.) I think that there is some truth in the notion that Putin is the strategic pick of the bunch at the moment. Biden, Macron and the German new boy aren't in the same league, I fear.