Wednesday 29 February 2012


Speaking outside NewsCorp's London HQ,  New Scotland Yard, Acting Deputy Chief Assistant Commissioner, Brian Gob, the famous Gob of the Yard,  said that an enquiry was underway,  led by a senior NewsCorp detective, into how the Met can secure Mr Murdoch's escape and protect members of the force from his revelations.  There is absolutely no proof that I have received large sums of money from Mr Murdoch or his old man, at least  there won't be by the time I'm finished. . And I would advise you  that I am extremely dangerous and should not be approached by members of the public.

Now if you have no further questions I have Olympic scare stories to whip up.  And if that doesn't work, there's probably a plot to assassinate the Queen, or better still Prince Gormless and his waitress totty.

 John Yates is currently working for some tinpot arab dictator, teaching him how best to suppress his subjects, or fight terrorism, as he would call it,   but is availablwe for after dinner speeches, protection racketeering, money laundering and indeed any  form of internal corruption.  I resigned because I hadn't done anything wrong. But I still have friends on the force, so you better watch it.




  I am perfectly entitled to my seventeen grand as I am entirely innocent of these charges as I am sure a jury will agree. All my team and I need to do is blacken the name of my wife in front of the whole world.  And our children, too, of course.  I won't flinch from thsi arduous duty because someone has to do it.  If I'm not to go to prison.

My wife made up all this shit simply because I stopped knobbing her and formed a deep amd meaningful relationship with Ms Carmina Trumpington-Carpet, a political activist, and boy, is she active, knows just how to treat me like a real woman, her, I mean, not me, although I''m not so sure, I am  a Liberal democrat, after all. Consensual shit eating within a loving relationship? Well, not so far.  But there's always room in a marriage for experimentation, although not with Ms Price and myself,  oviously, frigid old crow. And a liar, too, did I mention she's a liar?  Not fit to lick Ms Trumpington's Doc Martins?  Can't think why I gave her the best years of my life;  'snot as though she helped out in my career, apart from telling lies to the police, which, of course, if she did do, she did do behind my back, as I was most certainly the one driving the speeding car, although, of course, I wasn't, I would never do that, even though I have been banned for it despite my wife's best efforts to stop me being banned.  there will be no further statement until my lawyers have nobbled the CPS or, at worst, the jury.

( trans: I am the sort of cunt which no decent person would piss on were I on fure, as, in this world or the next, I most assuredly will be )


People simply do not understand the very great pressure which we as ministers are under and my right honourable friend,  Mr Who, is, like myself, quite entitled to the measly seveneen thousand pounds Shut Up And Go Away Money he is claiming.  It is not easy, as I can confirm, to maintain a relationship with a pushy bisexual tart,  even for  a multi-millionaire property speculator and complete cunt,  like Mr Who is.

Dr Liam FucksYoungMen

I of course accepted my seventeen grand because quite simply I was hounded  out of Mr Werrity's arse even though I had done nothing wrong whatsoever. 

( trans: I am the sort of cunt which no decent person would piss on were I on fure, as, in this world or the next, I most assuredly will be. )


 Mr Angus  Maude, MP, cabinet seckatry  for punishment and hair loss.

Mr Bouffant, above, issued a statement through his adjutant.  Ve are eine family-friendly occupation power und zat is vy ve haff given Herr von Huhne so much money, zat he might spend some quality time mit his family, before he goes in Auschwitz.  Iff he vants to be mit his scrubberwomasn, Frau von Trumpington-Dildo, zat iss entirely hiss own affair. And zat of ze press und his proper missus and ze duly appointed military tribunal, vich vill probably haff him shot in a display of vot Herr stanislav, ze young Polish plumber describes as Up against ze vall, motherfuckerism. Sieg Heil, und remember liebschen, ve are all in dis schidt together.

Tuesday 28 February 2012



Now look.  I'm  a very busy man.  Mr Murdoch gave me a job to do and I'm jolly well getting on with it, as you would expect me to do. Just because my in-house supervisor, Mr Coulson,

 Just remember who's really in charge and you'll be alright, Dave.
 For a while, anyway.

 has been forced to make a very difficult decision and resign even though he never did anything wrong, doesn't mean that I can't  do the job that Mr Murdoch appointed him to oversee me doing.  If you see what I mean.  I have a very talented team around me.  There's Ms Brooks,

  Just remember who's really in charge and you'll be alright, Dave.
 For a while, anyway.

who has made a very difficult decision and resigned because she hasn't done anything wrong but who is a very close neighbour and friend of both myself and Mr Murdoch;  there is Mr Clarkson who helps out with the driving and who works for Mr Murdoch at the London FilthTimes;  there's Ms  Emma Harrison

Yeah, nine million, at least, off the tapayer, into our account like shit off a shovel.
Isn't it great, working on Mr Murdoch's welfare-to-work programmes?
Just shut up, bitch, some of these bloggers can lip-read.

of A4E who has taken a very difficult decision and  resigned because she hasn't done anything wrong and is a close personal friend of mine.  No, I've just had a message, saying she's not a very close friend of mine but that I look forward to working with her in the future, as I do, and indeed am, with Mr Laws,

 Benefits cheat, Laws, left and partner.  Laws is now helping the uneleted prime minister with Mr Murdoch's tax reform issues.

 who took a very difficult decision and resigned  because he didn't do anything wrong and with Doctor Liam FucksYoungMen,


who also took a very difficult decision and resigned because he hadn't done anything wrong apart from whoring his bitchboy all around the world at taxpayers' expense and  working for the Americans, which, let's face it, we all do.  Mr Murdoch is an Americam first of all, as well as being the major purveyor of madeupnewsandfilth to the British people, even though he pays no income tax here.

No, the position's quite queer, I mean clear,  the people of this great nation overwhelmingly didn't elect me to destroy their society and reshape it in the image of the American TeaPot Party (prop. Mr R Murdoch) and that's jolly well what I'm going to carry on doing.  Unemployment up, insolvencies up, inflation up, services slashed, legal aid slashed, disability abolished, schools privatised, hospitals privatised, the union breaking up, tuition fees up, pensions cut and best of all, a  new madeupnewsandfilthnewspaper launched.  I would say, without any false modesty, that Mr Murdoch can be quite proud of my achievements. Although, of course, they are really  his.
And just finally I would like to add that what with all the revelations today at  the Levo Show about Mr Coulson's skullduggery  I might expect to get a serious kicking from the opposition;  good job there isn't one.

Benito Smith - he makes the disabled run on time - turning up the volume.  It is a national scandal that we pay money to disabled people when they could perfectly well go out to work, along with the other three million and rising unemployed people.

Mr Ian Nobody-Smith, the man  charged with scrapping the welfare state, said that although he knew in advance all about Mrs Harrison's very difficult criminal fraud and deception he would carry on  in his very vital work for Mr Murdoch. Mr Smith also used to say that he had a degree from an Italian university and he didn't .

I mean, wheezed the most ludicrous Tory leader since William Windbag-Rentboys, if I don't kick the crutches out from disabled people - who, as I must remind you are a terrific burden on the country - then who will.? Oh, I know that almost everybody in parliament wouild love to do what I'm doing, there's nothing, for a politician,  like taking stuff away from  those who have least, but I'm talking about decent people, here, nobody would do what I'm doing, said the revolting peice of shit. I am now going home to my wife, who really does do work for me as my seckatry and gets paid for it, by the taxpayer. Unlike, I'm happy to say, people with no legs and cancer.



 Can you tell me where I claim my expenses from,
 for being here, doin' me public duty, like?
..............Yes and that's quite appropriesque and correctified, your Worship and I'm speaking here as one working class Lord to another. Y'know, as I allus say to my missus, Lady Pauline, that under the skin we're all idle, self-servin' shop steward bastards,  even if some of us, and you won't objectify to my sayin' this, Your Eminence, belong to the Tribe, don't go to work on Sat'day. Not that I 'ave anything against Hebies.  I mean, Lord Levy, he was one a your lot, 'ad his knob doctored, like you do, he was a great member of my govament and raised  lotsa subscriptionisers for my old Guvnor, Tony Blair and his Missus, Imelda. Tone, I should remindalise  your Highness, is, like yourself,  a holy man, regularly taking Holy Communication with the likes of Israeli Prime Minister, Private Benjamin and with his Holiness Pope Nazi.  Now, it might not be your cup of tea, getting down on your knees with the Pope, not after what his lot did to your lot in the war, but Tony's a very fair man,  he'll take bribes from anyone. And you Jews should learn from that.  Only not from Mudoch, obviously..

Antony Chevenix-Beard QC.  That's actually his Lordship, Lord Leveson,  over, there, Lord Pieman.

JP: Well, who the fuck are you, then?  You look like a bloody Jew. No offence. And why are you asking all the questions, when it's his enquiry?

AC-B:  I am counsel to the enquiry. And I, therefore, ask the qustions.

JP: Well, I gotta question for you. You got any pies? Only I like to have a few pies at this time a day, suffering from diabolicals, like I do, keep me blood sugar levels up. Or is it down. Fucked if I know.  Four sugars, lovr, in me tea.

 Fancy a quick 'un, love, with the Deputy Prime Minister?  
After we've eaten 'tpies like?

AC-B:  If we could get back to the questions, Mr Pies......

JP:  Fire away lad, only watch what you say, cos I'll deck you soon as look at you. I'm not scared of some Tory Jewboy lawyer....

AC-B:  Quite so.  Now, can you help us with some examples of when the press has been unfair to you.

JP.  Well, to answer your question comprehendedly would take a long time and would probly exhaustulate the patents of the Court. But I'll just give ya the one expleteive, one of many. There was this young woman, like, and she worked in my deportment and I sort of treated her more like a doctor than an employee.  All perfectly innocent and then the Murdoch rags got 'old of it and cracked on like I was knobbing the bitch...

An old man dances the Andrew Neil Two-Step with an employee
 young enough to be his granddaughter.

Lord Pieman, 73,  is seeking election as a £100,000 per year police commissioner.
Plus expenses.
And maybe employ Lady Pauline, charring in the offices.
Give her a few quid of her own, like.


Although Hillary Trousers has other people to roast, invade and fit-up, the al Megrahi business rumbles on in Scotland.


Justice Minister Kenny McCaskill , above, is the rotten arsehole who refuses to look at the noncing by the Scottish legal establishment of young Hollie Greig - just google her - so you can't really believe a word he says about al Megrahi and one of the claims of this new book,  You Are My Jury,  is that via intermediaries, lawyer Kenny told al Megrahi that if he wanted to get out on compassionate grounds,  he better forget all this shit about being innocent and wanting a second appeal.

Kenny, of course, denies any such inducement but he would, wouldn't he ?

The book relies upon, inter alia, extensive interviews with al Megrahi, who still refuses to keep his side of the deal and die, and promises - as well as Megraho's account - dramatic new forensic evidence and a comprehensive catalogue of evidence witheld from the original trial and appeal.

Al Megrahi's innocence is also strongly  maintained  by Doctor Jim Swire, the English GP who lost his daughter in the Lockerbie explosion and has devoted his life, ever since, to the pursuit of justice.

The Yank-owned MSM Herald, desperate for readers, is trailing this as though it was an exclusive but it'll be everywhere in a day or so.  \I suppose, for the Herald it makes a change from its eternal examination of What does Scottishness Really Mean?  No, Really Mean.  Really, Really Mean.