The Sunday Ishmael: 01/12/2024

Looking, as usual, like a depressed but stoical tortoise, Pat McFadden attempted to interpret the sacking of Louise Haigh this morning on the Sunday Show without Laura Nose but with Victoria Derbyshire. This was evidently a most serious issue for the Government in that Pat was sent into the front line to deny everything, stoutly declare Nothing to See Here and move along. 

McFadden, who glories in the middle name of Bosco, was born in 1965 but has really not aged well.

A Glasgae lad, he represents Wolverhampton South East, but hasn't lost that trick they Scottish bastards have of Disapproval. He's worked for Blair and Brown and is now Starmer's man - he's Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, the highest ranking minister in the Cabinet Office, second only to the Prime Minister. He attempted to Disapprove Victoria Derbyshire into shutting up about red-headed Haigh. 

Although, to be dead honest, he didn't mention the hair. You'd think, though, that if he was going to Disapprove anything, it would be the hair. But maybe it isn't common in Glasgow and south Wolverhampton. But it is. Common, that is.

Anyway, I've been puzzled by this news story since Starmer sacked the girl on the 28th November. And then McFadden being used to whitewash the issue? Well, you had to wonder. The story seemed to be that Haigh had been out on the lash one night in 2014, when she was the victim of a mugging. She gave the police a list of items stolen from her, one of which was her work phone. She subsequently found the phone in a drawer at home and told the police she'd made a mistake. Whereupon she was prosecuted and received a Conditional Discharge for the offence of Fraud by False Representation. Bit harsh, you'd think, being prosecuted for an honest mistake whilst pissed. Haigh herself minimised the gravity of the charge by telling the world that the Magistrates imposed the lightest of all sentences. Well, actually, no. The least sentence is an Absolute Discharge. A Conditional Discharge requires the offender not to commit any more offences for a specified period of time, and if you do, the Court can deal with the offence for which the Conditional Discharge was imposed as well as the new offence. Haigh says she told Sir Keir all about her criminal past in 2020, prior to her being appointed to the Shadow Cabinet. And him being a former Director of the CPS and a lawyer, that's alright, then. It's just those nasty Tories making a fuss about nothing. Getting their own back for the times that Haigh denounced them and called for their resignation. She thought Theresa May should resign in 2017 for running a "shocking campaign" in the general election. The following year she had a go at Amber Rudd for "deliberately misleading parliament over targets for removing illegal immigrants, saying " she has to go. If your only excuse is gross incompetence than you cannot remain in post." In March 2022 she directed her rage at dear old Boris (I've ordered his book on Audible, but he hasn't finished recording it yet - can't wait to have Boris in my ear), "the man who repeatedly flouted (the Covid rules) ...should resign". Ms Haigh also accused Boris of "deceiving the police" in the House of Commons in 2019, suggesting he had "seriously breached" public trust by "politicising serving officers".

Except there's a little murk hangs over the circumstances of that 2014 conviction. Minimal research by me revealed that Haigh's employers, Aviva, who had issued that work phone supposedly stolen by the muggers that night in 2014 were formally investigating Haigh after establishing through their tech wizardry  that the supposedly stolen phone was being used to call Haigh's existing contacts, including her mum. The police investigation confirmed that the same numbers had been called by the phone before and after the supposed theft. Sky News reported that two sources alleged that Haigh wanted a more modern work phone, like the ones being given to her colleagues, and The Guardian reported that Aviva's investigation was looking into whether Haigh had deliberately mislaid phones in order to get upgrades. Haigh resigned from Aviva.

Starmer should have taken one look at that hair and realised she was just not Cabinet material. Then there were the rude things she said about P&O Ferries.. 

After returning to the back benches, Haigh then voted for the Assisted Dying Bill the next day.

I wasn't going to talk about the vote, but I found myself in agreement with a telling point made by Diane Abbott. Pointing out that assisted dying would be fully funded within the NHS, whereas palliative care isn't, the conclusion could be reached that Government will avoid the whole bitter wrangling about funding a National Care Service  by getting rid of all those inconvenient and expensive elderly and disabled folk.

 MPs sobbing in the House over sad narratives of "undignified" deaths (by which they mean, I think, incontinence of faeces and urine) are not to be trusted with legislation of this importance. Hard cases make bad law. Once the principle is established that the government can legally kill you, not for wrong doing, but simply for being human and facing death - what's next? Empty the prisons of all those lifers by reinstating the death penalty? 

I never had the benefit of a scientific education. I'm an arts and humanities girl. You know, the soft subjects. But I've been trying to remedy my lacunae by doing a bit of reading. I'm handicapped by having little math and less quantum physics, I can't read an equation and I resent people who are paid to hypothesize about unknowables.  "Even now, I mind the coming and talking of wise men from towers where they had thought away their youth."

I don't think I have the right sort of brain for all this made-up stuff. Here's mr ishmael sharing some thoughts on it:

 But Why Is There Anything?
A couple of years back, I tried to review a  PBC Horizon show, the debunking, at the hands of some of its creators, of the so-called Big Bang Theory, that piece of nonsense which insists that Every Thing came, in an immeasurably tiny instant, from No Thing. You know how it goes, some smug bug-eyed little boffin smirks that, asking What was Before is the wrong question, Before is a temporal concept and obviously there wasn't any Time until the Big Bang created it, along with Space and Matter, so there was no Before. So fuck off and leave this to crazy bastards, like me, with our many-noughted equations; did you know, for instance, that the transition from Sweet Fuck All to the existence of the Universe lasted 0.00000000000000000000000000000000001 of a second?

The thing is, advancing human theorising about time, space and the expanding universe doesn't give a brown baby a drink of clean water. It is summed up beautifully by Gil Scott-Heron in his poem: "Whitey's on the Moon."

There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of mr ishmael and stanislav, the young Polish Plumber, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster.  You can buy the Quartet from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps 

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.

The Sunday Ishmael: 24/11/2024

 Young People all nutters is - official

Always suspected it, what with sticking knives in each other and being all surprise when they don't get up again, going boo-hoo at Yooni when told to read 3 books a week - each week, and stoning speakers saying men have penisuses and women have special lady  parts. Now official. Lady minister Liz Kendall, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, said so. On telly. Today. So must be true. 

But Liz is just a secetry, so surprise she is on telly talking to Laura Nosa, just like bloke politician. Tell she is secetry, as legs all cross up for hold notebook for writing down what Bloke says. She must work for Bloke in charge of handing out dole to idle fucking bastards who won't go to work. And she is cross about idle fucking bastards, but in a lady-like, Labour Party way.  So has threatened to Help them. 

"They is 870,000 people aged between 17 and 24 not in work, school or training. That is Not Good. It costs my Bloke money to pay the idle fucking bastards to stay in house and eat burgers and fries brought to them by old deliveroo drivers. And the cheeky fucking bastards say they has mental health. 240,700 of them says they has anxiety, depression or autism. Old buggers not working is all wore out - they has physical health. Not bothered about them - all used up. My Bloke will Help cheeky fucking young bastards to cheer up and get back to work, by phasing out their dole.

Phasers on no burgers and fries. 

They'll like it at work. Better be doing crap job wipe bottoms of wore-out old buggers and not County Lines and dole money.

I explain, using Higher Mathematics. You has not got two oranges. Neither has you. 

Therefore I add up your no oranges and I has 4 oranges.

 -2 + -2 = +4 

add two negative numbers and what do you get? A positive number. Simple. Good for Economy."

Even now
I mind the coming and talking of wise men from towers
Where they had thought away their youth. And I, listening,
Found not the salt of the whispers of my girl,
Murmur of confused colours, as we lay near sleep;
Little wise words and little witty words
Wanton as water, honeyed with eagerness.

 

translated by E.Powys Mathers from from Black Marigolds, 11th century 

So - what else is news this week? If you've got a great-granny, inconveniently wasting your inheritance on care home fees, don't bother writing to your MP, urging him (or even her - equal opportunities MPs nowadays) to vote for the Assisted Dying Bill - they've got a free vote, means they can vote according to their conscience, always supposing your average whoreson MP has a conscience.

There's a blind chap called Sean Dilley who has been assisted for 25 years to get around by a succession of gorgeous dog-blokes. Sean is a journalist and has been social-media-ing about taxi-drivers, restaurateurs and Tesco's who have denied him access to their taxis, caffs and shops because they don't like dogs, even though it is a breach of the Equality Act 2010 to discriminate against a disabled person because they have a guide dog with them when accessing businesses or services.

This is Shawn, Sean's assistance dog, dressed in his working clothes. You can see he's a chap who takes his responsibilities seriously. He's not going to have a poo in a taxi, eat the sausages in Tesco or upskirt lady diners in the caff. Nevertheless, his dad, Sean, has been refused service when Shawn is with him. Sean, when trying to gain access to such services says he has been challenged to justify why he would want equal treatment, and been threatened with violence and death. When he has written about this illegal discrimination on social media, commentators have threatened to punch him and kill Shawn. He was told to "be careful". One bright spark said his mother should be raped. Could well be that these social media commentators are all liberals, especially in the light of the threats to kill the dog. The police seem uninterested in enforcing the law or in policing this aspect of incitement to violence. 

Unlike their activity in relation to a complaint they received about a post written by journalist Allison Pearson. The complaint was reported to the Metropolitan Police as a potential breach of the Malicious Communications Act. It was then passed to Sussex Police, which marked it as a possible non-crime hate incident. Sussex Police passed it to Essex, where Allison Pearson lives. Essex made two assessments of the complaint before opening an investigation under Section 17 of the Public Order Act 1986, relating to material allegedly "likely or intended to cause racial hatred". Then they sent two police officers round to Ms Pearson's house on a Sunday morning to tell her she was under investigation in relation to her tweeting, but wouldn't tell her which tweets. 

 "No, we are not telling you." 

They wouldn't tell her who the complainant was, either.

 "No, we are not telling you."

 There was quite the fuss, on account of accused persons having the right, in British law, to know what they are accused of and who their accuser is. Well, that was the law, but it would expose the maliciously-motivated to having to prove their accusations in a court of law, so it has been changed to protect the righteously anti-racist. Bit like a totalitarian regime. Anyway,  because of the fuss, the Police have backed right down, to the probable fury of the original complainant. 

Sean Dilley has clearly been complaining about the wrong sort of discrimination and threats against him, his mum and his dog. Britain is really not keen on disabled people. Obviously inconvenient, taking up the best parking spaces, messing the place up with dogs, just embarrassing, really. As for wheelchairs - you try accompanying a wheelchair user around the place and you'll soon find out that Britain does not readily accommodate wheeled humans.

In Belgium, which has had legislation allowing assisted dying since the beginning of this century, twin brothers Marc and Eddy Verbessem were 45 year old cobblers who were deaf and going blind. They died in January 2013 at the hands of their doctor, David Dufour, who believed that he was doing them a kindness as they were determined to die. Belgium also allows doctors to end the lives of terminally ill children, those with dementia and the mentally ill. There is a requirement in Belgian legislation that the applicant for death must experience constant and unbearable suffering that cannot be alleviated and that is caused by a serious and incurable medical condition. That, of course, is a matter of interpretation, of resources available to assist the disabled, the mentally or physically ill, the social stigma that may attach to certain conditions and to the old inconveniently tying up the resources that the next generation would like to prematurely get their hands on.

Westminster may motor ahead with the Assisted Dying Bill next week.  You know how mr ishmael always said that the person most likely to kill you is your doctor? Until now, that was always through malfeasance, neglect, incompetence or unexpected and unwanted drug effects. If the Bill gets onto the Statute book, then doctors have permission to legally kill you. No doubt you could cite to me many, many instances of people dying horrid deaths in undesirable circumstances. And all I could say in response is "hard cases make bad law". Once the principle of assisted dying is allowed in, then Britain may find itself with Canadian or Belgian outcomes. Given the phenomenal numbers of Britons unable to work through ill-health - well, its one solution to all those NEWT young people with "mental 'elf, innit."

Given Biden's successful attempts via ATACMS to subvert any future peace process that Trump intends brokering, by escalating the conflict between Ukraine and Russia - and where Biden leads, Britain trots readily along; our young men need to double down on their consumption of burgers and fries. In both Ukraine and Russia the war-averse young simply ran away, but there's an exciting new strategy in South Korea for keeping away from the guns and mines. In South Korea, all able-bodied men over the age of 18 are conscripted into the military. One chap, who ate his way into the non-able-bodied category, began binge-eating before his physical assessment for the draft. He increased his weight to 16 stone - a fine figure of a man in the West, but morbidly obese on a petite South Korean frame. He was prosecuted for trying to avoid military service by gaining weight and was given a one-year suspended sentence. He can serve in a non-combat role in a government agency. His mate, who devised the weight-gaining diet, received a six-month suspended sentence. 

I do hope our young men remember this tip, should they not wish to serve the penalty for being a conscientious objector, or be averse to being blown up, should the time come. Mind you, no doubt our legislature would hurry into law some anti-obesity legislation, sentencing folk to Ozempic, and issue arrest warrants for deliveroo drivers.

Here we are, General Sir Bufton-Tufton Go-Lightly Carter. 

Medalled up to fuck, with a handy gold noose slung around his shoulder. No, Officer, not an incitement to violence, just satire, sarcasm and a dollop of snark. Emblematic of the Donkey Class. 

I would like to share with you a poem by  Du Fu (712–770),  a Chinese poet and politician during the Tang dynasty. It seems relevant to our troubled times. And you could say - twas ever thus.

Ballad of the Army Carts

 
Wagons rattling and banging,
horses neighing and snorting,
conscripts marching, each with bow and arrows at his hip,
fathers and mothers, wives and children, running to see them off--
so much dust kicked up you can't see Xian-yang Bridge!
And the families pulling at their clothes, stamping feet in anger,
blocking the way and weeping--
ah, the sound of their wailing rises straight up to assault heaven.
And a passerby asks, "What's going on?"
The soldier says simply, "This happens all the time.
From age fifteen some are sent to guard the north,
and even at forty some work the army farms in the west.
When they leave home, the village headman has to wrap their turbans for them;
when they come back, white-haired, they're still guarding the frontier.
The frontier posts run with blood enough to fill an ocean,
and the war-loving Emperor's dreams of conquest have still not ended.
Hasn't he heard that in Han, east of the mountains,
there are two hundred prefectures, thousands and thousands of villages,
growing nothing but thorns?
And even where there is a sturdy wife to handle hoe and plough,
the poor crops grow raggedly in haphazard fields.
It's even worse for the men of Qin; they're such good fighters
they're driven from battle to battle like dogs or chickens.
Even though you were kind enough to ask, good sir,
perhaps I shouldn't express such resentment.
But take this winter, for instance,
they still haven't demobilized the troops of Guanxi,
and the tax collectors are pressing everyone for land-fees--
land-fees!--from where is that money supposed to come?
Truly, it is an evil thing to bear a son these days,
it is much better to have daughters;
at least you can marry a daughter to the neighbour,
but a son is born only to die, his body lost in the wild grass.
Has my lord seen the shores of the Kokonor?
The white bones lie there in drifts, uncollected.
New ghosts complain and old ghosts weep,
under the lowering sky their voices cry out in the rain."

There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of mr ishmael and stanislav, the young Polish Plumber, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. There's proper stanislav, unlike my poor pastiche in today's first couple of paragraphs.  You can buy the Quartet from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps 

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.

ATACMS - Damn American baby-talk - Attack'ems, for fuck's sake.

Obituary: Before there was Rayner, there was Prezza......

 

A RETIRED BARMAN REVIEWS THE NEWS

(as imagined by stanislav – obvs not verbotum, innit)

 

 Allo viewers. Me, ere. Usedta be second prime minister, minister for communities and transport and pies and maybe that’s why they’re all in such downstanding condition. Except the pies. Anyroad you can call me Lord John. But I must say (shouts) IT IS ABSOLUTELY DISACCEPTABLE, WHAT APPENED TO MY GOOD FRIEND LORD CRABS. I mean, there ee is. Doin his level best for Mother Russia, Mother India and old mother Gordon and this appens.

 

(shouts) IT IS ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY AND UTTERLY INDIGESTIBLE THAT THIS SHOULD APPEN. WHERE WAS IS SECURITY RETAIL WOTSANAME?

 

(carries on shouting) I MEAN, THIS APPENED IN DEAD BROADLIGHT, ERE IN LONDON. AND TO A BLEEDIN MIN-ISTER OF THE CROWN OF ER MAJESTYNESS, GOOD QUEEN BRENDA, EVEN THOUGH I’D STRINGEM ALL UP MESELF, BASTARD ROYALS. PARACHUTES IS WHAT THEY ARE, IDLE PARACHUTES ON THE REST OF US.

 

(leans close to camera and shouts louder) I MEAN, THE POSITION OF THEM SECURITY BLOKES IS ABSOLUTELY UNTESTABLE, WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN ME? EDS SHOULD FOLD, THAT’S WHAT I SAY, IN ME PLAIN, HONEST WAY. THE FUCK STOPS WITH THE COMMISSIONAIRE AND HE SHOULD EAT THE KITCHEN IF HE CAN’T STAND HIS FEET. BITE THE MULLET.

 

(shouts louder) IN MY LONG CAREER AS A BARMAN,   A SLAG, A PONCE, A BULLY AND A SWORDSMAN I AVE NEVER SEEN NOTHIN LIKE IT. IT MAY BE LIKE I’M CARRYIN PHONES TO COLCHESTER OR TEACHING YER GRANNY TO SUCK COCK, or is it eggs, BUT SURELY THIS SHOULDN’T APPEN IN A MODERN POLICE STATE. LIKE WHAT WE’VE FORGED ERE. THE PERSONAL SAFETY OF MINISTERS SHOULD BE A TOPLY PRIORITISED ISSUE ON THE MAGENTA.

 

(carries on shouting) AN THAT LITTLE SLUT, IF SHE’D DONE THAT TO ME, I’D-A HAD ME COCK OUT QUICKER’N SHIT OFFA SHOEHORN AND SAID, EEYARE LOVE, FANCY BEIN ME SECATRY? YER NOT OVER THIRTY, LOVE? THAT’S ALRIGHT THEN. TRADITIONAL VALUES IN A MODERN SUIT, THAT’S HONEST LORD JOHN. PETER’S NOT LIKE THAT THOUGH, FISHES FROM THE OTHER BANK. NEVER TRIED IT MESELF. WELL, NOT OFTEN, LIKE, AND WHAT’S IT TO YOU IF I AVE? NO LAW AGAINST IT AN EVEN IF THERE WAS, LAWS DON’T APPLY TO ME. DO YOU WANT A PUNCH IN THE FUCKING MOUTH?  I’M ALLOWED.

 

(calmer now) No, but me thoughts go out to Peter, Lord Crabs; canta bin much fun forrim, avin all that stuff sprayed in his kisser. Musta bin like being back on that yacht, with Ivan the terrible gangster…

BBC, March 2009 : Business Secretary Lord Mandelson has had green custard thrown over him by a protester as he arrived at the launch of a low-carbon summit in London. The protester, Leila Deen, is a member of the Plane Stupid group campaigning against a third runway at Heathrow. The move was a “last resort” after the democratic process failed, she said.

Lord Mandelson said security was a police matter but he did not want to “go back” to the 24-hour protection he had when Northern Ireland Secretary. The business secretary said people should not "over-react" to the incident. Lord Mandelson stressed that he had chosen not to continue with “round the clock” protection - which he is entitled to as a former Northern Ireland secretary - and he hoped this would not now be necessary. No complaint has been made about the incident and no action taken against Ms Deen.

But former deputy prime minister John Prescott, who threw a punch at a protester who had thrown an egg at him in 2001, said it was “totally unacceptable” that Ms Deen had been able to walk away after the incident without being arrested.

Speaking on the video sharing site You Tube, he said the protester could have thrown acid not custard and public figures had a right to go about their business without being attacked.

 

 

The Sunday Ishmael: 17/11/2024

 You can usually tell just by looking at them. The human race has evolved pretty accurate warning systems about wrong uns. But we suppress our instinctive reactions for social reasons, career progression or economic advantage, or fear of offending the DEI lobby. Or because we're just scared of them. 

This last one was a horror show all by himself. I'm sure you will have heard, or read about the abuse perpetrated by John Smyth, Q. C., and Recorder,  educated at Trinity Hall, Cambridge - if not, Wiki has a thorough account -John Smyth (barrister) - Wikipedia . The Makin Review, an independent review published on the 7th November, concluded that this Christian married man subjected more than 100 boys and young men to "traumatic physical, sexual, psychological and spiritual attacks" over a period of four decades. The sadistic, partially clothed beatings he administered drew so much blood that his wife supplied the victims with adult nappies to prevent them from bleeding on the furniture. He regularly assaulted boys with implements at his home, where he had a special garden shed designed, soundproofed and equipped with a variety of canes. Whilst beating boys a white yachting pennant would be planted on the lawn so that his wife Anne and other family members would know that he was not to be disturbed. Justin Welby, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, forced to resign over his failure to take action against Smyth, is on record as saying that Smyth was: "charming, delightful, very clever, a brilliant speaker".

Smyth's predilection for sadistically beating  boys was not a secret. Just like Jimmy Saville,  it was known about and covered up. The cult Iwerne Trust's camps had successfully indoctrinated and broken the spirit of its graduates over generations, who conspired in keeping Smyth away from the police and Court and allowed him to continue his ready access to further victims - because they didn't want to "endanger the work".

Makes you really glad you attended a state school.

Smyth was a lay reader in the Church of England and chair of the Iwerne Trust, which ran evangelical, Christian camps for posh boys. The Iwerne Trust was  a cult instituted by Eric "Bash" Nash (22 April 1898 – 4 April 1982) a conservative evangelical Church of England cleric. His work of Christian evangelism and camp ministry in the top thirty public schools of the United Kingdom from 1932 onwards was highly influential in the post-war British evangelical resurgence - Christianity having become quite unpopular on account of the First World War, when God unaccountably allowed 40 million humans to die - maybe he got confused about which side he was supposed to be rooting for, having been invoked by all the Christian nations at war with each other.

 Over 7,000 boys attended the Iwerne camps under Nash's leadership. The ostensible purpose was to instruct boys from public schools  in Muscular Christianity and with a conservative evangelical theology, to become future Christian leaders, especially within the Church of England. Muscular Christianity is a religious movement that originated in England in the mid-19th century, characterized by a belief in patriotic duty, discipline, self-sacrifice, masculinity, and the moral and physical beauty of athleticism. All of which sounds very gay to a modern sensibility.

Now, I cannot believe that adult men, past the age of youthful belief and romanticism, actually believe any of this Christian crap. Spending half an hour researching the origins and development of the Christian Church would rapidly convince anyone with half a brain that it was made-up nonsense, which has been very useful politically to keep the underdogs under by promising rewards after they were safely dead. But I do believe that it is woven into the class structure of Britain, that it still wields power and provides, as it always did, a lucrative career structure for posh boys. And a hunting ground for paedophiles and sadists.

Church and State,

Monarchy, prelates of the Church, aristocrats, legislature, Courts, defence forces - indivisible; posh boys the lot of them, carefully groomed into their leading roles by their public schools and spurious christian nonsense,  then growing up to become groomers of the next "elite" generation.

Fucking Ruritania.

So who is next for the Archbishopric of Canterbury? I really don't care - just so long as it's a woman.

Kemi Badenoch, God bless her, is a posh girl, but last month she claimed:  "I grew up in a middle class family. But I became working class when I was 16 working in McDonalds". That caused a furore. Not least among the majority of the working class who are not going to become Leader of the Conservative Party after a teenage stint working in McDonalds. Britain is sick with class, rotted with class, fungoid with class, the networks of which define every citizen of these islands. George Bernard Shaw, in his prologue to Pygmalion, stated: ‘It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him.’

Interesting that it is now aspirational to be working class - the Prime Minister carries his "my father was a tool-maker" line like a sub machine gun. 

Here in Orkney,  the local paper carries full crime reports every other Wednesday, which is the Court day, when our Sheriff, Robert McDonald (honest, not invent), flies down from Shetland to sort us out.

This week, Sheriff McDonald had to deal with 3 drunk-drivers, 2 paedophiles, 1 faeces smeared on a police detention cell, 2 girls beating up another girl in a pub toilet until the police intervened, whereupon the girls set upon the police officers (I think drink had been taken), 1lad who has buggered off to Australia on a gap year and so didn't show up for his hearing for assaulting a 16 year old to his injury - the annoyed Sheriff said: "I'd expect a better excuse than he decided to go for a wee holiday. If he's not at his trial diet, the Crown will ask for, and I will grant, a warrant and he'll be lifted as soon as he gets off the plane." - 1 domestic abuse, during which defence solicitor Fiona MacDonald (again, honest, not invent. Is she a relative?)

was granted more time because she told the Court: " Regrettably, I'll be struggling to be prepared for the trial diet", a 40 year old chap who breached his overnight electronic curfew imposed for assaulting four teenage girls, by accidentally locking himself out of his house, so couldn't get in to be curfewed - or so he said, and two lads riding a motorbike on a hill.

So when it came to the diet of James Farquhar, Sheriff McDonald might have been excused a little levity. Farquhar was on trial for possession of drugs with intent to supply. They'd got a police drug expert up from Aberdeen, who informed the court that Farquhar had two packages of cannabis in his car, divided into baggies of "a recognised deal size", for onward sale and supply. The defence position was that the cannabis was for personal consumption, to assist Farquhar to overcome his cocaine addiction. Farquhar is a roofer by trade and the drug expert opined: "I'm not sure I would be trusting someone on the roof if they were having three grams of cannabis per day." A small snigger might have been heard from the Bench. Maybe he'd seen Farquhar's work? The trial continues in December.

Staying in Scotland, but abandoning the McDonalds, can I bring Baldy Stephen Flynn  to your attention?

Yes, I know he looks like a thug, but he's currently
leader of the SNP in the House of Commons. He's the MP for Aberdeen South. You'll recall the almost-scandal surrounding the resignation of his predecessor, Fatty Blackford?

In April 2021, an SNP staff member complained about Blackford's handling of a sexual harassment allegation regarding SNP MP Patrick Grady. The complainer alleged that after reporting the incident, Blackford invited him to an "ambush" meeting at which Grady was unexpectedly present, and where he claims he felt obliged to accept an apology from Grady. Blackford denies the meeting occurred as described. The SNP stated it would be investigated.

In June 2022, Grady apologised for the behaviour in parliament after a full independent investigation and was suspended from the House of Commons for two-days over his unwanted sexual advance to a junior SNP colleague in 2016. Following this, a video emerged of Blackford encouraging SNP MPs to provide Grady with "full support" This comment was met with backlash from across the political spectrum and Blackford faced calls to resign. On 25 June 2022, Grady left the SNP whip; it was restored six months later by Blackford's successor.  Blackford then announced his intention to stand down from leadership of the SNP Westminster group on 1 December 2022, ahead of the group's AGM. He denied being forced out by SNP MPs. His successor, Stephen Flynn, was elected on 6 December. They're a ruthless bunch, the SNP.

Anyway, Baldy Flynn is at it again - this time he has his sights set on becoming First Minister of Scotland - or so me and Martin Geissler believe.  This morning, on the Sunday politics show, he utterly denied that his latest dastardly plan is motivated by anything other than his care for the constituents of Aberdeen South and his belief that he can represent them better than their existing MSP. He has announced his intention to stand for the 2026 Holyrood election, applying for his party's nomination for the Aberdeen South and North Kincardine seat. He says he has full confidence in Baldy Swinney's leadership. The plan means if he gets the Aberdeen South gig, currently held by Audrey Nicoll, his MSP colleague, he will simultaneously act as MSP and MP, therefore becoming Two-Salaries Flynn. He is fully confident of his ability to hold both posts and represent Aberdeen South in Westminster and Holyrood.

This is my Christmas Cactus. Yes, I know, it is a month early, but it's a cactus - what does it know about calendars? It does this every year -  a fountain of frilly pink flowers.

There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of mr ishmael and stanislav, the young Polish Plumber, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. You can buy them from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps 

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.

The Sunday Ishmael: 10/11/2024

 I'm really not a liberal. I used to be, but a few decades working for the Probation Service knocked that nonsense out of me. Most people just bandy the word about without thinking anything other than it sounds like a good thing to be. I suspect it means just what you want it to mean - when I looked it up on-line, the AI gave me 6 definitions denoting 6 different usages. The problem with being a liberal is that people are shits. If you let them be free and do what they want, you'll generally find that what they want is pretty self-serving, venal, dominant, triumphalist, self-aggrandizing, sexually deviant, selfish, ruthless, narcissistic, cruel, exploitative and tax avoiding. Why do you think there are so many exhortations these days to be kind? And why are they on T shirts?

Probably because the wearer is such a colossal a-hole shit that he/she/it needs a constant reminder - or can point to the T-shirt when accused of being cruel, judgementalist/racist/misogynist/homophobist/disablist/fattist/ageist/generalisingist/downright arseholerist and say, No, Not me - I'm Kind.

This is why we need laws, regulations, tax inspectors, the RSPCA, the NSPCC, the Advertising Standards Authority, armed police to blow people's heads off when they drive their car with intent to kill (although they are a really nice boy/drug-dealer/weapon-wielding gangster), Courts, prison officers although they are generally shits too, having sex with inmates and providing them with drugs, and probation officers - who start out as kindly, leftish, liberalish, until life persuades them otherwise. Cock fights. Now that's nasty. Sex with the step daughter - a game all the family can play. I remember the sex offender who with great faux sincerity attempted to persuade me that he was towelling himself after his shower, when his 6 year old mouth-breathing stepdaughter got a little too close and it just went in her mouth, honest, mrs ishmael, that's all there was to it and I love her to bits, just like my own. Locking the family's two German Shepherd dogs in a flat for days with nothing to eat but their own faeces and then complaining when the RSPCA broke down the door and uplifted the dogs, because they were guarding the flat and who's going to pay for the door? Delivering the coup de grace by closing up a sofa bed around the chap beaten up but still breathing when he sat down on the sofa bed and leaving him to suffocate and welter in his own blood. Biting a woman to death - honest, mrs ishmael, I can't remember a thing, I was so out of it, it was my birthday you see - you were convicted on dental evidence, Patrick - there's the clue.

So, when I hear someone describe themselves as a liberal, you'll forgive me a little cynicism.

We used to have a political party in Britain called themselves the Liberals. Honest, not invent. Dirty bastards. For our younger readers, the reason they became popularly known as the Dog-Shooting Party, mainly through the efforts of mr ishmael, was pretty straightforwardly unbelievable. The party's leader was Oily Thorpe, his nickname earned at Eton by his habit of toadying up to masters. In May 1979 he was tried at the Old Bailey on charges of conspiracy and incitement to murder his ex-boyfriend Norman Scott, a former model. Thorpe was acquitted on all charges, but the case, and the furore surrounding it, ended his political career. And the dog? Rinka, a Great Dane, belonging to Norman Scott, the casualty of a murder attempt by Andrew Norton, an airline pilot who undertook to murder Norman Scott for a fee of between £5,000 and £10,000 - which  used to be a great deal of money, enough to buy a modest house in the Midlands. You can order a hit these days for considerably less than the cost of a 3-bed semi. Thorpe procured £20,000 from Bahamas-based millionaire Liberal Party donor Sir Jack Hayward, ostensibly for election expenses. Thorpe later denied that the money had been used to pay Newton for the murder of Scott, but it never was used to defray Liberal Party costs. That reminds me - whatever did happen to the £600,000 disappeared from the SNP funds? Andrew Norton turned out to be a rubbish hit-man - he failed to shoot Scott, but killed poor Rinka, causing the old gun to jam and therefore saving her master's life. Douglas Murray, currently associate editor of the Spectator, wrote: " "Jeremy Thorpe had hoped to be remembered as a great political leader. I suppose they all do. And perhaps he will be remembered longer than many other politicians of his age or ours. But it will always be for the same thing. Jeremy, Jeremy, bang, bang, woof, woof."

There's Liberals for you. There's a book and a BBC three-parter: A Very English Scandal.

In his review of Michael Bloch's biography of Jeremy Thorpe, mr ishmael wrote in February 2015:

"In his last years Jeremy hustled for a peerage - purely to get back into parliament, y'understand, and display his dazzling gifts of gabshitery; when his claim to a nonsensical Mediaeval  baronetcy evaporated he lobbied unsuccessfully for a life peerage.

The nerve of some people, who do they think they are?

I generally feel some sympathy for human villainy  as long as there is  an element of remorse in the villain. Thorpe was as much a victim of parental expectation as was Scott of parental neglect; both were fantasists,  both, at that time, criminal deviants, abiding in the demi-monde of rough, urgent buggery and showy - flamboyant - I Dare You masquerade but from those to whom much has been given, much is expected and in this as well as in his lifelong denial of his criminality, Thorpe disappoints. He has enough sympathisers. I was never one but Bloch's book, well worth borrowing from the library, confirms my hostility to he and all of his ilk.

It might be worth noting that Thorpe's perverse acquittal - one of the jurors later said "Oh, he done it, but he and his wife had suffered enough" - and  shamelessness set a new benchmark for dastardly conduct amongst politicians;  none now resign, all now, like Cameron insist that they take responsibility whilst doing nothing of the sort, 

 

all trouser others' money, all serve wealthy benefactors rather than the nation, many are gleefully, audaciously, degenerate and decadent

 - flamboyant, in Thorpe's time. 

 I saw Chris Underpants, MP, on Question Time last week. 

mrs ishmael was amazed, this is that bloke who posed in his pants and sent the picture all around the world, seeking casual gay sex 

and now he's on  Labour's front bench and here on the telly, moralising at us? 

Yes, dear and before that he was an Anglican priest.

Still, at least he's not a Liberal, doesn't go around trying to murder his embarrassments, like they do."

So, mrs ishmael, why are you banging on about the Liberal Party scandal of the Seventies? Don't you know that the past is a foreign country where they do things differently, that Homosexuality is now legal, if not compulsory and that the Liberal Party is a dead parrot?

Well, because I'm cross and utterly fed up with people saying "liberal" like its a good thing, rather than the whited sepulchre that shelters the rotten corpse within. Of the 6 definitions of liberal that the AI spat out, this is key: relating to or denoting a political and social philosophy that promotes individual rights, civil liberties, democracy, and free enterprise

What's wrong with that, then? As I carefully explained above, because people, including senior politicians, are shits and need reining in. Especially when exercising their individual rights and civil liberties to terrorise Jewish  men into jumping into canals in Amsterdam to escape them. The excuse was a football match at the Ajax stadium in Amsterdam, when hundreds of Maccabi Tel Aviv fans were repeatedly ambushed and attacked by Arab migrant men on scooters, in hit and run attacks. The violence was perpetrated by Amsterdam locals of Arabic origin, who shouted "free Palestine". The Dutch King Willem-Alexander called the Israeli president Isaac Herzog to tell him of his 'deep horror and shock' over the events, saying: 'We failed the Jewish community of the Netherlands during World War Two, and last night we failed again.'

This is where liberalism gets you - European countries have proved entirely unable to defend their culture and rule of law against the onslaught of a wholly illiberal religion and culture which is committed to eradicating a legally-constituted nation state and killing its citizens, wherever it finds them. It is almost enough to make you proud to be not European, to have escaped the rotten, liberal sarcophagus of Europe. Britain stood against the fascist anti-Semitism of Europe during the Second World War and defeated its pustulating Germanic heart - and promptly lost its way. I  said "almost enough"  because Britain, also, has proved incapable of asserting British culture against Islamism. Liberalism has broken it. So tied up in knots are we by the human rights and civil liberties  industry that we cannot defend our borders, deport illegal immigrants or stop pro Palestinian demonstrations on the streets. Anti-semitism is the acceptable face of racism for liberals.

I saw the annual ritual of hypocrisy as broadcast by the BBC today. All solemn, vying with each other for the best funeral suits, wearing very solemn face and poppied up to fuck, the war lords processed around the Cenotaph with their wreaths. The King and his Avaricious Family led the way - and I suppose they were the least of the hypocrites, since they haven't actually started any wars, on account of being symbolic placeholders. They were followed by the true culprits - Blair, Cameron, Brown, Johnson and the rest, with Kemi Badenoch and Keir Starmer processing shoulder to shoulder. Considering the loss of male life in Britain's wars, they are probably planning how to incentivise women to produce more babies as Britain's women, most sensibly, seem to have decided that the game is not worth the candle and have given up reproducing; while pretending they give a fuck about the dead that they are commemorating with dirges, speeches and poetry. This morning on the Laura Kuenssberg Show, Tony Radakin, Priti Patel and Lord Andrew Roberts were all agreed that the elevation of Donald Trump to being President Elect was a bit of a worry and that Britain must commit a larger percentage of its GDP to defence spending. Admiral Sir Antony David Radakin, KCB, ADC, Chief of the Defence Staff, and Lord High Constable of England (very Gilbert and Sullivan, I know), was particularly upset about it, saying, more or less, we couldn't defend ourselves from an attack by a jam doughnut, now that the Democrats aren't going to do it. However, Baron Mandelson - yes! him again! said, reassuringly, no, no, its all going to be alright. Donald Trump won't turn his back on us, because he would lose America's international reputation as a good guy. Well, good thing he's going to be Britain's next Ambassador to the United States, and he can tell President Elect Trump himself all about reputation. When his fellow panellists all urged him to come out about being  the next Ambassador, he said, coyly, that William Hague is an even Bigger Beast than he is. Honest, not Invent. The Baron is probably proud to describe himself as a liberal.

There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of mr ishmael and stanislav, the young Polish Plumber, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. You can buy them from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps 

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.

Change the World! Make America Great Again!

 

I did rather think this would happen - and that Trump's victory, which is on track to be overwhelming, will have consequences for the world, should he implement his policy objectives. Stopping being the world's police force, stopping the attempt to impose Western "Democracy" on autocratic regimes, closing down the never-ending war, dismantling America's military-industrial complex - well, that will leave Britain rather exposed. We've been a handily-situated military base for the States' war on Russia, and if they no longer need one, Britain may regret the provocative things said and done on Biden's behalf. Maybe Trump will preserve some fondness for the Benighted Isles, as he is half Scottish - but why should he when Scotland's SNP leaders have been downright rude about him? Toothless Sturgeon, prior to his last Presidential term, went so far as to say he would not be allowed to set foot in Scotland. Annoying bluster, of course, but Baldie Swinney is just as bad.

Anyway, unless there's a Civil War, we're about to find out what a Trump presidency will mean for Starmer's Britain. And for the Dwarf Zelensky, of course.