Saturday, 3 April 2010


Archbishop Beard, CEO of the English Church (non-catholic variety) during his John, the Baptist, phase.

No, verily, I say unto you, he was bang on the money, the young plumber, right all along.

This Pope guy, Benny the Nazi, well, alright we're in the same line of work but Fuck me, Pilgrims and Servants of the One True God - although incorporating Allah, of course, peace and blessings be upon His name and Vishnu, the Destroyer and Buddha the Enlightened Fat One and whoever it is that Zorowotsits worship, or respect, or whatever it is they do, mad fucking Deity-worshipping lunatic bastards - but yaknowwoddamean, we're all in this eternal shit thing together and everything but for one of my fellow-leadersofmen to go around sticking his NaziKnob up the young people is bad fucking news and this is Good News Week for we believers in human sacrifice, the bloodier and the more painful the better, only not the priests and certainly not the fucking Archbishops, no, fuck that martyrdom shit. WhoDyaThinkIyam, Thomas a fucking Becket?

I am happy to say that there's categorically no noncing in my operation; well, not much anyway, there's the scoutmasters of course and the choirmasters and the outward bound people and  there's the outreach work with Barnardos and Christian Aid  but really it's just a storm in an altar chalice, grieving widows is more the game in my firm and out and out poofery in the Vicarage and CarpetMunching, of course. Fuck me, brothers and sisters in Christ, you wouldn't believe the shit I get off the African Communion about Poofs and Dykes for Jesus, or the C of E as it's better known. I mean, its only five minutes since Archbishop Witchcraft Bone-In-The-Nose was boiling fucking missionaries alive and eating them, the dirty black bastard, and now he's telling me, the Archbishop of fucking Canterbury, where a decent English Vicar can walk his fucking dogs when what he should be doing is cutting the livers out of Jesuits, like Affrican Christians are  supposed to do.

No, this is a golden opportunity, this Pope Nonce business, for us to steal a market share on the PaedoChurch. Suffer your little ones to come to an Anglican church tomorrow and not down to Saint Peter  and Saint John the Beast's before they get down to the real meaning of Easter which is Tesco Turkey and chocolate as advertised by Sir Terry Wogan and Lady Julie Walters, or some chocolate-coated cruciform  bananas as advertised by that slut off the phonesexline who does voice-over for the holy Marks and fucking Spencers. Remember, brothers and sisters, our church will only fuck with your kids' heads; nine out of ten catholic priests will give 'em a sore arse, too, and a fucked-up life. Have a Happy Easter in Jesus. You know, Jesus has a special place in his heart for consumers.

The Mess is over, go in Peace.

Head of Anglican church, Dr Rowan Atkinson,  denouces Pope for instiututional trauma or tsunami - or some florid shit like that - of covered-up noncing, these past two thousand years and forever and ever, Amen;  BBC, skymadeupnewsandfilth, all channels, all MSM, probably not the catholic site, order-order, which is concerned mainly with His Masters' Profit, And not loss of innocence


Dick the Prick said...

Yeah, it was a bit of a strange intervention - opportunistic really. Let he who is without nonce cast the first hypocrisy and all that.

Pope Nazi though has been doing a nice bit of marketing though in recent months so maybe he knew the shit was gonna hit the bellend and reached out to Anglicans to get some fresh nonces - no questions asked, all welcome. Ah, fuck 'em.

Have got me thinking about Tesco choclates though - hmm..chips maybe then jaffa cakes.

Happy Easter anyway buddy to you & yours.

call me ishmael said...

Aye, let him who is without nonce, indeed; that'll be all of them, then.

His Grace the Beard has rowed back a wee bit since tea-time, maybe some of the Noncing Monsignors marked his card for him, blackmail isn't owned entirely by New Labour.

Happy Easter yo you, too, Mr Dick the Prick.

PT Barnum said...

Bit like Tesco and Sainsbury calling each other out over customer service, isn't it? Speaking as a retired Papist, these faith mafiosi know as much about 'God' as I do about particle physics.

Anonymous said...

At this special time of the year for Christians when thoughts turn to death and the son of God telling the Roman soldier "you can see out house from here". Do not on any account try suicide by cruxifixon as you can't get the last nail in.

call me ishmael said...

A seriously unpleasant way to travel to Heaven, crucifizion, by all accounts, even if someone does it for you; those Romans, eh, horrible wop bastards; what with the crucifizions and the games - Oh, the hours that I spent inside the Coliseum, dodging lions and just a-wastin' time - you'd think that decent, modern people would be a bit harsher on them and not go around warbling about Seneca and Caeser and Josephus like they were saints and not gobby fucking barbarians. Oh yes, fuck me, forgot, they bathed a lot, that must be it, bathing, the mark of a civilised, slave-owning, sadistic homicidal maniac. I blame the public schools for all this Romaphilia. And much else.

It is a bit pungent, mr ptb, but if it helps - a long shot, I know - unfrock or dethrone Benny Ratso, or get him murdered - and there are rumblings in the Nazi Vatican state - then Beardy's phony and swiftly retracted comments might inadvertently have done some good, a first for the simpering fool.