Monday, 5 April 2010


In a controversial move, outgoing English premier, Gordon Snot, is set to pardon large numbers of serial criminals when he leaves office shortly. But not shortly enough.


It is in the finest traditions of the White House, which I have been proud to occupy these last thirteen years, that I controversially pardon anyone who has the dirt on me,  proclaimed the babbling lunatic in his traditional Easter address.

Now is not the time for blame, fuck me, no.  Instead we must rebuild the nation's faith by letting everybody off Scot-free, otherwise the jails would be bursting with perfectly innocent warmongers, money-launderers, pedarasts, drug addicts, blackmailers and  embezzlers, indeed, the whole of the house of commons, the media, business and the church would be behind bars. And who would run the country then?
on y soit qui mal y pense
trans: nobody gets any jail time, nobody.


a young anglo irish catholic said...

Just how is Snot going to take his rejection on May 6th?

Since he was fast-tracked into Edinburgh Uni and then the Jack-Jones sponsored safe seat of Czechoslovakia East , Brown has almost always had his own way. With the exception of Mr Tony's refusal to get out of the way, of course.

What says Ishmael, who might understand the dark world of the Scottish socialist.

PT Barnum said...

I like your presumption, Mr ayaic, and wish it to be so. I expect the TV footage to show him either having an Incredible Hulk moment, when he gets very very angry, or spontaneously combusting.

call me ishmael said...

Not convinced, yet, nr yaic, that he's going to lose.

Don't forget, the intelliugences which are compiling and reporting on the polls are the same windy arseholes who completely failed to foresee the so-called credit crunch.

My guess is that he will win the payroll vote and the disabled/elderly/unemployed votes - which are massive - and that Cameron will lose most of the old Tories either to the shit-eaters, the BNP or UKIP.

Heard a little of the Today programme, today, and they are doing a series of vox pops with the revolting young parent. Humphries on th esubject of Has Britain changed for the better ? My guess is that for the very vocal minorities - gay people, welfare rights groups, right-to- deathers, Guardian-reading teachers and so on, it has changed for the better and that any distaste felt for Brown personally is felt at least as strongly for this prat Cameron, if the Tories had been serious they would have voted for Davies tghe Oik, not Flashman and his gang.

Interesting question, though, how the horrible fucking bastard would readct to being wiped out.

lilith said...

The elderly won't have him, not the English elderly anyway. He robbed their pensions, made them sell their houses for care, and now an extra 10,000 a year (for the past 4 years) have been criminalised for overfilling their bins/skating around town/selling goldfish to teenagers. Besides he has no respect for the military, and is setting the UK up for Sharia law which doesn't go down well with anyone over 70. The elderly are not liking this man, in spite of their winter fuel payments and bus passes.

lilith said...

Plus he has improved the NHS so much that the elderly are generally disregarded/neglected/ignored/killed by it.

black hole sunset said...

It is as you say, Mr Ishmael. An embarrassment of laws but none for those who make them.

For it to still be a race Brown could win, after everything he's said and done, what useless, rotten bastards the Tories are.

call me ishmael said...

But lilith, they are living so much longer, most of them, those who stay out of hospitals and despite the fifty pee insult they are better off. And many of them will have family working in the public sector, bound to have and grandchildren, maybe, on tax credits and surestart and the rest. I'm not cheerleading or anything.

It is, as mr bhs says, absolutely fucking outrageous that the opposition haven't a) forced an election long ago and b) won it.

lilith said...

Well, anyone who fought in WW2 wont have them, pension credits or otherwise.

call me ishmael said...

Most of them, I realised to my horror recently, will be dead by now, Lilith, or as near as makes no difference.

lilith said...

Yes. The over 80's are my favorites. I am happy to go out of my way for them. I can't bear that they will soon be gone.

mongoose said...

I am bored with it all already. Can it, please, be over?

call me ishmael said...

You're nothing but a fucking ingrate,mr mongoose, skymadeupnewsandfilth deploying their best showbiz brains, David Cameron stuttering out his most banal cliches, Mr Clegg shadow boxing with himself on his 'bus and the great engine of Snot lumbering around the country, doing what's right for it.

What more do you want?