Sunday 13 October 2013


Portugese coppers search Hyde Park for clues.
Maybe eet was-a Jeemy Savile 'oo keel her.

This is the news that the PBC's CrimeShit programme, still reeeling from the death, decades ago,  of its presenter, Jill Dando, is to broadcast a programme made by a bunch of drunken, sponging Portugeezer cops who have been here for months on an all-expenses paid junket.

We are-a making ay-a 'ow you say, reconstructio time-a-line-a of ze a-keeling of  ze bambino Jill Dando, said His Excellencio El Colonel Manuel Labor, of the Portugeezers Police Federation.  Ze a-Metropolitania coppers are-a fucking rubbish and-a could-a not-a find-a their-a own-a dick in their-a own-a trousers, never-a mind-a that their-a cleana-upa rate is a-fucking rubbish,  eesa about three-a fucking per centa, innit.  Ees-a fucking rubbisha. And zat ees why we have-a come here, like cheeky fuckers, to-a sort-out their-a fuckups.

Britain's honorary Justice Minsters, the right revolting and money-grubbing fuckpigs, Gerry and Cilla McCann, 

 Every Picture tells a story.  

said that They were the Real Victims here, and if the Portugese police have any spare money thay should give it to them.  As should everybody else in the world. Even if you have already given to our Don't Find Maddie Fund, you can give again. And again. Details of how you can give us money are on our website.  We have long since used your donations to pay-off our mortgage, giving us more time to appear before you on TeeVee, in strictly-controlled media scenario events.

Sttill not sacked.
 Lord Sir Benie Hagen Daas, capo-di-capi,  boss of the crime gang known as the Metropolitan Police, said, Listen, me an' my boys did our level best to frame that cunt, wotsisname, Barry George, for the murder of Jill Dando, we 'ad 'im bang not to rights and what thanks do we get?  The fucking Appeal Court, that's what.  We lock up innocent people and the fucking courts let 'em out again. I dunno why we bovver.

An' I must say that we fink that foreign police forces coming into our jurisdiction and re-openin' our cases is takin' a fuckin' liberty.

PBC hack crawls from under stone.

Mr Nick Ross, formerly of Savile-World and known associate of Bernie's Mob, said that although at the time, as a crime reporter, he was absolutely one hundred per cent convinced of the guilt of Barry George, even writing  many paid columns to that effect, he had never and would never apologise for being entirely wrong.  It's my PBC training, he said, we are trained  never to apologise  And it is my professionalism which enables me to state categorically that Gerry and Cilla McCann did not kill Lord Lucan's nanny.  Even though they probably would've if there was enough money in it.


DtP said...

Way back when I used to be an Intelligence Analyst for our local cops and fucked off darn Laandon Tarn to do a couple of presentations at the Jill Dando Institute of Criminology or some other such bollox at University College London. There were 2 sets of people - us lot who knew it was bollox but we got paid and it was all on expenses and Ross and other such bullshitters (any cunt who calls him/herself a criminologist is pretty safe to be identified as a cunt from 50 yards and ignored).

Anywho - not being privy to the dedicated, diligent and arduous work that the Met put in to catching Dando's murderer, to the casual observer it would appear they got some local lad who lived in his pants and wanked off over Ford Anglias (the 1973 model gives me a stiffy sometimes) and then spent the next 2,000 man hours fitting the fucker up.

This is wrong on many levels - a) going for a retarded kid just because he's an easy victim, b) missing the opportunity to get a dirty smackhead rapist fucked and framing him, c) not even bothering to, yer know, do any work or, and this is the bitch d) doing the fucking work and coming up with nothing which is manifestly what happened but not even having the common decency to say, 'we ain't got any idea, Guv' and emphasising the point that detection is hard if there ain't an apparent motive. On every single level that they could fuck up, they did and even with the get out clause of being honest, they fucked that up.

My boss at the time asked Ross in one of the Q&A's after some drivellous shite a perfectly reasonable question and Ross took random umbrage and started to talk down to the lad. In my hungover state it did occur to me 'hang on a fricking minute, are you some cunt with an autocue, what fucking crimes have you ever solved, ya cunt' but instead I just started giggling.

This McCann shit, and as mentioned a bit further down, that Malalalalalala girl do take the biscuit in tragi-celeb whores. Malalalalala said this morning on Maaaar (now truly a gurning fuckwit) that she wanted to be President of Pakistan which, yer know, is fair do's I suppose when you consider the pension package usually consists of another bullet to the head but, really, ffs, really? And she's done her autobiography too which I suppose the McCann's have but I can't be arsed to waste Google's time.

They should all collectively audition for the X Factor and tug the heart strings of phone-in voters and earn a few quid that way but prime time PBC1 works just as well I guess. All proceeds to the 'oh, aren't I fucking brave and don't you fucking forget it foundation'.

Also, i'm not so sure it takes 7 years experience as an analyst to wonder of the merit of showing a TeeVee programme in Blighty about a girl who was murdered in Portugal; why, it almost appears as if there's an ulterior motive! And apparently they left the kid an hour longer than originally claimed but i'm sure that's just irrelevant guff to be safely discounted.

call me ishmael said...

Thanks for that, mr dtp, enjoyed every word.

There is, I do believe, a Jill Dando Criminology Institute.

It must be the case, mustn't it, that the majority of the population of the world thinks that Gerry and Cilla should be in jail, mustn't it?

I warned you about Malalalala months ago, horrid little bastard; her parents need a good, swift rub-down with a housebrick. Is she in the running for the Nobel Peace Prize? Makes sense. If they can give it to Obomba, they can give it to any bastard.

Anonymous said...

At the least, the very, very least, the McCanns are guilty of criminal negligence and child neglect.

If they lived in a council flat and claimed benefit they'd be in prison by now.

I think of that 'Lady in the lake' case whenever these vile people are mentioned. Some bloke tops his wife and dumps her in the lake. Gets away with it. 30 years later the body is found and he is now in clink till judgement day.

The truth will out, one day.


Mike said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
call me ishmael said...

Sorry, mr mike, pressed the wrong button and deleted your post which was to the effect that the local social services in Leicester shpould have taken the other Mcann kids into care.

What always struck me as conspiratorial about this shit is that Dr Gerry, himself, was allowed to announce the - intolerable - conclusion that Leicestershire Social Services had found he and Cilla not pnly not guilty of child neglect but to be excellent parents; no-one else is allowed to make announcements on behalf of social services It will bug me - and tens of millions of others - until the day I die. Who or what is it that this vile pair know?

Thirty six London cops working for two and a half years to clear them of child neglect. What the fuck is going on?

Ragarse said...

Am I influenced by my belief in the vileness of the McCanns or does the photo-fit picture just issued bear a six year old passing resemblance to Mr McCann?

DtP said...

On the PBC last night and this morning on both Rd3 & 4 they read out exactly the same briefing note regarding Gerry & Cilla to the effect that they were trying to find a chap ‘vital to their investigation’. Now, not wanting to engage in criticism just for the sake of it (hang on – that’s not true) but ‘vital’? Really? It’s not the Brinks Mat robbery or the Pink Panther crew knocking around the French Riviera – kidnapping is a pretty straight forward crime (which, at face value is certainly what the Portuguese cops were dealing with; set up roadblocks, check out witnesses and let everyone know there’s a potential kiddy fiddler on the roof. Are the Met saying that their oppos were so incompetent, so indolent, so useless that they never thought about checking a random dude wandering around the place? It doesn’t scan.

I’m quite able to believe that a week or 2 into the investigation that a senior copper started working on reputation management but lowlier cops are the same the world over – usually everything gets dropped at the report of a missing kiddy and the weasels do some work for a change – there’s none of the belligerent attitude you get when you’ve been burgled (as they always think you’ve done it yourself as an insurance job) or when your car gets nicked and they think you’re an idiot – when a kiddy goes missing everyone knows what to do and it would be exceptional if Sergeant Jose Miguel de la Rancha took the report and then started quizzing them about their drinking habits or whatever – ‘where did you last see the kid and at what time and have you got a photo and what was she wearing?’ Done, next –‘ here’s a police woman who’ll help you if you need it’.

I didn’t know about the Leicester SS thing but, yeah, that’s odd too.

Alphons said...

There is no getting away from the fact that the odd couple are responsible for their daughters disappearance.
Unless of course they were drugged and carried off to have dinkipoose with friends.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, anyway you look at it they are responsible for the child and thus for her disappearance whilst they left her alone; how can it be otherwise, if they didn't kill her - and many perfectly sensible people think they did - their actions, particularly in hiring a PR team before reporting the child missing, reek to Heaven of guilt, as do their contradictory claims about the window being locked and then Oh No, it wasn't locked, as do their and their pissup friends trashing of the crime scene - these people are doctors, don't forget, scientists, how could they ecnourage the destruction of evidence? There is their facetious claim that they could always, whilst drinking, see te front door of the apartment when the door was on the far side, invisble to them and the apartment wasn't even in their line of sight; there was Cilla's refusal to answer 40 questions from the officers investigating the disappearance of her child and subsequently there is their laundering of charitable, well-meant funds; these people are revolting, at the very least.

Before there was a scintilla of evidence - and even now there isn't - Gerry was on the phone insisting to grandparents that Maah-dlin had been abducted, before anyone contacted the cops, before anyone checked the neighbourhood or the hospitals, Dr Gerry already knew what had happened. I wonder how.

DtP said...

What must they think of scrutiny? What must they say when alone, when the curtains are drawn at the end of a night? Do they suspect, are they aware of the rumours, the insinuations? What must they do to calm their fright? Forever on their guard, apprehensive of casual aside, tormented by guilt, surrounded by suspicion, anxious through silent accusation, frenzied through external investigation. What a life it must be!

Can psychopathy be learned, can it be taught through experienced exposure, can it be manufactured through duplicity and repetition? Geez, this is some surreal macabre outlier of lives lived badly. This is pulp fiction stuff – hardly believable. I never understood why people don’t accept guilt – apparently in Japan the entire justice system grinds to a halt when someone pleads ‘not guilty’ as it’s kind of expected, required even that if you’re guilty, you know, you kinda accept it and take the beating. It’s the same with golf – if you cheat in golf and nobody sees – it doesn’t matter as the golfing gods will get you when you least expect it. VJ Singh moved his ball less than an inch about 15 years ago and still everyone calls him ‘oh, that cheating swine’. I dunno – it’s parallel lives guff this – you’re sat next to people on the train and whilst they’re the same species, that’s as far as similarities go.

mrs narcolept said...

When I first heard about it I wondered how they could have been so sure that a small child wouldn't have got up and wandered out of the unlocked apartment.

There is a pub about a minute's walk away from our house. We could, sitting outside, just about see our front door. The thought of going over there and leaving our small children asleep by themselves would never have occurred to me, not even with a selection of perfectly sober casual acquaintances staggering in and out every half hour to check on them.

But they 'aven't done anythink wrong, Cilla said so herself. Gerry, however, has been added to my dear mr narcolept's ever-lengthening list of people to punch the lights out of, if ever he should happen to meet them.

Ragarse said...

The McCanns' explanation, on Crimewatch, of how they live with themselves after leaving their children unprotected was that they just had to accept that it was someone else's fault. They are the epitome of cuntishness.

Only the BBC could air a programme whose main point was that the alleged sighting by Jane Tanner had been eliminated from the enquiry, thus focussing police attention on the later sighting by the Smith family, without mentioning the fact that in a statement to the Garda Mr Smith said he was "60 -80%" sure the person he saw carrying a child was Gerry McCann. The statement is on the internet FFS.
The whole tenor of the piece was vomit inducing. These McCann people must know some serious shit.

call me ishmael said...

I couldn't watch it mr ragarse, I'm already sick, I couldn't take any more.

As for mr narcolept and his wish to punch Gerry in the gob I had a friend in Leicester who found himself standing behind Cilla in a queue and though he wanted to say something to her - he is a qualifed social worker, parent of a young girl - say something along the lines of Beats Working I Suppose he felt unable to, felt he'd be attacked by the press, or worse.

It is as mrs n observes - the most heinous calumny which the McCanns have perpetrated is their insistence - and its acceptance - that we would all behave as they do and did. It is absolutely outrageous, they are Ruin's servants, these two and their minders.

DtP said...

I had perfect punching opportunity of D.Miliband on t'train - let him be. I genuinely don't think they killed it but they are disgusting. I think they killed it by misadventure - hmm. It is not in our reflection to be arbiters of dishonour and its consequence but aren't we being a bit fucking rude.

There are better things than this.

call me ishmael said...

Well, mr dtp, their being revolting is enough for me to be revolted by them, a priori. AAs for being abit rude, well Gerry and Cilla started, impudently redefining parenthood. I daresay that they were revolting before their neglect was exposed and their subsequent years of bullshitting and flanneling have only confirmed them in their vileness; they will go to their graves knowing that they have, at best, fooled some of the people some of the time but that they haven't fooled themselves. I wonder how long this dire celebrity will hold them together; if, as we must suspect, they feel it is better to hang together than hang apart the pressures on them must be enormous; some comfort, then, for decent people.