Thursday 11 August 2011




If there's any looting to be done it'll be done by families like mine and Mr Osborne's and Mr BoJo's and by honourable and right honourable members of this house, Mr Tiny Speaker;  it's the way we've always done things, as a look at our expenses will reveal, even today. And as unelected prime minister I will not sit still for a load of niggers and benefit cheats muscling-in on my act, and that of  very decent international fmanciers who are, at this very moment, wrestling with weighty matters as they seek to find new ways to rob working people of such advances as they have made this last sixty years.  We will arrest and lock-up anyone who tries to do inappropriate looting, even if there's nowhere to put the little bastards;   that will be a matter for my fat friend, the Justice Minister, Smoky Ken Clarke, if he can be prised out of some seedy jazz club. We can always build some of those, whatchamaycallems, concentration camps, that's it, only temporary, of course, until I'm properly re-elected without any of this Coalition nonsense - and did you see the barracking that old Gimpy got in Birmingham, I bet he wishes he'd stayed at home in Madrid or wherever the fuck it is - or we can house them in some of the many hospitals which are insufficently profitable for the private sector to take over and destroy, like it does everything else;  train fares going up, energy prices going up, British Telecom a laughing stock, inflation going up, unemployment going up,  stock markey fucked, London on fire. Glad none of it's my fault. And isn't it time, Mr Tiny Speaker, that the former unelected prime minister, the member for the Kirkcaldy Oxfam shop, came to this house and apologised for all my secret meetings with  NewsCorpse which unfortunately did not result in  Mr Murdoch taking over BskyB and then the BBC.  All of which, of course, is now forgotten about as honourable and right honourable members vie with one another to  find new ways to punish the very poorest, most hopeless members of society, or the enemy within, or the sick section of a broken society, only not in Chipping Norton obviously, where we can swim in champagne if we want to, robbing fucking bastards. No, I mean them, not us.



Inshallah, Bismillah, Salaam eleikum, whatever, man, like, do your own shit when it comes to those religious salutations, man, don't sweat the God vibe.  But no, really, man, this is heavy shit,  the young brothers and sisters trying to throw off the yoke of fifty years of consumerist oppression - every time you open your eyes there's some cat telling you you gotta have this shit or that shit, this car or that phone otherwise you ain't nobody, and it don't matter a fuck if you got no bread, you just borrow it off some  thieving dog in a suit and so whaddathey expect young cats to do,  they see them dudes in the  parliament looting the public purse and bein' punished with a week off work, and they see the so-called royal family consorting with jetset nonces and flogging-off favours and blowjobs to gangsters, and they see the chief of police taking bribes and just getting a thankyouverymuchhere'sagoldenhandshakeallmenoftheworldpayoff, they see the newspapers crawling up people's asses and bugging their every private conversation and getting rewarded with knighthoods, course they're gonna riot, man,  the thing is, is why the whole fucking country ain't going up in smoke? And now the dictator Cameron's police and army is  beating-up on them.

  What'd be like really cool would be if NATO could just surgically bomb the shit out of New Scotland Yard and the Palace of Westminster and protect the young hopeless kids who've just been shat on all these years by fat fuckers like the infidel pigdog Prescott and the NewLabour Gang of Four and now the carrion  tyranny of what they call the Coalition. It's like really heavy, there in GeeBee,  they're doing shit that like nobody but nobody voted for,  they're all like sucking on the Man's dick dumping on the guy in the street and now they're talking about arming themselves against their own people, for the revolution that everybody knows is coming down the highway, right at them. NATO gotta get the fuck off its arse, get its shit together and protect the citizens of the YouKay 'cos, like you know, man,  like the Prophet said, peace and blessings be upon His name, in sleepy London town, there's just no place for a street fightin' man.

No, I'm not calling for the prime minister to go. But what I would say is that if those three wonderful Asian Brummies were alive they would want me to be prime minister. So let's all just think about that.

 No, my brother wouldn't be any good, he'd just want to torture everybody and then cover it all up. Even me.  He was like that. I'm not saying I don't love him. It's just that I hate him.

In our next bulletin.

The Met Commissioner Sweepstake.

Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin-Gob, 10,000/1
Assistant Commissioner Steve Kavanagh-Gob, 20,000/1
Bruce Forsyth, even money
Lieutenant Columbo, a hundred to one on.


The white backlash.

We ask Mr Nick Griffin what he'd like to do with young black criminals.


Straight Simon Hughes
on what this all means for his career,
the fucking horrible hypocrite bastard


yardarm said...

This is a crisis they love. Reinforces the prejudices, all too frequently aired of the media slags. Gives the Junta of the Damned a chance to act Churchillian. Distracts the public gaze from the fact everyone was on someone else`s payroll.

They`ll flog this one if only as a distraction from the imminent repeat of 2008 in global finance. And none of them have a fucking clue about what to do about that.

PT Barnum said...

I am struggling to absorb the image of an 11 year old girl smirking as she left the magistrates' court (on her way to a juvenile panel) for her part in firebombing a police station near me. For all the looting tourists with rich daddies and trust funds (one wanted money for a gap year trip to Africa), that image, like something out of Lord of the Flies, leaves me floundering like a fish on land. CDM and the 649 parasites sucking on our collective blood do not live in this world. But they should be made to, since they had such a big hand in making it.

call me ishmael said...

I know just what you mean, mr ptb; I felt that alienation a few short years ago, in Glasgow, when I saw what we call in Scotland NEDS, for the first time - pale, sickly and dangerous-looking young people in shellsuits, dripping with gold and coarsely tattooed. I'd left little Buster in the car and at the sight of these people, whom I felt were of another, sinister species, I quickly went and retrieved him and never let him out of my sight for the remainder of the visit, frightened, I was, of children.

Junta of the Damned, it's about right, mr yardarm; an unelected, authoritarian cabal, quick to pounce on enemies within, real and fabricated.

a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...

Here's a mini scoop, posted deep inside a motoring forum.

"As for the riots, I work in Clapham, our shop had a broken window but was otherwise unscathed. The people that I work with are from the local community, mainly black and young, some from broken homes, some with not the best education.

Many had invites to the riots, even on the Saturday all the way over in Tottenham. NONE attended and all deplore the actions of the people that have. It was done by the mindless few that know no boundaries which is a sad reflection on a community that is now literally picking up the pieces.

I'd also like to add that some graffiti blames Cameroon for our troubles, no idea why! And secondly, even a few people 'clearing up' in Clapham when BoJO came along, were in fact looking for something for free.

And if you're the white guy in your early 30s that went into the Orange shop looking for a phone, looking through boxes to see what was left, I saw you, as did many others! Otherwise the cleaning operation was just that, just the tragic few still on the take which sours the event."

So the white scrubbers calling Shag-man Boris 'racist' were off the estates, who'd come down to pick through the wreckage of the Junction. It's my manor and those spongers can eff off - i pay for them and subsidise their entire lives and they're still complaining.

call me ishmael said...

Well, mr yaic, I'll grant him that Cameron isn't solely responsible but as for all his I pay for this and that bollocks, I am sure that I paid for his schooling and healthcare and that of his kids, and continue to do so, so he can fuck off. He should go and join the taxpayers fucking alliance, fucking eejits. I will bet you my testicles that if he's an ordinary family bloke he will, over his miserable, unintelligent lifetime receive far more from the state than he ever pays in direct taxes. And that's as it should be, it's what mr mongoose calls civilisation.

And why should looking for something for free be the sole preserve of politicians and bankers and wanky celebrities.

"Tragic few still on the take.." he should look at the bankers' bonuses, fucking clown.

If enough people continue thinking like him then soon it'll be his arse on fire, not just a few shops.

mongoose said...

Where to find the point at which we stop excusing and start accusing. What is understandable and forgiveable on this side of the line is criminal fucking monstrosity on the other.

I wouldn't steal a toothpick but I ruthlessly minimise my tax exposure - and you could eat your supper off it, as I have said before. But then I am blessed by resources of wit and education, and forebears now in the ground who instilled a certain something. What is it? I think it is that however well or poorly we are equipped, well, we just have the fuck to try. Lots of folk can't see that though. Cannot yet try. These are the folk you saw on the telly for the most part IMO. Yes, and villains too, but mostly just feckless, wasted, unguided and uncared-for people. And do you know what? That is our fucking fault for putting up with the same governing dullard bastards this last thirty years or even more. We made these people by silence as much as we made our nice, courtly wains by Sunday School and table manners. Shame on us all.

call me ishmael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
call me ishmael said...

The Victorian ruling caste made the distinction between the "sturdy villain and the impotent poor;" a convenient form of moralising on the effects of their own greed; me, having swum and crawled from the ocean millions of years ago, my view is,as you know, that it is dissatisfaction, resentment, even, which prompts all that we would call progress, that there is no resolved status quo into which we should all settle; to that end and notwithstanding the individual suffering seen recently, I believe that a portion of society reacting, rioting, against this suicidal, global consumerism, whilst ironically allying itelf with those same, greedy goals is a refreshing sign of our natural refusal to be coerced, enslaved, even. Haven't all rebellions against authority been condemned as criminal? Isn't NATO flailing around, up its own arse, supporting an armed, anarchic and larcenous rebellion in Libya which is damned in pure Cameronese by the existing leadership? Wouldn't the Colonel be darkly correct in recognising the London rioters as the true govament of the UK, opening them an embassy?

I was at Lord Scarman's unveiling of his report into the riots of the 'eighties; he was a decent man as Law Lords go, a bit creepy to be sure but not a ghastly, shiteating politician and his report made much sense. Why is it that CallHimDave is so reluctant to risk another such enquiry? We know what they say, when invigilating us - nothing to hide, nothing to fear.

The refusal by MediaMinster to consider that theirs is not the only way dooms us all to much worse than we have just witnessed and given a choice between the wisdom of Lord Prescott, David Dimbleby, David Davies, Fraser Nelson, that ridiculius woman dressed in a set of curtains and the incendiary anger of those suppressed and ignored for decades, if not centuries, we should think very carefully.

mrs narcolept said...

Oh, Carmen Batmanjelly, always looking like a badly-made trifle.

A portion of society reacting, rioting, against this suicidal, global consumerism, whilst ironically allying itelf with those same, greedy goals wouldn't have burnt down a cheap-carpet shop with thirty housing association flats on top of it, though.

call me ishmael said...

That's her, Carmen, is she part of some New World Order that I don't know about, who, in God's name, is she?

I don't know how many carpet shops and flats we, or those acting in our name, happily obliterate daily in wog countries, mrs n, wog lives and the value thereof being outside the scope of skymadeupnewsandfilth - the Coalition of Armageddon not even counting civilian casualties in Iraq - but I betcha it's a staggering number. Both sets of destructive events, at home and abroad occur only because of the need to feed the insatiable greed of a tiny number of people; that our domestic poor ape the behaviour of their their betters is hardly remarkable, much less does it justify all this self-righteous nonsense about law'n'order from people happy to see brown babies rendered limbless by RAF terror bombers targeting GlobaCorp's imaginary enemies.

mongoose said...

If they had broken into HSBC and nicked all the cash I would probably agree with you, Mr I. Alas, trashing one's own neighbourhood and the small businesses therein is just dumbness. If there was a coherence or a narrative beyond just thuggish thieving maybe we could make some sort of accommodation with it. Philosophise the disgrace one more time perhaps.

Last Saturday I was on Torrington Avenue. I needed a junk vehicle moving across town and asked the guy who used, before the local council stole my business, fucked me over and sold it on at profit to a multinational, used to fix my trade vehicles (he has the appropriate plates) - - he is near 71, working on a Saturday afternoon fixing vehicles, losing money, losing heart. How many people are at work on a Saturday afternoon, do you think? He lives among this culture. "Not a one of them working." "Yes, but would you give any of them a job?" "Not a bloody chance, mongoose. They'd nick every bit of kit in the place as soon as I turned my back." So these kids cannot even reach the first rung. "Here's a spanner and here is a drip tray. Let the oil out of that sump."

And we consented to all this. By stealth was it done, but by laziness and silence-implying consent did we let it by.

call me ishmael said...

No use disagreeing with me, mr mongoose, I'm nobody. Although I never consented, although I have, for years, been damning a Labour Govament, A Labour Govament, mind, which happily described a betrayed section of its natural constituency as The Underclass. No fucking wonder that this shower of playboys, ponces and slags continue the mantra.

Woman on a Raft said...

who, in God's name, is she?

She means well; she's not all that far from political positions you yourself have espoused. She began a direct-help charity which took little scrotes off the street and encouraged them to stay in her club and maunder about the unfairness of the world, which is an improvement on doing drugs, nicking stuff etc.

I give her a pass on the basis that her Kids Company works with identifiable children, it doesn't just run guffy campaigns to solicit dosh, and those are frequently the children I wouldn't touch with a bargepole. She's a maddening auntie, always believing impossible things but I'd rather be at a party with her than Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, who only really believes in herself.

She lies in cultural descent from Muriel and Doris Lester who began Kingsley Hall in Bow in the 1920s. Ladies who don't have to work for a living and devote themselves to good works. Sometimes they are Mrs Jellaby, but sometimes the manage to make the world a little better.

I generally don't agree with them but on balance it is better that they try. It might work. Sometimes it does.

call me ishmael said...

Thanks for that, mrs woar; to my discredit I have never been able to see beyond the curtains and the trifle-hat. Although I would add that anyone who appears on QT, to sit being applauded by the hoi-polloi, has already joined the unGodly. Even for the professionally charitable, there is No business like show business.

That Archbishop John Wotsisname, Sentanyu, he's a bit of a card, though, repudiating the Vigilante Men like that. He should watch out for swordsmen approaching Yorkminster, wanting to spread his brains all over the nave.