RESHUFFLE NEWS.

AN ANGRY, OLD ETONIAN LAYABOUT GETS TOUGH.

Let me be clear, You will see more cabinet ministers getting arrested, 

I mean looters........

Look, Mr Prime MInister, Sir, I'm down here.

Mr Chris Who, minister for windmills.

Public school, Oxbridge, MEP, intolerable arsehole.

Faces prosecution for perverting the course of justice.

Unless it's not in the interests of justice/unlikely to secure a conviction/the DPP has been instructed to soft pedal. As usual.

But if he goes it will trigger a reshuffle and a rebalancing of the Cabinet to reflect the move to martial law/emergency powers.

 And I'm a liberal democrat, Mr Prime Minister,  could I possibly do anything wrong, like lie to people about being a hopeless drunk, shoot dogs, dump his wife for a dyke or pay people to shit in my face and eat it. Am I the sort of person who would say one thing, solemnly promise one thing  about student tuition fees and then do the opposite?  Well, exactly. It's not as though my party is full of liars like Mr David Laws and Mr Straight Simon Hughes and Highlands Charlie the ginger dipsomaniac and Mr Mark Oaten, the unfortunate balding copraphiliac and Mr Nick Gimp, your personal, nodding gimp, is it?

Baroness Gob, the disappearing Party Chairman/Person.

Recently seen briefly on TeeVee, looking as though she had been dragged by the hair backwards through the Hindu Kush. Otherwise entirely absent through MurdochGate and now RiotsGate.

Michael Filth, Deputy Party Chairman/Person.
Tory media enforcer. Or bully, if you prefer.

Now listen, let's be clear, I'm a hard man. Unlike that wog bint,

whose job I should have and am, in fact, doing.

I'm like a white version of Norman Tebbitt.

The guy who made all that money from privatising Telecom.

And unknowingly took bribes from al-Fayed.

Or so he says, the rotten old shit.

Now, gimme a proper job.

THERESA NEW BOOTS AND PANTIES, HOME SECKATRY.

Woefully out of her depth in RiotsGate and a surpise appointment to the Home Office.

Good, really, for fuck all.

Mrs Michael Spit-Gove, adding-up minister and allround cunt.
A loyal Murdoch employee whilst moonlighting as an MP in Opposition
Sent out to quell the riots and speak saliva-flecked, angry, red-faced peace unto the Heathen whilst the catastrophically over-promoted  Mrs May was busy sorting her shoe cupboard. More U-turns at Education than a whirling fucking Dervish.

Good morning children, my name is Mrs Gove and  I'm frightfully clever, spit-spit.

And I should be home seckatry, in charge of punishing naughty people.

Just like I punish you by closing down your schools and youth clubs and throwing your parents on the dole, but only for a fortnight.

After that they must stand on their own two feet, spit-spit, as we do in parliament.

WOTSONYOUTUBE. Cameron's back, and useless, looting at number 10.

THINGS YOU SELDOM SEE IN RUIN'S BRITAIN

I HAVE NO COMMENT TO MAKE, I AM IN MOURNING.

MINDLESS CRIMINALS RECALLED. NUMBER 1, DIANE I HAVE WALKED THE STREETS OF HACKNEY ABBOTT, REVISITED.

Apologies to People's Heroine Abbott.

Prompted by mr oldrightie I checked Abbott's entry in the Register of Members' Bungs;  the BBC only paid her approximately three hours @ £300 for her hourly appearances on This Week  probably an hour  in make up, an hour getting pissed  and an hour on the sofa, not quite a grand an hour, then.  ITV, by contrast, paid her the whole grand for her appearance on Cash In The Fucking Attic.  Got her finger right on the pulse of urban deprivation has Comrade Abbott. Fuckpig.

MINDLESS CRIMINALS RECALLED. THIN BLUE LINE OF ROBUST FAT COPPERS ROBUSTLY LOOTING OVERTIME FUND, WE WILL FIGHT THEM ROBUSTLY IN THE STREETS, WE WILL FIGHT THEM ROBUSTLY IN THE SHOPPING MALLS, WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER.

THE GREAT CHILDREN'S REBELLION OF 2011.

CRASS, SHALLOW AND STUPID,

,

A MINDLESS VANDAL ON HOLIDAY.

If there's any looting to be done it'll be done by families like mine and Mr Osborne's and Mr BoJo's and by honourable and right honourable members of this house, Mr Tiny Speaker;  it's the way we've always done things, as a look at our expenses will reveal, even today. And as unelected prime minister I will not sit still for a load of niggers and benefit cheats muscling-in on my act, and that of  very decent international fmanciers who are, at this very moment, wrestling with weighty matters as they seek to find new ways to rob working people of such advances as they have made this last sixty years.  We will arrest and lock-up anyone who tries to do inappropriate looting, even if there's nowhere to put the little bastards;   that will be a matter for my fat friend, the Justice Minister, Smoky Ken Clarke, if he can be prised out of some seedy jazz club. We can always build some of those, whatchamaycallems, concentration camps, that's it, only temporary, of course, until I'm properly re-elected without any of this Coalition nonsense - and did you see the barracking that old Gimpy got in Birmingham, I bet he wishes he'd stayed at home in Madrid or wherever the fuck it is - or we can house them in some of the many hospitals which are insufficently profitable for the private sector to take over and destroy, like it does everything else;  train fares going up, energy prices going up, British Telecom a laughing stock, inflation going up, unemployment going up,  stock markey fucked, London on fire. Glad none of it's my fault. And isn't it time, Mr Tiny Speaker, that the former unelected prime minister, the member for the Kirkcaldy Oxfam shop, came to this house and apologised for all my secret meetings with  NewsCorpse which unfortunately did not result in  Mr Murdoch taking over BskyB and then the BBC.  All of which, of course, is now forgotten about as honourable and right honourable members vie with one another to  find new ways to punish the very poorest, most hopeless members of society, or the enemy within, or the sick section of a broken society, only not in Chipping Norton obviously, where we can swim in champagne if we want to, robbing fucking bastards. No, I mean them, not us.

 A GANG OF MINDLESS CRIMINALS PREPARES TO TRASH PUBS

AND RESTAURANTS IN OXFORD.

AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM COLONEL GADAFFI

Inshallah, Bismillah, Salaam eleikum, whatever, man, like, do your own shit when it comes to those religious salutations, man, don't sweat the God vibe.  But no, really, man, this is heavy shit,  the young brothers and sisters trying to throw off the yoke of fifty years of consumerist oppression - every time you open your eyes there's some cat telling you you gotta have this shit or that shit, this car or that phone otherwise you ain't nobody, and it don't matter a fuck if you got no bread, you just borrow it off some  thieving dog in a suit and so whaddathey expect young cats to do,  they see them dudes in the  parliament looting the public purse and bein' punished with a week off work, and they see the so-called royal family consorting with jetset nonces and flogging-off favours and blowjobs to gangsters, and they see the chief of police taking bribes and just getting a thankyouverymuchhere'sagoldenhandshakeallmenoftheworldpayoff, they see the newspapers crawling up people's asses and bugging their every private conversation and getting rewarded with knighthoods, course they're gonna riot, man,  the thing is, is why the whole fucking country ain't going up in smoke? And now the dictator Cameron's police and army is  beating-up on them.

  What'd be like really cool would be if NATO could just surgically bomb the shit out of New Scotland Yard and the Palace of Westminster and protect the young hopeless kids who've just been shat on all these years by fat fuckers like the infidel pigdog Prescott and the NewLabour Gang of Four and now the carrion  tyranny of what they call the Coalition. It's like really heavy, there in GeeBee,  they're doing shit that like nobody but nobody voted for,  they're all like sucking on the Man's dick dumping on the guy in the street and now they're talking about arming themselves against their own people, for the revolution that everybody knows is coming down the highway, right at them. NATO gotta get the fuck off its arse, get its shit together and protect the citizens of the YouKay 'cos, like you know, man,  like the Prophet said, peace and blessings be upon His name, in sleepy London town, there's just no place for a street fightin' man.

ANOTHER FUCKING USELESS GIT.

No, I'm not calling for the prime minister to go. But what I would say is that if those three wonderful Asian Brummies were alive they would want me to be prime minister. So let's all just think about that.

 No, my brother wouldn't be any good, he'd just want to torture everybody and then cover it all up. Even me.  He was like that. I'm not saying I don't love him. It's just that I hate him.

In our next bulletin.

The Met Commissioner Sweepstake.

Acting Commissioner Tim Godwin-Gob, 10,000/1
Assistant Commissioner Steve Kavanagh-Gob, 20,000/1
Bruce Forsyth, even money
Lieutenant Columbo, a hundred to one on.

plus

The white backlash.

We ask Mr Nick Griffin what he'd like to do with young black criminals.

plus

Straight Simon Hughes
on what this all means for his career,
the fucking horrible hypocrite bastard

ALL OUR YESTERDAYS, YOU CAN MAKE IT UP.

from CMI 21st July.

HACKING LATEST: BBC TO RECALL QUESTION TIME.

 

Mr Mark Beardy-Git,  contemptuous Director General and chief benficiary of the BBC.

 The Director General of the BBC, Mr Mark Beardy-Git, has announced that the Corporation is to recall David Dimble-Git, the nation's hereditary broadcaster, in the light of the hacking scandal which means that Mr Rupert Shit won't , after all, be able to take-over the BBC, in line with Downing Street's Chipping Norton media strategy. At least not at the moment.

The nation's hereditary broadcaster, Mr David Narcosis,
former Bullingdon Club rioter and mindless criminal, is recalled to chair a Riots Edition of Question Time. That's what we need.

 Yes, you, the man in the cheap shirt, only mind what you say, don't be rude about my guests, your rulers, or I shall cut you off.  We're not here to discover what ordinary people really think, we just want the cliches of braindead numpties who want thirty seconds on the telly. And fuck me, there's no shortage of those.

MINDLESS CRIMINALS RECALLED, NUMBER 1. DIANE I HAVE WALKED THE STREETS OF HACKNEY ABBOTT.

Firebrand socialist MP, Diane Gabshite.

I would just like to say, Mr Tiny Speaker, that I have walked the streets of Hackney and I would simply say that these people should be like me, they should flog a load of intolerable old bilge to the newspapers - or columns  as I like to call my ouvre -  for fifty grand  or so, get themselves on the BBC with that wearisome old poof, Portillo, and get paid about a grand an hour for dribbling and waving their arms around and then they should get get a job moonlighting in this place, along with six hundred-odd others who really know the meaning of the word looting.  Oh yes, Mr Tiny Speaker, and they should take several holidays a year in the Caribbean and of course send their sons to decent public schools.  Like I do.

Cheers, waving of order papers, singing: for she's a jolly good darky, for she's a jolly good darky, for she's a jolly good darky and so say all of us (apart from  the Old Etonians, former  Bullingdon Club members  and HM Govament, prop. skymadeupnewsandfilth)

 Mr Tiny Speaker: I call the Unelected Prime Minister. Mr David CallHimDave.

Well, I thank the  honourable skanky 'ho and would just like to remind  members that this whole rioting thing is an ideal opportunity for the public to forget that we, the cops, the press and the bankers are all picking their pockets, closing down their services and  shitting in their faces. And is, therefore, a jolly good thing, for us at any rate. And that's what matters.

Cheers, hear-hear, singing: we're all going back on a Summer Holiday.

RUN AND GET THE FIRE BRIGADE. THE COALITION ON HOLIDAY.

Interviewed on skymadeupnewsandfilth, Tottenham MP, Mr David Buffoon,  NewLabour, said it was all unacceptable, totally unacceptable, that he was being made to look like an utter cunt before the world's media. As usual, blustered the useless bastard, it is a majority of people who think I'm a cunt, and the great minority who voted for me and my fellow MPs must have its voice heard. If there is one thing I would say to the people made homeless by these totally unacceptable events it would be Vote for Me, you can be sure that I will hear your concerns and do nothing about them.

Elsewhere in London, the Mayor, Mr BoJo, could not be found, despite a search being made of whorehouses, coke parlours and the offices of his employers, the Daily Filth-O-Graph, but a statement issued from his office said that the Mayor would find it absoluteley unacceptable, all this shit, rioting and stuff, hadn't he single-handedly secured freebikes4all, yes, and the Olympics, what would all the foreigners think of this shit.  I do think that although he has done a fine job, Sir Paul Gob, the Police Commissioner should consider his positiion....what, the blighter's already gone ????   Well his deputy should go, then. not a moment too soon.  What???? He's gone too???? Well, some sergeants, they should go.  The policing of the capitol is a very important matter and not to be left to some coked-up,  cock-waving nincompoop.  And another thing, this is all the work of a criminal minority,  bent on undermining the blah-blah-blah...you all know what I'm saying, help me out here........gosh, I hear they've been looting shops, don't these people have trust funds for their shopping. Anyway, once my holiday is over you can all be assured that I will give this matter my fullest whatchamaycallit, remember my Bullingdon Club motto,  cogito ergo dumb,  I think but I am an idiot.  Not to worry, what, just a handful of wogs playing up, a few water cannon'll sort the buggers out. And hopefully people will see my handling of this great city as an example of how I would rule as Prime Bully, I mean minister. Rotten appointments, rotten  police resigning left right and centre and the place up in fucking smoke and me nowhere to be seen.Vote4Boris, what?

A statement from the unelected prime minister's holiday location said that Mr CallHimDave  was keeping in close touch with events in wherever it was, some slum in North London.  This is exactly why I have a cabinet of millionaires, said the worthless, jumped-up fuckpig  and former PR man, to reflect the concerns of the ordinary rioting Briton who hasn't a pot to piss in and my govament taking away what little support there is is a sign of our very great concern that rich people must, simply must, there's no two ways about this, mr deputy speaker, rich people must have more money.

Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside.

And if the whole fucking country goes up in smoke - only not Chipping Norton or Chequers, obviously - then it will all be as a result of thirteen years of  Labout misrule and nothing to do with me. I must say it's a bit rich that the former prime minister has not come to the house to take responsibility for all my fuck ups but at least the people of Britain will know  that I am doing everything I can to condemn this stuff as being totally unacceptable in a modern democratic police state. And to all the people who have lost their homes and businesses I simply say a heartfelt shutthefuckup, you're just the first of many.

Here on skymadeupnewsandfilth we will be following this story and if possible fometing more riots up and down the land as part of our attempts to draw the line under all this Murdoch shit. I'm Kay Burley. Stay tuned or I'll bite your face off.

Ms Kay Burley of skymadeupnewsandfilth

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE THEATRE

IDLE PLAYBOY BASTARD AND OLD WHORE UNHURT.

 Fuck me rigid, Brian, isn't that Harry, throwing stones at us?

Gosh,  old girl, I do believe it is.

Mrs Woman On A Raft makes the point, elesewhere,  that this rotten, filthy pair spend their idle lives patronising the rest of  us, that she herself might receive worse treatment in any local, HM police station, and that one may, therefore, be forgiven for smirking at their discomfort. Amen to that and a shame the Roller was not o'erturned, we'd get to see her knickers, then, if she wears any.

I, for my part,  am bemused at the outbreak of HeirToTheThrone-ism - even the bitter Glasgow meritocrat, Andy Neil, friend of celebrities and noncey old comsumer of teenage totty, voiced his own dreary outrage,  this is the  HeirToTheThrone, he spluttered, caught between apoplexy and despair - you can't turn on the radio without the shithacks all mouthing this mediaeval incantation: HeirToTheThrone, HeirToTheThrone;  it is as though the existence of  hereditary monarchy was not  an absolute fucking disgrace, as though we all were loyal subjects, not just of those shitting on us from the Geat Latrine of State in Westminster, but also of  the Greco-German squatters in Buck House and elsewhere. Fuck 'em. Royals, politicians, generals, admirals and chief constables, fuck 'em all. Up against the wall, motherfuckers.