Sunday 7 August 2011


Interviewed on skymadeupnewsandfilth, Tottenham MP, Mr David Buffoon,  NewLabour, said it was all unacceptable, totally unacceptable, that he was being made to look like an utter cunt before the world's media. As usual, blustered the useless bastard, it is a majority of people who think I'm a cunt, and the great minority who voted for me and my fellow MPs must have its voice heard. If there is one thing I would say to the people made homeless by these totally unacceptable events it would be Vote for Me, you can be sure that I will hear your concerns and do nothing about them.

Elsewhere in London, the Mayor, Mr BoJo, could not be found, despite a search being made of whorehouses, coke parlours and the offices of his employers, the Daily Filth-O-Graph, but a statement issued from his office said that the Mayor would find it absoluteley unacceptable, all this shit, rioting and stuff, hadn't he single-handedly secured freebikes4all, yes, and the Olympics, what would all the foreigners think of this shit.  I do think that although he has done a fine job, Sir Paul Gob, the Police Commissioner should consider his positiion....what, the blighter's already gone ????   Well his deputy should go, then. not a moment too soon.  What???? He's gone too???? Well, some sergeants, they should go.  The policing of the capitol is a very important matter and not to be left to some coked-up,  cock-waving nincompoop.  And another thing, this is all the work of a criminal minority,  bent on undermining the all know what I'm saying, help me out here........gosh, I hear they've been looting shops, don't these people have trust funds for their shopping. Anyway, once my holiday is over you can all be assured that I will give this matter my fullest whatchamaycallit, remember my Bullingdon Club motto,  cogito ergo dumb,  I think but I am an idiot Not to worry, what, just a handful of wogs playing up, a few water cannon'll sort the buggers out. And hopefully people will see my handling of this great city as an example of how I would rule as Prime Bully, I mean minister. Rotten appointments, rotten  police resigning left right and centre and the place up in fucking smoke and me nowhere to be seen.Vote4Boris, what?

A statement from the unelected prime minister's holiday location said that Mr CallHimDave  was keeping in close touch with events in wherever it was, some slum in North London.  This is exactly why I have a cabinet of millionaires, said the worthless, jumped-up fuckpig  and former PR man, to reflect the concerns of the ordinary rioting Briton who hasn't a pot to piss in and my govament taking away what little support there is is a sign of our very great concern that rich people must, simply must, there's no two ways about this, mr deputy speaker, rich people must have more money.

Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside.

And if the whole fucking country goes up in smoke - only not Chipping Norton or Chequers, obviously - then it will all be as a result of thirteen years of  Labout misrule and nothing to do with me. I must say it's a bit rich that the former prime minister has not come to the house to take responsibility for all my fuck ups but at least the people of Britain will know  that I am doing everything I can to condemn this stuff as being totally unacceptable in a modern democratic police state. And to all the people who have lost their homes and businesses I simply say a heartfelt shutthefuckup, you're just the first of many.

Here on skymadeupnewsandfilth we will be following this story and if possible fometing more riots up and down the land as part of our attempts to draw the line under all this Murdoch shit. I'm Kay Burley. Stay tuned or I'll bite your face off.
Ms Kay Burley of skymadeupnewsandfilth


Oldrightie said...

Eloquently superb, dear boy!

Woman on a Raft said...

cogito ergo dumb, I think but I am an idiot.


BTW, I've realized who Cameron speaks like. It's Arfur Daley from Minder. It is, just you listen. When Arthur gets in to his stride, protesting 'is hinnocence as a taxpayer, that is Cameron's phrasing exactly.

mongoose said...

So it has begun.

I think that you will find that the dead guy in question was not err, an appropriate role model for the youth of the nation, and it appears, or we are told, that he fired first. However, as times become more testing, desperate folk will do desperate things. Setting fire to your own neighbourhood being among the dumbest. Get down to Westminster and set fire to those bastards, ye daft lassies.

And a fine version of the song, Mr Ishmael. You obviously watched Watchmen yesterday too.

call me ishmael said...

And a right waste of time it was, too, Warchmen. I knew this version anyway, from youtube trawls for the real thing. Sex Pistols meet 'sixties Dylan, the only possible other version, I think.

Not exact but it rhymes with sum. I don't know Minder, mrs woar, one of many I missed completely, but I'll have a look.

I wonder, will this spread?

The commenters at the Filth-O-Graph are all for digging up Enocch Powell and carrying him through the streets, as though he was as frighteningly racist as they; just page after page of serious violations of the Race Relations Act, incitements hatred and violence; hate to think what's happening at Col vonFawkes's PizzaHouse of Blood.

Woman on a Raft said...

You won't be much amused by Minder, Mr Ishmael - it's far too sentimental for you but there was a good episode where Daley decided to stand for the local council after a run-in with the planning authorities.

George Cole built on his Flash Harry role, creating a character who was a rung up the social ladder from Del Boy, an aging small trader who never made it as big as he would have liked, although he has some success. He's not wholly sympathetic because he's self-centred and manipulative, which puts just enough vinegar in the character to stop it being sickly.