NOTES FROM THE LIBERAL DEMOCRAT CONFERENCE. ARSEHOLES.

PROMINENT LIBERAL DEMOCRATS.

WOULD-BE MAYOR OF LONDON, PC BRIAN PADDICK, SHOWS VOTERS HIS ARSE.

HONEST, NOT INVENT.

ALL COPPERS ARE BASTARDS.

VOTE4ME, I'M A PRAT.

It's not entirely a joke, all this stuff about the Cleggies being, well, you know, unduly fascinated, obsessed, even, by bottom parts.  The recent Power At Last, Great God A'mighty, Power At Last Conference was, in parts, a  full-blown freak show, a morning, it seemed, given over to the shrill - or not so shrill - demands of  the BGLT sandwichers, gay or  BLT delegates who, one after another,  wanted legislation for a BGLT-er world, a rasping ladyman called Jenny who demanded,  sulky and wanton, in his frock,  that ladymen be treated just the same as proper, natural ladies, revolting; Straight Simon Hughes, all warty and ingratiating,  offering himself up to humanity's diversity, I'll fuck anyone  and especially anyone who votes for me, and loves me, a little bit,  and former TopGayOldBill, the repellent Brian Paddick wanting everything. and wanting it now, Sunshine. Just a nice morning of heterophobia, even the non-homos clapping like self-loathing seals at each new outrageous and abominable demand. Oh, how awful of us, they cringed, not being abnormal.

It wouldn't be so bad, you know, if it was a genuine politics of sexual liberation,  if it was just genuinely anti-discriminatory but most of those matters, insofar as they can be, are resolved, I daresay some gay bashing goes on but so does ginger-bashing, wife-beating, Paki-bashing and there is  quite rightly a legal framework to punish such behaviours. Paddick,  Simon and the rest,  that ghastly ladyman, Jenny, at the LibDems staged conference,  though, are insatiable and inconsolable whiners, just old-fashioned embittered fucking misanthropes, spiteful malcontents, upsetting their parents like that;   they should,  all of them,  men dressing as nuns, bearded ladies with Adam's Apples and dykes in brogues, just join the Old Bill and beat-up on ordinary people officially, you know, with a license to kill, like they have.  There is no accommodation to be arrived at with strident heterophobes,  that is not what they are about, they wish to redraw majority society, its customs, traditions, its reasonable and responsible expectations, it's safeguards and taboos,  they wish to take the normal world and colour it queer.

And as for transgender surgery, which the LibDems want made available on demand, what on Earth is all that about if it is not malcontentism running riot through Ruin's consulting rooms, why don't the doctors just tell them to fuck off, like they should ?

I mean, if I went into psycho-sexual counselling and said Look, Doc, can you fix it for me to have two cocks, and right big ones, one at the front and one round the back, only nowhere near the wotsaname thing, the anus, above, far enough above it so's a nice pair of balls can hang down and not get all covered in poo-poo, you know, and not get all crushed-up when I sit down, maybe cut out a new pocket or something,  you surgeons are clever......?  

Say that again, Mr Ishmael, you want me to transplant an extra cock and balls onto your arse...is that it...? 

Yes, Doc, I'm serious., You see I'm actually a bi-phallic man trapped in a uni-phallic existence, and I am so unhappy, I've been unhappy since I first started having erections and noticing there was only one of them....

There's only supposed to be one of them, Mr Ishmael.... 

But if a bloke is born a bloke and wants to be a woman, claims he's been, wotsaname, wrongly assigned, then you have no problem cutting his balls out and shoving his scrotum up inside like a vagina  and reducing his John Thomas to clitoris-size? That's what you do, isn't it?  It is fucking grotesque and you all oughta be up before the BMA, not that they're any good for fuck all,  the mentors of Harold Shipman. But the police, certainly, they should be talking to the surgeons  about mutilating folk like that, they should all be banged up. 

It's almost a byword here, that scrotum- sanding story, but  for newcomers, it was in England, about fifteen-twenty years ago,  there was a group of blokes, don't know if they were LibDems or not, probably,  met-up regularly and applied Black and Decker sanders to each others Crown Jewels. The judge ruled it illegal, even among consenting abraders. You're not doing any of that shit in my jurisdiction, he said, no matter how much you like it, I don't give a learned flying fuck about consent, this is bad shit,  and he banged the freaks up for a few months.  They were also nailing each others' foreskins to the workbench, consensually and with great mutual respect, knobheads.  

But it seems relatively harmless, that stuff, compared to that ladyman Sunday Roast carve-up shit.   Take a perfectly good set of meat and potatoes, hack it to bits, turn it inside out and shove it up inside where it hadn't ever oughta be......  and make a motion of it at the LibDems Annual Shitathon.

That's different,Mr Ishamel,  it's about personal fulfillment....... 

Fulfillment my arse, how is it different, Doc, it's worse, much worse than me wanting two cocks;  at least  I wanna stay a man, for fucks sake, I just wanna have two cocks so's I can, y'know, so's I can fulfillingly entertain two ladies at the same time.  Twice the fun.  For me, anyway. And how would that BLGT gang react if they couldn't get in to have their balls scooped out of their scrotums,like they were bits of melon, or Stilton cheese,  the mad fucking bastards,  because the place was full up of normal heterosexual geezers  having penile and testicular enhancement surgery?  The size twelve stilleto'd be on the other foot then and no fucking mistake. Sarah-George Brown'd be up in fucking arms. See what Brian Paddick has to say about that, the silly LibDem fucker. Invented for the likes of Paddick, they were, the LibDems. Married, now,  to a Norwegian bloke he is.

His would-be honour in a tender moment with his  wife or husband,

Mrs Paddick, or Mr.

But he's only married  in Norway and the DogShooters want it to be legal here, too, I mean, two blokes getting married, or a man and a woman getting married, what's the difference ? Go down a bomb, that will, with the voters of London.

Now, I'm liberal, but to a degree, I want everybody to be free but no, it's not funny, in these times of Health Austerity, a man demanding two cocks, just because he's unhappy with one. And it's not funny, a man demanding to be surgically altered, just because he really, really wants to be.  And to those who join, supportively,  in that absurd clamour, those like the LibDem conferencees,  the greater opprobrium attaches. The pursuit of the abominable and unattainable in the name of Liberty.

There is only so much about which we can protest, and there is  plenty already, without this selfish bollocks, this ridiculous and offensive tiny-minority preoccupation.  There is no such thing as a legitimate transgender cause, about which people should march, or fundraise, bewildering the children and frightening the horses,  this  lot are just whining arseholes, unhappy with their lives, and enraged about ours, these are the heterophobes, the gender-issues Taliban. Fuck 'em.  A man's a man, for a' that. There may well be cases where Nature has been insufficiently determinate at conception and which require surgery at birth or in infancy, as for the rest -  tough shit. Eat it up. Like a good Coalition Frontbencher does.

I PROMISE TO BE TOUGH ON PROSTITUTION.

Mark Oaten, Former LibDem shadow home seckatry, user of rentboys and copraphiliac, takes his wife for a quick turdburger and chips. Bless.

FORMER LIBDEM LEADER AND DIPSO, CHARLES KENNEDY

Married life? You're joking, Go back to your constituencies and prepare for sodomy and despair. Cheers! 'DI ever tell youse how much I love my old Highlands Mammy?

 FORMER LIBERAL LEADER AND DOGSHOOTER, JEREMY THORPE

 Rentboys? Me? Pathetic older man and young male model? Conspiracy to murder?

Good God I'm an Old Etonian.


LORD SIR DAVID STEELE, FORMER LIBDEM LEADER.
HARDLY EVER CHEATED ON HIS WIFE,
THE DEAR, WEE MAN.

GO BACK TO YOUR CONSTITUENCIES AND HAVE AS MANY ABORTIONS AS YOU FEEL LIKE. TELL THEM I SAID IT WAS ALRIGHT. OCH, NO, AS MANY AS YOU LIKE, IT'S FREE.

VETERAN LIBDEM RICHDALE  MP, CYRIL SMITH, A COLOURFUL BACHELOR.

DID I EVER TELL YOU 'OW MUCH I LOVED ME MOTHER?
ALMOST AS MUCH AS ME GRUB.

NODDY CLEGG, LEADER OF THE SHITEATERS.

OLD AGE PENSION?

NO,  JUST A MINUTE.

I DO KNOW, REALLY,

OF COURSE I KNOW.

IS IT ABOUT THIRTY QUID A WEEK?

Ignorant, unprincipled, hypocritical, opportunist and often degenerate,  the mould-breakers, reinforcing, participating in  an improper, reactionary coup d'etat, one with a vicious, anti-democratic unmandated agenda; hastily attempting to rig the electoral system in their own perpetual favour, vile, contemptible, masquerading as saintly eco-warriors, reformers, load-spreaders, egalitarians, the Light of the World, furtive, in public toilets, fucking each others' arses; in salons and drawing rooms, eating shit,  and in MediaMinster, on skymadeupnewsandfilth, lying their empty heads off.

For decades now,  since Thorpe, people, ordinary people, have joked: I'll be buggered if I join the Liberals. Thanks, now,  to the alacrity with which Money has endorsed this shape-shifting shower of shit, we'll be buggered, even if we don't.

Filth, throw them out, send then cuntmails. Hiss them in the street. We know where they live.