Wednesday, 20 October 2010


Morning viewers, Adam Boulton here, of skymadeupnewsandfilth,

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Mr Boulton, skymadeupnewsandfilth's political editor, a-ha-ha-ha;  the telly-equivalent of Trevor Beardy Wanker KavanaghBollocks

now, I promise you, I'm not going to cry, I'm not interviewing that horrid bully, Alastair Wotsit, who, by the way, and viewers might not know this, made life Hell for my Mrs, Anji Hunter. when she was working for our dear family friend, Tony Blood, I mean Blair, but never mind that, we're both worth millions now and that's why I'm just the man to interpret the cuts for you. Because they won't effect me. And joining us now from Ronnie Scott's Jazz Club is Justice Minister, Kenny Clarke, formerly a full-time director of British American Tobacco, moonlighting as a Nottinghamshire MP. Mr Clarke, Howzithanging, Dude?


Well, as you know Adam, I'm a pretty cool customer, laidback and outasight but even I'm a bit pissed, hearwotI'msayin', about that spunkface zombie dude bein' the fuckin' chancellor, I mean, that ain't good shit, not when I'm here,  the coolest wrecker of the exchequer, the finance minister of sinister,  the smokiest, fattest health seckatry in repertory, the nickleandimest, pantomimest, your-round-not-minest, numbercrunchinest, liquidlunchinest badass...

Mr Clarke, thank you for being with us, the cheque is in the post......

.........I mean, what's George Osborne got to do with anything? The main thing, anyway, Adam, is that people keep smoking, it's a freedom of choice thing with me, baby, that's where I'm at,  the children are free to steal money for fags which we've got 'em addicted to, and I'm free to sell 'em to the little bastards. That's what being a Tory's all about. Fuckin' poor people, man, it's kinda like jazz, really.


mongoose said...

I listened to the twat on the way back from a funeral. Mournful bastard of a day watching children trying not to cry, fuck me. And then we are faced with "19% is less than 20%. Yah boo and sucks to you!" Yes, you cunt, if you don't count the other eight (was it?) billion in welfare monies taken off the poorest in the land.

Nick Clegg, eh. How's it going there, Nick? Fucked for a generation now or more. It has turned to shit for the Dog-shooters.

call me ishmael said...

Eleven. It was eleven billion.

mongoose said...

This morning listened to a twat on the radio prattling on about removing the poverty trap. It's not about saving money, oh, no, no, no.

It is a particularly Tory notion that one can incentivise - as the revolting parlance of the day has it - that one can encourage poor people to bend their lives to industry and achievement by making them poorer. Don't get me wrong now. There are countless wastrel fuckers who I would gladly let starve to death in the snow, proper Liberal that I am, and I can think of 650 for a start, but as a tactic, as a notion, fuck me. Taking a few quid off someone who only has a pittance to start with so that they will jolly well pull their socks up is just a plain fucking stupid idea. Perhaps we should once again start to differentiate between the deserving and the undeserving poor. We'll get wee Danny Alexander to announce it shall we, George. How we'll laugh.