Can't stop, just off to scrap the airforce.
You know their motto, per ardua ad astra, upwards to the dole office,
Air Vice Marshal Cameron hastens to the front line.
Right, well, the purpose of this morning is for you chaps to clap me and ask me some easy questions, so, who's first, you sir, over there, you look like a well-behaved sort, knows his place, knows who the boss is, your question, sir. No need to stand to attention, Call-Me-Dave, please, feel free....
L/Cdr Kris Awkward, A soon-to-be benefits scrounger.
I've flown a hundred and forty missions over Afghanistan, why am I getting the sack, Dave?
Well, the first thing is that I am incredibly grateful for all that incredible bravery you have shown for our country, often in incredibly challenging circumstances against frankly incredible odds and my thoughts are with you and your incredibly brilliant colleagues, yes and colleague-esses, doing such an incredible job of work for President Obama, I mean our country and we are all, as I say, incredibly grateful and that's why I'm sacking you. It's me, you see, who has to do the really incredibly brave things which are very necessary to my friends and family in the banking industry, Next question?
Baroness Thatcher? Yes, it would be the decent thing. If she pops off now there'll be a state funeral and acres of newsprint and endless tittle-tattle, the nation gripped in a chav Griefathon and nobody'll even notice the broken glass we've shoved up their arses.
Aircraft carriers? No sweat, the chancellor of the exchequer, Mr George Spunkface, knows some nice Russian gentlemen with some actually quite large yachts which we might borrow, if push comes to war. Now, has anyone some proper questions? Baby Cameron? yes, she's doing incredibly well, looking forward to a life of pampered luxury and a career shitting in people's faces, just like her Dad. Thanks incredibly, must run, people to sack, ordinary people's lives to ruin.
Cheers, Applause, For He's A Jolly Good Fellow,
(BBC Choir sings) Oh, The Grand Old Duke Of York, He Sacked Ten Thousand Men, He Marched Them Down To The JobCen-tre, And He Marched Them Back Again.