Sunday, 31 October 2010



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Pathetic tellypoof, Steven Fag, above, rejoices in a relationship with a young actor, less than half his age.  Steven Webb, 25 is probably with Fag not for his money but out of very genuine affection, and deep love, and the complete absence of self respect which only "actors" can manage,  the young tart. Having spent his life cottaging and squiring younger men, Steven Fry's acid  pronouncements on heterosexuality are fascinating.

The wretched, old degenerate, Fry, is rarely off the screens, his every laboured, not very  bon mot deemed by the Fag BBC to be worth recording and broadcasting;  his every barren, cliched inspiration worthy of a series; nobody has ever broadcast from America, let's have Fry do it, but, Hey, why don't we have him drive a London taxicab, to make it truly original, a left-hand drive taxi, obviously, he's not that adventurous.

  Clunking, leaden and as witty as a miscarriage,  Fry's ouevre is rooted more in Coronation Street than anything else, plummy and self-regarding, his delivery, stripped of it's rehearsed  verbosity, is just dismal tut-tutting soap opera.  But for all his forced, louche joviality, Fry  represents the dark underbelly of life, bruiting his hatred of normal people at every opportunity. No Quentin Crisp, he, dazzling, original and bold;  no, prolix knobjokes, year after year. Fry and his producers have relentlessly  mined the same, tedious, low-grade seam for decades, a faux coyness,  a facetious scholarship,  peppered  with  the occasional inflammatory jibe of the aging but always phony enfant terrible, he really is shit. Now, though, he exposes himself as more Kenneth Williams than Oscar Wilde, vicious and fucked up, nasty and spiteful.

Attention-seeking in a rag called Attitude, reprinted in the Observer this week - and let's face it, they don't have much else to print, Andrew Gobsley and Nick Cohn, Jesus fucking wept -  Fry claims that women don't enjoy sex but merely barter it in exchange for emotional security, only gay men truly enjoy sex, furtively knob-sucking in the bushes; risky, promiscuous anonymous sex is modern faggery's gift to the world,  and poor, pitiful, normal people can't enjoy it, thus:

Broadcaster and writer Stephen Fry has tried to establish himself as an unlikely authority on female sexuality, claiming that straight women only go to bed with men "because sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship".

In uncharacteristically extreme comments, the openly gay Twitter champion said he believed most straight men felt that "they disgust women" as they "find it difficult to believe that women are as interested in sex as they are".

"For good reason," he declares in a candid interview in the November issue of Attitude magazine. "If women liked sex as much as men, there would be straight cruising areas in the way there are gay cruising areas. Women would go and hang around in churchyards thinking: 'God, I've got to get my fucking rocks off', or they'd go to Hampstead Heath and meet strangers to shag behind a bush. It doesn't happen. Why? Because the only women you can have sex with like that wish to be paid for it."

Fry, 53, continues: "I feel sorry for straight men. The only reason women will have sex with them is that sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship with a man, which is what they want," he said. "Of course, a lot of women will deny this and say, 'Oh no, but I love sex, I love it!' But do they go around having it the way that gay men do?"

Of course, the nasty old poof is about as relevant  to debates about contemporary sexuality as is David Thank God I'm Gay Starkey,  less adroit than Fry at  disguising his  misanthropy but part of the same revolting spectrum of heterophobia. LipService, currently on BBC Three, says far more about  Queerlove than any of Fry's ghastly over-written double entendres, his mixture of paranoia and willy-waving.  You would think that his custard creme of spermjokes, knobjokes, arsejokes and  awful sub-Wildean posturing, all written for him by bright young things, would by now have begun to rot the naional tooth,  yet Fry is immensely popular on Twitter, whatever that is - and one can only guess  that it is one of those meaningless excuses for dialogue, for cyber avenue friendships - and surely his  fawning Twitterees can't all be sperm-guzzling,  young wannabe actors, cruising for a gobby SugarDaddy's bitter ejaculate, can they?

Maybe, Steven Fag is as aware as are we in Ishmaelia, of his fading charms, his increasingly lacklustre persona; his best work, truly comic genius, Professor Trefussis, for Radio Four, is twenty five years' passed now and he seeks the limelight of provocation. And maybe, for the best, the noblest  of reasons, we have indulged Fry and his chums a blowjob too far, too much smut cannot but be bad for the children.  He is perfectly entitled to his bizarre opinions  and  there is absolutely no reason for his voice to be stilled, it's just that, at our peril, we are too timid in response to him. Fuck off back to the cottage, gayboy, might better suit our purposes, and leave sex and reproduction to those best suited to it, best equipped for it.

"In the interview, he also speaks with frankness about his experiences in the "extraordinary underworld" of cottaging in his youth, cautioning, however, that while he was "slightly obsessed" with the clandestine practice as a teenager it was more for the graffiti and sense of solidarity."



Snigglewarper said...

Have you noticed how his nose has become more twisted to one side as each year goes by?
It does not do that by accident, does it.

Oldrightie said...

Any idiot who believes turd burglar mining, with a million cottage style filth laden morons, is somehow special is mad indeed.

Elby The Berserk said...

I agree. What particularly irritates me about him is the fact that whenever you turn on Radio 4, he is on it. It seems that when one becomes a failed Lefty comedian, you get award a BBC sinecure, and a guarantee that you will be broadcast at least once a day.

Dick the Prick said...

I had the misfortune of listening to Book of the Week on Radio 4 last week and how odd it was to hear them playing the most recent installment of his autobiography (seriously, more than 1 volume - wtf?) and there was a point when he labelled his profession(s) - the list was fucking endless.

This cunt genuinely believes himself to be a fucking renaissance man able to gadd about from one domain to another as if simply opining on shit gives rise to technical ability, accuracy, integrity or comprehension.

The utter conceit was akin to a gobby teenager. Too much coke fucks the brain and God alone knows what shagging in the bushes and furiously wanking for 15 years gives rise to but it would have been easier for this twat and less painful for us if he'd just caught knob rot or something.

'I've been celebate for 14 years!' or some other such drivel. Yeah, mate, coz you're an odious, venal, grotesque monstrosity. Hardly a fucking surprise. Apathy and disdain is perhaps the best treatment with this dis-order.

Oooh - completely off topic - but Lee Westwood's just been confirmed as the world's number 1 golfer! Fantastic. Now there is a lad i'd love to see on telly on a proper chat show, which they don't do anymore. About 8 years ago he was fucked, his game had gone to pot, he wasn't happy and everyone else was getting better. Lee just worked, just practiced and worked and now, now glorious arcadia. Never won a major, though. Comes from round here too. Stayed with his missus, loves his parents, doesn't do drugs, gamble stupidly, looks after his kids, supports charities which mean something and got bags of character. Not really a modern sportsman at all???

Hurray! (Sorry about that, just heard it on the news - some German dude fucked up so Lee sends Tiger to number 2).

jgm2 said...

I think Fry is a repressed heterosexual.

I must admit that I find it incredible that anybody would want to have sex with me. After all - I wouldn't. But that's heterosexuality for you.

What is so incredible about Fry, who - as a gay-er, will have no doubts about how fucking gorgeous he is to others of the same sex cannot make the same giant mental to the lack of lesbian 'cruising' areas.

Come on Steve - where are those lesbian 'dogging' sites? I want to set up a video camera and connect it to a pay-per-view website.

Turns out Stephen, old boy, that women are just different. Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus.

Or - as any heterosexual male knows - Women are fucking mental, Men watch football.

PT Barnum said...

Such a depth of misogyny is, unfortunately, all too common in gay men (although not universal, any more than all lesbians hating men). To have to declare the inferiority and sex-hating tendencies of all women so blatantly, however, speaks of something very odd at play in Mr Fry. No doubt he has always believed it, thereby saying something about the reason for his sexual activities (women bad and wanting stuff, ergo men good), but he does remind me of two lifelong and promiscuous gay men of my acquaintance, both of whom chose to 'convert' to women in their 50s. I do wonder...

Pedaunt said...

"PT Barnum said...
...... two lifelong and promiscuous gay men of my acquaintance, both of whom chose to 'convert' to women in their 50s. I do wonder..."

Do you mean convert as in "change into" or convert as in convert from LPG to oil?

black hole sunset said...

As a student of human nature, Fry's practically ungradable. Quentin Crisp, on the other hand, is impossible not to like. Shame on Fry for being so unknowingly and irredeemably shit.

call me ishmael said...

I think, mr pedaunt, from the context that we are talking the LPG option, here. Talking about, I mean.

I blame his parents, Fry's. He probably does, too.

On the misogyny front, it's good to see that Jonafun-Do-You-Take-It-Up-The-Arse-Mrs Woss, is to be replaced by Mr Graham Norton on the Friiay Night Live slot, as we mediaheads say. They will say at the BBC that this is due to public acclaim for Mr Norton's unique talents, whatever they may be.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, mr bhs, I'd walk over a hundred Steven Frys to get to one stately homo of Old England and one of Crisp's lesser books, Manners from Heaven, informs these columns and, indeed, my life.

Etiquette, he says, is about keeping people out, manners are for welcoming them in.

I don't know what Steven Fry is for.

lilith said...

Someone should tell Mr Fry that women have more exciting, longer and more colourful orgasms than men.

Dick the Prick said...

Isn't there some kind of reference to be made in that lurdeez drop kids. Sure, the pill & jonnies are plentiful but in geological & biological time frames; that's a mere fucking heartbeat.

Also, I don't believe there is a correlation between promiscuity and frequency.

And wtf shouldn't birds use sex as a weapon or, as I prefer, tactic? Again, in the time frames set; i'm still a fucking caveman. Give me a steak, a gallon of ale and a shag and i'd be one helluva happy camper. Unlike Mr jgm2 i'd prefer watching cricket or golf but would be happy with footy. Whereas birds don't particularly like living in shitholes and getting wasted constantly.

I'm not sure what a colurful orgasm is Lils but there's a case in point. Fry is driveling pants.

Again, Book of the Week is about a glorious bender but this time Philip Larkin who at least had the decency to be brilliant.

mrs narcolept said...

Stephen Fry's mother, father and sister (who all seemed quite pleasant when they were on WDYTYA with him) must spend their entire lives saying Yes Dear without really listening, a bit like Mrs Clarkson with Jeremy, I always imagine.

I was giving Mr Fry the benefit of the doubt until I saw him being interviewed when he was in Africa; he was lying on a verandah having his enormous feet massaged by some unfortunate indigenous person. I simply can't bear to look at him at all now.

P.T. Barnum said...

Yes, Mr Pedaunt, I did mean convert as in LPG, sorry for the blatant lack of clarity.

It has long been my experience that those who shout the loudest and make the most fuss about anything, are those who suffer the greatest uncertainty, particularly in matters of sexuality. Quentin Crisp just was, Stephen Fry and his ilk not only have to be but have to be seen to be being. And one day he will 'come out' as being in a relationship with a woman, with a whole new line in innuendo and a new book to go with it/her.

There is an inevitable vulgarity at the heart of such performative sexuality, while the most flamboyant queen can be, and often is, a soul of innocence and simplicity since they are just living as their natures intend. The greater the claims to debauchery and perversion, the more I am inclined to think 'bandwagon' and 'the lady doth protest too much'.

call me ishmael said...

Better blatant, mr ptb, than latent, as they say. Yes, Germaine Greer is another one, has to be seen to be being, for fear that she's not. I fucking hate showbusiness. Nuke Equity, that's the thing, frighten the fuckers off.

One of the things which bugs me about Fry is that he seems to corrupt and pollute all around him. Jo Brand is, in my opinion, one of the most tiresome and irrelevant of all the so-called stand-ups, yet, when on Fry's ridiculous QI programme, perhaps eager for a reinvitation, she plumbs scary depths of infunny smut - See, Women Can Do It, Too It's just, Jo, you stupid cow,that most of them don't. He really is a fucking menace, recruitng legions of faghags like that.

I am gald I didn't see that, mrs n, I get angry enough about Fry. Not that you'd know.

Dick the Prick said...

Mrs Narcolept I think has left off the most disgusting aspect of it in that he waved nonchalantly over the extensive panorama of the Transvaal and stated that Christopher Biggins is his neighbour and owns that valley and the manager of S Club 7 owns the next valley. Also, the young house nigger massaging his feet, all of 17 maybe, seemed to be employed to massage more than that. A vignette, a window into a man's life which, if heterosexual, would perhaps have been more repugnant. I guess perverted peado queers associate with perverted paedo queers.

call me ishmael said...

I think that both you and mr ptb are correct, that Fry's addiction to performance may very well have led him down dark avenues which are usually, unfairly, deemed as being populated by gay men; that he no longer sees perversion and degradation, even as he promotes them. Man's a cunt.