"Paul," Pizzameister at the order-order PizzaHouse Of Blood,
relaxes between servings.
Mr Colonel Guido von Fawkes, or "Paul" as he is known to his chums on the BBC, last week gave a spirited defence against an attack on rudeboy bloggers from Mr Andrew Blowjob, of the BBC. Andy, below, famously of one or two or more wives, one of them injucted, and one or two or more families, one of them lovingly injucted is the BBC's Man of the Moment, being paid fortunes of our money - probably very necessary when one has invisible, injucted families to support and possibly even more, which are so successfully and lovingly injucted that no-one, save themelves, has heard of them. Andy, below, feels that bloggers are ugly people
and that journalism is best left to handsome types like himself. And to proper journalists. Like Toilets Maguire. And Sir Michael Kneepads White. And Polly Mascara. And handsome 'n' sober wotsisname, thatspluttering bloke with the red face, who's always pissed, Hutton, Wilf Hutton, is it, thinks he's an unofficial member of the govament, whichever gang of cunts is running it at the time, Wilf is in it, ex officio, as he'd say, if he could get the words out. And Kirsty Hunchback. Her. too. Has SHE any children by handsome Andy, below ?
Andy, star of Andy Marr's Sunday Blowjob Show, A History of Blowjob Britain with Andy Marr and, Start The Blowjob Week with Andy Blowjob and Jesus only knows what else, says I have a minimum of two families which I support thanks to the license payer, who should himself shut up and leave journalism to me. I mean, just think how accurately and eruditely and presciently journalists like myself and my other Jock chums foretold the events which resulted in the forfeiture of the national wealth by the bankers. No? Well, it's all very well to say that with hindsight. And young mr stanislav may well have been predicting it for years. But that's probably all that he got right. Along with everything else. Whereas we, we in the NUJ, proper journalists, we got absolutely nothing right, hailing Mr Prudence Snot as athe WunderChancellor, even as he was burnung all the money, under number eleven, in a great big boiler. How were we supposed to know that? When, actually, we were all quite matey with him? O mean, what do you think we are, in MediaMinster, journalists? Alright for Polish plumbers, they have nothing to lose. And I do have families to support.
Handsome Andrew, below,
thinks that citizen journalism is all very well. Even if its practitioners are ugly. But it should be more polite to people like him who were actually prepared to overlook the little matter of their chums, the MPs, troughing for all they were worth, happy to let the Iraq Occupation become a thing of the past and, best of all, happy, under a threadbare cloak of impartiality and integrity, to treat the BBC as their personal milchcow. Andy thinks the rest of us should shut up. And support his families.
"Paul", bless, said he had two million hits and seventeen thousand comments a day, all automated; that sometime he posted drunk but he could always take it down in the morning - unlike the driving ban - and that he was a high traffic site. Mentioning that he was a high traffic site, "Paul" in Churchillian mode, added that Andrew Marr was a jug-eared old man and that while he, "Paul," would be drunk in the morning, Marr would still be a jug eared, contemptible freak. Only he didn't say contemptible. Not tabloid, contemptible.
Those, like your correspondent, hoping for a serious response to Marr's impertinence, for an exposition of the historical right and custom of the people to broadsheet, lampoon, cartoon, satirise and ridicule monarchs, aristocrats and shitrag, carpetbagging politicians, to garland them with scatological imprecations, slander and cruel mockery, waited in vain. Disappointing, inasmuch as we have already written many such scripts, - he need ony look in his archive - in validation of some of the efforts of "Paul", in stout defence of his ouvre, and in gratitude for the door which he recognised and opened.
stanislav, a former emigre citizen journalist could not be contacted for comment but his spokesplumber said, is all bollocks, innit, Marr, is fucking tosspot and best thing is not even to talk about, only give quick rubdown with housebrick, is only encouraging him, useless fucking bastard and ScrewFix blowtorch should take to Marr John Thomas or vasectomery give with angle-grinder, good thing is not getting child benefit no more, although can probably fiddle. Guido Paul good bloke used to be but sometimes is so far up own arse that plumber needs, to get head out again, in daylight, going on BBC is like in Mother Poland working for fucking Russians, can cover in perfume and tie up with ribbon, but still shit is.