Wednesday, 13 October 2010



"Paul," Pizzameister at the order-order PizzaHouse Of Blood,
relaxes between servings.

 Mr Colonel Guido von Fawkes, or "Paul" as he is known to his chums on the BBC, last week gave a spirited defence against an attack on rudeboy bloggers from Mr Andrew Blowjob, of the BBC. Andy, below, famously of one or two or more wives, one of them injucted, and one or two or more families, one of them lovingly injucted is the BBC's Man of the Moment, being paid fortunes of our money - probably very necessary when one has invisible, injucted families to support and possibly even more, which are so successfully and lovingly injucted that no-one, save themelves, has heard of them. Andy, below,  feels that bloggers are ugly people

 and that journalism is best left to handsome types like himself. And to proper journalists. Like Toilets Maguire. And Sir Michael Kneepads White. And Polly Mascara. And handsome 'n' sober wotsisname, thatspluttering bloke with the red face, who's always pissed, Hutton, Wilf Hutton, is it, thinks he's an unofficial member of the govament, whichever gang of cunts is running it at the time, Wilf is in it, ex officio, as he'd say, if he could get the words out. And Kirsty Hunchback. Her. too.  Has SHE any children by handsome Andy, below ?

Andy, star of Andy Marr's Sunday Blowjob Show, A History of Blowjob Britain with Andy Marr and, Start The Blowjob Week with Andy Blowjob and Jesus only knows what else, says I have a minimum  of two families which I support thanks to the license payer, who should himself shut up and leave journalism to me. I mean, just think how accurately and eruditely and presciently journalists like myself and my other Jock chums foretold the events which resulted in the forfeiture of the national wealth by the bankers. No? Well, it's all very well to say that with hindsight. And young mr stanislav may well have been predicting it for years. But that's probably all that he got right.  Along with everything else. Whereas we, we in the NUJ, proper journalists, we got absolutely nothing right, hailing Mr Prudence Snot as athe WunderChancellor, even as he was burnung all the money, under number eleven, in a great big boiler.  How were we supposed to know that? When, actually, we were all quite matey with him? O mean, what do you think we are, in MediaMinster,  journalists? Alright for Polish plumbers, they have nothing to lose. And I  do have families to support.

Handsome Andrew, below, 

thinks that citizen journalism is all very well.  Even if its practitioners are ugly. But it should be more polite to people like him who were actually prepared to overlook the little matter of their chums, the MPs,  troughing for all they were worth,  happy to let the Iraq Occupation become a thing of the past and, best of all, happy, under a threadbare cloak of impartiality and integrity, to treat the BBC as their personal milchcow. Andy thinks the rest of us should shut up. And support his families.

"Paul", bless, said he had two million hits and seventeen thousand comments a day, all automated;  that sometime he posted drunk but he could always take it down in the morning - unlike the driving ban - and that he was a high traffic site. Mentioning that he was a high traffic site, "Paul"  in Churchillian mode, added that Andrew Marr was a jug-eared old man and that while he, "Paul," would be drunk in the morning, Marr would still be a jug eared, contemptible freak. Only he didn't say contemptible. Not tabloid, contemptible. 

Those, like your correspondent,  hoping for a serious response to Marr's impertinence, for an exposition of the historical right and custom of the people to  broadsheet, lampoon, cartoon, satirise and ridicule monarchs, aristocrats and shitrag, carpetbagging politicians, to garland them with scatological imprecations, slander and cruel mockery, waited in vain. Disappointing, inasmuch as we have already written many such scripts,  - he need ony look in his archive - in validation of some of the efforts of "Paul", in stout defence of his ouvre, and in gratitude for the door which he recognised and opened.

stanislav, a former emigre citizen journalist could not be contacted for comment but his spokesplumber said, is all bollocks, innit, Marr, is fucking tosspot and best thing is not even to talk about, only give quick rubdown with housebrick, is only encouraging him, useless fucking bastard and ScrewFix blowtorch  should take to Marr John Thomas or vasectomery give with angle-grinder, good thing is not getting child benefit no more, although can probably fiddle.  Guido Paul  good bloke used to be but sometimes is so far up own arse that plumber needs, to get head out again,  in daylight, going on BBC is like in Mother Poland working for fucking Russians, can cover in perfume and tie up with ribbon, but still shit is.


jgm2 said...

Cheeky cunt that Marr.

I've shit better journalists than him.

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

Our friends at the Daily Mail have a story today about a famous TV journalist who had injuncted his mistress and love-child, only to find out the said love child is not his.

Remarkable stuff. Did the TV hack in question not bother to check and did the increasingly barking mistress have to hedge her bets by taking absolution from a senior politician when she wasn't nailing our friend the hack?

Like I said on another post earlier, the barking middle class woman is a much unexamined creature.

jgm2 said...

Marr could do worse than get Jackie Ashley's children DNA-tested.

Anyway, talking of injuncting - it's getting next to impossible to post anything on Guido' site with the auto-modding. Even 'Tory' is on the fucking black-list. Tories in government and you can't write 'Tory'.

I've given up.

call me ishmael said...

" stout defence of his ouvre, and in gratitude for the door which he recognised and opened." And is now closing.

Caratacus said...

I worry about Mrs. Marr's little boy, I really do - what is he going to do to earn a crust when he's lost his looks?

call me ishmael said...

Who is it, the prick in the Daily Mail, anybody know? Should we just name somebody, anybody, like they do at skymadeupnewsandfilth? They say it might be a former Labour minister, the mother a writer.

Woman on a Raft said...

Marr could do worse than get Jackie Ashley's children DNA-tested.

Thasa terrible thing to say. Suppose they turn out to be his.

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

The knob in the Mail is almost certainly Marr, which means the writer is Alice Miles - who was with the Times until recently.

Seems Marr was coughing up for somebody else's child. Can't believe he didn't check.

Guido made the stopry public a couple of years ago. Hence, I assume, the injunction and Marr's recently slagging of bloggers.

Private Eye refers to the story in the current issue, quoting Miles' column where she complains about fathers abandoning children.

If she's been turning Marr over, she's for the high jump....yeah, right in our feminist courts.

mongoose said...

QUite right, Mr YAIC, but Miles is old news. Isn't there a new one?

jgm2 said...

It occurs to me with a lump in my throat, old softie that I am in my old age, as I watch those Chilean miners being brought to the surface that we have the perfect fucking spot to dispose of the cunts like Brown who so thoroughly destroyed the UK economy. Just line the fucking hole with grease and toss the fuckers in.

All that money and effort to create such a perfect hole. It's just begging to be used. Quick rubdown with a house-brick first of course.

It's the right thing to do.

yardarm said...

From irregular visits to the pizza house (inc this morning) I get the impression Wingnut, possibly more than one person on the Mail and a husband and wife team of senior Lab pols are...involved. Not a clue myself.

First saw Marr back in the 90`s on Newsnight, I think, fluffing an interview with Noam Chomsky. Got the impression he had no general knowledge: still doesn`t if all this is true.

call me ishmael said...

Now, mr jgm2, don't spoil the moment. Although now that they're all out I'm fed up with it myself, half the BBC larging it in South America, when one team would have done, now milking it for human interest stories, Shit, really; fabulous that they're out, that they survived. Job done.

I, too, thought that Alice Miles, having been outed at order-order, was old news, there'd be no point in still injuncting that, would there?

And I, too, first saw Blowjob on Newsnight, way back, interviewing JK Galbraith, from then until now, I have been incredulous at the exposure given to this fearfully unprepossessing and ill-informed prat, is it like with NewLabour, down to blackmail ?

There are so many vastly more credible and impressive people who have been virtually junked by the BBC - Francine Stock, Isabel Hilton and others I cannae recall, the noo, Mark Tully - why has Marr been so favoured, you never see ugly wimmen on the Beeb, or anywhere on the telly, for that matter. What is it with Marr?

mongoose said...

It's a club, Mr Ishmael. No more and no less. There is no further explanation needed. A self-selecting sample of shite.

call me ishmael said...

Ah, a club for ugly people. That'll be why von Fawkes has joined it.

A young anglo-irish catholic said...

Francine Stock.

There's a voice to ponder...

Er, so it's not Miles? Hmm.

call me ishmael said...

I believe, memory may fail me, but I do believe that Francine used to do Newsnight, until Kirsty Hunchback of Scottish Labour was enthroned on the CowStool. She now does some marginal radio stuff, Francine, that'll teach her, eh?

Dick the Prick said...

Why oh why oh why do they let Wark do Newsnight review? I'm no fan of arty farty wankers gibbering shit about how moved they were over a light switch but at least when they do so, I want them to be so far fucking removed from reality that there's a part of the occipital that believes their shite. But Wark?!?! Neither journalist nor poncey bullshit merchant - just pointless, really.

@Jgm2 - fantastic idea, very amusing.

They used to have that Mark Lawson, Tom Paulin, Tony Parsons and Germaine Greer which was a target rich environment, to be sure, but they all talked bollox together. Now we're spoiled by the fragrant Martha Kierney and the Wark who, frankly, are fit for fuck all. BBC ego gone rot.

call me ishmael said...

Quite how the grotty transexual hunchback, Wark, can show her face in Scotland is beyond me, after the half-billion pounds debacle of the Parliament, for which she was, mysteriously, at the invitation of the horrible bastard Donald dah dah dah dah dah dah Dewar, partly responsible, the putrid thieving old crow; Wales did it for fifty mill, Kirsty's committee spent ten times that for what looks like an unfinished ski chalet, leaks and from which ceiling girders occasionally fall to earth. Half a billion is a lot of public sector jobs but who gives a fuck about that in Warkworld?

Anonymous said...



Anyone not know this, deserve lesson in Morse on head with fuckoff size pipe wrench.

Then throw in skip.

Caratacus said...

jgm2 - best idea I've seen in bloody ages! Been giggling for a few minutes, most unseemly at evensong...

call me ishmael said...

Fewer typos here than in the broadsheets, far fewer, mr RWG, and we are both writer and proofreader, both editor and publisher, both master and man. Within an output such as this, vast torrents of complex yet comprehensible language, commenting on a lonely typo is, of course, a typo in itself.

Anonymous said...

Not when it itself is done in the style of the master Stanislav!