Wednesday 7 October 2009

SCHOOLS, SEND IN THE ARMY

TORIES EDUCATION REFORM PLAN


Mr Michael Spit,


employed by Mr Rupert Murdoch of skymadeupnewsandfilth and moonlighting as a parliamentarian says that when he is charge of things, which will be never, he is going to send the troops into failing schools. Based on their experience in not winning the war in Iraq or Afghanistan we believe that this bold new initiative will make the very best use of our armed forces, apart, of course, from turning them on the population should Mr Murdoch think it appropriate.

A CONSERVATIVE SOLDIER,
TEACHNG TOMORROW'S INTERNAL SECURITY ARMY.
NOTHING TO HIDE, NOTHING TO FEAR

I have been in meetings with the great Swedish educationalists Mr Benny and Mr Borg of ABBA and they have agreed to make a musical of British Education which will be better than the real thing and that won't be very hard. And another thing which I will do, with Mr Murdoch's permission, is let the parents, because parents know better than anybody, apart from me, what is the best possible thing for their little bastards, is to let the parents send the kids to whatever school they want, anywhere, and we will give them all five grand, or even more, only not really. The rich kids , I hear you ask, waddabout them, well that's ok, they will continue going to Eton. Just like always.

I have to go now conference and write my piece about myself for the Times but you can trust me to sort things out so that we get elected and after that it doesn't matter a fuck, does it. You know, I really am so clever that I should drink my own piss.

Asked how he justified working for an American porn baron when he was supposed to be representing his constituents Mr Gove replied, That's simple, Andrew, I do it for the money.

5 comments:

white spice said...

And another thing which I will do, with Mr Murdoch's permission, is let the parents, because parents know better than anybody, apart from me, what is the best possible thing for their little bastards, is to let the parents send the kids to whatever school they want, anywhere, and we will give them all five grand, or even more, only not really.

screw that. i'm well connected. if my kids follow in my footsteps and work hard they will soon be clearing 5 grand a night servicing the bullingdon club's collective proboscis.

dave "daisy-cutter" cameron (haughticlogist) said...

right-ho, chappies - vote for a conservative government and every one of your children will be guaranteed a gcse in cultivating afghan poppies.

mongoose said...

Mr Ishmael,

Gove is the vilest of the vile. Have you noticed the care with which he now writes his nonsense in the Times, and elsewhere? It used to be the usual crap but now that he has a sight of the prize, he sensors himself and trims and finesses. And yet it is all the same horrible pap.

call me ishmael said...

Don't read him, mr mongoose, nor BoJo. Too vile, indeed, for my sensibilities - that he writes for Murdoch or anyone, really, while an MP is a national disgrace.

cue: we need to keep a foot in the real world so we can better serve our constituents. Cunts.

write van man said...

11:35

i'll put a foot up his arsepipe if he comes anywhere near me.