Friday, 9 October 2009


General Ian Dwarf, Britain's longest-serving and unfunniest comedian and house documentary maker (Railways) to the BBC, has shocked short people everywhere by urging voters to vote Conservative. I am sick, said Hislop, pulling his trademark not very funny face, of being looked down upon by the likes of Yvette Cooper-Balls, time I was looked down on by Caroline Spellman and that old bag, the shoe fetishist, wotsername. Vote Tory, they're all public school and Oxbridge. Like me and the rest of my chums at Private Eye.

General Hislop, dining in the Celebrities' Regimental Mess.

Hislop's other comedic device is to rattle through a whole list of archly unrealistic observations and then, at the end, saying, Not. It really is hilarious how he does this everytime he's on TV and the audience always laughs, once the floor manager has reminded them of their obligation so to do.

First Murdoch and now this fawning little fucking turd, sighed senior Tories, how low can we go ?


Anonymous said...

Ian Hislop will attend your function, turning up after the dinner, and will regale you for 45 minutes with hilarious tales of what it is likely being the most-sued man in Britain and will charge less than ten grand.


A young Lithuanian said...

Was also surprised Mr I, by Hislop's pro-Tory defence and attack-dwarf routine on Mr Yvette Cooper (Mrs).

The Eye has long hated the Tories, since before Maggie arrived at No10.

Think of Ingram and Wells' Dear Bill - these immaculate liberals tearing into the hated suburban business classes. Sir Julian Critchley's garagiste, they were surely Hampstead's own niggers.

Think also of Abigail's Party, spun up as a landmark comedy of manners in 1976, when, in fact, it was a long racialist sneer of the liberal for the hated suburbs.

And despite these decades of pure, undiluted hatred Hislop slips the traps and sides with the Tories.

For the Eye to switch sides after so long it must be the attraction of the Tory public school front bench - such a better class of people, me being a liberal and all

They haven't a public school leader since Home. And that was before the age of satire.

A young Lithuanian said...

My goodness...I have found this

October 2000

The Conservative Party is turning its back on Essex Man and selecting once again the squire, the earl and the soldier, reports Robbie Millen

'This is the ugly vision that Michael Heseltine sees from the Arcadian groves of his arboretum. In early September, he sniffed that the Conservative Party now represented "Little Englander Poujade lower-middle-class self-enrichment"- a charge that was echoed in the complaints about Tory suburban nastiness from defectors such as Shaun Woodward and Ivan Massow.'

Seems the return of the proper chaps - I'm sure Osborne doesn't have to buy his own wallpaper - has made the Conservatives safe again...

Elby the Beserk said...

I love this song. I'm 6'6" so it talks - sings - loud to me. All the more so as the last manager I had at the company that made me redundant after 23 years (enjoyed till he turned up with 4 or so left) was a short arse jumped up accountant bastard, who liked to pick fights with me in view of the rest of the office.

Mind you, I used to fuck him off big time when he did that, as I would always stand up to address him. And look down on him from far above.

Sample of how the cunt behaved. We had a network fileserver for all our docs and source code. Continually running out of space. He puts in a budget request for a larger HD (2, maybe 3 months to get that as it would have to be OKed by accounts in the good old U S of A).

I suggest we have a whip round and buy one ourselves.

Had a hissy fit.

Fuck that. Very sweet they made me redundant, as I was close to walking anyway.

And they had spent £7k on refitting my desk to suit someone 6'6" tall (after 23 years) when they sacked me.

Tee hee.

Short people...