Saturday, 10 October 2009



It's the only way, said Mr Gordons Snot, premier of England, for me to get re-elected, sorry, elected and it is the right thing for the country. If dishonourable and right dishonourable members have done wrong, the public demands no less than that they be let off. It is one of the fundamentals of British jurisprudence, and the envy of the world which I have just saved, that those who go thieving from positions of trust are allowed to pay back the money they stole and no questions asked. If they want to. But not, obviously, if they don't want to.

Sir Alan Cock is a very well respected under the carpet sweeper and if he says that paying back the stolen money is good enough for him, then it's good enough for me. It is high time that we cleaned up parliament, even though it is the best in the world and made all the greater by me being in it and my wife, Sarah-George, calling me his hero, so there it is, from the horse's mouth, I am noisy but a hero.

Y'know, as the Party Rallies come to an end and I get back to the business of desperately making-up sol-you-shuns to problems which, even though I was in charge of them, are nothing to do with me, it is time to draw a line in the sand, learn lessons and move forward. We will get nowhere by looking backwards and as President Obama says to me in our many conversations, Forwards. man, that's where it's at, never mind all this war criminal shit, can't go prosecuting the former president now, and the dee=fense seckatry, Fuck me, Gordon, No, we can't.

So there it is, it's what we students of these matters call the Separation of Powers and it means that those who make the laws can't break the laws. And those who the laws are made against - you - can.
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Old Holborn said...

May I politely request a revolution?

Anonymous said...

The elected members, logically, cannot be at fault, Mr Ishmael. It was the expenses system, itself, that was the culprit. Mandelson said that MPs' having to repay money was 'probably inevitable' but still 'unfair'. The members who apparently raided it for everything they could get are actually the victims, you see.

call me ishmael said...

Good to see you, Mr Old Holborn.

I think it's what we are all requesting ins't it, each according to his or her lights?

I must admit that watching the likes of George Younger spouting his languid superior cliches about drawing a line and moving forward almost crushes the breath from me and that the urgings of Toilets Maguire et al, that election debate be confined to the "three main parties" and not "the loonies" is an impertinence so gross yet so licensed and encouraged by Power, so widespread among skymnadeupnewsandfilth as to disarm the most fervent revolutionary and send him to his allotment or to some other narcotic.

I saw only a still of PizzaMan and Mr Cardigan at the BBC and that was enough to prove how seductive all this shit is. I trust I won't see you there.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, Mr Edgar, I know, please don't rub it in. Was it you cited Swift a while back ? Orwell, although an idle, spoiled layabout, is equally apt, isn't he, all are equal...... The criminals, as you say, the victims, a catechism which might have been learned from Gerry & Cilla McCann.

PT Barnum said...

The rot may not have begun with Freud but he gave it perfect expression. Having bottled the reality of there being perpetrators and victims in favour of inherent human characteristics, the floodgates of not-my-fault, couldn't-help-it and it-wos-society-wot-dun-it were flung open, leaving the world to drown in a sewage-laden torrent of self-serving irresponsiblilty.

call me ishmael said...

Fighting talk, Mr PTB, which actually threatens much of social work, probation, penology, education, health care and the raisons d'etre of so many ministries; cognitive behavioural therapy, we call it in the caring trade. Care to expand that a bit ?

PT Barnum said...

My spleen was poked this morning by hearing this morning Mrs former Paul Gascogine plugging her How to Stop Being a Victim of Domestic Violence tome, a thinly disguised currency printing machine in which she lays bare all the minutiae of the solid objects she was forced to make contact with by her erstwhile spouse. Her declared aim is to help heal the broken female masses (just don't mention the men beaten by their women, ok?) and in the course of her advert said that it was necessary to "own your issues", producing such bile in me that an unfortunate accident ensued with my palette and the floor.

Leaving aside all questions of dignity and privacy, as she has done, the grotesque trade in psychological exposure of the individual's inner being to "heal" is, as you point out, the foundation of all the childpsych babblers, pseudo-pedagogists, helping, supporting, excusing and nannying agencies which have created an enormous army of infantilised drones. And it is at Freud's door I lay the blame for this.

Upon discovering that his distressed female patients had been sexually assaulted by their fathers, and realising that for him to say this would mean their daddies would no longer pay him for listening to their mad daughters, he came to the blinding realisation that these daughters were all fantasising about being shagged by daddy. Obvious, innit? And from that insight all those lovely truths about id, ego, superego, transference, parapraxis and the rest, flow until we reach a point where any ugly, destructive behaviour is explicable only by being stuck in the anal stage or having an underdeveloped ego state, and where only an expert can resolve the problem, nurturing the tortured inner child and gently leading it, by the hand, towards adult understanding of itself.

Thus solipsism, victimhood, absence of individual responsibility, an entire universe of bottom- and nose-wiping sagacious and sympathetic experts are all birthed, where we, as bobbing corks of loneliness and pain, experience the world as Other and ourselves under its heel, our angst legitimated as authentic, our sense of betrayal and unfairness wholly righteous because it's how we feel, the perpetual trump card in the game called Freud.

The idea of there being such things as right and wrong, good and bad, and any sense that we have an active part in shaping the world around us, all are rendered redundant by the comfy cosy wallowing in our own psyches, a world of gross infants soiling our nappies and waiting for mummy to clean us up.

You did ask ;)

A professional helper said...

Mr. P T Barnum presents us with a splendid feminist analysis of how Freud came to develop his theories.Discounting Freud, however,(as most sensible people do these days) it is the other Victorian grandfather of twentieth century theorising, Marx,whose work provided an understanding of the structural causations of crime and abuse. The professional helper who seeks to understand why a perpetrator behaves as he does is not motivated to reinforce or validate the perpetrator's sense of grievance and entitlement, but to assist the perpetrator to recognise his responsibility for offending and to help him to reinforce his own inhibitions -internal and external, against further offending.This protects the public and makes fewer victims to perpetuate the cycle of victim becoming perpetrator. Go, on, Mr. P T Barnum, throw your palette on the floor again.

call me ishmael said...

Thanks, Mr PTB and a professional helper.

The primary role of the professional helper, of course, and it is often misunderstood by the brightest of them, is to effectively manage the poor on behalf of the rich, some of them, the chief execs and principal officers, even getting within sniffing distance of Wealth itself and thus are the more compliant, the more bureaucracy orientated, the less client-focused, although the nomenclature, client, or service-user, is fairly distancing in itself. I guess the development of the professional caring class resulted from the need to give so many graduates something to do and a stake in the continued exploitation of the poor by the rich.

I think I may have mentioned this before but I think we largely have the idea of deviance or delinquence arse backwards, in other cultures, less urgent and crazy than our own, the true madman is not medicated but sort of revered, cared for, his insights valued; whichever model we currently follow, the centrality is the same, that the Other must be made the Same, currently a hard-working family or a small business, or both, just as long as motivation and fleetung satisfaction are both derived from Obedient Consumption; the Marxist or the Freudian dialectic subservient I guess, now, to the FTSE 100; economic activity more important than sanity.

marie-antoinette marx (in flares) said...


May I politely request a revolution?

no, mr pipeweed promoter, unless it remains confined to les banlieues metaphysicales - physical revolution is not for the likes of people with food sitting comfortably in their stomachs, like you. hunger is the traditionally tried-and-tested trigger-point for toppling the toffs and cordon-bleu philosophy, whilst giving fuel for thought, is ill-advisedly poured into the fired-up bellies of desperados who, as sure as a light ballistic peppering follows affray, will be fried to a crêpe in the conflagrationary coup de foudre which god will inevitably unleash in order to illuminate the fodder of their ignorant minds. however, don't be unduly perturbed - middle-class manipulators like yourself usually escape with a medium-power-microwaving for careless kite-flying...and a permanent daytime-tv-tan with complementary frizzy follicles...which will fortunately become extremely fashionable, when the wheel of funny moods eventually decides to turn.

PT Barnum said...

Mr A Professional Helper, I spoke of victimhood and infantilisation being institutionalised and validated by those following in Freud's fraudulent wake, leaving people with no resources of their own which can create a sense of their value and values.

To characterise my account as a 'splendid feminist analysis' is obviously meant as criticism. I shall claim it as historically valid and with documentary evidence to support it.

You speak of perpetrators, in a slightly dizzying leap from Marx to "professional helpers" as if they were from the same theoretical tradition. If a perpetrator can gain sufficient insight into the impact of his/her offences upon others then they are unlikely to offend again (in the same way). But, in a world where everybody is a victim, perpetrators can be perpetually protected from the impact (rather the source) of their acts since they are encouraged to look inwards to their own feelings, not outwards to the structure of the world and their place in it.

It is a long time since I read Marx, but my memory is that he maintained that consciousness is determined by material conditions, therefore positing material conditions, not consciousness, as primary. More of the world and less of 'I' might be helpful to the world at large, but the self is paramount and the collective merely contigent aggregations of selves.

Somehow this blogging business does something to break that individualistic supremacy. Reading and replying, not counselling and being counselled.

My palette bothers me less than the naphthol crimson footprints which allow me to track the cat's progress around the house.

katie kwik-fit said...


in the course of her advert said that it was necessary to "own your issues"

if it's a bestseller, she'll be able to buy a house big enough to store all the back-copies.

usb stuck said...


My palette bothers me less than the naphthol crimson footprints which allow me to track the cat's progress around the house.

following buster's recent experience of having things inside him which weren't meant to be there, i'm sure that mr ishmael can recommend a veterinary surgeon with the requisite skills for removing foreign hush-puppies.

spark up said...

is it my imagination or is mr old holborn trying to siphon off a few visits?

mongoose said...

Mr Barnum,

It is not that the analysis is wrong, although it may be, and not that Freud was not a fool but a liar. (That is harsh, perhaps. Maybe he saw half the light and in guessing the rest strayed into error. Let us be generous.)

It is though the consequent deriliction of responsibility that should be the stain on his work. It is beholden upon us all to try to be just a tad better than that. Carry your bag of broken rocks if you must but don't pass the fuckers on to some new poor sod. Let them be buried with you and make no excuses for the warp of your back that the burden has brought. This is the real loss of my lifetime.

I am responsible for what I do - the penalties and the prizes - but few see it that way now. I am trying to teach this to my kids but it seems almost alien to them. Twittered, MySpaced into a want of mediocrity. Everyone hides in the medium long grass. The short a-tip-toe; the tall stooped low so nobody sees. Everyone is special, everyone is First Class. And that excuses it all. We are all in this together, George, are we not?

write van man said...



first sentence: likes, like, what total utter ugly fucking crap! and it's métaphysiques you dickhead! you obviously spent too much time studying mademoiselle's laissez faire lingerie policy during french lessons. wanker!