The Sunday Ishmael 16/01/2022

In Royal News:

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life." 

Lewis Carroll, You are Old, Father William.

 It's an expensive hobby, though, taking to the law, whatever the benefits to the mandibles, and Prince Ginger Gormless appears to have become addicted. This time, his legal action is an attempt to have the British Police organise and deliver his security when he visits his dear old Nanna. He'll pay for it, he hastens to add, it's not the cost that's the issue, it's just the the British Police are better at protecting him and his family than private security would be.

THE ORDER OF THE BEAST.

His Royal Highness The Prince Andrew Albert Christian Edward, Duke of York, Earl of Inverness, Baron Killyleagh, Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order, Canadian Forces Decoration, Aide de Camp to Her Majesty.

Just so glad that, in the Bonfire of his personal Vanities, Andrew has retained his Garter. Which means the nation can happily look forward to his Formal Degradation in the quire of St George's Chapel. (the Sunday Ishmael passim, 2/1/22)

 

Sir David Bumbleby solemnly intones: And at this solemn occasion, the camera focuses on the handsome young Guardsman solemnly semi-concealed in the ancient Quire woodwork, preparing to violently (but solemnly) cast down the disgraced former Prince's crest, banner and sword at the feet of the assembled Knights of the Garter, who are even now solemnly processing into the Chapel of St. George, 

scene of many a solemn and stirring occasion of royalness, weddings, funerals, and now, for the first time since 1521, the scene of the most Solemn Degradation.

 Sir David Bumbleby continues:And now there is a quickening of excitement, a stirring of ostrich plumes, the air palpably quivering as the choir rises to sing, in their boyish clear and beautiful young voices, Handel's  Zadok the Beast:

 Sir David Bumbleby continues: And as the music swells to a crescendo,  the handsome and exquisitely dressed young Guardsman concealed in the woodwork drops his load into the knave and the banner, arms and achievements of the Disgraced and Degraded Knight crash down at the feet of the Great and the Good. Throwing back their midnight-blue velvet robes over their royal and noble shoulders, they have at it down the length of the nave. First into the fray is Garter Knight Princess Anne, who kicks off with a hefty bit of footwork, boots the precious sword into the air, whereupon her nephew, Prince William of Gormless, starts into a header, before thinking better of it and quickly recovering, turns the manouvre into an admirable spin and dropkick. Black velvet bonnets are thrown triumphantly into the air as the final honour is reserved for Good Queen Brenda, who, with the assistance of her son,  Prince Brian of the Sanitary Products, kicks the arms and achievements out of the west door and into the ditch beyond. And with that, this most solemn of Solemnities is concluded, and the Royal Party is able to solemnly process homewards.

 

We all most humbly regret that Duke Phil the Greek was absent from this deeply emotional occasion, but be assured that he was here in  spirit.

Shocking News: Britain is Governed By Drunks

Now, that really does explain an awful lot.

 

That, for example.

Opposition No Better

It's at times like this that one misses one's Sunday Morning fix of Andrew Marr. Search the internet and you will not find a photo of Andrew in his tightie whities.

Unlike Headgirl Sophie. One could forgive her predilection for disporting herself in revealing garments and FuckMe shoes (after all, it's a man's world in NewsReading and if a girl wants to get on, she's got to get them off), if only she was able to channel her inner Attack Dog. Not so. Handed Sir Keir on a plate together with photos of him eating and drinking with others during Lockdown,

 she simply gave Starmer the opportunity to tell the nation how hard he worked and that when food arrived during an intensive day's work, he ate it. I like the idea of food simply arriving. Most of us have to put a little effort into obtaining food, but for Sir Keir, it just arrives. Accusing him of being a lawyer didn't cut any ice, either. It is not yet a criminal matter to be a lawyer. Headgirl Sophie's default interviewing strategy is to attempt to talk over the interviewee in her feminine little voice. Doesn't work against a bullfrog.

Please, BBC, could we have a different news tottie?  Maybe Kirsty Young or Kirsty Wark - who went head to head back in 2015 over another plum role. According to mr ishmael, that is. Now read on.....

 

THE KIRSTY WARS 26/7/2015

 

Tears were shed and hair pulled-out, down the PBC, last night, as the Craporation announced the appointment of its new Reader-Out of govament press releases. The current post-holder, Mr Nick Toenails,  is moving to the frightful  Today programme, where he will replace Mr John "Jeremy Cunt" McCunty, who is moving to another position in the PBC but will  also be continuing his much-loved, BookUpMyArse programme, in which people who call themselves writers talk about themselves; it is a form of Alibhai-Brownism, McCunty's BookUpMyArse show - you know how Jasmin always prefaces her pearls of wisdom with SpeakingAsAMuslimWoman, Jonathan or David....... well, all of the McCunty scribblers say, SpeakingAsAWriter.... You never hear a plumber saying, SpeakingAsAPlumber, do you, or a burger-flipper saying, SpeakingAsAFastFoodOperative but UpTheirOwnArsers, writers, doctors, lawyers and such can't help but remind us of their special-human-beingness.

Speaking as an ishmaelite, I can no longer tolerate Radio Four, it offends me with its content and its cast of grotesques, like the Labour party, it is a dark parody  of what it was, a block of  frozen piss, yellow, melting and stinking. Probably just the right place for Political Editor Emeritus, Nick Toenails,  Jimmy Savile or Nicholas Parsons, Jonafun Woss or the chortling cancer, Terry Wogan, Kirsty Crow or Martha Kearney; be they beast, talentless nobody, greedy incompetent  parasite, or larcenous gabshite, a job in the PBC is a job for life.

It is, anyway, and has been for some time, musical chairs at the PBC, from where no-one, absolutely no-one is ever sacked and since Toenails has been moved, probably to help his recovery from illness,  there has been not-very-excited gossip about who should be his replacement. This being the PBC it had to be a woman, just which woman?

Would it be Kirsty Crow?

 

Stop press stop press stop press stop press

Millionaire prevented from making more money. Australia deports public health threat. 

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The two anthologies of the works of mr ishmael and his young friend stanislav: Honest Not Invent and Vent Stack are available to buy for mere money from Lulu or Amazon. It is cheaper to buy from Lulu. Register an account with Lulu to save a couple of quid, as going straight into the link provided below seems to make paypal think it's ok to charge in dollars, and apply their own conversion rate, which will put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow our link; a pop-up box asks for age confirmation - simply set the date to (say) 1 January 1960, and proceed. (If you type the title, the anthology will not appear as a search result until the "show explicit content" box - found at the bottom left by scrolling down - has been checked.  You may also see the age verification box, as above, at this point.) 

 The full title is "Vent Stack love from stanislav" by ishmael smith, and the cover you'll see is red with white titles and a picture of Buster the Previous Blog Dog having a green thought in a green shade. 

Link for the paperback:

 https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/ishmael-smith/vent-stack/paperback/product-q8jzk2.html?page=1&pageSize=4

Or...

shorter link, which might make it easier if you wish to paste it into an email and tell a friend:

 https://tinyurl.com/naajavmu

 Honest, Not Invent is available in paperback or hardback.

Link for Hard Back : 

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/ishmael-smith/honest-not-invent/hardcover/product-njr7vg.html

Link for Paper Back : 

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/ishmael-smith/honest-not-invent/paperback/product-wq2kpg.html

At checkout, try PROWRITINGAID15, WELCOME15 or TREAT15 in the coupon box, which  takes 15% off the price before postage.  If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.  

With the 15% voucher, the book (including delivery to a UK address) should cost £10.89

No, not really

Really?

 

Caption Contest

 

The Apology

 

Evensong: The fallen leaves that jewel the ground, they know the art of dying.... 24/11/2013

 mr ishmael prepared this for you on the 24th November 2013. It isn't  a song for just October, although it is The October Song by the Incredible String Band. It is from their debut album The Incredible String Band in 1966.

I'll sing you this October song
Oh, there is no song before it
The words and tune are none of my own
For my joys and sorrows bore it

Beside the sea
The brambly briars in the still of evening
Birds fly out behind the sun
And with them I'll be leaving

The fallen leaves that jewel the ground
They know the art of dying
And leave with joy their glad gold hearts
In the scarlet shadows lying

When hunger calls my footsteps home
The morning follows after
I swim the seas within my mind
And the pine-trees laugh green laughter

I used to search for happiness
And I used to follow pleasure
But I found a door behind my mind
And that's the greatest treasure

For rulers like to lay down laws
And rebels like to break them
And the poor priests like to walk in chains
And God likes to forsake them

I met a man whose name was Time
And he said, "I must be going,"
But just how long ago that was
I have no way of knowing

Sometimes I want to murder time
Sometimes when my heart's aching
But mostly I just stroll along
The path that he is taking.

 

The Sunday Ishmael 9/01/2022

Sir Thomas More:     This country is planted thick with laws, from coast to coast, Man's laws, not God's! And if you cut them down, and you're just the man to do it, do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? 

 

The law-felling process is well underway, as our judicial system moves from the Rule of Law to the Rule of Values. As Sir Thomas More said, we're safer under the rule of law. 

 

Meet the lawyers with the chainsaws:

Liam Walker, Doughty Street Chambers

“One of the most determined and direct advocates, he is both fearsome and utterly fearless." – Chambers and Partners 2020/21

 Liam represented Sage Willoughby

• He argued that ‘prevention of crime’ could be relied upon as a defence and that the jury could consider whether the presence of the statue itself constituted an offence under section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986.

• He asked the jury to consider if the statue constituted an ‘indecent display’ under Section 1 of the, more obscure, Indecent Displays (Control) Act 1981.

• He asked the jury to consider whether a conviction of the defendants would be a disproportionats infringement of their rights under Articles 9,10 and 11 of the Human Rights Act 1998, following the case of DPP v. Ziegler [2021] UKSC 2 

  

  Blinne Ní Ghrálaigh, Matrix \Chambers
  

   "Frighteningly clever. Tactically brilliant and able to look at something from so many different angles.”  LEGAL 500

  Blinne represented Rhian Graham
  She argued that slavery was a bad thing and that the conditions under which slaves were transported were horrible. She called in aid George Floyd's death under the knee of the arresting police officer. 
  

  

  Raj Chada, Hodge Jones & Allen
  

  "He is an out-of-the-box thinker and is tactically astute." Legal 500 2022
  Raj represented Jake Skuse.
  He argued that the criminal offence was the statue remaining in place. 
  
   

  

  Tom Wainwright, Garden Court Chambers
  

  Very experienced. He's like a terrier - he doesn't give up." Chambers UK, 2021
  
  Tom represented Milo Ponsford.
  He argued that removing the statue was like removing a cancer. 
  So these  four fearless, fearsome, frighteningly expensive, out of the box terriers between them have managed to persuade a British jury that the night is the day and the sun is the moon.
  The Colston Four: Willoughby, aged 22, Graham, 30,  Skuse, 33 and Ponsford, 26, were charged with Criminal Damage, after being identified as prominent in the removal of a public statue from its plinth by forcibly dragging it and then rolling it into Bristol Harbour, causing damage to the statue and the railings in the process, and necessitating public expenditure in retrieving the statue from the Harbour and taking it to a safe place - a museum, where it remains, broken and daubed in paint.
  Criminal damage occurs when someone unlawfully, and intentionally or recklessly, damages or destroys property belonging to another person. This would include arson, forced entry into a property, graffiti on a public building, but, following this verdict in the Bristol Crown Court, no longer the destruction of public property.

  The offence of Criminal Damage was established in the Criminal Damage Act 1971. For conviction to be achieved, the following elements must be established: 

  • Damage (temporary or permanent) was caused. 
  • That damage occurred to property. 
  • The damaged property belonged to another. 
  • The damage was caused without lawful excuse. 
  • An intention to cause the damage, or recklessness as to whether damage would be caused.
    

The jury found the defendants not guilty. This is clearly a perverse verdict, aided, abetted and encouraged by the Fearsome, Fearless, Expensive, Out of the Box Terriers. A verdict is perverse when the jury clearly refuses to follow the direction or instruction of the trial court upon a point of law, or where the verdict reflects highly emotional, inflammatory or immaterial considerations, or an obvious prejudgment with no attempt to be fair. 

 

This perverse verdict must be appealed and set aside without delay - not as some establishment backlash against woke youth, as asserted by the charmless Ms Graham, at 30 years old clearly no longer a part of that demographic, but simply to protect us all, including the Appalling Colston Four, against the winds that would blow across this land in  the absence of Law and the supremacy of Values.

 

Because Values depends entirely on whim, fashion and who has the upper hand at any moment. That J.K.Rowling? Trash her, even though she has said nothing but the simple truth. That mrs ishmael? Throw milkbottles at her windows - the ones with petrol in.

Whereas the Law - as the French proverb has it: "La Loi est la Loi, si vous etes Mède, Perse ou Juif."

 

The conspirators to perpetrate Criminal Damage planned their actions the night before, over drinks: Mr Willoughby said in Court: "If you can call a very vague conversation the night before while we were having a few drinks a plan, then yes. I have been signing petitions since I was 11 years old to have that statue removed. I spoke to my elders about it. I was, quite frankly, laughed at - they said they had given up signing petitions because nothing was ever going to happen."

 

Pretty damning: intention, and a knowledge that removing the statue was not carried out with the consent of the city officials (presumably the owners of the statue), who had been petitioned by Willoughby for its removal for 11 years and had stood firm against it. 

You would think that having achieved a perverse verdict that could have devastating implications for all of us in terms of the law protecting our property from damage by those intent on its destruction, The Appalling Foursome would have the sense to shut the fuck up about it. Not so. 

Rhian Graham has been ranting about the "demonisation" of young people: she is quoted as saying: "The war on woke is a feeble attempt to find another scapegoat - a sort of mythical enemy to blame everything on.... woke is a colloquial term for being aware of social injustice...... young people who care about equality and making the world a better place."

 She went on to compare herself and her crew with the illegal actions of the suffragettes, forgetting that the suffragettes were subjected to the rule of law, and served sentences. Whereas The Colston Crew has merrily avoided the consequences of their actions and is chortling about it. Of course, they have not achieved this landmark Perverse Verdict. They quite clearly could not find their arses with both hands. Nope, that was a triumph for their expensive and distinguished lawyers, who, unless something is done to appeal this right old mess, will have achieved the accolade of having turned the law of the land upside down, inside out and back to front.

 

As mr ishmael always said: First thing we do, is we kill all the lawyers.

RUMPOLE NEWS. 6/1/12 ishmael smith

 

Q: What do you have if you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

 Mr Michael  I-will-never-take-silk Mansfield, QC

radical lawyer and  staunch defender of civil liberties, but not everyone's, only those of people who are paying him. Cunt. The thinking man's Imelda Blair.

Warning against over-reliance upon forensic science to secure convictions, Michael Mansfield in the BBC Scotland Frontline Scotland TV programme Silence over Lockerbie, broadcast on 14 October 1997, said he wanted to make just one point:

"Forensic science is not immutable. They're (sic) not written in tablets of stone, and the biggest mistake that anyone can make—public, expert or anyone else alike—is to believe that forensic science is somehow beyond reproach: it is not! The biggest miscarriages of justice in the United Kingdom, many of them emanate from cases in which forensic science has been shown to be wrong. And the moment a forensic scientist or anyone else says: 'I am sure this marries up with that' I get worried."   Mansfield, here, quite definite that forensics are not the dog's bollocks, after all. 

------------------------------------------

and from News Shopper: “Stephen Lawrence family lawyer questioned over evidence in 1990s court hearings”

A LAWYER acting for Stephen Lawrence’s family has been questioned over how evidence in the murder of their son was handled during court hearings in the 1990s. Michael Mansfield QC appeared at the Old Bailey today where Gary Dobson, aged 36, and 35-year-old David Norris are on trial for the 1993 murder. Both defendants claim clothing seized from their homes after the murder and garments from Mr Lawrence have been contaminated over the years.

They deny killing Stephen Lawrence.

Jurors heard Mr Mansfield had represented the family in a 1996 private prosecution at the Old Bailey, a 1997 inquest at Southwark Coroner’s Court and a public inquiry in 1998. But he denied handling any of the clothing seized from suspects in those hearings, saying police had been in control of them. Mr Mansfield said: “I wouldn’t do it myself because obviously there’s a risk of contamination.” He said the first trial had not lasted long, adding: “From my recollection I don’t remember any exhibits, save one and that was a weapon in a box.” Under cross-examination by Dobson’s defence barrister Tim Roberts, he was asked about a transcript from the inquest in which Mr Mansfield had asked Dobson: “Do you recognise this jacket?” Mr Mansfield replied: “I can’t be specific because I might not have had anything in my hand at all.” He said that if the jacket had been held up, it would have still been in the windowed brown paper evidence bags used by police.

See, wonderful, ain't it, fair makes your heart glow, how lawyers can advance both sides of an argument, depending on who's paying them, and mean them both very sincerely - forensic science is not immutable, apart from when it is being used to convict two lowlifes who were never, in any event, going to  get a fair trial.  And clothing - and forensic evidence on it - can be contaminated but not when it is  in a very special sort of  brown paper bag and handled by an eminent QC.  The evidence in the Lawrence murder trial, however, despite being seventeen years old and having admittedly been mishandled, well, now,  that was immutable, cast in stone, all that stuff.

Q: How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50? 

A: Good morning, your Honour, Mr Justice Treacy.

There can't be too many people of jury service age in the country  who are unaware of the almost two decades of accusations of murder made against Mr Dobson and Mr Norris et al, of the widely screened video recording of them fantasising -  but not enacting -  racialist atrocities.   (All of those here gathered who regularly call for various forms of politician dismemberment must pray that they never appear, charged with anything, before Hizonner, above, for such will be deemed by him as proof of their wickedness and deserving of an extra two years in jail.) Most will have heard of, if not read, Mr Dacre-Fuckpig's front page outburst calling Mr Dobson and Mr Norris Murderers! and defying them to sue him and his shitrag, the Daily Mail, as though they could afford to sue anyone;  most will know, too, that MediaMinster regarded the failure of the private prosecution of these two gentlemen as nothing short of scandalous, so scandalous that the law must be changed in order to put them on trial again.  Most will, in short, have been bombarded by a relentless campaign from MediaMinster, the filth and from the victim's family and friends insisting that these two (and others) despite having already been acquitted were as guilty as Hell.  Seeing as how everyone on the country had been told over almost twenty years that these two were guilty, how on Earth were they ever to get a fair trial? But fair trials don't interest our modern, whoreson, jackanapes lawyers, like Mr Coleman's Mustard, above. Convictions, that's the thing, convictions count towards  a proper career,  can't beat a good conviction and a heavy sentence,  good for the govament, good for skymadeupnewsandfilth, good for Old Bill.  And that's what really matters. All rise. Mrs WOAR insists on a previous thread that the Lawrence cops actually got it more or less right, insofar, at least, as the evidence allowed them so to do, and that prosecutorial waters were muddied by a clamorous race relations industry; mr jgm2, like most of us, remains intuitively -  for how can it be otherwise, the accused not having had a fair trial - convinced of the guilt of Norris and Dobson, others lament the lack of orchestrated, pseudo-political activity in the case of the lonesome death of  non-BrightALevelStudent Ian Tomlinson, and many others;   a poor old bloke, separated, who liked a drink, somehow less important than a son of intolerable, pushy, motormouthing parents, his public killing by an officer of the state not giving rise to the sustained crescendo  of Abbottisms, Howeisms and Phillipsisms, one is almost tempted to propose that the killing of Steven Lawrence was  hijacked by career racists of the third kind,  people like Mrs Lawrence, who would remind us daily, if she could, of her loss, her pain. I always remember that guy, in the Remembrance Day Enniskillen bombing, Gordon Wilson, whose daughter died in his arms, and who had no words but of forgiveness, and contrast him with today's whining, vengeful publicity-seeking harpies.

 ....................................................................

The two anthologies of the works of mr ishmael and his young friend stanislav: Honest Not Invent and Vent Stack are available to buy for mere money from Lulu or Amazon. It is cheaper to buy from Lulu. Register an account with Lulu to save a couple of quid, as going straight into the link provided below seems to make paypal think it's ok to charge in dollars, and apply their own conversion rate, which will put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow our link; a pop-up box asks for age confirmation - simply set the date to (say) 1 January 1960, and proceed. (If you type the title, the anthology will not appear as a search result until the "show explicit content" box - found at the bottom left by scrolling down - has been checked.  You may also see the age verification box, as above, at this point.) 

 The full title is "Vent Stack love from stanislav" by ishmael smith, and the cover you'll see is red with white titles and a picture of Buster the Previous Blog Dog having a green thought in a green shade. 

Link for the paperback:

 https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/ishmael-smith/vent-stack/paperback/product-q8jzk2.html?page=1&pageSize=4

Or...

shorter link, which might make it easier if you wish to paste it into an email and tell a friend:

 https://tinyurl.com/naajavmu

 Honest, Not Invent is available in paperback or hardback.

Link for Hard Back : 

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/ishmael-smith/honest-not-invent/hardcover/product-njr7vg.html

Link for Paper Back : 

https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/ishmael-smith/honest-not-invent/paperback/product-wq2kpg.html

At checkout, try PROWRITINGAID15, WELCOME15 or TREAT15 in the coupon box, which  takes 15% off the price before postage.  If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.  

With the 15% voucher, the book (including delivery to a UK address) should cost £10.89

...........................................................