Nail-biting tension, edge of the seat stuff. The plane ready to go, the passengers strapped in, the flight route logged in to RwandaforFuck'sSake.
Will it go? Will the stay of execution come through at the last minute? Death row stuff.
The 200 seat Boeing was scheduled to take 130 people against their will to RwandaforFuck'sSake. Sitting on the tarmac at Boscombe Down Air Base, the deportation flight had a reduced passenger list of just seven by Tuesday. By 10:00pm, there was only one passenger remaining, as successful legal challenges removed deportee after deportee from immediate peril. Would the plane fly out to Kigali with one passenger at a cost of £500,000? And then, amazingly, the European Court of Human Rights, working out of hours to achieve a last minute reprieve, put a stop to the whole ghastly plan - a policy so morally bereft that even Prince Brian weighed into the opposition chorus.
They've not backed down, though - Johnson, Patel and Truss, the ghastly triumvirate: mockery, censure and appalled condemnation all water off a duck's back, as they sense votes in this so bad its almost American policy. And they are not wrong - I've had people to whom you wouldn't immediately leap up and administer a lengthy rub-down with a house brick, so adept are they in mimicking decent liberal-ish citizens, solemnly assuring me that this is a tremendous scheme, the best way to deter economic migrants from risking the Chanel crossing and that Rwanda is a perfectly safe country. Of course, they don't want Ukrainian migrants to be sent to Rwanda, but then Ukrainians look like us, as they said. Sometimes, however, the legislature and its executive arm have to behave better than the liberal-ish citizenry. If there was a vote tomorrow on the reintroduction of the death penalty - well, you know how that one goes.
Despite international embarassment, despite the condemnation of the ECHR and despite Prince Brian's unguarded remarks, the triumvirate are already planning the next flight. They'll keep it as secret as they can.