Sunday 4 December 2011



Torture, that's the thing. Yes, and co-operation.  Okay, subservience, if you will, to President Hillary Trousers, in her, and I must say it is perfectly understandable, in her desire to run the British courts.  And that's why I'm proposing that we train ten thouand new community leaders - so that we can better do America's bidding.  People think that I just sit around brooding about getting stuffed by a member of my own  family and bumping along on my parliamentary  hundred grand a year and another fifty grand from some football club, up in the NorthEast, wherever that is. Nothing could be further from the truth because here I am, again, writing tripe for the Guardian,just like my father before me, about how things should be done, never, like him, having done fuck all myself.  It is the charmed circle of celebrity, I'm in it, and you're not.  So just read what I have to say about Labour building on it's last twenty years of success and re-engaging with the British people and their, what's the word, aspiratiions, that's it.  Mr Arsebridger of the Guardian, 

 Mr Alan Arsebridger, million pounds a year Supreme Editor-in-Chief&Perpetuity 
of the infamous, tax avoiding Guardian newspaper,  the one with the charitable trust status.

even though he supports the shiteating dogshooters and thus Mr Cameron, has been kind enough to give me a few hundred quid to write this new, radical, groundbreaking, new   and radical,  and modern new crap and the least you can do is read it and believe in it, like you did before.  Did I mention I used to be Seckatry of State for Invasions, Occupations, Asset-Stripping and Waterboarding?

The full Milliband major article is at the Observer.  As one would expect, this conceited, worthless jackanapes - in, incidentally, unforgiveably inelegant Blairesque non-sentences -  reminisces, fleetingly, of some vague but clearly worthy NewLab achievements and sets out, as they say, a new list of  new  strategies and new targets for the economy and for empowering the people. Only not empowering them  as much as him. Ten thousand new community leaders is one of them, one of the empowering things. Cunt.


P T Barnum said...

List of Labour successes:
1. Freedom of Information Act

These zealots who would save the entire world cannot afford to pause for a single moment, since if they did they might actually catch a glimpse of what they have done and been and become, and I have enough charity in me today to think that such a flicker of self-awareness would send them screaming into the darkness.

Reginald said...

Perhaps these people should be "Clarksoned"?

mongoose said...

I am sick to death of them. Arsebridger needs hanging. I've got more liberal instinct in me spats.

call me ishmael said...

It is their complete lack of shame that duzme'eadin. Our fathers hanged people like this at Nuremberg and yet here they are, slithering from one self-congratulatory war criminals soiree to another, feted by tax-savvy millionaire slags like Arsebridger. Short of a global uprising I fear that resistance is futile. What's that mongoosism....I have lived too long?

jgm2 said...

Finding out that somehow Sunderland FC is a front organisation for the CIA or Mossad or some other third party that 'owes' Miliband a few quid for services rendered came as a bit of a surprise to me. What other conceivable reason would Sunderland FC have to bung this worthless jackass 50K a year other than as some kind of 'Atlantic Bridge' or somesuch other front organisation back-hander (if you can follow that - I'm not sure I can meself).

It's not in his constituency. He was brought up in London, attended Oxford University. His dad and mum were from mainland Europe. He has no conceivable connection to Sunderland FC and yet they phone him up, out of the blue, after he's been slung out of office, and offer him 50K a year?

For what?

His 'connections'? What do Sunderland FC want? Alex Ferguson water-boarded? The Russian foreign secretary to phone 'em up and tell 'em what a bunch of fuckwits they are?

The Maximum Imbecile at least has some credible ling to Raith Rovers but this fuckwit?

Follow the money.

yardarm said...

'Create' ten thousand 'community leaders' ? Ten thousand Bananamen or block wardens checking out our recycling and chasing wind blown crisp packets down cycle paths. That`s his big idea in the face of the recession ? Almost as big a loser as his out of his depth brother.

And if that wasn`t bad enouth The Absurder had an interview with Gus O` Donnell where the former Treasury economist says ' he didn`t see it coming ' and 'I take my share of the blame' over the banking collapse as he helps himself to his pension, peerage and a raft of directorships and quango posts.

Want to read about dunderheads rewarded for failure ? Buy The Absurder. Next week, Mervyn King on how he can only count up to twenty one when he`s in the nude.

jgm2 said...


G O'D 'didn't see it coming'? I had hoped that once they'd got their pension safely tucked under their belt there would be no end of Treasury mandarins revealing how they'dpersonally beseeched the Maximum Imbecile to change his reckless economic policy but were just batted away by the arrogant fuckwit. But now we have one of the first in a position to claim he tried to save us from the imbecility and it turns out that he didn't see anything wrong woith hiring one million people with borrowed money and running 30bn quid deficits on average through the entire 'boom'. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

It's fucking pitiful. Folk prepared to proclaim to the world that they're myopic imbeciles. That for them, history and economics are a closed book. The economic equivalent of the weather-forecasting. Today is sunny therefore tomorrow will be sunny. The economy hasn't fallen over under the weight of government andd consumer borrowing today therefore it won't fall over tomorrow.

We should take their pensions off 'em the worthless fuckers.

call me ishmael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
call me ishmael said...

Blogger call me ishmael said...


Now look, I simply say to the peepulofbrittun that Sir Gus, like others among us, was a high-flying Oxbridge graduate who instead of enriching himself in the private sector, chose to selflessly enrich himself in the public sector, where, some of us, the gifted ones, the few, not the many, if you like, can ensure themselves an adequate income in return for their efforts, working sometimes as many as four days a week.

Y'know, I simply say that when you're planning an illegal war or some other great matter of state you need a safe pair of lips, I mean hands into which you can entrust your cock, I mean the nation's armed forces, deaths among whom I grudgingly regret but for which, I must say, I have been adequately compensated, well, almost.

Look, I'm a pretty, straight guy, or I used to be, not so pretty anymore. And the straight bit was a bit, well, wide of the mark. But anyway, you can trust me, after all, if GlobaCorp can trust me to do as I'm told then anybody can. As long as we're talking in multiples of five million. Let's face it, that's what a decent house costs me, these days. So, when I say that Sir Gus O'Blowjob is fully deserving not only of the nation's gratitude but also of a peerage and a lorryload of cash - perhaps not cash, mebbe gold, or drugs, or arms or other negotiables - and certainly, if he wants it, a seat on the board of my New Vatican, working for peace and death wherever we can in this troubled world - then the nation should believe me; I mean, would I lie to you?

(That'll be twenty grand. Cash please,just pop it in a bag and slip it to Cherie, I believe she's sitting at Bermondsey Crown Court, this week. yes, she still does that judge thing. Me? Nah, I just sentence whole cities to death. I might be wrong. But, y'know, only God can judge me. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.)

yardarm said...

Exactly, Mr jgm2. None of these lavishly educated and remunerated managerialists who run all aspects of our society heed history or economics. In a bullshitfest 300 years ago called the South Sea Bubble Isaac Newton lost his shirt. A simple fact which tells us economic catastrophe has frequently occured, for whatever reason and that even the cleverest of us can be swept up in mass hysteria, blindsided by greed.

Did GOD, Merv, Maximus Imbecilicus, Mediaminster, business and City figures even the humble householder deluding himself the value of his property would always rise, world without end, pause to consider that even old Isaac legging it down to the counting house clutching his purse of sovereigns was chuckling to himself " No return to Jacobean boom and bust " ?

And in 30 or 40 years time when the green tentacled lizard men from the Planet Zarg land, offering to sell us ' economic cycle damping field machines, guaranteed to end intergalatcic boom and bust " they`ll doubtless find many takers among the credulous.

Mr Ishmael: with Pakistan and Iranistan bubblin` away on the regime change hob, no doubt his successors will get plenty of opportunities to plunder the rewards of complicity.

call me ishmael said...

The question arises, mr yardarm and mr jgm2 and no doubt others, is there a Beyond Money?

There was a Beyond Slavery, a Beyond Feudalism, both of which, for centuries, were deemed indispensible - nah, mate, it's just 'uman naycha, keepin' slaves; nah, mate, it's 'uman naycha, you got yer Lords, like, yer men-at-arms and yer serfs and villeins, that's the way it's allus bin.

Anybody gort the wit to figure out that the planet won't survive the endless pursuit of more money for a tiny percentage of the population?

mongoose said...

We are already beyond money, Mr Ishmael. Money is no longer money. It is some mad instrument, a construction no longer connected to wealth creation, barter, trade or value. Money is now just paper and much of it is fit only for burning.

Real money is a promise to render value for the piece of paper that you wave. Real money is real counters. You wash my shirts and I will sow your fields. If you have no shirts to wash but yet you have sewn my fields, I will give you some counters that represent shirt-washes of the future.

The truth is that the money we have now is largely crap and is kept afloat only because almost every government in the world preaches the same stupidity. You said it best here some time ago. It is a tyranny of debt. We are enslaved by consumerism and foolishness, and credit, and government. A pox on them all.

call me ishmael said...

It is true that you and I and others here know that our masters have substituted the sale of expionentially growing debt - zombie economics - for any proper economic activity but the gist of all current, proposed strategies is that somehow, after a bit of austerity we will return to the very same situation which brought us here. Can no-one sidestep this fucking lunacy? Can no-one crawl, gasping, up the shore from this sea of eco-cidal madness and observe it for what it is? It can't be this way everywhere.

yardarm said...

If money is an abstract that enables a super barter system to function then debt is a....non existence of an abstract ? But as you say, an almost science fiction concept is treated as unshakable dogma.

Witness the absence of any economic policy except appeasement of the bond markets, Germany`s reconfiguring of the EU. This fucking lunacy, the tyranny of debt, is very profitable to some and a welcome political boost to others. Misery to millions.

We might get a glimpse of Beyond Money if the banks go tits up again and cash machines run dry as they nearly did three years ago. Looking at those running things I can`t see there being any attempt to engineer a better, even functioning system, just a puff of dust as they unearth the Civil Contingencies Act. Never did get around to repealing it, did they ?

call me ishmael said...

And haven't they, via some Euro shit, given themselves the right to shoot us dead, not that they ever needed one?