Thursday 15 December 2011


Top people's store, Harrods, is marking this, the first of many Austerity Christmases, by limiting its production of top people's Christmas puddings to 750.

The puds contain "succulent vine fruits", chopped walnuts and juicy  apricots, poached or marinaded or simmered or drenched in port and brandy;  each pud also contains six lucky sixpences, so, be careful, you top people, that you don't choke on your Limited Edition Pud.

The puds are a steal at just £59 so, if Harrods made three million of them, then bottom people could each buy one with just one week's Job Seekers' Allowance, apart, of course, from those spendthrifts who claim that they cannot survive on sixty quid a week, and those who, quite rightly, don't get any money at all.

MPs, who are keen to abolish the body which scrutinises their "expenses", have indicated that taxpayers might buy each of them a Harrods Top People's Pudding as, in their own words, We are all in this trough together.

Here's wishing them a happy Up against the wall, motherfuckers.


mongoose said...

I think that we should all get ourselves down to Harrods and buy a 59 quid freakin' Christmas pud. It'll help boost the economy. Yay! There was a mad cow on the radio this morning saying that we should all get out and spend, spend, spend to get things moving again. Can't remember her name but one of the new Luvvies. And as someone said, honest not invent.

Anonymous said...

Up against the wall, Mr I? Would that be a case of the people topping the top people?

jgm2 said...


The same advice given to all patriotic Americans by the Idiot-in-Chief post 9/11.

'Don't let the terrorists win. Go out there and spend.'

Not enlist. Not buy war bonds so we can nuke the fuckers and have money to spare. Hell no. Go out and spend.

What kind of fucked-up world have we invented for ourselves when the response to the murder of 3,000 innocents is not to exterminate with extreme prejudice but to really show them rag-heads by borrowing more fucking money to buy more cheap Chinese plastic shit?

And of course here, in the UK, the Maximum Imbecile looked on that insanity and embraced it as his own. If they're going to spend their way out of a crisis then I'm going to match 'em.

Bin Laden won. It's that simple and you have no idea how much it galls me to admit it. The wicked fucker knew exactly which buttons to press and the fucking idiots failed to disappoint.

call me ishmael said...

That's a whole other story, mr jgm2, whoever one holds responsible or jointly responsible for the strange events of the Manhattan Massacree - the worst thing that ever happened, ever.

More billionaire victors in the US military/security/industrial/legislative/media complex than have ever gathered in Mecca. If you just discount its impact on ninety-nine per cent of Americans then NIneEleven was a great day.

Mike said...

It might be a cunning plan....what better way to target life's arseholes. Who knows whats in the pud?

yardarm said...

These are the things the real top people buy to hand out to the staff at Christmas, a kind of thank you to the gamekeepers, housemaids, footmen and gardeners. A display of noblesse oblige to the humble cap doffers who maintain the velvet bottomed in the manner to which they are entitled.

So it would be entirely fitting for Call Me Flashman to dip into the trust fund or the taxpayer funded salary he gets as one of the best remunerated public sector workers in the country and stump up a pud for all the toilet shooters and dog eaters who have enabled him to hang his topper in Downing Street this year.

Except for Clegg and Cable. When they shamefacedly shuffle forward at the back of the queue to collect their pud, Flashman says " Oh sorry chaps, didn`t think you wanted one. Given yours to Sam`s manicurist and the Lithuanian bloke who does the wisteria ".