THE WHITE MAN'S BURDEN

IRAQ TO BE COVERED IN STEEL COLUMNS

A grateful Mr Mohammed Wog, below, who lost every single member of several generations of his family asked if some of the million-plus columns, a gesture of thanks for the terror bombings of the Coalition, might be fashioned into likenesses of the right honourables, Tony Blair, Jack Straw and Geoff Hoon, lest bereaved Iraqis forget their benefactors.

NO STONE TURNED

I am today, Mr Nearly DunSpeakin’, launching a far-reaching cover-up into the entirely legal and proportionate and may I say, Mr Dunspeakin’, brief, Iraq incursion which has led to millions of deaths but most of them wogs and which, I remind honourable and right honourable members, we all voted for, apart from the Liberal party and nobody gives, Mr Dunspeakin’, a fuck about them, walking about in sandals and paying young men to defecate into their mouths, Mr Dunspeakin’, as they do. And nor, I remind the house, does anyone give a fuck about the wogs, obviously. Or we wouldnae a been firing cruise missiles at half a million quid apiece into their school playgrounds; only not Brother KeithVaz and Brother Trevor Phillips who are, as near as damnit, Mr Dunspeakin’, decent, white Presbyterians. Only still nig-nogs at heart.

The enquiry will find that many were to blame but none are accountable and this is in the finest traditions of this house, alongside the so-called flipping of second homes, the avoidance of capital gains tax and the acting like worthless thieving bastards which so distinguishes my cabinet and the gentlemen-comedians, coke-snorters, arse-bandits, grave robbers, child molesters, shoefetishfreaks and bagladies opposite.

The enquiry will find that the world is indeed a much better place without the late Mr Hussein who, in the best traditions of my party, the Labour Party, was publicly hanged, thus providing much amusement in the Washington Chimpanzee House, even though it isn’t, the world, that is. Mr Dunspeakin’, a better place but far worse. But we will find, Mr Dunspeakin’ that salaries and pensions in this place will be adjusted to allow for the fact that members are no longer able to run a property business on the side, and this would be the right thing for the hard-working homeless families and small goneoutofbusiness businesses up and down the country, if we want the best in parliament we need to pay members salaries commensurate with those received by other organised criminals.

There will need to be a mild rebuke of the Papist Blair and his woman, Imelda, but nothing which would tarnish his reputation as a peace-making man of God - only not, I point out, modestly, a son of the fucking manse - else the whole house of cards might come tumbling down.

If crimes there are then they will be found to have been committed by rogue private soldiers and not by our friend, Major-General Rupert Jockstrap-Golightly or indeed any commissioned member of Her Majesty’s First Rocking Horse Cavalry whom, as members will know, we may well need to deploy at home against the people if our freedoms are to be preserved

Once again the house is indebted to Baron Peter FitzYuri of Hart-le-pool for finding some blackmailable civil servant to chair the cover-up. Guided by my own moral compass, Lord Peter, twice disgraced and exiled has returned to the bosom of the party which spawned him, or he, or he, or he, or he, Mr Dunspeakin’, it.

I have said recently, Mr Dunspeakin’, that I would listen, that I would listen, that I would listen, that I would listen more to what, to what, to what, to what, to what people say, Mr Dunspeakin’ and people are saying they want a full, open and very public enquiry into why we presided over such a catalogue of war crimes, why my right honourable friend, Mr Jack Torture, lied his face off to the UN and why the Papist Blair, immediately upon leaving office, was found to have such banking skills that Messrs GlobaDeath engaged him at five million dollars a year; people, rightly want to know who did and said what and to whom and why and they want it all out in the open. So Mr Dunspeakin’ the enquiry will sit entirely in private, or in camera, as we scholars say and will report only to me exactly what I have told it to; it is only by a full and frank cover-up such as this that we will be able to keep the homeless families and small goneoutofbusiness businesses entirely in the dark and at our mercy and I commend this cover-up to the house.

Cheers! hear-hear! hear-hear! For Gordon’s a jolly good ladyman!Hurrah!

(ABRAHAMIC) FAITHSULIKE, A PICTURE ESSAY FOR PENTECOST

 

I'M BEING FOLLOWED BY A MOONSHADOW. GENIAL MOHAMMEDANS PREPARE A CO-RELIGIONIST FOR A CELEBRATION OF THEIR FAITH.

 

IN MOSLEM COMMUNITIES DIFFERENCES OF OPINION ARE FREELY AIRED

 

A NEW NAZI BROOM SWEEPS CLEAN, OR UNDER THE CARPET.

 

BLESS ME, FATHER, FOR I HAVE NONCED;
THAT'S OK, SON, GO AWAY AND DO IT IN ANOTHER PARISH.
ALL ONE BIG, HAPPY, NONCING FAMILY, IS MOTHER CHURCH

 

JUDAISM STRIKES BACK AT THE NAZIS.

 

SHALOM. ISRAELI DEFENCE FORCES ELIMINATE ANOTHER TERRORIST. WINNERS OF THE GUIDO FAWKES HUMANITARIAN PIZZA AWARD.

WOTSONTELLY?

YOURS FOR A ROLEX

Mr Michael Mates, a senior MP in the spanking party, was formerly the plaything of an exotic Cypriot businessman, one Mr Asil Nadir


MPs BOUGHT & SOLD

but now he is a respected backbencher again, his days of renting himself out a thing of the past, unless, of course, the price is right - our elected representative, toiling at Democracy’s coalface, must not sell themselves short. It is a grand thing how the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act, meaningless usually, works nowhere so well as in the Houses of Parliament, as Mr Oily Vaz and many others will attest.

Flanneling his arse off on Newsnight this week Mike exonerated all concerned in the 7/7 bombings, except, of course the British Muslem suicide bombers who, mysteriously, were shot by the cops at Canary Wharf - perhaps on their way to Paradise having already suicided, as it were, on the trains which it was impossible for them to be on.

Unfortunately, the CCTV cameras, so often our guardians, were, on the trains and bus concerned, not working, unusual, because the Israeli security company which owns and operates our self-scrutiny community observation equipment is normally so efficient. Unable to provide the incontrovertible visual evidence of the four bombers’ presence, the authorities were forced to make up one still frame with the aid of some computer programme. On this occasion the Israelis more than deserved the Pizza showered upon them customarily by Mr Fawkes, the parliamentary expenses monitor, in recognition of their slaughter of women and children but modesty forbade them claiming any credit, bless.

Mike was adamant, in the way that only Tories can be adamant, that all had been done to investigate what had happened on and leading up to the terrible events of 7/7 which so vindicated Mr Blair’s Iraq Legacy and that nobody was to blame, apart from the people who blew themselves up on the trains and were subsequently shot to death some miles away by the Split-Second-Wrong-Decision-Squad. Nobody was to blame, he thundered, puce-faced in a way that only Tories can thunder puce-faced. And if people, families and such, keep complaining they might find themselves on the top deck of a diverted ‘bus which blows up, twice, to be on the safe side.

In 1993 Mike Mates was forced to resign as Northern Ireland Minister due to his having with great integrity accepted bribes from Mr Nadir for asking questions on his behalf. There is no suggestion that Mike was anything other than dishonest and lesser men would have resigned their parliamentary seats in shame. We should not, therefore, assume that anyone paid Mr Mates to whitewash the 7/7 affair because, as we know, he is for sale. Victims and relatives of victims of 7/7 should believe everything Mike says, shut the fuck up and go away. Who could not be reassured by a slag like Michael Mates, MP, PC ?

Further holiday reading: 7/7 Ripple effect at:

7/7 ripple Effect#
video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8756795263359807776 -

STAY TUNED, WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS SHORT BREAK

WANTED: CORRUPT MPs.

TOO BENT EVEN TO BE A MINISTER AGAIN ? WHY NOT CHAIR A SELECT COMMITTEE ?


SCRUTINISING LEGISLATION OFFERS GREAT OPPORTUNITIES TO RESOURCEFUL MEMBERS - BRIBES, JUNKETS, DIRECTORSHIPS AND GOVERNMENT APPROVAL ARE JUST SOME OF THE BENEFITS.

APPLICANTS MUST HAVE A PROVEN RECORD OF DISHONESTY, NO SENSE OF SHAME OR DECENCY REQUIRED AS SUCCESSFUL APPLICANTS WILL BE FULLY TRAINED BY EXPERTS LIKE MR VAZ IN POURING OIL IN HONESTY'S FACE, THE CUNT.