THE WEEKLY HYPOCRITE
by
skymadeupnewsandfilth’s bullshit correspondent.
Mr Ishmael Smith reports on the week’s hypocrisy highlights.
KEN CHUCKLES HIS WAY OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT.
Cheeky Chappy Ken is among the front runners. The bloated jazzman, Kenny, former Health Supremo to Madam Thatcher has handsomely enriched himself by flogging fags to third world infants, saying he believes in freedom of choice, a-ha- a-ha ha; throughout his period of drug-dealing to children Kenny has moonlighted as an MP. This alone should put him at the top of the Hyposhit pile but on Listen with Dimbles, the other night, the FatMan chortled that even though he was as acute and investigative and brilliant a mind as any other Oxbridge layabout; he hadn’t, he said loftily, the foggiest idea of what those troublesome clerks at the Commons had done to his receipts –many of which are for pennies. Not me, Guv, giggled the Tubster, not the faintest idea. Running the country down to the last fucking halfpenny of tax? Yes, I’m your man. But my expenses, all so very trivial, really, can’t be arsed to get them right, too clever by half, so fuck off, there’s a good chap.
DODGY DAVE SHIFTS THE BLAME.
He’s all over the place, soundbiting like a demented rapper. Now that I’ve been found out I’m gonna put my expenses online. And if you ask me why I didn’t do this before I was found out – and so many of my brilliantly chosen and promoted Oxbridge Shadow Cabineteers were revealed as thieving fucking gabshites – I simply sat that it is vital to my continued prominence that we pretend to clean up this shithole while keeping it as much the same as before but with us being a but smarter about things, transparency that’s what the British people deserve and if people have done wrong they must be punished but not me or my chums, fuck no. And I simply say Now that I’ve been found out I gonna put my expenses online. And if you ask me why I didn’t do this before I was found out – and so many of my brilliantly chosen and promoted Oxbridge Shadow Cabineteers were revealed as thieving fucking gabshites – I simply say that it is vital to my continued prominence that we pretend to clean up this shithole while keeping it as much the same as before as we possibly can but with us being a but smarter about things, transparency that’s what the British people deserve and if people have done wrong they must be punished but not me or my chums, fuck no. And I simply say………..
Dave is in a class on his own Hypocrisy-wise; it takes a real asshole to ride to work on a bike with a limo following behind.
GRUNTING GORDON GOADS NON-PRESBYTERIAN GOD-BOTHERER
Unelected Gordon Snot crossed scimitars this week with another delusional fucking lunatic out there in Nearer Wogland. This man’s a fucking nutter, ranted the UK premier, he wants to run everything himself without any reference to the people, what sort of a dummy does that. I simply say to the hard-working homeless families and small goneoutofbusiness businesses up and down the land that whatever I decree is the right thing and they must do it. I am the right nutter at the right time in the right place. Now is not the time for an Aya-fucking-tollah-nuttah.
i will now invite my pretend friend, Lord Crabs, to lead us in some Community Obedience Chanting:
Whaddaweant? Presbyterianism! when do we want it ? Now. And forever and fucking ever. Ah-fucking-men.
MARTY THE MURDERER MCGUINNESS
Thou Shalt Not Kill. (Or I’ll have the boys bury you alive, so I will.)
ESTHER DOG
Yelp, yelp, yelp, yelp, yelp, whine, whine, whine, whine; over-rehearsed, platitudinous, corny, tub-thumping, shameless, self-promotion after over-rehearsed, platitudinous, corny…. etc., etc..
God Al-fucking-Mighty, cry Havoc and let slip the Dogs of Ruin; Esther fucking Rantzen, Jesus fucking Wept.
