by
skymadeupnewsandfilth’s bullshit correspondent.
Mr Ishmael Smith reports on the week’s hypocrisy highlights.
KEN CHUCKLES HIS WAY OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT.
Cheeky Chappy Ken is among the front runners. The bloated jazzman, Kenny, former Health Supremo to Madam Thatcher has handsomely enriched himself by flogging fags to third world infants, saying he believes in freedom of choice, a-ha- a-ha ha; throughout his period of drug-dealing to children Kenny has moonlighted as an MP. This alone should put him at the top of the Hyposhit pile but on Listen with Dimbles, the other night, the FatMan chortled that even though he was as acute and investigative and brilliant a mind as any other Oxbridge layabout; he hadn’t, he said loftily, the foggiest idea of what those troublesome clerks at the Commons had done to his receipts –many of which are for pennies. Not me, Guv, giggled the Tubster, not the faintest idea. Running the country down to the last fucking halfpenny of tax? Yes, I’m your man. But my expenses, all so very trivial, really, can’t be arsed to get them right, too clever by half, so fuck off, there’s a good chap.
DODGY DAVE SHIFTS THE BLAME.
He’s all over the place, soundbiting like a demented rapper. Now that I’ve been found out I’m gonna put my expenses online. And if you ask me why I didn’t do this before I was found out – and so many of my brilliantly chosen and promoted Oxbridge Shadow Cabineteers were revealed as thieving fucking gabshites – I simply sat that it is vital to my continued prominence that we pretend to clean up this shithole while keeping it as much the same as before but with us being a but smarter about things, transparency that’s what the British people deserve and if people have done wrong they must be punished but not me or my chums, fuck no. And I simply say Now that I’ve been found out I gonna put my expenses online. And if you ask me why I didn’t do this before I was found out – and so many of my brilliantly chosen and promoted Oxbridge Shadow Cabineteers were revealed as thieving fucking gabshites – I simply say that it is vital to my continued prominence that we pretend to clean up this shithole while keeping it as much the same as before as we possibly can but with us being a but smarter about things, transparency that’s what the British people deserve and if people have done wrong they must be punished but not me or my chums, fuck no. And I simply say………..
Dave is in a class on his own Hypocrisy-wise; it takes a real asshole to ride to work on a bike with a limo following behind.
GRUNTING GORDON GOADS NON-PRESBYTERIAN GOD-BOTHERER
Unelected Gordon Snot crossed scimitars this week with another delusional fucking lunatic out there in Nearer Wogland. This man’s a fucking nutter, ranted the UK premier, he wants to run everything himself without any reference to the people, what sort of a dummy does that. I simply say to the hard-working homeless families and small goneoutofbusiness businesses up and down the land that whatever I decree is the right thing and they must do it. I am the right nutter at the right time in the right place. Now is not the time for an Aya-fucking-tollah-nuttah.
i will now invite my pretend friend, Lord Crabs, to lead us in some Community Obedience Chanting:
Whaddaweant? Presbyterianism! when do we want it ? Now. And forever and fucking ever. Ah-fucking-men.
MARTY THE MURDERER MCGUINNESS
Thou Shalt Not Kill. (Or I’ll have the boys bury you alive, so I will.)
ESTHER DOG
Yelp, yelp, yelp, yelp, yelp, whine, whine, whine, whine; over-rehearsed, platitudinous, corny, tub-thumping, shameless, self-promotion after over-rehearsed, platitudinous, corny…. etc., etc..
God Al-fucking-Mighty, cry Havoc and let slip the Dogs of Ruin; Esther fucking Rantzen, Jesus fucking Wept.
11 comments:
If I lived in Luton South I would be very, very worried. As it is I am just worried.
I am growing very, very tired of Iain Dale and Iran
Thanks, Mr Old Holborn. I visit few political blogs, yours is one of them; Mrs Dale's isn't. I was very, very tired of him the first time I became aware of him.
I think it was Nick Kent who reviewed the Yes album. It read:
Yes.
No.
--------
since it's you, I will search out a cardigan and go and have a look. Should I take Pizza?
its just pre speaker results blues
read one paper beckett plot by brownies , read another parties unite to kick bercow , read bloggs reminsce about richard sheppard great speech last week.
ruin could be fronting giant slug army by tuesday , still hopefull ruin will go into teaching early.
jack straw looked a bit pale
Mr. Ishmael,
Off topic, but the appearance of your good self in the Ishmael form sent me back to Moby Dick again; two thirds of the way through this extraordinary book, deep in the midst of long perorations on the subject of whales and whaling,
I am, Sir, Yr. Ob. Srv.,
Mr. E. Beserk
Dale has conveniently forgotten the Iran Contra affair.
Dear Mr Elby the Beserk,
And I, yours.
If I had hedges like that I'd be angry too - that's hayfever in the face.
It is curious how impregnable to intelligence marxism is, even Melville can be made to seem reconcilable with it.
Still, it might be argued it is better that our host should be a marxist than a liberal: a marxist (it might be said) is to a liberal what an honest criminal is to a bent cop.
Too racy a metaphor for me, Mr The Dyer's Garden; the ZPMism is just a shorthand, acknowledging the influence - not on just this writer but on all grown in the post-war, post-Abrahamic, post-Beat, post-Rock 'n'Roll, post-modern society - of major belief systems and should not be taken as more than that; even so, my explnation to the nurse was probably more sincere and informative than are most such.
It is curioser and curioser how impregnable, also, are Christianity and Capitalism to intelligence, no need to single-out one belief system over another as the more flawed, the more doctrinaire, the more an article of faith over Reason.
One of the developments during a quarter century of Blatcherism is the almost merging of previously separate Left and Right wings; maybe it is just now more sharply seen that Power freaks are, at their core, indistinguishable one from the other, all belonging as we say here, Up against the wall, motherfuckers.
I suppose someone might say that one kind of crass reductionism - the marxist's "industrial relations", the liberal's "social contract", the capitalist's "free market" - may be thought to be more or less crass than another, but that none is compatible with the forms of life great art embodies. And if you ask him to point to a theory that is, he might say it is akin to that unfortunate IRA suspect who asked, on being lethally shot through the head, "Who put out the lights?"
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