Saturday, 8 May 2010



From Laura Tits, skymadeupnewsandfilth's girl in uncharted territory.

Mr Nicholas al Clegg has announced that in the interests of the nation  he will enter  a deal with the man who right-wing racist Ian Hislop describes as the greasy wog, Fayed.

Having triumphantly won fewer seats than even the sprinting coffin dodger, Sir Ming or Charlie, the ginger alky, I feel I am well placed to enter  a power-sharing arrangement with Mr al Cameron;  few people in modern political history have promised so much and delivered so little as  I, continued  a pasty-looking, tongue-tied, gabshite tosser on the steps of the famous emporium and that is why, with my nice suit and haircut,  I am uniquely qualified to be the teaboy in Harrods.  

"On the first floor, ladeezangennulmen, we are offering hgh-quality Cleggmania Tee-Shirts,  an amazing bargain at three for the price of none. I must go now and meet with my fellow  porters and doormen and rest-room attendants, as we forge this unique alliance, in which Mr al Cameron has promised to be gentle with me."

Mr al Cameron said that he had made a big, open and comprehensive offer to the defeated LibDem leader, And it's the only thing that'll stop his party garotting the useless prick.  He is uniquely placed to be a full and useful member of my team, making tea for the rest of us, as we sell-off the store's contents to our friends in the red braces and kick its loyal customers up and down Knightsbridge,and indeed, the whole country.


Agatha said...

Thank you for your post-election post, Mr. Ishmael, and, as ever, your acid and insightful take on the nations' politics and the governance of Harrods. I agree that Mr Clegg is looking rather seedy, despite everyone agreeing with him - probably the reality of what he has done has finally caught up with him.
As ever,

Anonymous said...

Hold the front page! Some bloke has sold a shop. Are we really reduced to this shite what Tesco, John Lewis, Asda etc. are up to? What happened to proper jobs in manufacturing you know making things that people want instead of flogging things made in Asia. By the way shoppers in Asda buying George threads why not spare a thought for the poor sods in Cambodia knocking them out? Thailand is too expensive now I believe.