Tuesday, 18 May 2010



David Laws and Gideon Osborne, joint-pursers on HMS Ruin, display the coalition's solidarity of purpose.

The vessel's dancing master, First Lieutenant Vince Cable,

said passengers should not get alarmed about the reform of the banks, as it wasn't going to happen, everything was fine about the twenty billion pounds of bonuses paid-out from public funds, the main thing was that he had a job of work to do. Sort of. He had to help the Captain burn all the lifebelts and lifeboats. Only not for the First Class passengers, obviously, Steady as she goes onto the rocks, that's always been my motto, simpered Dr Vince.

Vince used to worry us, said Mr "Red" Braces,

for the vessels international owners, what with his talk of fairness but now that he's come aboard, we've got his mind right, only took a minute, Liberals, ya see, they can believe anything thay wanna. I'm not shittin ya. When we crash this tub right on the rocks and claim the insurance they'll all say it was the right thing to do. Proportional representation? Yeah, my ass.


mongoose said...

David Laws? Kings Cambridge, JP Morgan, Barclays DZW, retired into politics aged 30, MP for Yeovil ("Terribly lucky, you know. Got Paddy's old seat. What?")

Part of the fucking problem; definitely not part of the solution.

Oldrightie said...

Dear oh dear. So more of Labours' ruination is the only way? Look, shit stinks no matter whose. However the healthier the diet the less the problem. Trust me, socialist shit stinks from it's diet of envy, vitriol and hatred, the worst.

mongoose said...

It is too late to rectify much of what has gone on this last decade or three but the gravy-train could still be brought to a halt.

There are only two sorts of banks: retail banks and everything else. Retail banks deal directly with the risk provider - that's me. If I go overdrawn and cannot pay, if I get a big mortgage and cannot pay, if I borrow a few grand to start a business and it fails, if I borrow a tenner to buy a ladder and a bucket and a bike, and I get knocked down by a bus - these are their risks and they can charge me interest to cover this uncertainty and make a gentlemanly profit. (NB Wonga; APR 2689%. They ought all of them - down to the tea-boy - to be hanged in chains this very morning.)

Everything else is banks fucking with you - selling these various risks and uncertainties, and bundling them into derivatives and vehicles and funds and pensions and sundry ways of shaving off the profits of everyone's labour and wit. I had one on the phone not half-an-hour ago wanting to advise me. "Free consultation. About your pension and making the best of its value." I'd probably have got a Parker pen out of the gig.

There is though nothing intrinsically wrong with this until you start sucking tomorrow's profits out and paying yourself and your mates before any wealth has been created to pay the downside - because the risk remains and there will be nothing to fund the inevitable occasions when buses encounter the borrowers of tenners. Make these unpleasant events sufficiently numerous and the kitty will be bare. It's almost short selling our kids' futures isn't it? It's a so-called Ponzi scheme - eg "National Insurance". Money gone, him woman gone and him dog am dead.

Mr Laws is part of this problem, learned his lessons at the City teat. So rich that he doesn't even need to be a Tory. He too will have to be hanged.

call me ishmael said...

And outside their Masters of the Universe rhetoric even the Red Braces are a wee bit alarmed, unemployed people create more unemployed people, the more unemployed people there are, the fewer there are to go down and buy stuff in Tesco or do Growth, as we call it. It can of course be argued that medicinally this is a good thing because people will now go and work for Tesco, or anybody else, at very cheap rates, maybe even jobs will come back from overseas, maybe even that great Mr Dyson will start making his shitty machines here again, but in the meantime, people who've borrowed money like good citizens and then seen their jobs cut, won't be able to pay their debts to the Red Braces, idle fucking contemptible bastards, as Mr M says.

Now,like junkies, people will say, those indebted and now unemployed should have resisted the blandishments of the lenders but here, older and more tolerant we say, Goddamn the Pusher, at least as much and actually a whole lot more.

Still, the new people have taken a cut of five per cent on their six figure salary, that'll encourage us all, eh? Cheeky fucking bastard, Cameron.

Anonymous said...

i have always thought it odd that people are paid less than a tenner a day so they are forced back to any work yet the red braces brigade are paid tens of thousands a week or they will stop working and move abroad. If it was down to me I would give them a map with directions to the airport.