Now, if anyone called me a liberal, I'd have to haul off and pop them one in the eye, but I'm certainly a humanitarian (quite a lot of the time), and this has gone far enough. We, as a nation, really must say up with this we will no longer put. No, really, it has gone far enough and it is time for the British Dunkirk spirit.
Interviewed on yesterday's Today in Parliament, Radio 4's late night programme for insomniac news obsessives,
an hysterical French official was declaiming the impossibility of the French doing anything at all to halt the desperate migrant army from taking to the November seas in stupid little blow-up dinghies
to reach the paradise islands of Britain. Zere ees so much Coastline, he spluttered. So many Sand Dunes. Eet ees eempossible.
Oh, come on, we've seen news reels of the might of the French constabulary watching le departure, chatting and smirking while smoking their Gitanes.
No good handing over cash to the French to prevent migrants setting off in stupid little blow-up dinghies designed to hold between 30 to 50 people in a calm sea, and sinking under the weight of more than 50 in heavy seas, high waves, ice cold water - for fuck's sake - this is a humanitarian crisis on our doorstep, and the French have no motivation whatsoever to prevent it.
(a) they have always hated les rosbifs,
b) they hate us worse than ever after le Brexit
(c) they have their own migrant crisis to deal with.
(d) And they think its funny.
So, here's the solution - launch all the little Dunkirk boats, and the big Navy boats, get across the Channel, and scoop up all the migrants.
Search the Sand Dunes, train floodlights on the Coastline, net them all, and bring them into these Paradise Islands. Park a big FuckOff Ship off the coast to pick up any stragglers.
And pop them into internment camps, for processing. And whilst being processed, they can be useful to their adopted country. The Churchill Barriers need upgrading. The beaches need cleaning. The crumbling city infrastructures need shoring up. Hard work in the fresh air, compulsory English lessons twice daily, three good hot meals a day, heavy on suet, gravy and protein, warm clothes, knitted ganseys and good English leather boots. The people smugglers can go in with them. I'll give them Paradise Islands. And if they want to build a mosque - crack on with it, here's some concrete, a Nissan hut and some paint - we did as much for the Italian Prisoners of War and they produced a terrific tourist destination - plucky little Eyeties and their Italian Chapel.
Like I said, I'm really not a liberal. But I am a humanitarian. And the French are neither.