Saturday 28 January 2012


Scottish firebrand politician, Tearful Tommy Sheridan, is to be released on parole after serving one third of the  three-year sentence, imposed  upon him for his principled fight against  the evils of capitalism in all its forms, apart from in  the sex clubs, brothels and drug dens of the North Western England.   The only catch in the early release deal is  that Sheridan must shut his gob for six months, in public, at least,  and not go banging-on about the injustices of his life, his position and the failure of Mr CallHimDave to be held to account over l'affaire Coulson - or, Tommy, one might add, sotto voce, anything else.

 Not usually known for its generosity of spirit,  the Scottish Prison Service inadvertently  does the nation and the aural environment a temporary and all too brief  service.  To be spared, even for six months,  the sexist, incoherent, foam-flecked, fist-waving demagoguery of Mr Tearful Tommy Sheridan is, in these hard times, a welcome blessing, one tempered only by the knowledge that  Mr Sheridan's fellow celebrity and his advocate, Mr Aamer Anwar, will,  in his uniquely outraged and tongue-tied manner,  be self-righteously filibustering his way around the TV studios, ranting about his client's purity and dedicarion to public service.  Even facing this self-serving onslaught we might find some relief in the fact that Mr Anwar may not be simultaneously engaged in  vigorously applauding the abolition of the double jeapardy legislation - one of the citizen's few protections against the over-reach of the state's criminal law.

For  the illumination of those living outside this blessed land, perhaps poncing a living off Mr Salmond's oil reserves,  we should mention that Mr Anwar

 is one of Scotland's most prominent celebrity lawyers.  Pushy, showy and woefully inarticulate, even for a Scottish lawyer. Mr Anwar, a civil rights enthusiast,   has recently been trumpeting that the abolition of the double jeapardy protection means that those whom " everybody knows to be guilty" should be convicted forthwith;  breathtaking stupidity, even from a shit-eating Sheridanite. I tell you, friends, the fifteen-minutes long BBC Scotland Newsnight features a tiny, regular cast of some of the dumbest, ugliest, stupidest and  most repellent  assholes in the country, Anwar being the unlikeley and ludicrously unsuitable default setting choice to pontificate about civil liberties, he's like the Imelda Blair of Jock jurisprudence.

Tommyists around Scotland  - sadly, poor wee crossdressing wifebeaters,  confusing opposition to their hero as endorsement of skymadeupnewsandfilth - insist that the campaign for Salmondism, I mean Independence, must hear the ranting,  tobacco-rasped  voice of Tommy, and no doubt the saintly Gail, too, if it is to mean anything at all.

Mr Sheridan and his media-legal stooges have already hijacked and torched the Left in Scotland,  that they wish now  to cavort in, make Scotland host to a bizarre and  corrosive Celebrity Big Brother Independenc Referendum  House is a self-indulgence too far.  If Mr Sheridan himself has voluntarily  agreed to the terms of his parole -  he could, acting in principle, have served the rest of his sentence - then that should be the end of the matter; principle,  for the baying Sheridanites, however,  is shouty and bullying in its noisesome evangelism and infinitely elastic in its meaning. We must look forward, therefore, dolefully, to Tommy and Aamy berating the nation about its failure to properly honour the coke-snorting prophet in its midst and demanding that the terms of his parole are an affront to human decency.  As if we didn't have enough shot to sidestep.


Glamourpuss Tommy, bless, reclining in his macho sunbed,
models his tee-shirt for his avid wee fans.

Next week,  in our Gay Heroes of Scotland series: entertainer and traveller, Mr George Gallowbum tells readers: Why I should be the first Socialist Emperor of Scotland.

 A man  peddling Freedom in order that he might enjoy a cushy living
would better starve.....

                                                                                           from Tasty McFadden's Corruption Blues 


jgm2 said...

With such fuckwits as Sheridan and Galloway as alternatives to Labour and the Tories is it any wonder that Salmond is soon likely to get his own Learjet. As befits his status as the 'Independent' President of Regional area 'Scotland' of the EU.


I bet he has a fucking brochure from Bombardier already. Already picked out the design he wants on the tail. Charged Alcoholics Dormant on a sanguine background most likely.

McTheobald said...

Private Eye has the would be future Emperor of Jockland well and truely sewn up in the current issue.

Hugh Janus said...

I've never understood Galloway. He rants against the West in his weekly talksport show yet is quite happy to get paid by Iran where independent bloggers, journalists, gays and anyone who complains gets hung from a crane in the village square. Or shot in the face on the street.

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

The fucking BBC insists on referring to the 'Scottish Government' - it is not. It is an 'administration.'

Odd, really, for the lefty broadcaster when Scottish independence will mean the end of Labour as a governing power in England...

Incidentally, was chewing the fat in London tonight with my Hong Kong Chinese friends. They had with them a friend from China, a TV producer.

She gave up working for the BBC in Shanghai - calling the BBC a pain to work for. She now works for Sky in Beijing.

A young woman - very poised - brought up under communism can't stand the Beeb and heads for Sky. Figure that one out.

Like Paxman's bleating with three young chinese women last week. 'But you can't change the government' said the '68er'. 'Why do we want to change the government said the lovelies, Chanel handbags to hand.

'Well' lamented Paxo. 'Maybe they have the most important freedom of the lot - the freedom to make money...'

throbber said...

"The fucking BBC insists on referring to the 'Scottish Government' - it is not. It is an 'administration.'"

No you're wrong. It was the "Scottish Executive" but is now officially the "Scottish Government" since 2007.
The Parliament is home to the Scottish Government and all references in correspondence etc are Scottish Government.
If the Lib/Lab/Con would just back off and give us independence it would be the independent Scottish Government. But we only have 10% of the UK voters and the English voters keep voting for the Unionist parties to keep us part of the UK unfortunately.

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

Ah....NuLab semantics in an attempt to garner votes.

Can't set your own taxes...not a government.

yardarm said...

I doubt, Mr jgm2 that Salmond`s dignity would be assuaged by a mere Learjet. He would require his own version of Airforce One when he represented his subjects, er, the Scottish people at Brussells, with the Son of Heaven in Beijing and with whichever dunderhead is infesting the White House.

From an early age Top Hatters are trained to conceal their sense of entitlement. Not so their oppos on the left like the grotesques exhibited by our host. Remember the desperate, sweaty attempts by the Kirkaldy hobbledehoy to prise the switchgear of power from Jug Ears ? An ageing Livingstone convinced that London Belongs to Him ? The laughable fratricide between the Milibands neither of whom is fit to hand round the biros at a parish council meeting.

throbber said...

"Ah....NuLab semantics in an attempt to garner votes."

Scotland ditched new Labour .
This is our 2nd SNP Government.
Not that England has noticed. But that's ok we're used to it.
England kept voting for Tony and his cronies though.

call me ishmael said...

It is right to say, mr throbber, that Scotland, myself included, ditched the ghastly, thieving bastards of Old/New and BrownLabour, in favour of the FatMan but I would suggest that disaffection with Labour and hatred for the Tolries of McLetchie and Goldie does not and will not translate into a vote for Independencs or separation or whichever gloss Salmond and his bunch of braying fuckpigs put on it. Commentators should never forget that rather than being a breath of fresh air, Lardface is just more of the same, having learned his shabby trade in the bars and knocking shops of Westminster and self-fellating with the same worthless shower of journalists - only, Christ knows, Iain McWhirter is more of a shitfaced cocksucker than is even Andrew Marr - and the pretence, therefore, that he represents a new politics is as absurd applied to the SNP as it is when attached to the shitgobblers of the LibDems.

As to the question of whether it is a govament or not, well, I don't consider it to be anything more than an enlarged local govament, I grant you it is a matter of semantics but there is nothing wrong with that - how else can we assure accuracy of communication if not by linguistic exactitudeness, as Dubya might have said ? - and if it can't declare war, set benefits levels and raise taxes it's not a govament, Holyrood is no more a govament than is Stormont or whatever they call that joint in Cardiff, is it Cardiff, where the Welsh play politics? if it was a givament it woiuld not be bleating about more powers. Would it? Quad erat demonstrandum, thus it is demonstrated; such is political infantilism, the logic of the position is that the case for independence would be better made if Holyrood DID NOT call itself a govament but claimed that it wanted to be one.

That is not to say that the SNP advances have nothing important to say to us about UK politics - it's just that - with respect for your sentiments and I have no wish to bludgeon to death your interesting comments- I don't think they say as much as you hope them to. And on the question of Freedom I would also refer you to my earlier reporting of the wee Fat Fucker proclaiming that political blogs were "not what the Internet is for." The cheeky cunt. That's enough, in my judgement, to hang him up from the nearest lamp post. Not what the Internet is for. Right.

call me ishmael said...

They represent, mr jgm2, in a strange way, Tommy and Gorgeous, what is great about Scotland, perhaps the home of organised Labour - there is a much more vibrant, even angry political consciousness up here and the Devolution process enabled the election by PR of people like Sheridan, who, to be fair to him, was, before he became gorged on his own semen, a right royal thorn in the side of Power.

I suppose the ultimate rottenness of CelbrityLeftism raises the question of the Nobility of constant, principled opposition and its worth - which was answered by the NewLab Gang of Four with a resounding Power At Any Cost! quickly seeing the political parties and the country degnerating into wholesale corruption, a state from which we will not, as we see, recover.

Sniping from the bushes, supported by the native Resistance, Sheridan and Galloway were fine, how quickly though, they turned into John Prescott.

I may have mentioned before that I travelled from Edinburgh to Inverness one Thursday on the First Class Highland Chieftain and in my end of the Buffet Car there were three SNP MSPs going home for the weekend; although they would have been home in time for tea, they each consumed a dinner and drinks which would have cost the taxpayer about eighty pounds a head.

What chance did poor, sloganising Tommy have, once thrown into such luxury? And won't Tommy, too, have a radio show and a newspaper column, like his comrade, Gorgeous George?

throbber said...


"Sniping from the bushes, supported by the native Resistance, Sheridan and Galloway were fine"

Tommy was rejected by the people of Scotland and Galloway never got a look in . Although the English liked Galloway and voted him into power in their cesspit of a parliament.

You might not like the wording 'Scottish Government' but that's what it's called. But I agree , the word government or administration , executive etc is all semantics. Everyone in Christendom knows that Scotland isn't independent and the wording doesn't have an effect on this state of affairs either way.

I hope you stay after independence Ishmael but it will still be a free country so you will still be free to fuck off somewhere else that is more to your liking.

call me ishmael said...

Thanks, mr throbber, but I am at least as much and maybe more "Scottish" than yourself, even though I deplore Mr Salmond's posturings and so I already knew I was free to stay - unles of course he starts shipoing out those nit proper enough for him.

The prole with you uber-Nationalists, thouggh, is that you think your enemy is the English when, in fact, he is the billionaires' collective foregathering in Davos, carbing up the world, including Scotland, for himself.

throbber said...

I'm no lover of Salmond Ishmael and only vote SNP because they're the only party that offered us a referendum on independence.

I've got no illusions about politicians but think the smaller the amount of politicians in charge then the more chance of accountability. Might be bollocks. But what's the alternative ?

As for being more or less Scottish than me. I don't know. I was born in Edinburgh and did 22 years in the Forces as a sweaty sock. A thick porridge eater. Treated as a joke by the English.

Mike said...

Hey throbber: you think you have copped some abuse, try being a Pom in Australia.

They call you a bastard, but you soon learn its a term of endearment and there are no hard fealings.

As for Georgeous George, he's my favorite. Anyone with the brass balls to tell the US Senate to fuck off, has to have some residual good points. He's a politicain, cleverer than most, so we can't be surprised he's on the make, and socialists seem to have more of a sense of their personal worth.

throbber said...


I must admit it was just good banter and both sides gave as good as they got.
I loved my time in the Forces and wish I was back there. Never mind.

Gorgeous George never disappoints for entertainment value but I can never understand why he's allowed to get away with his support for Cuba, Stalin, Iran etc
If any callers to his radio show take him to task he berates them or cuts them off or tells us how Cuba has great healthcare etc. Never mentions the thousands Cuba kills and tortures who don't 'agree' with the system and try to escape to the freedom of the US.

I found this link on another blog the other day about Cuba. Scary place if you're Cuban...

Agatha said...

Hi, Throbber,
What tests could be employed to determine Scottishness?
Place of Birth would exclude children born to Scottish parents whilst on holiday/working abroad.
Accent - a Miss Jean Brodie Edinborough accent sounds nothing like Rab C., which sounds nothing like a Western Isles accent.
Scottish Property owner - this would exclude Scots who rent their accommodation.
Scottish business owner resident in Scotland - oh, yeah, he might just have moved here.
Having one or two Scottish parents - well, how do we define their Scottishness?
Lives in Scotland - they might be just be sneaky English people who have moved here for the Quality of Life
Educated in Scotland – lots of foreigners come here for the quality of the education
Religion – oh yes, easy one, that!
Whiteness – oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
Likes football – so do the English, God help them. More a test of male tribalism than Scottishness
Ginger? Class? Chip on Shoulder?
Let’s face it, there is no defensible test of Scottishness. It is all racism and foolishness.
I live and work in Scotland. I own a house here and run a business here. The money in my purse has funny little pictures of Scots history on it. My grandson was conceived here. My husband is ginger in parts. I say things like “weans” and “outwith”. And yet I was told by a colleague that, come the glorious day, he would escort me to the border, under cover of darkness, and give a good push.

theosophus said...

I like the idea of freedom from oppression, as does most of humanity, with the exception of those who would like to have their own way in all things. e.g. politicians.
It matters little what comes out of their mouths (spittle excepted) because their only aim is oppression, no matter how they wrap it up.
As long as their are politicians there will be discontent and discord, and the folks "on the ground" will pay for it all.

throbber said...

I wasn't claiming to be any more or less Scottish than Ishmael. Just giving him my history.
I'd always assumed citizenship was where you were a legal citizen. Either by birth or by taking an oath to your new Queen/ president whoever renouncing your previous country and handing back the passport. And that's it.
But then I met people with multiple passports and rights in various countries so I don't know.
As EU citizens we've lost our national identity so if you move south after independence it's neither here nor there although I'd prefer you to stay as we need businesses to thrive here.