FILTH, ALL OF THEM,

WITH MATTHEW AMROLIVELVETCOLLAR ON THE GRASS OUTSIDE PARLIAMENT.

who'saprettyboy, then?

Yes and thank you, that was Joanna Tits in the studio and I'm joined here by a myriaduv people, addressing a myriaduv ishooes, as the country goes to the dogs and the right wing press shits itself with  spite and rage.

First, waddling across the Green, shoe-horned into his clothes, the most pompous arsehole of the British press - apart from the rest of them - welcome to  Fat Simon Heffer of the the Daily Filth-O-Graph, Fat Simes, I bet you have a myriaduv views on the ishooes, don't you?

I told you so, I always said that Dave was a loser, he should be hanged, I'll tie the rope on, and pull the lever, and pull on his legs;  it's a bad day for people like me, the decent, law-abiding bloodthirsty Nazis in this country, just wanting to educate their chidren privately and spend lots of time in the Caribbean with posh gangsters;  got any cakes, biscuits....jam roly poly?  That'll be five hundred guineas, please.  

And now, some drunken Glaswegian thug, yes, I believe it is Lord John Reid. You hate Gordon Brown, don't you, Wee John?

Jock "Mad Dwarf" Reid

SeeYouJimmy, Ah'd watch wod Ah wuz saying if Ah wuz yous. Ye cannae fuck wi' me, Ah'm a hard wee fucker, just ask Dawn Primarolo.  Ah slapped that bitch up good. But no, Ah dinnae want ma beloved Labour Party tae gang intae coalition wi' they jobby-munchin'  fairies. Ah can let yous have some cheap tickets fer they Celtic games, see, that's ma thing, footba', aye and fightin' and bullyin' and sexually harrasin' wee lassies who cannae defend themselves. And weed, that's mah thing, too, only it wisnae me, cos Ah was Hame Seckatry. Ah'm a great man, a giant o' the Labour Movement. An don't yous  be callin' me a useless greedy wee  fuckpig in scuffed shoes.  Ah cannae bear that filthy fucking language. Especially no' when Ah'm bein' statesmanlike, ya cunt.

That was Trotskyite millionaire and part-time MP, John Reid. And we are joined now by Malcolm Lower Your Voice To A Shout Rifkind. Sir Malc, what's your take on these myriaduvs hung parliament ishooes?

Lord Sir Malcolm You're So Vain Rifkind,
Bart. and Tory Arsehole.

A BLOODY DISGRACE, NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE TO SEE THE DAY, POLITICIANS PLAYING PARTY POLITICS, ROBERT MUGABE, STALIN, HITLER, POL POT, THATCHER. LIBDEMS? TRAITORS. I MEAN, DOING A DEAL WITH US, ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING, DOING A DEAL WITH THEM, AN OUTRAGE, HOW, PRAY, AM I EVER TO GET BACK MY BIG BROWN VOICE BACK IN GUVAMENT, SHOUTING AT THE PROLES, GIVING THEM WHAT-FOR? DISGRACEFUL. ABSOLUTELY DISGRACEFUL. SCOTTISH TORIES? WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT. AS A TRUE SCOT I AM HONOURED TO REPRESENT A RICH ENGLISH CONSTITUENCY. FOR THE TIME BEING. WOGS OUT NOW. TALLY HO.


 Thanks  Lord Sir Mouth and now over to the BBC's Sgt Bilko for his take on the myriaduv ishooes which the country faces, as we cross the uncharted waters of a bunged parliament, I mean hunged, or is it hanged ? Nick, what's your take?

Sgt Bilko Robinson,
the BBC's politics motormouth.

Thanks, Matthew, and well,  I never; just bear with me a minute while I make up some rubbish gossip and deliver it with all the gravitas of a   smirking Delphic Oracle , looks like it's all over for Gordon Snot, or maybe it isn't;  looks like the toiletmen are gonna march through the lobbies with the hangers 'n' floggers, or maybe they won't. It's a myriaduv ishooes we face here and no mistake,  in absolutely uncharted waters. A case of Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, Out, Out, Out, all over again, only David. And Nick, of course, Tory bastard. And now back to Joanna in the studio.