THE DAILY FILTH-O-MIRROR'S ASSOCIATE EDITOR,
TOILETS MAGUIRE, RESTING BETWEEN MEETINGS.
TOILETS HARD AT WORK, PUTTING THE MIRROR TO BED.
TOILETS DISPUTES A POINT WITH A FELLOW GUEST,
ON SKYMADEUPNEWSANDFILTH'S PRESS REVIEW
Aye, wahay, bonnie lad, Toilets Maguire, here, on t'television 'an Ah can 'onestly say, like, that Ah've never bin one for that hackin' shite. Up North, where Ah come from, d'ye ken, we canna mak' head nor tail of all they numbers, so Ah can reet 'onestly say that all my stories in't Mirror, Ah mek em all up mesen and dinna be botherin' wi' other folks mobiles. That Piers Morgan, though, 'e's a reet cunt an' if you get 'im for this ye'll get him, too, fer yon insider dealin' he done, and let the other poor cunt go to jail. Aye, reet, bonnie lad, Ah'll 'ave a pint a heavy, if yer buyin', an' a large whiskey.
sings: An' the fog on the tyne, 'sall mine all mine, the fog on the Tyne 'sall mine.