Dear United Kingdom. We, ze Portugeezers, are grateful to Senor CallEemDave for ze loan of some crack detectives from Scotland Yard an' are 'appy to 'ave some 'elp with our investigations from ze fabled genius coppers of ze world famous Met. Zey truly are ze envy of ze free world. What with taking ze endless bribes off Senor Murdoch an' 'ees esteemed journalists an' aving done so for years an' fucking years, and with Senor Yates covering-up ze evidence wizout even looking at eet an' standing outside Scotland Yard an' telling a 'ole pack of fucking lies we feel we are tremendously lucky to 'ave ze 'elp from such an august body of coppers in finding a way to 'elp Senor Gerry and Senora Cilla McCann
out of zair deefeeculties - zat is to say zat everyone with a brain sinks zey are a lying pair of repulsive, wicked an' shameless owyousay arseholes.
Eet ees only men of Senor Yates's calibre 'oo can turn sings upside down and back to front and make us, ze Portugese Police, responsible for ze disappearance of ze McCann baby and not ze McCanns zemselves, 'oo was too busy getting peesed to look after ze leedle ones. We look forward to ze Met showing us Dagos 'ow eet ees done.
We 'ave laid-on some bribe and some 'ores an' plenty of cocaine an 'unleemeted credit card, as well as some elderly ceeveelians 'oo ze Met coppers can beat to death eef zey get a leedle fed-up an' so zey weel feel right at 'ome. Evenin' all.