CRISIS IN AFRICA.
Hello, viewers, Lenny Henry here, famous Shakespearian ac-tor. And some of you may remember me for my fabulous career as the funny black man, Theophelus T Wildebeest, yes, that was me, parodying racism, that was my thing. Even from an early age, with my old mum, in Dudley. I always wanted to be white, I mean famous, and so that's why I sucked-up to dodgy ITV audiences, doing my own inimitable version of the Black and White Minstrels Show; groundbreaking it was. Like fuck
But that's not why I'm hear, I wanna talk to you about black people, like me, well not so fat, so rich, so smug and up their own arses as me, no, proper black people, starving to death in Somalia and scarcely able to hear my interminable drivel programmes on Radio Four. They're starving and dying, them coons are - no, only joking, just being post-ironic - and you can help them by being prompted by me, some useless, pampered fuckwit, into sending them some dosh. We can all help; even my ex-wife, Dawn French
CHARITY CHUBBY, FRENCH.
who ditched me because I'm as thick as two short planks, is sending some of her Terry's Chocolate Oranges out to Africa, even though they'll melt and are shit, anyway, and she and Jennifer will probably reunite to do a charity gig; that's the sort of people we are, in the theatre. Remember, just a few quid can save a picaninny from a terrible death. Only make sure you keep enough back for a weekend in a Premier Inn. Where everything is premier except the price.And the adverts.