STANISLAV, A YOUNG POLISH GRAMMARIAN.

From the archive: The Apostrope Jihadists.

Is time draw near in best of good new year to come and stop for good and long time all this fucking apostrophe shit. Stanislav know exactly where is to put apostrophe's. Go down in Inverness' Poly at night and learn off resident Scotch English teacher. Also read favourite book in bed by Lady Sir Ernest Gowers - Is In Complete Plain Apostrophes' Bollocks.

Is very simple, even for unspeakable pretentious cunt who write shit over on order-order. Here is final explanation of apostrophe dilemma and come from StanislavsNoShitEnglishTeachedToRefugeeMigrant&AsylumSeekerULikeLtd.

Where is s at end of word, is apostrophe. Is fucking simple : tomatoe's, potatoe's. plum's, tosser's, wanker's and fucking imbecile's. Apostrophe sometimes means ownership of stuff, as in - these is my fucking tomatoe's and not belong to no other fuckers'. Is obvious, innit, every s an apostrophe need's . Sometimes', though, and here is fucking tricky, is apostrophe go down back of s and other times's is go up front of s; sometime's, mates, and fuck me is really complicated, can put apostrophe right up fucking front of word whether is s or is no fucking s but mean actually that word was originally, in old English maybe, spell with s up front, like sphone or sfridge or sphoto or sbus was; 'bus, mates, was originally somnibus only get shortened up. Anytime we see an apostrophe but no s is, means that word is reduced by omission of useless letter - 'pram, therefore, originally was sperambulator, or, plural, sperambulator's. In these case apostrophe means something is not there, so, and, fuck me, not make this up, instead of put original letter back, put in fucking overhead squiggle, not mean nothing only cause fucking war (- Is apostrophe here? No, is fucking here. No is over here. No is no fucking apostrophe. Is fucking pluralise, innit. Not need no fucking apostrophe. I'll fucking kill you, you fucking misapostrophising barbarian ignoramus'. You dont' deserve to fucking live. Never mind express fucking opinion on other blokes's shit.)

Imagine you in Warsaw is come and go down Acadamy and learn Polish and get bollocking for not knowing is whole other sub-set of language, take perfectly good couple of word like do & not and then squash up together and dump o and replace with with fucking meaningless squiggle and have, instead, don't, and then you get told by some cunt Oi ! can't understand squiggle-use, is off down fucking shipyard for you, matey. You is good for fuck all. Opinion not matter a fuck. Go on, fuck off outa here. Nobody care what you think. Fucking apostrophe abuser. Hanging too fucking good for you is mate. Should put up against wall be, with motherfuckers'.

So there. All straighten out. See s and put apostrophe, in front, in back, before s, after s, just shove one anywhere; sometimes is best in front of whole word, make a nice change, eh. Or, best of all, is fucking abolish apostrophe, only get poor bastard confused as fuck, innit.

As for pretentious grammarfascist prat who dismiss whole life of other citizen because of inappropriate apostrophe nonsense; well, he is one-man regiment of cunt's or cunts' ; etiquette, you see, mates, is about locking-out, humiliating supposed inferior, like in Bullingdon Club of Dave Thing; etiquette, especially grammar etiquette, is vulgar as shit; manners, au contraire, as any true belle lettriste knows, is different, means welcome, come in and have nice day - although subtext is, here we don't piss in the sink. Dismiss someone for misuse of apostrophe is not just bad manners, is down in bilges of human behaviour. But best of all is that bloke like this has nothing to say about fuck all anyway, only bitch and chide and tut-fucking-tut. Can't even do fucking insult. Is maybe cabinet minister, TonyMcNutter or Bob (God But I Am A Useless Fucking Bastard ) Ainsworth. Better not come on here, talk about apostrophe shit, get smack in fucking chop's will.