Sunday 23 October 2022

The Sunday Ishmael 23/10/2022


Comrade Truss -  chapeau, mr mike 

 
 
She's looking remarkably well in her uniform - considerably better than when she dresses herself. Those ghastly skimpy little jersey dresses, so thin you can see the lines of her underwear through them. With an estimated net worth of £8.4 million, she could do a bit better than a Tesco dress and Claire's Accessories earrings. The King evidently thought so, as he muttered "dear, oh dear".
 

Not being sexist, honest. We made quite the fuss about Rishi's tight little rent boy suits - sleeves and trouserings way too short.
 
then there's Boris' failure to wear a waistcoat when it would hugely improve his look:

Now then, mrs ishmael, you pay far too much attention to clothes rather than policies. No, no, it's called Impression Management Theory, devised by Erving Goffman back in 1959 in his book The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. It's important if you want people to believe in you as their Alpha - you have to look the part. Maybe this is why the Tories keep trying on new Alphas - none of them know how to dress themselves.
Apart from this one:
I swear, I'm half in love with her myself, and, as all ishmaelites know, I'm just a poor deluded cis socialiste ancienne. 
Beautiful, poised, groomed, appropriately clad, with a good voice, calm hauteur and a spot-on killer punch - remember when she floored Ian Blackford - Penny looks like a Prime Minister. 
Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to have any policies. On the Laura Kuenssberg show today, she announced that she was half way between one thing and the other, so she was a Unity candidate and she'd been into the Treasury - actually into it, and had a lengthy discussion with Jeremy Cunt. Further than that, she would not stray. She fielded every one of Laura the Nose Kuenssberg's questions with variations on "nice try, but I will not be drawn on the details" . She's only got 23 MPs who have declared for her, so we'd best not waste any more time on Penny I-will-not-be-drawn-on-the-detail-Mordaunt.
Lord Mervyn Peake,  Lord Mervyn King, former Governor of the Bank of England
told the nation today that there 
“isn’t enough money there amongst the rich to get it back” when it comes to meeting the “strong case” for extra spending in certain areas to help recover from the lockdown. He said that politicians should explain the consequences of soaring inflation, the reduction of living standards caused by supporting Ukraine, and helping future generations cope with the increased national debt. When Laura The Nose suggested that the Markets ran Britain, not the Government, Lord Mervyn indignantly responded that it was not the Markets, but The Bank of England (pictured above) and the government running Britain.
For those ishmaelites who haven't got their heads round how the Tories have fucked the Eckonomy Stupid, it goes like this:
you know how if you want to buy a house, you get a bank (or building society) to lend you some money and tell them that if you don't pay back the money they can have the house instead. It's called a mortgage, derived from  Old French, literally ‘dead pledge’, from mort (Latin mortuus ‘dead’ and  gage ‘pledge’). Because you've got their money, you have to pay them something called interest. Which is a sum of money calculated as a percentage of the amount borrowed. Back in the eighties, that percentage was around 10%. On the 16th September, 1992, under John Major's Government, the percentage rose to 15% on a day known forever as Black Wednesday, because we were very racially insensitive. This is why persons of a certain age have little sympathy for younger adults who borrowed huge sums of money at 2.96% in 2021, thus forcing up house prices when too much money chased too few houses as every kid expected to buy a house and was not prepared to move to Darlington, (where you can still buy a 3 bed semi for £83,000). So, having survived paying high interest rates by not taking foreign holidays, not having Deliveroo bring cooked food round to the house at midnight, nor walking around carrying take-out coffee to go, when the aforesaid persons of a certain age finally paid off their mortgages and had a little money left over, they received in interest less than 0.05% on their savings. 
So, when the UK Government want to borrow some money to spend on manufacturing drones to fight a war in Ukraine or pay disabled people to loll about at home,  they pay interest to the person kind enough to lend it to them, that interest being set at a rate that reflects the solvency of the Government. When the Government begins to look dodgy, the people holding the Government's promise to pay back the money borrowed, understandably get cold feets and sell the debt. The new owner, recognising this is now dodgy, will expect a higher interest rate to compensate them for the risk  of everything going phooey. When Truss and Kwasi said they would stop raising as much money in tax, but continue to spend as much or more than ever, the people to whom the Government owed money collectively said, oh no, you don't. Then Lord Mervyn's lot at the Bank of Gormenghast bought all the debt, to stop another Black Wednesday. However, because we are now racially sensitive, it would prob'ly be called Grey Wednesday.
Is all that clear, class? Jeremy Cunt has got it all sorted now. Just a question of who he wants to be his Prime Minister.
 
At least the Belligerent Mrs Truss was not escorted from the Chamber, unlike Hu Jintao, 79 year old former president of China.


He put up some slight resistance, and asked his old buds to help him, but it seems the security guards knew he needed a bit of a lie down.

Anyway, moving rapidly on, and taking advantage of Orkney's subsea internet cable not having been attacked by the Phantasm Flying Fucking Fishing Boat of Doom (see comments on the previous thread), here are the autumn photos I promised mr bungalow bill. 
Harris, the blogdog, in the ornamental grasses
Reminds me of Rupert Bear's Nutwood - the trees just on the turn before the gales tear off the crisped leaves. We never have the full reds, oranges and yellows in Orkney - not quite cold enough in autumn to turn them.
The long, fruiting stems of New Zealand flax
Pink hydrangea, the papery seed discs of honesty and a cow parsley skeleton. Also known as Queen Anne's lace and hedge parsley, this pretty umbellifer is poisonous - I was told if you pick it and present it to your mother, she will die - hence its other names of mother die and stepmother's glory.
I don't know the name of this plant - anyone?
Blue hydrangea. Hydrangeas can
be blue, red, pink, light purple, or dark purple. Color change occurs due to the presence of aluminum ions which are available or tied up depending upon the soil pH. They say you can change the colour of your hydrangea by burying some tin cans near its roots. I tried it once, but nothing happened.
Candy pink nerine - to be found in gardens across Orkney in September and October. It has huge bulbs that must be planted proud of the soil, as it likes to bake in the sun. Masses of strap-shaped leaves through summer die back in September, giving way to tall erect stems bearing umbels of lily-like  pink flowers 6 to 8 cms. in width. It is from South Africa, and the story goes that a ship with a cargo of nerine bulbs was ship wrecked in Orkney and the bulbs were distributed across the island. It does well here and also in Cornwall and Guernsey, hence its other names of the Cornish lily or the Guernsey lily.
Another plant that does really well here is rosa rugosa - proper sweet rose scent, vigorous habit, makes a great burglar-deterrent hedge as it is woody and thorny and impenetrable - but it is very invasive, needs cutting back with a big fuck-off hedge-trimmer and you need to run your lawn mower over the suckers, or before you know it there'll be nothing but rosa rugosa in your garden. These are the hips - big, red and shiny, full of vitamin C. During the second world war, kids were paid to collect bucketsfull of hips to be turned into Delrosa rosehip syrup, because there was no orange juice to be had. I've got a big bag of them in my freezer, as I'm going to have a go at natural dyeing. Or make rose hip syrup, should the current war necessitate it.

Now Available
 
Now that we have clearly reached the End of Days, should you need something  to cheer you up, look no further than  Ishmael’s Blues - which is now published, in both paperback and hardback editions; both editions are immediately available from lulu.com.  The paperback is also listed on amazon. Honest Not Invent and Vent Stack, the first two books in the sequence, are also available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.
Ishmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps :
 Unless you’ve done this already, please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box.  Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.
The book’s full title is "Ishmael’s Blues – further Chronicles of Ruin", and the cover you'll see is red with white titles and a picture of blogdog Buster retiring from the fray, cat gloating from a safe distance. The cover is the same for both editions.
Link for Hardcover :  https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr
Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux
At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage.  If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.  
With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.

So, what are you waiting for, Fat Boy?

20 comments:

Mike said...

Lovely photos Mr I.

The plants and colours are much more delicate than Down Here. Everything is much bolder with more vivid colours (and often dangerous, like the wild life). When I first moved here the colours and bright sunlight was difficult on my eyes - it took several years to adjust.

Its a ghastly choice; not one of the current crop of MPs would get my vote. As Private Frazer used to say: we're all doomed!".

mrs ishmael said...

Thanks, mr mike - Orkney don't do bold and vivid - the sun and the sky are usually shades of grey, with the occasional patch of blue sky to make a sailor boy a pair of breeks.
The new news is that Boris isn't running. Shame, that - I was looking forward to more outrageous Conservativeness until the next election. Looks like it is getting closer to being our turn. So we are down to Rishi and Penny - be still, my beating heart.

mongoose said...

It is v disappointing, mrs i, is it not? What larks we would have had, Pip, old chap! What larks! Oh well. That Bojo has shown a bit of caution and commonsense is unusual but to bodes well for the future of a great coronation after Drear Kier finds his political inheritance to be decay, penury and an explosion of uncontrollable uber-wokery. The poor bastard.

And Rishi! The poor wee lad. Does he not know what is about to happen to him? Rishi is a spender and not a saver. It's his wife's money and his wife's family's endeavour that has got him where he is. The dogs will tear him to shreds in the street. Do you think he'll have the balls to fire Hunt the Cunt? We'll see.

It is going to be dark couple of years. I have just advised mongosling1 to keep his feet under his university table for a few more years yet. Now is not the time for risk and enterprise. Poor lad. Then again, it happened to me and the rest of us in 1982 and we had no such hidey-hole. He'll have to suck it up.

Mike said...

Dark times ahead, both literally and figuratively, mr mongoose. I saw something recently that said energy prices could go up Down Here next year - and we produce oil/gas and export the stuff. We are the world's largest LNG exporter (and we have a population of only 26M). I read recently our Govt have warned the gas exporters not to leave us short trying to cash in overseas - or else they will get massive windfall taxes.

I pity the boy Sunak. Apart from having to deal with shit he can't possibly solve, he'll also get a dose of racism.

Mike said...

Anybody willing to bet how long the boy Sunak lasts? Will he make it to 2023? When he and his Chancellor publish their first budget - it must be done very quickly I would think - this will be the first rebellion point for anti-Sunak MPs. Will they vote with Labour and force an election?

Mike said...

PS that budget will cut public services and raise taxes. And create a massive recession.

mongoose said...

There is a huge list of vanity and political rubbish which can be axed to save money, mr mike, but who has the balls to do something sideways? We need at the moment political stability and not financial stability. The latter is a construct of a lot of forces. Most of these are hostile to the Tories, and indeed the people, and so cannot be relied upon. Therefore, don't try that fruitless avenue; try something different.

As a tactical point, I would advise Little Rishi to await the first even tangential remark about his race and then politically kill the fucker who uttered it. Put a bit of stick about.

He is, given all that, Dads Army Doomed.

Mike said...

Sunak is just a placeholder, mr mongoose. Its a general election and a Starmer Govt that the powers want. Too much bad blood in Tory ranks for any sort of stability. And its goodbye to BREXIT for sure.

mongoose said...

And just on a point of order, it makes massive political sense to change the day of the budget away from Halloween. I know it's bollocks but it is absolutely necessary political bollocks.

Mike said...

Mrs I: you have an eye for fashion. I'm wondering about the rent boy suits? Surely a man of his (her) wealth can afford a decently tailored suit. So what is it he is trying to say? Is it a new fashion trend - the Rishi-look - or some faux pas? I should be the last one to ask as my wife does my clothes shopping, which errs on the utilitarian. Maybe its his wife, and she mistakenly buys her size. She's not a "big" woman is she?

verge said...

We'll have to stop calling him Rentboy Rishi - Potus Joe has dubbed him Rasheed Sinook.

mongoose said...

A classic of its kind, mr v. Biden is earning every penny of his appearance money.

I see that the wholesale price of gas has fallen - or so Sky News told me today - back to pre-crisis levels. I cannot believe this to be true actually but heck gets go with it. And the almost universal acclaim of Goldman's own to the pinnacle of the greasiest of greasy poles can only mean that we are all resolved to crack on together and play nicely. Only sourpuss Mrs Balls spoiled the day with her Suella baiting. Crikey, a single email out of place and they'd have hung Hilary, wouldn't they? Oh- Err, forget I mentioned it.

Mr Sinking. Seems to be. One of those. Obama types. No sentences. Ideas are more. His thing. Maybe it's the tight. Trousers.

mrs ishmael said...

Fabulous, mr mongoose - its deffo the tight trouserings.

The suits, mr mike, cost £3000, as Liz Truss' supporters pointed out during the hustings, contrasting Sinook's sartorial extravagance with Truss' Claire Accessories earrings. No, the rent boy suits aren't a cheap hustle - they are an expensive fashion statement. It's called the London Look. A narrow silhouette, designed to minimise any hint of muscle or male maturity and create a boyish, androgynous, cocaine look. Why? I can only guess at those sporting the Look wanting to project a statement of Metrosexuality. It has been around for a few years now, so I suspect it is becoming passe.

mongoose said...

Apparently, mrs i, the short trousers are to provide a flash of ankle and this distracts from the 5'6"-footedness of the beast.

Mike said...

Mrs I: when I used to wear suits for a living, although I'm fairly lean, I used to like a bit of extra material - I particularly didn't like anything restricting the crown jewels. I didn't even wear underpants (and still don't), though I may have got that from my dad and his time in the armed forces. Those tight pants are not for me.

ultrapox said...

it's drainpipe-democracy, mrs ishmael, and doesn't bode well.

ultrapox said...

having already released a boris-supplied bio-weapon against the russian population, what's the likelihood that kiev's crazy cia-crusaders now detonate a radioactive 'dirty-bomb' - and then blame this false-flag attack on putin's invaders...?

mongoose said...

I see that the Budget has indeed been moved. Crikey. Do you think they might have found an adult or two to help?

ultrapox said...

thanks to the successful and sophisticated execution of operation stop boris bumbling back into power, the cia-cyborg code-named "russian chinook" is now fortuitously fondling the keys to number ten, whilst he anxiously awaits orders from washington regarding the ceremonial sucking of white house cock and rejoining the european blood-mineral-emporium.

indeed, one wonders whether perhaps britain's brand-new prime minister would ever have gotten his dainty foot back in the door of downing street were it not for lady jane grey's fateful refusal to humour uncle joe - when he brusquely commanded her to abandon any and all notion of a meaningful brexit.
of course, given the imminent end to russo-ukrainian hostilities - and to stupidly self-destructive eu-sanctions against moscow - there was absolutely no way that washington's white supremacist warmonger-in-chief could have contemplated allowing a brexit-bound british government - complete with high-achieving negro-chancellor - to profit from the consequent post-conflict bounce-back which our anchorless economy, currently cast adrift in a churning churlish ocean of globalist bullshit, may soon enjoy.

no, on the contrary, we in the uk are now due to be punished with the motherfucker of all manufactured depressions, as delivered, competently, but callously, by the pleb-crushing cannibal economics of cunt, kayak and co - a pirate-crew helplessly subservient to neo-liberal ideology and pathologically addicted to neo-colonial corruption.

ultrapox said...

thank you for tidying up my repeat-comment, mrs ishmael - unfortunately however, the spam-filter has now got the hump and is gobbling the lot, on principle. please could you access the over-enthusiastic filter and re-instate the most recent comment-version which i entered a few minutes ago.