THE SUNDAY ISHMAEL.

DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD.

There was a Mums' media event a couple of weeks back, hailed as the first-ever schoolkids' strike, quite put me in touch with my inner Hitler, it did.  

Seems that one or another aspect of the school curriculum had displeased the parents,  they didn't want Sacha or Alex being tested every five minutes, not that they are.

Back when I was seven or eight I used to  love tests, which we seemed to have every week or two, absolutely loved them; today's precious little i-freak mutant  however, and his ghastly parents do not recognise that learning, y'know skills, craft and creativity as well as duties and obligations  only proceed through that constant consolidation   brought by testing and examination.  
What was worst about this show of shitbrain concern was that these particular tests are designed  as much to monitor the schools' progress as that of the pupils - can we still say pupils, or is five year-old Kerry now a student? - and this so-called strike was a move to suspend or eliminate those government-run SATs by rehearsing children in oppositional language and political posturing, vastly and unnaturally beyond their years; they were teaching the little fuckers to parrot Mummy's but most likely Daddy's shithead sloganising. Narcissism run amok. Let us by all means appropriate challenge the theft of our schools, the gifting of our taxes to the schools of the rich and let us damn an education system which, feeding on itself, promotes the mediocre, the illiterate, the innumerate, the gobby and the uncouth,

 calling them SuperHeads  -
this celebrity oaf would've struggled to be a caretaker in any of my schools -

whilst shoving ruthlessly scripted  infants front'n'centre is not the way to do it.


  
 By trying to delude us all into believing that these ruined  little ones  had collectively and consciously  placed themselves out of school and were developing a dialectic of liberation their parents revealed themselves as  vain,  empty-headed, cretinous arseholes.

How the rich, their own spawn sequestered in luxuriant, hothouse cloister must lol out loud at Angela Lamb. Whoever she is.

The strike proper, deployed by teachers, however, is an entirely  different matter, a source of manufactured Outrage, teachers not having realised  that their primary task in our world is to mind the brats, in order to enable Mum, Tracey or Dad, Kevin, to go to work and fund what Trace and Kev call their lifestyle, in fact a ghastly, lifelong  treadmill of shitty housing, shitty cars, shitty food and clothes and shitty holidays in foreign shitholes, Kev and Trace's life of shit depends on the teachers just getting down to their proper job of child-minding, wossamatterwivem?

I watched, aghast, as some seven year-old, pigtailed rodent mouthed her Dad's catechism to a ChannelFourNews interviewer, who should properly have boxed her fucking ears. These little striking vermin, though, their shop stewards had been drilled by an army of KevDads for fucking weeks and were word-perfect  in their denunciation of both David Cameron and of the hapless Nicky Morgan,   Junky George's Education Privatiser, who took over from Michael Spit.

 Nicks here being barracked by, well, 

by education professionals,

Unqualified?

 No, no, before I became the nation's Headteacher I worked as a corporate tax lawyer, so I know exactly how to  make the nation's schools look attractive to foreign investors, yes, if you will, GlobaCorp, and the first thing is to demoralise the teachers, make them leave education and employ zero-hours former shop assistants in their places. Of course, when I say the nation's schools, I don't mean the proper schools, like Eton and Harrow and St Pauls, just the shit schools, to which most students go. Or attend, yes, to which most students attend.   And yes, the more those schools play-up the easier they are to privatise, I mean improve, 'course I do.  Yes, just like the NHS.

What these ghastly parents don't realise is that by pretending to - what's that word, empower?  - their spawn they do incalculable damage not just to the teacher's role in the classroom - which is, inter alia, in loco parentis -  but to their own roles as parents outside of it.  Many, of course, have long abrogated such natural, hierarchical responsibility and now live a life of low-rent parental cliche, the national Confessor,

Ye, who walk in Poverty and Need, 
come ye unto my show and be ye redeem-ed.
Lo, and made cunts of.
Jeremy Kyle, their home tutor 

- luv'em2bits, me, my kids, doennyfin4'em or vilest of all, he's not just me son, he's me best friend.

I don't know if, the next time there's a row about bedtime, Kev and Tracey's brats will stage a walk-out, start a wildcat strike with the neighbourhood kids or ask ACAS to arbitrate, but I do how so very much hope so.

And this direct action by minors has spilled-over into an already febrile Scotland, the best part of England.  

 

Not happy with being allowed to vote obediently for Gnasher,  Scots teenagers last week, 22,000 of them, organised - that is to say logged-onto -  an online petition to protest the severity of the previous day's national maths examination;  I say maths but it was probably arithmetic, no difference these days, adding-up and taking-away requiring a calculator and a course of stress counselling. The e-petition, anyway, drafted by a brilliant young Scot:

 “On the 12th of May 2016, many people sat the National 5 Mathematics exam across Scotland. The exam consisted of two papers - a non-calculator and a calculator. The second paper was challenging which is expected of course as examinations aren’t supposed to be a breeze, however, paper 1 was catastrophic and disastrous. Not only was some of the content unseen before but it was unlike any other past papers from previous years. Floods of tears have been shed as for those who have been offered a conditional for college or university, this exam was crucial to their entrance to the course. As well as this, 6th years who have no choice but to leave school will have no further chance of taking this exam in high school and this could hold them back significantly in the near future. I am speaking on behalf of every one else who sat this exam when I say this is just not acceptable and is not going to be tolerated. The pass mark needs to be lowered.”

Not acceptable and not going to be tolerated, eh, little bastard needs his arse kicked.

I did see one of them interviewed, some bovine, hulking, moody teenager and he couldn't manage to speak even the inferior, Scottish version of English, yet felt able to set and mark his own examination in mathematics

Here is the brave new world of grievance, not only do its inhabitants speak only in hyperbole  - things are never a bit difficult but are always a to'al nightmare, horrrrr-endous and devastating, as in matey's observations, here, a boy whose examination was catastrophic and disastrous.   
Catastrophe and disaster, well, having one of  Mad Mick Fallon's drone missiles landing in your playground, that's catastrophe and disaster; tsunami and earthquake, they're catastrophe and disaster, being too fucking thick to pass your maths exam, maybe you should spend less time on your i-thing, stupid, and a bit more on your homework.

 
I daresasy that under direction of the Scottish National Socialist State Minister for Everything,

The nation's mother.
Christ, talk about a face like a slapped arse.
Maggie Sturgeon, 
acting as the sovereign will of the Scolttish People made flesh, the SQA, the examination board, will appropriately regrade all the failed papers as passes, and blame the Westminster govament and its sixty million citizen-suspects for the gobby stupidity of Scottish teenagers; what else could happen?


We have yet to hear from Ruth Three Boys Davidson on this matter but no doubt she, childless, like Reichsfuhrer Sturgeon, will have things to say to parents, about where they have gone wrong.

 There was a chink of light, on the STV News. 
Had Jon Sox been reporting this matter on ChannelFourNews 

Well, it's absolutely dreadful.....something must be done....but what....we've been here before. Well, I have, anyway. Many times.

he would have been wetting himself about the plight of these poor foreign teenagers, denied a future by a cruel examination board, his hair already whitened by his care and compassion for foreigners and poor people, John Sox'd have gone bald in a flash over this latest wotsaname  but STV's correspondent, bless him, merely said, 
Well, exams, they're supposed to be hard, aren't they,
 isn't that the point of them?

How did this happen, that, good consumers, we enslaved our children to i-Corp and then thrust upon them identities for which they were unready?

WHAT BREXIT REALLY MEANS,
NO, REALLY.

An English High Street after a Leave vote;

the Dead rise Triumphant.

Well, lessbeclear, I'm not saying that there will be war, 
just that it's a hundred-to-one certainty. 


Yes, war with the darkest force in Creation, with Death itself.
They'll all come back, you know, and quite proply, too. I would if I was them. Is it was them?  Or is it were them?  No matter, if I  is one of the dead, especially one of the dead Romans who built all the motorways and the central heating, and I am or were dead and buried in the ground, yes p'raps in Bath or up by Hadrian's Well - wossat? Wall, is it Wall? Not Well? Fuck me, this history stuff, it is a pain - I should jolly well be clawing my way out of the ground and eating babies, just as fast as I could. 

 
There's even 'photos of it happening, yes, from the Future, of your babies, being eaten. Yes, yours, people of Britain. Your babies. Being eaten. Yes, by Brexit monsters.

 

The dogs of Brexit War.

 
What? 
Oh, they'll all die,  you'll see,  or be eaten, as an inevitable consequence of Boris the BabyKiller telling lies about me. That's the sort of thing that happens when people  disobey their sovereign Lords. It sort of tears a hole in the fabric of wossaname, that bloke, he mentioned it, that mr sg, the space/time continuation. It means all Hell'll break loose.  And because of us leaving Europe, not that Europe will allow us to leave, but if we were to leave, which we can't, all the babies would die. Not a lot of people know that it is only due to our membership of the Common Market that so many babies survive.

Oh, Lady, you have erred in your voting
 and I am come for you.

The Mums, they'll all die, too. 



 And the Dads

You had your chance, 
now Death is your portion

Yes, the Kings and Queens, too.
Only not Queen Brenda, obviously.
But maybe King Brian, what is it, Brian the Second?  The Third?

Yes, charity, always makes one laugh; 

'spect it's the same with you, Sir Jim.

Yes, to be fair, we could actually manage quite well without King Brian, I think.

And on top of all the babies dying from the Brexit Plague there will be total unemployment, that's right, no jobs for anyone, apart, of course, for those of us in govament. Thirty million or more jobs are absolutely dependent on us remaining in the Common Wossaname.  Those who do survive'll all be heading South, to sleep opn mr mike's verandah, if he'll have them, yes, in Australia, which doesn';t yet know it but will one day also have to joine the EU.

And there'll very likely be no food. Not many people know that every bite we eat comes to us from Europe. And quite frankly if we leave Europe, not that they'll let us leave, but if we do, they'll simply not want to send us any free food, as they do now.

So make no mistake.
 There it is, War, Plague, Famine and wossaname, what's the other thing, yes, Clint Eastwood on a Pale Horse,

 killing every bastard in town. 

 Just killing people where they stand.

That's what Brexit means.

 That's it, the Four Horsemen of the Apprenticeships.

Is it Apprenticeships? What? Sir Alan Sugar? 'S he on horseback, too?  I thought he was Labour. No? Donald Trump?  He does the Apprenticeships?  Is he in the House of Lords?
 But no, everything I say is absolutely true,
it's even in the Bible.
  

The lesson today is taken from the Book of Fear, 
the last book of the New English European Bible.

And lo, after an vote by the unGodly for Brexit there came an pale horse

which was the personification of death with Hades following him jaws open receiving the victims slain by their failuure to vote even as they had been instructed unto, by their betters whom hath been set above them by the holy persons of GlobaCrime Incorporated.
And so shall perish all whom  knowing that they should, having been sent instruction by HM Govament, yea, even in an pamphlet, 

paid for  by themselves at an cost being nine million shekels and  stuff-ed with falsehood and barefaced lie, do not do as they are told.
There endeth the lesson. 
Blessed be the name of the Euro.
Not that we would ever join unto it.
Unless they told us to.



But no,  people are always asking me about border security and I have to say that it simply couldn't be any tighter than it is presently.  I mean, we keep the nig-nogs out, quite proply, in my view, well, some of them, there's no knowing how many of the blighters slip in, y'know, in containers full of curry, but we keep most of them out, some of them, anyway. And otherwise there's just half a billion Europeaners who can  come and live here, just, y'know, if they feel like it.  No, no, nothing we can do to stop them, five hundred million of them, yes, twelve times the current population of the UK, is it twelve? Twenty, then?  Let's see, the population's now 65 million or so.  Maybe seventy? 
 
Alright, maybe seventy, nobody knows, I mean, how's anyone expected to know how many immigrants there are when nobody knows? 
But say the population is seventy million and seventies go into half billions, what, three times,is it?  Seven times? Is it really? Sevens into  half a billion, well, seven sevens is forty nine. Are forty-nine.  And forty-nine's nearly a half billion, so forty-nine times the UK's current population can come and live here, if it wants to, if they want to, whether we want them to or not. Well, even if that did happen, which it won't, that would still  make us one in fifty of the UK population, we, the current UK population would only be outnumbered in our own country by fifty to one. Lessbefair, you can't have borders which are much more secure than that, can you?

I say, haven't got a brown envelope stuffed with twenties up there, have you?

So there, Mr Poundland-ToryTraitor, that's shot your fox, not that we do that any longer. Or at least not for the time being


 But it's not just me, all the people who quite proply, in my view, failed to predict the last financial crash or indeed, it must be said, any of them,  every last one of them is now predicting the utter collapse of the entire global economy if people don't do as I tell them.  I mean, if people like this are against Brexit, why would anyone vote for it. Just take Mrs laVache.


You Brits, vot are you like, eh.
'ow many times do I 'ave to tell you all?
Ze Brexit eet ees le merde. 

Okay, Iyam facing ze prosecution in my own country for embezzaling from ze Frog taxpayer, n'est ce pas but zey vill never convictez moi, parce'que  Iyam ze mout'piece of ze criminal superpersons of ze entire world, ze IMF.

 
An' any'ow, if ve can fuck ze entire Greek nation up le derriere avec le broken bottle, zen vot does it matter if I 'ave divert a few billion Euro to mes amis while I was in ze Frog govament?  Everybody do it, n'est ce pas?
 
Non,non, ecoutez moi, zis Brexit sheet, eet 'as to stop, cos eef eet doesn't stop an'  Britain vote to departez-vous from le grande projet  zen every bastard weel want to leave, aussi. An' zen ve vill all be fucked, all ze top people, any'ow, like moi.


That was Crooked Chrissie laVache, there, my economics adviser, and she works for the very cream of Organised Crime so she knows what she's talking about when it comes to the proper exercise of democracy.

But before I go I would just l;ike to place on record that yes, I have every confidence in Mr John Whoremonger, the culture seckatry, every confidence and I believe he has done a splendid job in not provoking a row with people who listen to the Archers.  Yes, and PeeEm. Because do you know what, as war looms in Europe, the last thing we need is dissent in the Home Counties. It is quite right that we ask Mr Murdoch to be patient a little longer. Yes, I know he doesn't have much longer, especially now he's climbing-up the Texas MoneyGrubbing Tree as often as his doctors will allow him.

Mr and Mrs skymadeupnewsandfilth.

But if he'll just hang on a bit, we will be able to scrap the extorionate BBC licence fee and allow viewers to pay, instead, the even more extortionate cost of the various skymadeuopnewsandfilth packages.
Yes and there'll be none of that culture bollocks, either, Shakespeare and that. Classical music. Art. Paintings and things. Who wants that?

And  as to the Talent, being paid ten grand a week by the national broadcaster - is that what it is, half a million a year, something like that, five tens are five, so fifty times ten is fifty five, fifty five weeks in a year, yes, ten grand a week to a telly celeb, who probly, quite proply in my view, organises his tax affairs very sensibly, yes, doesn't pay any, that's right, yes, like Mr Gary Barlow

Take That.
Two tax avoiders together.

 or Sir Philip Green - well to those moaning minnies,  I simply say, lessbeclear, finding a former Butlins Redcoat who can host a meaningless teevee show, that can be jolly hard and as with the bankers, if we want the best, we simply have to pay for it.  And, lessbeperfectlyclear, also,  about the good that so many in TeeVeeLand do for the rest of us. 

Lessbeclear about benefactors,  such as Dame Esther Rantzen - the very scourge of child abusers, apart from, quite proply, in my view, those with whom she was fucking,  
 
I mean sleeping, like the great Tory Nonce, Sir Nicholas Fairbairn. Or Sir Trevor Wogan, never known to take a penny more than his normal fee for all his charity works, 
 
And now that'll be just a thousand pounds, 

 
fer all them wee sufferin' children out there, yes,  a minute, a thousand pounds a minute.
Sure isn't it the least I can do.

 generous to a fault, was Sir Trev Wogan. 
 And Sir Jim Savile, I mean,  he did an immense amount of good,

for the NHS

you know, before he went a bit wayward. And to be fair, everyone knows I believe in giving people a second chance when they're working for me, yes,  or Mr Murdoch, and although Sir Jim worked for the late Baroness Whisky 

 and not for me, he was nevertheless a jolly good friend to the Tory party, 


yes, particularly in Wales, where there was some scandal about Tories and children, rigourously covered-up, I must say,  by Lord Hague, without fear or favour, much less concern for the children. So, he can't have been entirely bad, can he, Sir Jim?

No, Mr Whoremionger was absolutely right to take it easy, this time, the furore over the future of the PBC will blow over, like everything else, and then we can get back to dismantling it and giving the best bits to the ontraprenewers, who have so helped make this country what it is today.

A wonderland

rich in aliens

with a thriving beggar population

with vulgar foreign criminals

laundering their stolen money through the City of London

 And last but not least, the heart-warming sight of this great country's industrial and human wasteland.

So, lessbeclear about what's at stake, here.


If, like me,   you want a country where the public services, built up and paid for by you, over several generations can be handed to American criminals; if you want our country to remain the money laundry and the knocking shop of every crook in the world; if you want council housing all over the place to be sold to Chinese investors; if you want manufacturing to be utterly destroyed; if you want everyone to be on a low-wage, zero-hours contract, hustling for a  tin of beans down the food bank; if you want your kids sitting on the street, begging  with the Roma or selling themselves to Russian mafiosi; if you want, within a generation, to see the Chinks pissing down your throats and the Germans shitting in your sinks then, like me, you'll want us to remain a member of the European Supranational Corporate State.


If you don't want these things to happen then voting for Brexit is your very, very last chance to stop them happening. But I suspect that, like me, you're all too clever to do that.