Thursday 19 December 2013


British coke-snorting celebrities, from all across the world of British celebrity coke-snorting  were last night said to be joining forces to provide a Christmas treat for two young women jailed in Peru on cocaine smuggling charges

Yes, we are giving half of our fortunes to these two unfortunate young women. After all, if it wasn't for rich cokeheads like us they wouldn't be in jail for smuggling the shit in the first place.  No, no need for thanks. It's the least we can do.

With this ring I thee fist.  Sorry, wed.

Yes, me too, and my wifehusband, David, we're giving half of our fortune, although it's mine really, as everyone knows, to these two totties.  I musta snorted hundredfuckingweights of that shit in my time.

 And if it wasn't for rich cunts like me, who never get arrested, these poor sluts wouldn't be in jail now.

Well, ...sniff....let's be....sniff.... clear about this. 
Although I am a great fan of Nigella I have never done coke with her.  Nor with Ms Brooks.  Or Mr Coulson. Or Mr Osborne. Or the Mayor.
 And let's be more clear, what rich kids, such as myself,  do with cocaine  is not a matter for the police, much less for the electorate.  These two young women, however, are setting a very bad example, importing drugs for people like me to snort up our noses.  

Not that I'm saying I ever did.

  I say, hang on a minute, old chap, I think you'll find that the drug laws don't apply to people like me.
What-ho, readers, and a jolly, happy, fornicating, coked-up Yulemas to you all.  Yes, give the two tarts a few quid from my Special Mayor's Allowance.  I mean, cogito ergo snortum.

It has bugged me for most of my life - the way that poor junkies go to jail and rich junkies go to soirees in Downing Street.  The repulsive, bloated pansy, Reg Dwight, a man who endlessly recycles the same three songs - a slow, a mid-tempo and a fast one - is not only vastly, intolerably over-rated as a musician but his criminal as well as his moral lapses are not only overlooked but hosannahed from MediaMinster's rooftops.  I read an interview with him/her in Q magazine, years and years ago, in which he bragged of his misery on egomania, brandy, boys and cocaine.  Seemed like only five minutes later and he was knighted by the Blairs


There used to be a time in the UK when, regardless of his offence,  the worst punishment a bent copper could expect was to be allowed to retire early, fully pensioned,  on health grounds.  This actually was a punishment inasmuch as DC Filth wouldn't be able to continue running whores, fencing bent gear and dealing in drugs and porn, although his brethren would probably keep him in the loop for a while, at least, until he could hoover-up some security industry work - selling police intelligence to criminals and the like. Where ordinary people would face charges and time in custody for offences of assault, wounding, attempted murder, conspiracy to pervert and everything in-between, members of the thin blue line would generally manage to get a commendation for gallantry or a promotion.  Only in the light of the most conspicuous, taking-the-piss rottennes would the nuclear, early retirement option be triggered.  MediaMinster, of course, went along with this charade, sombrely reporting the loss of the unblemished career of this hitherto distinguished officer, cops and press both draining into the same national sewer,  then, as now.

The past twenty years or so have seen a similar, distorting prism refracting the crimes of the Great, especially with regard to the consumption of what are called dangerous drugs.  It is now widely accepted that rich people, famous people, creative people and sporty people do cocaine in large amounts and although this is an outlawed practice few are ever punished,  their penalty is to go into Re-Hab, bless.  Poor people,  on the other hand, are tabloided half-to-death and slung in jail, especially those, like these two bints in Peru, stupid enough or poor enough to be talked into  transporting cocaine to the dinner tables and pisscorners  of the likes of the Saatchis, people who, regardless of their crimes will never see the inside of a cell.  Doesn't seem right, somehow, specially at Christmas.  Maybe Nigella bake a cake for them or something    


Anonymous said...

I remember a recent Home Secretary, can't remember his name, fat, jug-eared Labour bastard, being found with dope in his house. Bang to rights. Result? Nothing.

Unless these girls were coerced, smuggling dope in shit holes like Peru is bonkers. What did they expect?


call me ishmael said...

It was John Shirtsleeves Reid, mr vincent, the little thuggy one.

What else can it be but coercion, by cash or by cock, a bung or a boyfriend. These two are too stupid and too poor to score an eighth of an ounce of dope in the local boozer, never mind fund this scale of an operation.

Alphons said...

The legalising of "Man wives" was eventually brought in, purely for the benefit of M.P.s and others in high places, despite the general publics revulsion and disgust.
The scene is being prepared for a similar pantomime with white powder et al.

tdg said...

The logic of dissociating use from supply rests on the argument that use is irrational and so bypasses moral considerations, for it subverts moral assessment. One can have an irresistible urge to use, but not an irresistible urge to supply. None of which is to say that drug users should not be punished, but rather that the punishment should not have a moral dimension. It needs to be some kind of morally-neutral negative reinforcer: e.g. having to do unpaid community work. An inability to grasp the multidimensionality of negative reinforcement is the root cause of the failures of drug policy. Those who say drugs should be legal and those who say they should be punished are both right and wrong at the same time.

call me ishmael said...

I don't think we should ignore the class dimension of the War on Drugs, I don't think it is possible so to do, anyway. Will Straw, caught supplying, was given a pat on the head by the Met Commissioner, whichever crook held the office at the time. He's a good kid, really, simpered his Dad, Jack Torture, and he's just going up - why is it always Up? - to Oxford, Some half-dead-and-alive oik from a sink estate convicted of the same offence - only much exaggerated - would be deemed a menace to decent society and locked away.

In the wider aspect, on the subject of there being drug prohibition at all, my view is that such a thing is an impertinent over-reach of the criminal law. They can all fuck off. I will take whatever I please, it is my business, my pain and until doctors, MPs and judges can take my pain unto themselves and relieve me of it they can mind their own fucking business.

Wherever and whenever two or three have been gathered together they have found something to distill, ferment, inhale, inject, chew even shove up their arses; in the absence of substances others have fasted, meditated and whirled. Life being what it is, a foreword to Death, the need to alter one's consciousness is like the need to breathe. The idea that some cheeky cunt like Keith Vaz or David Blunkett might intervene in what I chose to do with my mind is intolerable.

But since we permit them this violation of our selves we might at least insist that there is one law for all, one law for the domestic skivvy and the same law for the ghastly Lawson trollop.

yardarm said...

Fraud committed by people in suits is mis selling but someone on a council estate diddling their dole makes them a benefit cheat, mug in the local rag, criminal record. And the blatant thievery of trash like Smith and Laws.

Just saw Cressida Dick ( I swear that's her name) on the news re the conviction of Rigbys killers. She was i/c of the shambles that resulted in the murder of that Brazilian guy a few years back. Now she`s an Assistant Commissioner.

As for the finger wagging of the Westminster scum on anything from drugs to booze to doing a days work: its their very existence that makes me reach for the fucking bottle.

DtP said...


Alphons said...

yardarm said...

" makes me reach for the fucking bottle."

Are these sold in Aldi? or Anne Summers?

chattyman said...


and why has the cia spook filth employed by my former fascist landlord as an 'electrician' now taken to hanging around in the street outside my current address? i noticed him this afternoon crouching down out there. what's your opinion on that, mr ishmael?

chattyman said...

one of those fawkes tiefs, surely?

DtP said...

Rausing's got a new bird! It's his charm, i'm sure. I'm more worried that someone made £8 billion out of origami but death shadows in the corner is telegraph for any new romance you'd think! It's not too much to ask, "grey bin, pet."

App Nigella can go fuck herself! Rob £700k off yer drug addled boss and whey hey! Excellent verdict.

Shit week for trials.

Happy Chrimbo dude.

Veronica said...

The sound of music often make the Marie Celestial bit, then so does a small pot of blue paint.
This often causes the railway lines to go round corners, frequently against their will. An their Will is a very nasty customer at the best of thymes.

Woman on a Raft said...

I'm glad Yardarm mentioned Cressida Dick. I have not brief for the killers of Lee Rigby but at least they managed to get an actual representative of the organization they had a beef with.

Dick, considering herself at war with terrorism (very much what they said) did not manage as much with all the resources at her disposal.

Anonymous said...


'The organisation they had a beef with....'

Surprised at you. Let these fuckers meet us on the field, and we'll see about beef.

If they wish to be treated as enemy combatants, let them be dealt with as such: shot at dawn for insurrection.


yardarm said...

By all means meet them on the field, Mr Vincent but I cant help taking a look over my shoulder at our putative commanders in this alleged war on terror.

Apart from the Dick woman there was baldy Yates, an anti terrorist supremo so with it he didnt think to put his secret documents ,in a briefcase before he went in front of the cameras. Last seen confessing he didn't know why he didn't investigate Brooks & Coulson properly then he went to Bahrain as an ' advisor '. Their version of the Arab Spring was crushed by their govt and the Saudis without a cheep from Hague and Cameron who were so vocal in wanting to blitz Syria.

And who in the Muslim Nutterhood is in contact or on the payroll of MI5/6, like Bakri and Hamza were at times ?

Somalia. A hotbed of Nutterhood and in its piracy a direct threat to freedom of the seas. The Royal Navy and Marines used to sort that sort of mess out back in the nineteenth century yet its Syria that's the threat ?

And the most senior officer to come back feet first at Wotton Basset ? Correct me if I`m wrong but I think its a Lt Col: plenty of subalterns, NCOS and other Ranks. No Generals.

What sort of a war is this ?

Anonymous said...

Mr Yardarm,

Please don't confuse me with a jingoist, I think we're fucking mental, involving ourselves in all sorts of shit, here, there, and fucking everywhere.

A line must be drawn though. That line, for me, is drawn when fucking nig nogs are hacking the indigenous to death in the street.


Mike said...

I must say I sympathise with Mr Vincent's last comment.

This in no way excuses Dick, Yates, and the various recent wars.

Shit is shit, and it behoves us to confront it as we can.

yardarm said...

Don`t think you`re a jinogoist Mr Vincent, you are outraged, as I am and we have every right to be. Yes, Mr Mike, nothing we do does excuse 7/7 or what happened to Rigby but if we`re going to fight a war on terror lets try and win it. Politicians, senior coppers and military, spooks and diplomats have met the crisis with predictable lethargy, duplicity and moron level incompetence. They are the sort of people who gave us the Somme or Singapore in previous wars. Let us indeed confront this shit but with politicians who invade the right country, generals who can win battles and spooks who spend more time on the terrorists than Angela Merkel. I don`t suppose it will happen any time soon.

Alphons said...

Blogger yardarm said...
....... Let us indeed confront this shit but with politicians who invade the right country, generals who can win battles and spooks who spend more time on the terrorists than Angela Merkel. I don`t suppose it will happen any time soon.

With a financial situation such as we have at present (nothing in the bank other than a few moths and liabilities stretching into 2200) your supposition about nothing happening any time soon is very apt. The most likely scenario is an increase in liabilities to fund the brain dead schemes of the companies giving backhanders.

call me ishmael said...

"Yes, Mr Mike, nothing we do does excuse 7/7 or what happened to Rigby....."

What, exactly, then, DO we need to do, in order for people to be outraged and take outraged steps in retaliation. I would have thought we had done plenty, all over the Middle East and South Asia, more than enough. And if the Abalajas were our boys we'd be hailing them as heroes.

It surely is tough shit for the little drummer boy and his gaggle of claimant wives cum widows but the whole story is pure press confection. Adams and McGuinness have done far worse and they're in fucking governemtn.

Rigby's commanders, the Ruperts, they need a swift rub down with a housebrick for permitting this shit to happen, all these smart Sandhurst wankers believing that Tommy was safe on the street, regardless of what he did abroad, fucking idiots. Last thing we need here is an outbreak of Fawkesism, that's racism with an F. If uncle Sam and John Bull made a vocation out of bombing my villages and torturing my family I, too, would go out looking for Rigby and s to chop. People should fuck off with this nonsense about field of valour and chivalry. This is not fucking Agincourt. And even if it was, it'd only be the rich, playing fair to each other by their own mutually protective rules. If Rigby didn't want to die violently he shouldn't have joined up, should he?

Clarissa Dick, fuck me, the nerve of some people.

Anonymous said...

I will not fuck off about the field, Mr Ishmael. These two were not bombed into oblivion in some third world shit hole. According to the ridiculous rules concerning immigration, they are English. English! In what fucking way are this pair English? Imagine if I said they were Japanese, you'd laugh me out of town, but we have been sold this lie that we're all equal. Are we fuck.

We need to confront this shit head-on. Islam is shit, plain and simple. It is not equivalent to Christianity, its pædophile prophet is no Christ. Stop fucking about, that's what we need to do. Eradicate this filth. Burn the mosques, and, if need be, all the ragheads in them. Fuck them. Stop all this equality shit. We're not equal with these bastards, but we soon will be if we carry on with this shit. We'll be dragged down to the level of a camel jockey. We are, were, one of the best countries in the world. We have, for all our faults, and they are manifold, educated and civilised the world. The British Empire was the greatest civilizing movement that the world has ever seen, I'm not ashamed of it, I offer no apologies, I'm proud that my forefathers built such an amazing world, that they loved and educated and cared for those less fortunate, for, let's face it, savages.

Fuck Islam. Root it out. A veritable 5th column. Suicidal to pander to it's exponents. Churchill had the right idea - Islam in the mind of a man is as dangerous as rabies in a dog.


Alphons said...

Well Mr Vincent...
The develop of Islam is several hundred years behind the develop of Christianity. When Christianity was at the stage that Islam is currently Christians were slaying Muslims in the Crusades, this was followed later by the joy of what we now call the Spanish Inquisition and then we had the extermination of South American Incas ans Aztecs.
On top of this we have this curious state of affairs that God/Allah is omnipresent and all knowing and all powerful and yet he/it allows some of his creations to destroy other of his creations should he/it so wish. In the view of some he/it could read the minds of those plotting to do all this.
It is not as simple as it all seems.

Alphons said...

Alphons said :-On top of this we have this curious state of affairs that God/Allah is omnipresent and all knowing and all powerful and yet he/it allows some of his creations to destroy other of his creations should he/it so wish. In the view of some he/it could read the minds of those plotting to do all this.
But should have said:-
On top of this we have this curious state of affairs that God/Allah is omnipresent and all knowing and all powerful and yet he/it allows some of his creations to destroy other of his creations. In the view of some he/it could read the minds of those plotting to do all this and, should he/it so wish, he could prevent it.
It is not as simple as it all seems.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mr Alphons, we haven't slayed half enough.

Please don't lecture me on the crusades.

A military response to a savage, vile, military action.

They wanted a fight, we gave them one.

Google the Gates of Vienna if you doubt me.

Root them out. Every last fucking one of them


yardarm said...

Anyone notice that while half the fucking House of Commons could go to South Africa, twice, for Mandelas commemoration and funeral ( two mini Mandela breaks in the summer over there, good old Nelson eh ? ) none of the usually shroud waving bastards made it to Lockerbie for the twenty fifth anniversary ?

call me ishmael said...

God willing, I will return to this, mr vincent, over the period of Celebration of our superiority among the Abrahamic religions, we, Jews, Christians and Muslims, all brothers in God. mr alphons is right, it is all a leprous distilment.

But just a thought, it is your Otherness which would see you - or I - in the camp or against the wall or on the rope. We must tread carefully lest we fight Tyranny's batlles for him. Amongst ourselves. How he must laugh.

Apart from Maestro Richard Thompson I never met a Muslim I actually liked but then the same goes for Jews. And Hindus. And as for Buddhists. And Humanists, those bastards. Don't start me talking. I'd rather not, all the same, be at war with any of the mad bastards.

Lockerbie is a scandal, mr yardarm, stinks to high heaven, Where d'yawanna start. The CIA paying their chief witness a million bucks; his several, differing statements; the South African Ambassador being advised not to take the flight, the dodgy identification, the dodgy evidence against Mr al Magrahi, the utter rottenness of Scottish judges. Send me an address and I'll send you Magrahi's book. For Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Mr Ishmael,

Well, yes, you're right, I was a tad harsh with Mr Alphons, for that I apologise.

With regard to muslims, I do think it an extremely dangerous sign of ruin, pretending that Islam is a benevolent force in the world, and always has been. It is, to my mind, a clearly fascist ideology, and we don't seem to tolerate too many of those, never have done, so I am confused as to why we should start now. Is it incompetance by out 'leaders', can they not see where it will end? Or is it a deliberate destruction of the Britain thas was built on the back of the famous Protestant work ethic, to a large part on the back of Christianity itself, by no small number of Christians?

I fear it may be the latter, with these 'leaders' thinking that they will be able to easier implement their secular systems without the annoyance of Christianity, seeminlgly unaware that once Mo and all his mates have their hands on power, and that is absolutely inevitable if we carry on with this madness, he will not meekly give them up, if we ask him nicely.

Holland is now 28% muslim. In 35 years time, it wil become a muslim majority nation. Britain has less than 50 years, if immigration and reproduction amongst muslims remains the same. You'd never know it from the deliberate non-reporting of the very regular riots in France, but she appears to be closer to the edge than us. Car-B-Cues, they call it, in France. Arrest a muslim in urban France, doesn't matter if he's a rapist or a thug, you can count on dozens, if not hundreds of cars, going up in flames. We'll see more and more of it here, until we either surrender, or fight back.

Fighting back absolutely first requires the recognition that Islam is an enemy, and so is anyone, no matter how lovely, who signs up to such a hideous and immoral set of 'morals'.

I too have known and worked with and lived amongst muslims. Never liked a single one. Did know 1 hindu properly, and he was ok. Some Jews are assholes, but then so are most people anyway. Others I know are fine. The difference is, as I see it, is that the Hindus and the Buddhists and the whatever elses don't think that their religion allows them to kill all the others who don't care for it much. Islam does.

There is much that has been done in the name of Christ which is not Christian, many people who think themselve Christian and are no such thing. But I think it is clear that the history of Britain is intertwined with Christianity, that ever so much good has been done by its genuine followers and chucking it overboard in favour of secularism or, may God forbid, Islam, is, quite literally, suicidal.

My New Year resolution is to stop swearing, so you must chide me if I stray in future :-)


yardarm said...

Thanks Mr Ishmael, I`ll take you up on your kind offer. I have been trying to follow Lockerbie for twenty years now and I`m Donald Ducked if I can make any sense of it: Botha warned off...FBI in Lockerbie just after the crash...bodies moved, suitcases stashed with cocaine & money removed, timers...Ahmed Jibril, Marwan Khreesat...D.E.A....Mossad...Iran...Syriana...Samsonite suitcases going here there and everywhere....microchips. Christ, it makes the assassination of JFK look like an episode of Dixon of Dock Green.

So many mirrors, so much smoke, indicative that someone, or something wants a lot not to be proven; not hidden, we can see it. And none of the filth had the courage or curiosity to go up there and talk to the bereaved. Of course not. Much easier to bang on about Mandela than to bullshit away uncomfortable questions.

Alphons said...

Religion of any type is merely a form of population control for the benefit of those who would rule.
The method varies from place to place but the result is always the same.

Anonymous said...


Sorry for my harshness. Those muslims, drive me mad.

Christ never thought much of organised religion, y'know?

Don't take my, nor religionist's word for it.

See what the man, Christ Jesus, said for Himself.

Bit different.

Merry Christmas pal.