SARAH SHOVES HER WOOD

The Prime minister's office today denied that his wife, Sarah-George, was a wood shover or that she would be shaving her legs in the run-up to the general election. Mr Snot's spokesman, the Baron Mandelstein, insisted that just because Sarah-George Snot had been seen in a lounge suit, smoking cigars and dancing with Jeanette Winterton it did not mean she was a wood shover, indeed, continued Lord Crabs, young Mr stanislav and others are very much mistaken when they insist that government is a nest of unouted queers and nonces blackmailing each other. That's my job.

In permitting Sarah-George to march with the men dressed as nuns, waving dildoes at passing children, Gordon Snot is merely using his family for electoral purposes, which he would never do, unlike Mr Cameron-Bullingdon who, as we know, stooped so low as to lose a child in order to gain public sympathy, said Lord Crabs. That Alan Duncan, isn't he a bitch?