THE REPORT
OF THE PUBLIC ENQUIRY
INTO THE GLORIOUS AND HUMANITARIAN INVASION OF IRAQ
AND INTO THE BENEFITS WHICH HAVE ACCRUED
NOT ONLY TO THE SURVIVING PEOPLE OF IRAQ
BUT TO THE WHOLE OF MANKIND
CHAIRED BY
HIS EXCELLENCY LORD CHILCOTT
OF
THE BAHAMAS
PREAMBLE
My Committee, every last one of them members of the Establishment and all shortly to receive peerages and directorships in keeping with their sacrifice found as follows.
1, CASSUS BELLUS
We found that, try as we might, we could find absolutely no reason for the UK to engage in an illegal invasion of a sovereign state which had shown us no belligerence. This does not mean that it was wrong to so do. Sometimes there may be reasons for such action but we just don’t know what they are and it is up to God to judge Mr Blair. We therefore acquit HM Government of doing anything wrong. As you knew we would. Because, fuck me, you don't expect me to tell the whole fucking world that our former prime minister is a cheap crook and a warmongering bastard. Now do you ?
2, CIVILIAN CASUALTIES
That many Iraqi civilians were killed or wounded or made refugee or tortured is, we feel, sophistry; these things happen in wars, especially illegal ones and those so bereaved, injured, uprooted or mistreated should think twice before becoming involved, they have no-one to blame but themselves and certainly not President Blair.
3, THE AFTERMATH
The Committee has concluded that Mr Blair should remain as President of Europe and we should all forget about all this shit, draw a line in the sand and move forward to our peerages.
4, THE SERVICE PERSONNEL
The considered opinion of the Committee was Fuck ‘em, can’t stand the heat, stay out the fucking kitchen.
5, RECOMMENDATIONS
1, In any future wars started by Mr Blair on behalf of his employers in the United States we, the Committee, would like to be, so to speak, in at the ground floor, on a percentage from the get-go, this will help all concerned to get their stories straight, well in advance of the exhaustive and far-reaching cover up. Like this one.
2, The nation should acknowledge the sacrifice made by the Empress, Imelda Blair and gift to her, in gratitude, Buckingham Palace, having first throwh Her former Majesty out on her arse.
Long Live The Emperor.
11 comments:
Because, fuck me, you don't expect me to tell the whole fucking world that our former prime minister is a cheap crook and a warmongering bastard. Now do you ?" Well as a matter of fact yes.
Excellent. Job done, to the boozer!
I would never call Blair a cheap crook. A very expensive crook, yes, wallowing in the mire of Mammon while, like any religious terrorist, preaching hatred and demanding blood.
I have the queasy feeling that Blair's commitment to Bush, regarding Iraq, may turn out to have been influenced by a 'Special Relationship' ultimatum, like the one recently delivered in an attempt to bury evidence of torture.
The 'Special Relationship', then, would seem to be little more than a vehicle for blackmail.
It is rumoured that a young "Miranda" Blair, was caught cottaging and said informstion was held by Uncle Sam's black ops people, as a lever, I dunno, nothing would surprise me. One of the two fat ladies off the telly was apparently in chambers, as they call it, with Tone and teases every now and again about his sexuality, it is she who says he was known as Miranda.
What is beyond question is that throughout the charade leading up to Shock and Awe, Tony and his gang were committed to doing Bush's bidding, the only obstacle was persuasion of the commons. A-ha-a-ha-a-ha-ha-ha.
stanislav, how on earth did you get a copy of the report of the public inquiry into the glorious and humanitarian invasion of iraq before it has been published and the inquiry even held? jesus christ, i only finished typing it out last night! have you hacked into my pc you crafty little polish bugger? anyway, i've gotta hand it to you, i suppose...and hey, thanks for correcting the spelling mistakes and everything. great! well, have to dash, barack's expecting me to perform a total immersion on him in the chicago sanitary and ship canal...without the customary cement shoes of course!!!
ha..aha..aha..aha...
err...
big respect
spot on stan, makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. this country needs utterly incoherent cockends like you to plan the next grand invasion into total fucking unparalleled absurdity. we'll win the war on reason yet, laddy.
Thanks Mr spark=up, I love it when you talk dirty to me; loved the alliteration, too, on the poppyfields comment.
Dear Mr Baptist, isn't it about time you got your fucking head chopped-off, isn't that supposed to happen?
23:27
you're an astonishingly astute arselicker, ishmael.
23:27
not till i've been locked up in a dungeon and an outrageously talented go-go artiste gets her kit off. you should spend more time reading your old testament, like me and bushy do.
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