Sunday, 31 January 2010


No 10 denies claims Gordon Brown attacked staff

Downing Street has fiercely denied new claims that Gordon Brown physically attacked his staff in a series of outbursts.

Prime minister, Gordon Snot, en route to a meeting with his secretarial team.

Reports suggested the Prime Minister was accused of hitting a senior adviser, pulling a female office worker out of her chair and subjecting aides to a tirade of abuse.

It was claimed the alleged incidents were being investigated by journalist Andrew Rawnsley for a new book, The End Of The Party, to be published in the run up to the general election, expected on 6 May.

However, No 10 sources were quick to deny the claims. One said: "This is all absolute rubbish. Nothing like this ever happened. A Downing Street spokesman said: "Journalists are free to investigate whatever fanciful stories they wish."

According to reports, Mr Brown once hit a senior aide who "got in the way" when he rushed out of No 10 to a reception for foreign dignitaries.

On another occasion he was said to have pulled a secretary from her seat for failing to keep up as he allegedly dictated a memo to her, sitting in it himself and operating her computer, with his own snotty, nail-bitten fingers.

The third alleged incident saw Mr Brown yelling obscenities at his senior staff in a hotel room in the US after being informed of media reports that he was being "snubbed" by President Barack Obama, especially after he had, in his own words, saved the world.

Publishers Viking claim the book is "packed with astonishing revelations." However, a source close to Mr Brown, himself, pointed to author Rawnsley's close links to allies of Tony Blair, with whom Mr Brown had many angry clashes."Rawnsley is a cunt, and he'll be eating hospital food through a tube if Gordon catches up with him." said Snotty's official wife, Sarah-George, " or me."

Sarah-George Snot prepares for a press conference

She added: "You have to wonder what the motivations of some of these people are."


mongoose said...

You see, Mr I, if you knew that you were going to have to wear a silly helmet and body armour, you'd put on a pair of jeans and an open shirt. So that you didn't look such an arsehole. It's just commonsense, isn't it?

call me ishmael said...

Not sure if Presbyterianism permits jeans, mr mongoose? Have you see Snotty in casual gear?

woman on a raft said...

So the Sontarans took over after all.

Except the Sontarans have a highly developed sense of honour and aren't cowards (Wiki say).

mongoose said...

I knew that I had seen his like soemwhere before. Not kind but v funny, Mrs WOAR. What an eegit he is.

Agatha said...

I thought he looked quite sweet - kinda Thunderbirds are go, what with the huge head and the dear little meerkat hands, definitely operated by strings :-)