Sunday, 24 January 2010

UPDATE: JACK TORTURE: I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON TO MYSELF.

THE CHILBLAIN ENQUIRY, JACK TORTURE UPDATE

A MOTHER'S LAMENT

OLD MOTHER TORTURE: MA SON, JACKIE'S, A REET LYIN' BASTID AND I SHOULDA DROONED THE FUCKING SHITBAG AT BIRTH, AYE, BONNIE LORD CHILBLAIN, AH SHOULDA, HE'S REET GUDE FER FUCK ALL, THE SMARMY FUCKING TOERAG. AND THAT GRANDSON, WILLIAM, FUCK ME, JESUS, WHAT A FUCKING MONSTER HE IS.

The mother of the Obedience Minister, Mr Jack Torture, today told the Chilcot enquiry that her son was a waste a fuckin' space and she wished that she'd a burned him and kept the afterbirth, couldna been worse than this piece a shit's turned oot to be.

Sir Michael Wood, senior legal adviser at the Foreign Office when Straw was mincing around like fucking Goebbbels, echoed Mrs Straw, he's a lying bastard and no mistake, I told him the war was illegal and he just fucked me off, look, here's his letter: Dear Sir Michael, I hear what you say but I am minded to tell you to fuck off, we wanna war and we want it now, so bollocks. He was the same at the home office, legal advisers'd tell the spotty cunt that so and so was illegal and he took no notice and now he comes here bleating about his conscience. Man's a fucking Nazi. Up against the wall, motherfucker.




THE CHILBLAIN ENQUIRY. PRAT INSISTS, I AM VERY IMPORTANT

Jack Torture supported the Iraq war only “very reluctantly”, he said yesterday.

He knew that he could have stopped Tony Blair going ahead with his intention of joining the US invasion."I am minded to say that I am an extremely important person and your listeners must understand that I could have stopped the war anytime but I didn't because I am a very different person to myself, or is it from, accountancy was never my long suit."


The former Foreign Secretary said he warned the Prime Minister that it would be illegal simply to overthrow Saddam Hussein and pressed for the United Nations to resolve the crisis peacefully. He told the Iraq inquiry that he had presented Mr Blair with an alternative plan on the eve of the crucial Commons vote on war that did not involve committing British troops.Only he took no notice of me, having his head up Mr Bush's arse.

Mr Torture repeatedly appeared to suggest that his hopes of avoiding war were at odds with those of Mr Blair, who wanted a large British force to join the invasion to prove that he had as big a cock as Mr Bush, the Executioner.

The Justice Secretary said that the Government was haunted by an error in an intelligence document that said Saddam could deploy weapons of mass destruction within 45 minutes. The most senior politician yet to face the inquiry expressed “deep regret” about the war and acknowledged that if he had refused to support the invasion Mr Blair would have been unable to carry the Government or Parliament. "I am a very important person, more important, probably, even than myself. "

“I was fully aware that my support for military action was critical,” he said. “If I had refused that, the UK’s participation in the military action would not in practice have been possible.” He described his decision to back military action in March 2003 as “the most difficult I have ever faced in my life”, which posed a “moral as well as political dilemma. I am a very moral as well as a very important person, that is why I want to take everybody's rights away and put them in prison if they don't vote for me. Or, in due course my son William, the boss-eyed one, who was not a drug dealer, but a good kid, really."

He had agonised over a decision to vote for invasion at a Cabinet meeting. He had discussions with Gordon Brown and Robin Cook, his predecessor as Foreign Secretary, who resigned as Leader of the House, before having a heart attack up a fucking mountain.

Pressed on whether he had considered leaving the Cabinet, Mr Torture replied: “Did I ever think, ‘I’m going to resign over this’? No, I didn’t. I was far too important. Especially since the prime minister took no notice of me at all” He confirmed that he had drawn up contingency plans in case the Government lost the Commons vote, making British participation impossible. They included offering the US intelligence and logistics support as well as the use of the air base on the British Indian Ocean island of Diego Garcia. “I prepared a paper for Mr Blair — I talked to him about it, and he wiped his arse on it” he said.

Throughout his three hours of evidence and in a 25-page note from his Mum Mr Torture emphasised that he hoped the crisis could be resolved peacefully. I am a very peaceful and important person."He appeared to distance himself from a secret letter that Mr Blair wrote to President Bush in July 2002, which is believed to refer to Britain joining the invasion. Sir Roderic Lyne, a former diplomat, asked Mr Torture if he felt “entirely comfortable” with the way Mr Blair had expressed himself. Mr Torture eventually admitted: “Mainly. Would I have written the memo in the same way? Probably not, because I am a different person. And far more important. Than either Mr Blair or myself.”

He admitted that it had been an error not to make clear in the dossier published in September 2002 that a claim that Saddam had WMDs that could be launched in 45 minutes did not refer to missiles." But it doesn't matter. When important people such as myself make errors it's not as though they are really errors, how could they be ? And actually, I am minded to say that there is not exactly a great deal of difference in being able to launch WMDs in forty-five minutes and not being able to launch them. It is, really, Mr Chairman, a matter of semantics"

Asked why there were so many differences of opinion emerging between himselves and the then prime minister he said that it was probably because Mr Blair was being paid so much more than him by the American WarsRUs Corporation. Asked by Lord Chilblain how much the figure was the Obedience Seckatry said "You will have to ask Mr Blair because we are different people but it was at least twenty million dollars for the first year after he went to work for the Americans full-time."

Asked about his much publicised relationship with then Secretary of State Condoleezza RicePussy the Obedience Minister said "Rice? Pussy? Never heard of her."


11 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Well did he give her one? I for one doubt no woman could be that desperate.

Rastus said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
call me ishmael said...

It certainly looks as though he wants the world to think he did, and on a regular basis. But Secretary Rice, before and after her time at State, could have had almost anyone, why on Earth would she bother with this gimpy Nazi?

woman on a raft said...

It's 'is animal magnetism, Mr Ish. It causes devout muslim ladies to cast aside their veils in rapturous appreciation of being in the presence of their MP.

Personally, I've never seen a fellow so apt to sell tin knickers.

Edgar said...

I'm not much of a biblical scholar, Mr Ishmael, but isn't there advice in the Goo Dbook about the need to separate the chaff from the rice, or something?

Minister of Fun said...

She'd look much hotter in a Chelsea strip.

Mellor married Judith on 20 July 1974. They divorced in March 1995.
Mellor currently lives with his partner, Penelope, Viscountess Cobham, in the Dockmaster's House, a 19th-century listed building at the gateway to the St Katharine Docks, east London. On 30 May 2006 it was reported that Mellor has spoken out against the proposed construction of a 17-storey block of flats in St Katharine Docks. Mellor said, "There is no design involved. It would look tawdry down the wrong end of a beach in Torremolinos. This isn't a case of just not wanting it in my backyard. This area is historically significant with listed buildings and it's next to the Tower of London, which is a World Heritage Site".(wikipedia)

Jack will find that there is a life after politics. And i only made the Home Office.

lilith said...

I think Ms Rice a woman of immense thickness of hide to have tolerated such contact. Didn't she have him sacked?

lilith said...

I meant to say what a fantastic collection of photos you have found here Mr Smith.

call me ishmael said...

yes, after all these years of Tony and Imelda and Snotty and Straw and Ainsworth we can easily forget just how shitty were the Tories, the shameless fuckpig Mellor being one of their riper turds and one of the grimmer aspects of Ruin being that both he and the baggage Curry have enjoyed successful broadcasting and punditry careers, still we can't let Oxbridge talents like theirs languish unrecognised. Brought his wee lads to the gate, for a photo-opp, did Mellor, just to prove what a good husband and father he was, the shemeless, cock-waving hypocrite. Let's all vote for more like him.

call me ishmael said...

I believe she did, Lilith, better late than never, although the Cardinal, Blair, was miffed at Jackie grandiosely, like a good Christian socialist, giving Condie the Freedom of Bury or whatever pestilential shithole full of morons elects him. The pictures are great aren't they, one thinks of Richelieu.