Sunday, 17 January 2010


'ome seckatry detains potential terrorist.

I'm gonna ban your Daddy and your uncle.And you.

Yes, well, he's worse than that other bloke, innee, Nutt, the professor. Cor, blimey, I'm a reasonable sort of postman but fuck me, can't have me own experts disagreeing with me about stuff I know fuck all about now, can you? But this bloke Stevens, or Ali Baba, as he calls himself now; he's always been a wrong 'un. That song of his, Matthew and Son, nothing short of a direct attack on the unregulated capitalism which is such an important part of our great Labour tradition which I'm proud to say I 'elped forge as aturncoat union baron, I mean leader and now he, the beardy git, or some other fucking muslim, wants to go and disrupt the solemn proceedings at Wootton Bassett, where some ordinary people do what the government should be doing. I'd go meself, straight up, I would but as 'ome seckatry - yeah, I know, me, great, innit - my presence'd probly distract from the main event, people arskin for me autograph and so on.

No, Mr Ali Baba wants to carry some empty coffins through the streets like we was actually killing thousands of wogs in Afgannywotsit, which of course, we ain't, well, not exactly; so, given 'is 'istory of going down the mosque and prayin' and everyfink and 'im 'avin recorded shitloads of what they call spiritual music, terror rappin' to you and me, I, as 'ome seckatry, have no option but to ban 'im. Freedom of speech is all very well but only if you're saying the right thing, obviously, like Vote Labour for a Secure Society, wiff me as prime minister in due course. So, instead a 'im bein' followed by a Moonshadow, he'll be finding himself tailed by a couple of well-fit, moussed-up young men from the Internal Obedience Force, be failing in me duty, else.


PT Barnum said...

For verily it would follow that the brutish void that is this government would, given any vague pretext, eagerly place under house arrest Mr IslamoCat, he being of a Caucasian tint, and thereby absolving their otherwise twisting consciences over any hint of...shh say it softly...racism.

Dick the Prick said...

ooohhh - I dunno about this one. I read the letter Choudary did and it was complete bollox. The first 2 paragraphs were all about non muzzies going to hell and how d'ya fancing joining us infidels?

At no point ban the fuckers though - just ban that march until they'd worked out what the hell it is they wanted. It kinda felt a bit like that Sheff lad wazzing on the cenotaph when err..mullered - a bit of a piss take.

As Wooton had bugger all to do with Government (obviously, because it was solemn, respectful, heartfelt and honourable) it also seemed a bit like someone having a go at my granny.

Absolutely no probs with Islam4UK but their proposal for that particular march seemed a bit arsey - London - fine, Canterbury etc but (not having been there) it seemed that using Wooton (which I assume is just a village in the middle of nowhere) seemed a bit OTT because their message was so incoherent. Had it just been a silent vigil with coffins representing dead Iraqui innocents then yeah, harsh but cool but they wanted to prothletize as well which mocks the innocents, mocks the sentiment and mocks rationality.

Yeah, hmm, toughie in my pea sized head. Cheers Mr Ishmael.

mongoose said...

As we must respect our liberal consciences, we must record that we respect the right of the fuckers to do their little march. Banning is bad etc etc.

OTOH I would be quite happy for the 85-year-old members of the British Legion to drag their ancient bones out of the snug and rip the bastards limb from limb if they ever had the temerity to march down to Wootton Basset for a shit in the face of honour.

woman on a raft said...

March? What march. He didn't organize a march - he just put out a press release saying he was going to organize a march and achieved a near perfect-10 in coverage. All the papers, the BBC, Newsnight, Daily Politics - it's probably easier to see who didn't have him on. He's even managed (but not quite because Mr Smith is still cleverer than him) to get a post here.

Everybody else has to actually DO a stunt before they get the coverage. Going for walks, dressing up, climbing on to roofs, floating an inflatable whale down the Thames - anybody else rings up the news desk and they say "OK, let us know when you've cemented your arm in to a pipe outside a nuclear facility, and we'll come down with the cameras if nothing else comes up".

Discrimination, that's wot it is.

mongoose said...

Mrs WOAR, I agree that it is likely all hogwash and grandstanding. They have been all mouth and no trousers in the past. I would not though put it beyond the realm of reason that such a thing could be brought about.

How wonderful it would be to see the citizens of WB turn out and gently turn their backs as the loonies marched by. Alas, in these days of horror, said loonies will be witful enough to populate the crowd to provoke upset.

call me ishmael said...

Thanks, all, I'll come back to this in a post, it is a toughie on my head, too, not as clever as Mr WOAR says,

Meantime I hope folks have had a look at the rest of that Cat Stevens concert.