The Sunday Ishmael: 22/03/2026

 Foreign and Domestic News: 

Mecca, Saudi Arabia: Worshippers gather around the Kaaba, Islam’s holiest shrine, to mark the end of Ramadan.

Roads around Small Heath Park, Birmingham, were packed as thousands of Muslims came from all over the Midlands to pray together, celebrating the end of fasting for Ramadan and eating a lot. This party was organised by the Green Lane Mosque.

As I said in January, following the  revelation that West Midlands Police had taken advice from Green Lane Mosque to form their shocking and racist decision to refuse Israeli fans permission to attend a football game in Birmingham, Green Lane Mosque is a controversial establishment - in 2023 an investigation by the Mail on Sunday found that the Green Lane Mosque gave a platform to imams giving sermons on how to stone a woman 'correctly' for adultery and delivering speeches that appeared to incite murder of members of the LGBT+ community.

During a sermon at Green Lane mosque in December, preacher Aqeel Mahmood made misogynistic comments and said men can physically punish their wives as a 'last resort' if they disobey - he advised men to physically discipline their wives as a 'last resort' if they were rebellious, saying that men have 'a level of authority over the woman'. The punishment should not result in pain, injury or fear, (how do you do that? "Here, dear, don't be frightened, thank me for hitting you, and look what you made me do. Again.") Mahmood then said that it is 'common sense' that wives should not leave their children in the care of others to carry out errands such as shopping and that women should never leave the house without the permission of their husbands unless it is a life and death situation.

In addition to inciting men to commit Actual Bodily Harm on their wives, in early 2025, Green Lane Mosque published videos on its YouTube site of sermons given by Mahamed Abdur Razaq - a preacher who, in 2024 said men are 'allowed to hit' their wives if they refuse sex. Basically, an incitement to rape.

There really is something seriously wrong with these blokes, and why West Midlands Police are pandering to them is a mystery. As is why they are not prosecuted for incitement to assault and rape. Then marched vigorously down the cells as a way of letting them know, without inflicting pain, injury or fear, that we don't do that sort of thing in this country. Clearly, the fuss about the Pakistani Muslim rape gangs has just sailed way over their pointy little heads.

A spokesperson for Campaign Against Antisemitism said: 'The fact that West Midlands Police thought this was a reputable organisation to get an informed opinion from is just embarrassing. With these allegations of abhorrent comments made by its guest speakers, this mosque's track record should have had alarm bells ringing. West Midlands Police should have followed the intelligence without fear or favour. It clearly told them that the threat came not from Israeli or Jewish fans, but from thugs and Islamists in their local community who planned to attack them." 

..................................................................................

“In Russia, Putin is ramping up a different but not unrelated war, his war against childlessness. Russian women who do not want to have children will now be referred to the psychologist. The demographic crisis which is impacting countries across the western world is particularly severe in Russia, not least because so many young men are dying in the conflict against Ukraine. Whether or not treating women for mental illness when they do not want to have children is an effective tool for addressing this problem remains to be seen.”

 Well, that’s one way of solving population decline – obviously bribing women to have babies hasn’t worked well enough. Russian women, including students, have been paid £900 to continue their babies to term and raise them, under their Pronatalism policy. The Russian birth-rate sits at 1.41 babies per woman, whereas although Britain's birth-rate is similar, at 1.49, our legislature is adopting an amendment to the Criminal Justice Act to decriminalise women who have abortions up to full term.

..............................................

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

till death us do part

You see, Keir, it's no good blethering in that clerkly way of yours that Britain will not be drawn into this war with Iran. As far as Tehran is concerned, we're already in it and your sophistry cuts no ice. That is why  RAF Akrotiri was hit by an Iranian drone strike on the 1st March. RAF Akrotiri is a British military base, not part of the Republic of Cyprus. 

That is why Iran launched two intermediate‑range ballistic missiles toward the joint UK–US base at Diego Garcia on Friday. Both missiles failed to hit the target: one malfunctioned mid‑flight, and the other was intercepted by a US Navy SM-3 interceptor. The missiles were probably Khorramshahr‑4 or a similar long‑range variant, which has an estimated range of 4,000 km+, far beyond Iran’s previously known 2,000 km capability. That range means, according to defence analysts and mapping by the Institute for the Study of War (ISW), the following areas fall inside the theoretical strike zone: London, England (entirely), Wales (entirely), most of Scotland, but not the upper reaches of north-west Scotland, including Orkney, you will be relieved to hear, and Northern Ireland. UK ministers stress that our country has defensive systems and that there is no evidence Iran is targeting the UK. Really? Depends what you mean by targeting the UK - there was the little matter of two Iranians arrested after allegedly trying to enter a nuclear naval base, HM Naval Base Clyde, known as Faslane, on Thursday. And these defensive systems of ours - we got nothing, nothing, that can take down Iranian ballistic missiles. We would rely on United States SM‑3 interceptors. We've got nothing, nothing, to take down hypersonic glide vehicles. Even NATO considers this a major capability gap. Here we need the Americans again. They've got the systems. We need to ensure that they have the will to use those systems. And Keir has pissed Trump off - with his prissy logic-chopping - no, you can't, oh yes, now you can, now that Iran is not capable of making the lawyerly distinctions that are so evident to you. For better or worse, until death us do part, the UK and the US are in it together - that's the way Tehran sees it. And Keir better start making nice with Trump, instead of fannying about with Zelenskyy and sending him all our weapons.

And that means pissing off the enemy within. The ones with their bottoms in the air in Trafalgar Square. National security is a damn sight more important than securing a second term by placating the Moslem vote.

The boys in happier days.

"Where's the Dragon Ship?" Kuensberg asked Steve Reed, Secretary of State for Housing, Communities and Local Government, sent out this morning, for some unaccountable reason, to answer War and Defence questions on behalf of the Labour Government.

Steve:     "I can't tell you."

Laura:     "Why not? Don't you know?

Steve:     "It's on its way"

Laura:     "Well, how near is it? Why was it so late setting off?"

Steve:     "I can tell you that it wasn't late at all. In fact, all the stops were pulled out. It was in for a 6 week refit and they did the refit in 6 days"

Laura:     " Why didn't they do the refit over Christmas? When we weren't at war? Why wait until it is needed to defend our Armed Forces?"

Steve:     " I can't answer questions of National Security."

Laura:     "Is it nearly there yet?"

Steve:     "Am I going to come on national television and betray our secret plans to Iran?"

Laura:     "Okay. Try this one. How close to Diego Garcia did the ballistic missile get? Was it a near miss?"

Steve:     "Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm not going to tell you."

Laura:     "It's a matter of national interest."

Steve:     "No, it's a matter of national nosiness."

Laura:     "The public want to know if they are going to be blown up in their beds. Like the citizens of Tehran are."

Steve:     "Tough titty. I'm not telling Iran how close they got."

Panel Member: "They already know, you dope. The missile reported back. And they were watching it. They may have a stone-age religion, but their tech is better than our tech. Oops."

Steve:     "Oh no it isn't."

Laura:     " Where's our aircraft carrier, HMS Prince of Wales?"

Nope, wrong Prince - ed.

Steve:     "Nice and safe, tied up in Portsmouth, having a little rest after  that exhausting Operation Firecrest in the High North and North Atlantic with our NATO allies, putting the fear of God up Putin."

Laura:     "Tied up? Is anybody taking this war seriously?"

Some of the above dialogue is an accurate transcription of exchanges on the Laura Kuenssberg Show on the P.B.C. this morning. Some isn't.

..........................................................................

"For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; 

The flowers appear on the earth;

the time of the singing of birds is come, 

and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land." 

Song of Solomon 2:11-12 (KJV): 

It was hailing today. Just saying. You may have an Iranian ballistic missile drop on your heads in London, but at least you don't have snow, hail, wind, rain and unsecured garden furniture flying past your windows.

There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of stanislav and mr ishmael, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. You can buy them from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps 

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.